"If this keeps up, I might…I might…"
"You might what?" Ashitaka asked, picking up his packages and walking away.
San jumped up to follow him. "I might," she said, "have to resort to cruel methods of attack in order to protect myself!"
"Methods of attack?" Ashitaka asked her.
"Yes," San replied, "methods of attack. I don't have to pounce on you while you're expecting it. I can disappear for a few days and stalk you, if you'd like. Then, when you're asleep, I can come up and-"
"Okay! Okay!" Ashitaka pleaded, "I'll work on it! I don't think I could deal with the paranoia, knowing that you're somewhere out there, watching my every move." He shuddered. What if she decided to "attack" him at night, when he couldn't see? He supposed that she was smarter than that, though. He may mistake her for an animal, and actually fight back to kill…that would never end well. Still, if he was asleep, then there wasn't much he could do.
"I guess you'll just have to trust me, won't you?" San asked mischievously.
"That just makes me all the more dependant on you, you realize?" Ashitaka countered.
"Dependant?" San asked, cocking her head. "In what way are you dependant on me?"
Ashitaka faltered. "Oh, you know." He really didn't think she should know in what ways he was dependant on her.
"No," San persisted.
"I- uh…ah…hey, look!" Ashitaka pointed at the mountain that was looming ever nearer. "We're almost to the base of the mountain! Only a day or so more, and then we're there!"
"Uh-huh," San said, eyeing him suspiciously. Obviously she was still curious, but decided to take his hint and drop it. "Once we get to the mountain base, the forest will thin out, and we'll be able to go a lot faster."
"We?" Ashitaka asked. "I thought you were going to go back to the fo-"
San held up her hand. "Do not even start with me. I am going with you until I'm sure you can live on your own. Only then will I return to my forest. It will survive until then."
Ashitaka sighed. He didn't think it was a very good idea. After all, he didn't know how long it would take him to be able to create a stable environment to live in. To San, however, it appeared as though it didn't matter. She had decided she was staying and, as far as he was concerned, that meant no amount of discussion could talk her out of it. On a positive side, though, at least she would be with him a little longer. He would enjoy it very much if she stayed with him longer than they had originally intended.
"Well," he said, "if you feel that it will be all right, I see no reason why you can't stay."
San wrinkled her nose at him. "Oh, stop it! I would stay even if it were the most illogical thing (which it isn't!) in the world to do!"
Ashitaka laughed quietly. "Well, I'm glad you are so dedicated to me. I wonder what I did to deserve it?" he asked to himself out loud.
"Are you making fun?" San asked.
"Of course not!" Ashitaka replied. "I would never make light of such a selfless act. But I do wonder why you would do it for me?"
"Don't you remember?" San asked. "Think back. Remember what I said?"
Ashitaka furrowed his eyebrows.
"I said, 'Ashitaka, I like you a lot.' Do you think I made that statement lightly?" she frowned at herself for ever admitting such a thing. She had gotten this far, however, so she might as well finish. "Do you mean any less to me now? Would my opinion of you change with the circumstances, like wind changes with the seasons? I only needed to say it once. That is why you, Ashitaka, are deserving of my commitment."
She looked at him to see how he would react.
Ashitaka flexed his jaw. He opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it again. Frustrated, he opened his mouth again, but no words came out. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know if there even was anything to say. He wanted to tell her that he felt the same way, too, but…where would that lead them? If he was going to die, then why put her through more misery and torture?
Still, he had to do something.
He turned to her and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace, only the second time he had done something to brazen, although the first time, she had been in mild shock. This was the only way he could think of to say thank you.
San, although startled at first by his response, let herself be held in such a way for Ashitaka's sake. She did not want to hurt his feelings. Still, although it was tight and she was a bit panicky, she felt like she could get used to this…she was so close to him. She felt like she could stay like this forever, even though she knew she couldn't. For now, she just let herself be held, listening to Ashitaka's soft heart beat and quiet breathing.
Suddenly, Ashitaka released his grip and turned his back, lowering his head. "I'm sorry," he breathed. "That was uncalled for."
San stumbled for words. What could she say? "It's okay," she answered him. "It's not like you do it all the time, so I am not offended. Did you hear me, Ashitaka?" she asked him. "I am not offended."
He nodded slowly, and started walking again, followed closely by San.
They both continued walking like that until that evening.
Because of their now sullen mood, there were no more interrupting activities like wrestling to slow them down. As a result of this, they were able to get much closer to the mountain than would have otherwise been possible.
However, the long hike had begun to wear on Ashitaka's sore leg, so he was grateful when they finally found a suitable place to set up the tent. They did not light a fire, for neither of them was very hungry, and it was still bright enough to see.
Ashitaka sighed to himself as he took out the large blanket. He knew he shouldn't have embraced San. Now they weren't even able to look at each other, much less talk to one another. It was as if an invisible barrier had passed between them. Still, it didn't seem to extend further than that, for San had no qualms about helping Ashitaka set up his tent, and he was grateful for that, because it would've taken him twice as long...twice as long to get off of his leg.
After they had done that, San quietly excused herself and walked off towards the river. Ashitaka, curious as always about the things she did when he wasn't around, opted to not follow her, being almost too tired to care, anyway.
Bending over, he stepped under the small canopy that the tent offered to him. Before they had set up the tent, they had cleared the area that would've been under it of leaves, and had laid down the second, smaller blanket that he used as a cot. He collapsed onto it and closed his eyes, hoping to fall asleep quickly.
He could hear San as she was quietly making her way back towards the camping area. After today, just thinking about her made him feel queasy. He hoped the feeling would pass from both of them, and they'd be able to talk and laugh like they had yesterday, and all the time before that. He coughed lightly.
San had come back, but she wasn't lying down. Rather, from the way she was moving about, it almost seemed as if she was pacing. Probably thinking about something. The only thing it meant to him, though, was that it would be harder to get to sleep.
