So, ah, two years, eh? Possibly. It's a long time. Anything could happen...
Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 34,646 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 1 - Updated: Oct 21, 2001 - Published: Nov 26, 2000 - Status: Complete - id: 123411
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New Page 1SONG LYRIC CREDITS 10: Where Are You Now (Roxus),
Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me (Elton John), Smoke (Natalie Imbruglia).
Chapter 10
Rachel had been undecided as to whether to have a naming
ceremony for the baby, but she figured it might cheer Jack up, as well
as her other friends who were still stunned by Alex's death. The identification
of the murderer had been a cold comfort, and it seemed the only time Jack
was more than a shadow of his former self was in the presence of his lover's
namesake.
In order to satisfy her father, who had been subtly hinting
at it for a while now, Rachel decided on a mostly Jewish ceremony, but
at home, and with Jack and Helen as godfather and godmother, or *fairy*
godmother, as Helen had joked.
The rabbi welcomed everyone, and recited the ritual prayers
both in Hebrew and English, for the benefit of the non-Jewish guests. Then
Felix made a small speech, before the washing of the baby's feet, as Rachel
recited another ritual prayer.
"We declare that her name shall be Aliza Rebecca bat Rachel
v' Francis. And we shall call her Alex Rebecca Frances," Rabbi Cohen intoned.
Rachel then stepped forward again. She had spent hours
perfecting this speech, and she hoped it went down well.
"Alex Rebecca Frances has been named after three very
special people. Firstly, she is named for Alex St Clare, who was a great
friend of mine. We first met when we served together at Rose Bay Police
Station. She was a promising recruit who became a very dedicated officer.
The streets and waters of Sydney are a lot safer because of her contribution."
A few people wiped their eyes; wounds were still raw.
Jack remained expressionless.
"Alex is also named for my mother, Rebecca Friedman,"
Rachel continued. "She saw her whole family die during the holocaust when
she was just five years old, but she survived the concentration camp at
Buchenwald and was rescued by an Australian soldier. She was brought to
Australia and adopted, where she eventually met my father."
"Finally, Alex is named for her father, Francis James
Holloway, who I am sure would be here with us if he could be, except he
is busy circumnavigating the world, having absolutely no idea how much
I miss him," Rachel finished with a wry grin. A chuckle emanated from the
group. Even Jack smiled, just a little.
The ceremony was concluded with speeches from both the
godparents, and a prayer from Rabbi Cohen.
Little Ali, who had remained uncharacteristically silent
throughout the ritual, began to bawl.
"She's Frank's, isn't she?" Helen remarked wryly.
~~ * ~~
Not being allowed to drive gave Rachel a first hand experience
of Sydney's public transport system.
It wasn't great. Especially with a newborn.
She wasn't quite sure if pushing a shopping trolley came
under the list of things she wasn't supposed to do yet, but she certainly
wasn't having her father or Helen doing her shopping for her.
Rachel wheeled slowly up and down the aisles of the supermarket.
Ali gurgled happily in her carry seat, while nappies, baby clothes, and
all the other "baby necessities", as well as TV dinners, coffee and other
basic food items filled the basket.
As she was about finished traversing the last aisle, Rachel
spotted a rather cheerfully decorated photo album, all in pastel pinks
and blues. She wasn't particularly attracted to the colour scheme, but
the idea was not a bad one--she needed a photo album. She picked up another
album, this one featuring a cartoon sun with the caption "Some people stay
in our hearts forever."
Cute, she thought wryly.
More importantly, it seemed cost effective. She turned
back to make sure there wasn't a better priced one she had missed.
On the second top shelf, she saw another album, this one
entitled simply, "Baby Book". She seemed to remember having one of those
for David, so she picked it up and flicked through it. There was space
for every milestone you could think of: birth weight, first word, first
steps. It was one of those things that was always good to pull out and
reminisce over. And it was something for Frank.
She paid for her purchases and lugged them and the baby
back to the bus stop, seriously considering buying one of those grocery
carriages old ladies always seemed to have.
~~ * ~~
Rachel fought her way off the hot, smelly, crowded bus
at the stop closest to her house, which still entailed a ten-minute walk
to her front door. Or rather, a two minute walk that took ten minutes while
carrying three bags of shopping and pushing a pram.
