I own me, and nothing else in this fic. If I owned Harry Potter oh man would I be rich.
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(you can see me sitting at a desk with ten empty chairs to the left)
Katze: Hello and welcome to... er... um (makes up a name) TrueChat. For the next three days I will be interviewing the people Harry Potter is based on. I have with me Harry Potter, Hermi Granger, Ron, Ginny, George and Fred Weasley, Malfoy, Voldie-mort, Dummy-dore, and Cedric Diggory. (Katze is handed a piece of paper) Just a second this says Cedric's dead, when did that happen. *muttering* The gaul of him to disrupt my plans, rude boy. *back to normal* So we have nine guests today, first we'll meet Harry. (Harry walks on and sits down. He has a pill bottle and a bottle of gin)
Harry: Howdy audience. Hi Kitty.
Audience: Hi Harry!
Katze: It's Katze you little git. It means 'cat' in German. Now we have the Weasleys.
Audience: Hi Weasleys! (Ginny model walks, glances over her shoulder and bats her eyes and does a mini-wave, then sits down next to Harry; Ron sits down and waves; Fred stands in the doorway and George is nowhere to be seen)
Katze: *quite perturbed* Fred sit down.
Fred: *muttering* Boom! All gone! Ruined! Dead! No! Not that one George! No! No! No! No! *yells* Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! (runs offstage)
Katze: *still perturbed* Ron where's George? And what's wrong with Fred?
Ron: Where should I start? Well two weeks ago Fred and George were making a new product when George put the wrong thing in the cauldron. Fred got to cover... but George... ugh it was horrible, the house blew up, George died, my schoolbooks were ruined *sob* and we have been camping out in the yard ever since.
Ginny: And I look terrible!
Katze: That brings a smile to my face, but you don't seem bothered that George died.
Ron: Why should I? I didn't like him, he picked on me.
Katze: Okay, now we have Hermi.
Hermione: Humph. (sits down)
Katze: Next is Malfoy. (Malfoy runs on)
Malfoy: Gimme an M! |Audience: M!
Gimme an A! |Audience: A!
Gimme an L! |Audience: L!
Gimme an F! |Audience: F!
Gimme an O! |Audience: O!
Gimme a Y! |Audience: Y!
What's that spell? |Audience: MALFOY!
How are all y'all doin'? (sits down)
Katze: Unfortunately two of our guests have died, so that leaves two left and they are: Voldie-mort...
Ron: *shrieking* Don't say that!
Harry: What? Voldemort? (Ron nods)
Katze: Voldie-mort, Voldie-mort, VOLDIE-MORT! (Ron shrinks back into his chair) Now as I was saying, There are two guests left: VOLDIE-MORT! (Ron screams like a girl) and Dummy-dore. (Voldemort and Dumbledore are brought out gagged and bound, and their wands are given to Katze) I'm sorry for any inconvenience to you but you would kill each other if we didn't take precautions. Now that everyone is settled in I would like to ask you a question. What do you think of your namesakes in the books? Starting with you Harry.
Harry: To tell you the truth, Kitty (Katze grinds her teeth) I hated me in the books, but when I saw how true it was I went into a state of deep depression. The only thing that pulled me out of it was these nice little dohickies. (holds up his stuff and giggles weirdly)
Katze: *slowly* That's a nice story.
Harry: Tell me Kitty...
Katze: Katze.
Harry: Katze, did it come off that I was so bloody annoying? (Katze opens her mouth)
Malfoy: Like Yea!
Harry: *sob* pill time. (takes six pills and washes it down with gin, and he falls asleep)
Katze: Okay next we have Ginny Weasley. Ginny?
Ginny: I think my character is exactly like me. (looks at the camera, bats her eyes and speaks to it) I just want to say hi to all the guys out there, if you want to call me my number is... (Ron clamps his hand over her mouth and whispers something in her ear that makes her pout) Humph, my big ol' meanie brother says I can only talk about my character. Can you imagine? He is soooooooooooo rude!
Ron: *sternly* About your character Ginny?
Katze: *sulkily* That's my line.
Ginny: OKAY... back to me! In real life I'm a little shyer, but I say what I feel. And I like Harry more. *sweetly* Harry dear... (Harry is still sleeping, and after Ginny pokes him a few times and he doesn't wake up, she pouts and crosses her arms)
Katze: (faking a smile) That's wonderful Ginny. Ron?
