The Journey: Chapter Nine SONG LYRIC CREDITS 9: August 7, 4:15 (Bon Jovi), I Will Love You 'Til The Day I Die (Crowded House), Together Alone (Crowded House), Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me (Elton John).

Chapter 9

Alex St Clare was laid to rest with full police honours eight days after her murder.

The day was as miserable as her friends, drizzling uncharacteristic summer rain on the mourners and threatening a more violent downpour later on.

Tears spilt unashamedly down Rachel's face throughout the service, but Jack remained stone-faced next her. The rest of Alex's friends in the water police and undercover squad lined the church's pews; all looking stunned that such a vibrant young life had ended so suddenly.

Tell me it was just a dream,
August seven, [ten] fifteen
God closed his eyes and the world got mean
August seven, [ten] fifteen

The minister droned on about life, death, and God's will. Rachel didn't believe a word. How could it be the will of any God, either Jewish or Christian, for Alex to lay cold beneath the earth whilst her killer walked free?

Now the people from the papers and the local TV news
Tried to find the reason, cop dogs sniffed around for clues
Someone shouted "Hit and run," the coroner cried "Foul!"
Her blue dress was what she wore the day they laid her body down.

Although she had been raised to believe in a kind and benevolent (if sometimes strict) God, Rachel often doubted. If there was a God, she thought, he'd better make sure whoever was responsible for this got what was coming to him. Or her. Alex deserved nothing less.

I know tonight that there's an angel up on Heaven's highest hill
And no one there can hurt you, baby, no one ever will
Somewhere someone's conscience is like a burning bed
If the flames are all around you how're you gonna sleep again?

Finally the speeches were concluded, and the party slowly departed. Jack seemed reluctant to follow, so Rachel squeezed his arm. "I'll wait by the car," she whispered, and left him to say his last goodbye alone.

I'm alone, always alone
Though I am far away, I am always
With you
~~ * ~~

"Rach, do you need a lift?" Helen asked, seeing her waiting alone.

Rachel shook her head, "Thanks Helen, but I reckon Jack might need a friend."

Both women turned their eyes to the lone, tragic figure of Jack Christey. It was too far away to tell really, but Rachel was sure she could see his shoulders shake with sobs. It made the lump rise in her throat again.

"Hey," Helen said softly. Rachel turned back to her friend, smiling sadly, and the two women embraced.

"I'll come visit you tomorrow afternoon," Helen promised.

"Thanks, Helen," Rachel smiled.

Helen left her friend alone in the cemetery car park, as it started to rain again. Rachel climbed into the passenger seat of Jack's car to wait for him. Her patience was rewarded about seven minutes later, when he returned, more than a little wet.

"You didn't have to wait for me," he said softly.

"I was hoping for a coffee and a chat," she admitted. "But only if you want to," she added quickly.

He looked at her without expression, and nodded. "Your place or mine?" he asked, without humour.

"Mine, if you don't mind," Rachel answered. "Dad's looking after Ali, but I don't want to leave her for too long."

They drove the rest of the way in companionable silence.
~~ * ~~

When they arrived at Rachel's house, Felix told them Ali was fast asleep upstairs, and then left them to their privacy.

"One sugar?" Rachel asked, breaking the silence.

Jack nodded. They sat opposite each other in the living room, sipping their coffees, not speaking.

Together alone, above and beneath
We were as close as anyone can be
Now you are gone far away from me
As is once will always be
Together alone

"Heard from Frank lately?" Jack asked, avoiding the subject of Alex for the time being.

"Actually, no," she answered, frowning. "The last postcard was from Raratonga, about a month ago. I haven't heard anything since."

"He's probably just out in the middle of nowhere, knowing him. He'll write as soon as he gets near a post office."

Rachel sighed. "It's as if he's drifting further and further away from me," she complained, then she smiled, realising the irony, "Well, not
just literally, you know what I mean?"

Jack nodded.

"There are so many things happening here, and I can't tell him about any of it. It's very frustrating. He writes me letters, and to him it's as if everything here is the same as how he left it. Only, I can't think of it like that anymore." She shook her head in frustration, "I don't know, maybe it's me that's drifting away from him? I feel a bit like that sometimes, but then another letter arrives, and I'm back where I was. I still feel the same, it's just... I feel like I'm a different person who feels the same way. I don't know if he'll still be interested in this 'new me' when he gets back."

Jack nodded, understanding. "There's not much use worrying about it, though--if there's nothing you can do about it."

"Yeah, I know," Rachel admitted. "I wonder sometimes if I'm setting myself up for the biggest fall of my life. And now it's not just me to worry about. What'll I tell Ali in ten years if her father decides he wants nothing to do with me?" she worried.

Too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life

"He's hardly going to do that, Rach," Jack reassured her. "And you know we'll all be here for you no matter what. You've got nothing to worry about."

"Thanks," she told him, sipping her coffee.

Together alone, shallow and deep
Holding our breath, paying death no heed
I'm still you're friend, when you are in need
As is once will always be, earth and sky, moon and sea

Jack said nothing, staring off into space.

"You know it wasn't your fault, don't you, Jack?" Rachel asked.

He looked at her disbelievingly. "There were so many things I could have done differently," he argued. "I should have waited for the back up. I should have made her go down the steps in front of me. I should never have let her out of my sight." His eyes were haunted by regrets.

Rachel shook her head, "Don't go down that road, Jack. It'll haunt you for the rest of your life if you do. If anyone's at fault, it's the person who killed her, not you."

"I still can't help trying to figure out in my mind where I went wrong, y'know? What I did to deserve this."

"You didn't do anything," Rachel whispered. "You made her happy, Jack. You shouldn't regret that."

"If that's true, then what was it she wanted to talk to me about? She didn't seem happy to me."

"Jack... I don't think you want to know."

"She talked to you? It's true, isn't it?" he asked quietly. "She was going to leave me?"

Rachel shook her head. "No. Please believe me, Jack, she loved you."

"Then what?" he asked.

Rachel bit her lip, not saying anything.

"Rach, tell me."

It was the look on his face that finally made up her mind. This was going to hurt him, but it had to be better than what he believed already.

It had to be better than not knowing.

"Alex came to see me," she began, "About a week ago. She wasn't sure how you'd react..."

"React to what?"

Rachel still couldn't bring herself to tell him, but somehow he guessed for himself.

"She was...?" he asked, hoping he was wrong.

"Yeah," Rachel answered, her voice cracking.

All life seemed to drain out of him. Rachel pulled him into her arms, and she felt his head drop to her shoulder as he began sobbing pathetically. "I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered, tears dripping from her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"She was pregnant! She knew it. God, Rach, why didn't she tell me? She wouldn't have even been out there! We should have been happy. We should have gotten married, had our children and grown old together." He was almost wailing, and the pathetic sound made her start sobbing too.

"Never say it can't get worse, Rach. It always can."
~~ * ~~

Chapter 10 already?

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs="url += 'id=344367doit('')