By the time she got home, Rachel was seriously convinced
her doctor was loopy. Three weeks until she could drive again.
Ali had fallen asleep in the pram, so Rachel manoeuvred
the pram upstairs with her in it. The bumpy ride up the stairs didn't wake
her, but as luck would have it, as soon as her mother left the room, Ali
woke up and began bawling.
"Shh, darling, shh," Rachel soothed, and she quietened
a bit, but she still whimpered miserably. Her nappy didn't need changing,
and she wasn't due for a feed. She was just lonely, wanting attention.
So am I, thought Rachel.
During the day, she had the baby to occupy her, but Ali
wasn't exactly a great conversationalist. Her friends were wonderful, and
they visited her often, but there was still many a lonely gap in her day.
Now she remembered why she'd gone back to work so soon after David; Jonathon
had been engrossed in his secretary by then, and the boredom had nearly
killed her.
The baby fell asleep as suddenly as she'd woken. Rachel
carefully put her back in her cot and tiptoed out of the room.
She really wished she could go to the pub. The nights
were the worst, when there was nothing but the television to keep her occupied.
She longed for intelligent conversation.
Without you here, the nights are never ending I still see your face wherever I go I close my eyes across a million miles of broken
dreams And pray your restless soul will bring you back
again to me
Instead, she put away the shopping.
She pulled the baby book out of the shopping bag, picked
up a pen and sat down on the couch.
The first space to fill in was the baby's name. Rachel
wrote "Alex Rebecca Frances", then chewed the end of her pen.
Finally, she added "Holloway".
~~ * ~~
An infant wail drove its way through Rachel's dreamless
sleep. Midnight feeding time. She dragged herself out of bed, wondering
if she'd had a full nights sleep in the last two months.
She thought daggers at Frank. Jonathon had refused to
get up for midnight feedings, but at least he'd been *there*. Physically,
at least.
Where are you now, are you missing me tonight? Or does someone else hold you tight? Take a look around, are you just too blind to see No one could love you more than me
She still hadn't had a letter or postcard. Three months
was an awfully long time to forget to write. She worried he'd met some
bad weather and gotten shipwrecked or something. Then again, perhaps he'd
found himself a Miss World and shacked up with her.
What frustrated her most was the lack of closure. If she
could believe he was coming back for sure, she'd be fine. Even if she knew
he wasn't, she could come to terms with that too, and get on with her life.
I can't light no more of your darkness All my pictures seem to fade to black and white I'm growing tired and time stands still before
me Frozen here on the ladder of my life
It was the waiting that was unbearable.
And then, the next afternoon, as if by magic, a letter
arrived.
Dear Rachel,
How are you? I'm sorry it's been this long, but
I've just been across a rather large stretch of water with no stops. I
was so bored some days I nearly jumped overboard! I'd actually intended
to sail straight through the Panama Canal to Venezuela, but I ran short
of a few supplies, and here I am in Piura, Peru.
Oh well, at least it gave me a chance to write to
you earlier than I would have otherwise. Rach, you can't imagine how much
I miss you.
"I beg to differ," Rachel muttered.
I've been keeping myself going by imagining what
it's going to be like when I come home. I'll transfer to some other station,
that way Jeff can't get all funny about us being together. And I'm not
going to let you push me away anymore, either. That's a promise! It's a
pity we won't be partners anymore, but whoever you're working with, I'm
sure you're used to them by now. I'll have to get used to a new partner
too. Maybe I'll even get to drive once in a while!
"Maybe once!"
Oh, well, listen to me, making all these plans,
when you've probably forgotten all about me by now. I'm running out of
room, anyway. See ya.
Francis James Holloway
Rachel carefully folded the letter up and put it back
in its envelope. She began to cry, tears dropping off of her face like
raindrops. She couldn't even tell whether she was happy to have finally
heard from him, or disturbed by his lack of faith in her.
The baby, who had been in her arms happily consuming her
evening meal stopped sucking and looked up at her mother confusedly. Mothers
weren't supposed to cry! Were they?
Where are you Dad? Mum's looking sad. What's up with that? It's dark in here.
Rachel almost laughed at the look on her daughter's face.
"It's okay, darling," she said softly. "Daddy's okay."