Ron: You know what? No you wouldn't. Harry and I weren't the best of friends, we just stuck together because no one else would be our friend. In the end Hermi brought us closer, now we're the greatest friend there ever were except on one subject (looks at Hermi). And I love studying, I don't freak out about it but I love it. Other than that my character is fairly accurate... oh and I'm a lot better looking then they say in the books. (winks at Hermi)
Katze: (shaking head) Jus... jus... jus...just shut up! Now Hermi?
Hermi: *very cross* Yes.
Katze: (rolling eyes) What do you think of your character?
Hermi: I think it's nice that she's called Hermione instead of Hermi.
Katze: Got it you want to be called Hermi instead of Hermione.
Hermi: *growl* Couldn't be any more different. If the book Hermione and me were lines we wouldn't cross.
Katze: You mean you'd be parallel lines?
Hermi: (glares at Katze) Yes. (goes crazy) *yelling* NO ONE... IS ALLOWED TO CORRECT ME!
Katze: *yells back* OH REALLY? THEN HOW COME I HAVE A HIGHER IQ?
Hermi: (breathing heavily) JUST YOU WATCH THIS! (she starts to Avada Kadavera the audience, but he spells bounce off the protective shield around them and hit Dumbledore and Voldemort. Finally she gives up and points the wand at her head)
Ron: (runs and tries to leap between Hermi and her wand) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Hermi: AVADA KADAVERA!!!! (she dies)
Ron: You! (points at Katze) You drove her to it! (lunges at Katze)
Katze: *gleeful* This is what I've been waiting for. (point wand at Ron) Petrificus Totalus!
Ron: *grunt* *grunt* *shriek* (FYI he's in the total body bind)
Katze: *evil giggling* Your opinion Malfoy?
Malfoy: *pleadingly* Why can't anyone just call me Draco? I did have a few quarrels with Harry but we're friends now; it's not like a bad guy in real life, only in the books. I admit that I did hang out with large, stupid kids but it was only because daddy said so. *sobbing* Why can't anyone love me? I'm very nice, really, I have bunny slippers!... I watch Barney!... I pet puppies!... I kiss babies!... I suck my thumb!...I wear Barbie Underwear! *mad* Forget that last one, or you die! *calms down* See I'm good I'll unbind Ron. (flicks his wand and Ron is free)
Katze: And your character?
Malfoy: I hate it *sniff* down to the platinum blonde hair.
Katze: You have platinum blonde hair.
Malfoy: *sniff* Do you have to remind me?
Katze: *cruelly* Yes. (Malfoy starts to bawl loudly)
Ginny: What about me! Talk about ME!
Katze: (pointing wands at Ginny and Malfoy) Shut up you whiny children! (Malfoy stops bawling, and Ginny resumes pouting)
Malfoy: (snaps) I didn't want to be on this stupid show. I wanted to be a cheerleader! (rips off his robes to reveal a small cheerleader outfit)
Ginny: ME TOO! (she rips off her robes to reveal a Dallas Cowboy's cheerleader outfit)
Malfoy+Ginny: Rah rah sisboomba! Gooooooooo team! (they do a victory dance)
Harry: Oh the humanity! (Ron faints)
Katze: Avada Kadavera! (Malfoy dies) *sniggering*
Ginny: Hey! We made a good team. (Ron recovers)
Ron: Ginny, NEVER EVER do that again! (Ginny pouts yet again)
Harry: Here Ron take a swig o' this. (takes a drink, then offers it to Ron and falls asleep)
Ginny: Oh my poor dearest Harry!
Katze: (nasty glint in her eyes) Stop it now Ginny! I am so sick of you. You were nice in the book but now, Auuggghhhh!!!!!
Neville: (runs on) Bad news Fred killed himself!
Ginny: Oh no! Not my bestest brother Fred! (starts to hex Neville when he runs off) *sniff* My bestest *sniff* brother. *sniff* Why him?
Katze: (walks up to Ginny breaks her wand and throws her out the window) Oh good that just had to be done.
Ron: Yes! *faking sorrow* Boo hoo, boo hoo poor Ginny, I'm so sad.
Harry: (waking up) Ron?
Ron: What?
Harry: Could you move over a few steps?
Ron: 'Kay. (moves over)
Harry: Exipilliarmus! (Ron flies out the window and his wand lands neatly on Katze's desk)
Katze: Harry! That was uncalled for!
Harry: *sulkily* But everyone else was doin' it.
