So, ah, two years, eh? Possibly. It's a long time. Anything could happen...
Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 34,646 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 1 - Updated: Oct 21, 2001 - Published: Nov 26, 2000 - Status: Complete - id: 123411
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The Journey: Chapter NineSONG LYRIC CREDITS 9: August
7, 4:15 (Bon Jovi), I Will Love You 'Til The Day I Die (Crowded House),
Together Alone (Crowded House), Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me (Elton
John).
Chapter 9
Alex St Clare was laid to rest with full police honours
eight days after her murder.
The day was as miserable as her friends, drizzling uncharacteristic
summer rain on the mourners and threatening a more violent downpour later
on.
Tears spilt unashamedly down Rachel's face throughout
the service, but Jack remained stone-faced next her. The rest of
Alex's friends in the water police and undercover squad lined the church's
pews; all looking stunned that such a vibrant young life had ended so suddenly.
Tell me it was just a dream, August seven, [ten] fifteen God closed his eyes and the world got mean August seven, [ten] fifteen
The minister droned on about life, death, and God's will.
Rachel didn't believe a word. How could it be the will of any God,
either Jewish or Christian, for Alex to lay cold beneath the earth whilst
her killer walked free?
Now the people from the papers and the local TV
news Tried to find the reason, cop dogs sniffed around
for clues Someone shouted "Hit and run," the coroner cried
"Foul!" Her blue dress was what she wore the day they laid
her body down.
Although she had been raised to believe in a kind and
benevolent (if sometimes strict) God, Rachel often doubted. If there
was a God, she thought, he'd better make sure whoever was responsible for
this got what was coming to him. Or her. Alex deserved nothing
less.
I know tonight that there's an angel up on Heaven's
highest hill And no one there can hurt you, baby, no one ever
will Somewhere someone's conscience is like a burning
bed If the flames are all around you how're you gonna
sleep again?
Finally the speeches were concluded, and the party slowly
departed. Jack seemed reluctant to follow, so Rachel squeezed his
arm. "I'll wait by the car," she whispered, and left him to say his
last goodbye alone.
I'm alone, always alone Though I am far away, I am always With you ~~ * ~~
"Rach, do you need a lift?" Helen asked, seeing
her waiting alone.
Rachel shook her head, "Thanks Helen, but I reckon Jack
might need a friend."
Both women turned their eyes to the lone, tragic figure
of Jack Christey. It was too far away to tell really, but Rachel
was sure she could see his shoulders shake with sobs. It made the
lump rise in her throat again.
"Hey," Helen said softly. Rachel turned back to
her friend, smiling sadly, and the two women embraced.
"I'll come visit you tomorrow afternoon," Helen promised.
"Thanks, Helen," Rachel smiled.
Helen left her friend alone in the cemetery car park,
as it started to rain again. Rachel climbed into the passenger seat
of Jack's car to wait for him. Her patience was rewarded about seven
minutes later, when he returned, more than a little wet.
"You didn't have to wait for me," he said softly.
"I was hoping for a coffee and a chat," she admitted.
"But only if you want to," she added quickly.
He looked at her without expression, and nodded.
"Your place or mine?" he asked, without humour.
"Mine, if you don't mind," Rachel answered. "Dad's
looking after Ali, but I don't want to leave her for too long."
They drove the rest of the way in companionable silence.
~~ * ~~
When they arrived at Rachel's house, Felix told them Ali
was fast asleep upstairs, and then left them to their privacy.
"One sugar?" Rachel asked, breaking the silence.
Jack nodded. They sat opposite each other in the
living room, sipping their coffees, not speaking.
Together alone, above and beneath We were as close as anyone can be Now you are gone far away from me As is once will always be Together alone
"Heard from Frank lately?" Jack asked, avoiding
the subject of Alex for the time being.
"Actually, no," she answered, frowning. "The last
postcard was from Raratonga, about a month ago. I haven't heard anything
since."
"He's probably just out in the middle of nowhere, knowing
him. He'll write as soon as he gets near a post office."
Rachel sighed. "It's as if he's drifting further
and further away from me," she complained, then she smiled, realising the
irony, "Well, not
just literally, you know what I mean?"
Jack nodded.
"There are so many things happening here, and I can't
tell him about any of it. It's very frustrating. He writes
me letters, and to him it's as if everything here is the same as how he
left it. Only, I can't think of it like that anymore." She
shook her head in frustration, "I don't know, maybe it's me that's drifting
away from him? I feel a bit like that sometimes, but then another
letter arrives, and I'm back where I was. I still feel the same,
it's just... I feel like I'm a different person who feels the same way.
I don't know if he'll still be interested in this 'new me' when he gets
back."
Jack nodded, understanding. "There's not much use
worrying about it, though--if there's nothing you can do about it."
"Yeah, I know," Rachel admitted. "I wonder sometimes
if I'm setting myself up for the biggest fall of my life. And now
it's not just me to worry about. What'll I tell Ali in ten years
if her father decides he wants nothing to do with me?" she worried.
Too late to save myself from falling I took a chance and changed your way of life
"He's hardly going to do that, Rach," Jack reassured her.
"And you know we'll all be here for you no matter what. You've got
nothing to worry about."
"Thanks," she told him, sipping her coffee.
Together alone, shallow and deep Holding our breath, paying death no heed I'm still you're friend, when you are in need As is once will always be, earth and sky, moon
and sea
Jack said nothing, staring off into space.
"You know it wasn't your fault, don't you, Jack?" Rachel
asked.
He looked at her disbelievingly. "There were so
many things I could have done differently," he argued. "I should
have waited for the back up. I should have made her go down the steps
in front of me. I should never have let her out of my sight."
His eyes were haunted by regrets.
Rachel shook her head, "Don't go down that road, Jack.
It'll haunt you for the rest of your life if you do. If anyone's
at fault, it's the person who killed her, not you."
"I still can't help trying to figure out in my mind where
I went wrong, y'know? What I did to deserve this."
"You didn't do anything," Rachel whispered. "You
made her happy, Jack. You shouldn't regret that."
"If that's true, then what was it she wanted to talk to
me about? She didn't seem happy to me."
"Jack... I don't think you want to know."
"She talked to you? It's true, isn't it?" he asked
quietly. "She was going to leave me?"
Rachel shook her head. "No. Please believe
me, Jack, she loved you."
"Then what?" he asked.
Rachel bit her lip, not saying anything.
"Rach, tell me."
It was the look on his face that finally made up her mind.
This was going to hurt him, but it had to be better than what he believed
already.
It had to be better than not knowing.
"Alex came to see me," she began, "About a week ago.
She wasn't sure how you'd react..."
"React to what?"
Rachel still couldn't bring herself to tell him, but somehow
he guessed for himself.
"She was...?" he asked, hoping he was wrong.
"Yeah," Rachel answered, her voice cracking.
All life seemed to drain out of him. Rachel pulled
him into her arms, and she felt his head drop to her shoulder as he began
sobbing pathetically. "I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered, tears dripping
from her eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"She was pregnant! She knew it. God, Rach,
why didn't she tell me? She wouldn't have even been out there!
We should have been happy. We should have gotten married, had our
children and grown old together." He was almost wailing, and the
pathetic sound made her start sobbing too.
"Never say it can't get worse, Rach. It always can."
~~ * ~~