Katze: No they weren't. Since you are the only one left, and I'm getting sick of you, I challenge you to a duel.
Harry: I accept. (Katze and Harry face each other)
Katze: Exipilliarmus!
Harry: Avada Kadavera! (Harry is thrown backwards into the wall and knocked unconscious, but Katze is unscathed. Katze walks away and Harry wakes up and tries again) Avada Kadavera! (this doesn't have any effect, but it makes Katze turn around)
Katze: I never liked you Potter, now you're acting like a cowardly jerk. Avada Kadavera! (Harry dies) *maniacal laughter* Oh I got to start calling people to come tomorrow, bye. (walks offstage, the lights are dimmed. You can hear the voices of all the people who died fighting over who gets to haunt Katze. There is a sound like a big fight, then all of a sudden the camera is hit and falls to the ground and turns off)
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No I do not believe in ghosts, they only make the story funnier. I posted something a lot like this only a while back, but when I wanted to change it bit I had to do it all over. It's new and improved, and has two more chapters written, but not revised or typed. r/r please... oh come on... pahweese!
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(you can see me sitting at a desk with ten empty chairs to the left)
Katze: Hello and welcome to... er... um (makes up a name) TrueChat. For the next three days I will be interviewing the people Harry Potter is based on. I have with me Harry Potter, Hermi Granger, Ron, Ginny, George and Fred Weasley, Malfoy, Voldie-mort, Dummy-dore, and Cedric Diggory. (Katze is handed a piece of paper) Just a second this says Cedric's dead, when did that happen. *muttering* The gaul of him to disrupt my plans, rude boy. *back to normal* So we have nine guests today, first we'll meet Harry. (Harry walks on and sits down. He has a pill bottle and a bottle of gin)
Harry: Howdy audience. Hi Kitty.
Audience: Hi Harry!
Katze: It's Katze you little git. It means 'cat' in German. Now we have the Weasleys.
Audience: Hi Weasleys! (Ginny model walks, glances over her shoulder and bats her eyes and does a mini-wave, then sits down next to Harry; Ron sits down and waves; Fred stands in the doorway and George is nowhere to be seen)
Katze: *quite perturbed* Fred sit down.
Fred: *muttering* Boom! All gone! Ruined! Dead! No! Not that one George! No! No! No! No! *yells* Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! (runs offstage)
Katze: *still perturbed* Ron where's George? And what's wrong with Fred?
Ron: Where should I start? Well two weeks ago Fred and George were making a new product when George put the wrong thing in the cauldron. Fred got to cover... but George... ugh it was horrible, the house blew up, George died, my schoolbooks were ruined *sob* and we have been camping out in the yard ever since.
Ginny: And I look terrible!
Katze: That brings a smile to my face, but you don't seem bothered that George died.
Ron: Why should I? I didn't like him, he picked on me.
Katze: Okay, now we have Hermi.
Hermione: Humph. (sits down)
Katze: Next is Malfoy. (Malfoy runs on)
Malfoy: Gimme an M! |Audience: M!
Gimme an A! |Audience: A!
Gimme an L! |Audience: L!
Gimme an F! |Audience: F!
Gimme an O! |Audience: O!
Gimme a Y! |Audience: Y!
What's that spell? |Audience: MALFOY!
How are all y'all doin'? (sits down)
Katze: Unfortunately two of our guests have died, so that leaves two left and they are: Voldie-mort...
Ron: *shrieking* Don't say that!
Harry: What? Voldemort? (Ron nods)
Katze: Voldie-mort, Voldie-mort, VOLDIE-MORT! (Ron shrinks back into his chair) Now as I was saying, There are two guests left: VOLDIE-MORT! (Ron screams like a girl) and Dummy-dore. (Voldemort and Dumbledore are brought out gagged and bound, and their wands are given to Katze) I'm sorry for any inconvenience to you but you would kill each other if we didn't take precautions. Now that everyone is settled in I would like to ask you a question. What do you think of your namesakes in the books? Starting with you Harry.
Harry: To tell you the truth, Kitty (Katze grinds her teeth) I hated me in the books, but when I saw how true it was I went into a state of deep depression. The only thing that pulled me out of it was these nice little dohickies. (holds up his stuff and giggles weirdly)
Katze: *slowly* That's a nice story.
Harry: Tell me Kitty...
Katze: Katze.
Harry: Katze, did it come off that I was so bloody annoying? (Katze opens her mouth)
Malfoy: Like Yea!
Harry: *sob* pill time. (takes six pills and washes it down with gin, and he falls asleep)
Katze: Okay next we have Ginny Weasley. Ginny?
Ginny: I think my character is exactly like me. (looks at the camera, bats her eyes and speaks to it) I just want to say hi to all the guys out there, if you want to call me my number is... (Ron clamps his hand over her mouth and whispers something in her ear that makes her pout) Humph, my big ol' meanie brother says I can only talk about my character. Can you imagine? He is soooooooooooo rude!
Ron: *sternly* About your character Ginny?
Katze: *sulkily* That's my line.
Ginny: OKAY... back to me! In real life I'm a little shyer, but I say what I feel. And I like Harry more. *sweetly* Harry dear... (Harry is still sleeping, and after Ginny pokes him a few times and he doesn't wake up, she pouts and crosses her arms)
Katze: (faking a smile) That's wonderful Ginny. Ron?
Ron: You know what? No you wouldn't. Harry and I weren't the best of friends, we just stuck together because no one else would be our friend. In the end Hermi brought us closer, now we're the greatest friend there ever were except on one subject (looks at Hermi). And I love studying, I don't freak out about it but I love it. Other than that my character is fairly accurate... oh and I'm a lot better looking then they say in the books. (winks at Hermi)
Katze: (shaking head) Jus... jus... jus...just shut up! Now Hermi?
Hermi: *very cross* Yes.
Katze: (rolling eyes) What do you think of your character?
Hermi: I think it's nice that she's called Hermione instead of Hermi.
Katze: Got it you want to be called Hermi instead of Hermione.
Hermi: *growl* Couldn't be any more different. If the book Hermione and me were lines we wouldn't cross.
Katze: You mean you'd be parallel lines?
Hermi: (glares at Katze) Yes. (goes crazy) *yelling* NO ONE... IS ALLOWED TO CORRECT ME!
Katze: *yells back* OH REALLY? THEN HOW COME I HAVE A HIGHER IQ?
Hermi: (breathing heavily) JUST YOU WATCH THIS! (she starts to Avada Kadavera the audience, but he spells bounce off the protective shield around them and hit Dumbledore and Voldemort. Finally she gives up and points the wand at her head)
Ron: (runs and tries to leap between Hermi and her wand) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Hermi: AVADA KADAVERA!!!! (she dies)
Ron: You! (points at Katze) You drove her to it! (lunges at Katze)
Katze: *gleeful* This is what I've been waiting for. (point wand at Ron) Petrificus Totalus!
Ron: *grunt* *grunt* *shriek* (FYI he's in the total body bind)
Katze: *evil giggling* Your opinion Malfoy?
Malfoy: *pleadingly* Why can't anyone just call me Draco? I did have a few quarrels with Harry but we're friends now; it's not like a bad guy in real life, only in the books. I admit that I did hang out with large, stupid kids but it was only because daddy said so. *sobbing* Why can't anyone love me? I'm very nice, really, I have bunny slippers!... I watch Barney!... I pet puppies!... I kiss babies!... I suck my thumb!...I wear Barbie Underwear! *mad* Forget that last one, or you die! *calms down* See I'm good I'll unbind Ron. (flicks his wand and Ron is free)
Katze: And your character?
Malfoy: I hate it *sniff* down to the platinum blonde hair.
Katze: You have platinum blonde hair.
Malfoy: *sniff* Do you have to remind me?
Katze: *cruelly* Yes. (Malfoy starts to bawl loudly)
Ginny: What about me! Talk about ME!
Katze: (pointing wands at Ginny and Malfoy) Shut up you whiny children! (Malfoy stops bawling, and Ginny resumes pouting)
Malfoy: (snaps) I didn't want to be on this stupid show. I wanted to be a cheerleader! (rips off his robes to reveal a small cheerleader outfit)
Ginny: ME TOO! (she rips off her robes to reveal a Dallas Cowboy's cheerleader outfit)
Malfoy+Ginny: Rah rah sisboomba! Gooooooooo team! (they do a victory dance)
Harry: Oh the humanity! (Ron faints)
Katze: Avada Kadavera! (Malfoy dies) *sniggering*
Ginny: Hey! We made a good team. (Ron recovers)
Ron: Ginny, NEVER EVER do that again! (Ginny pouts yet again)
Harry: Here Ron take a swig o' this. (takes a drink, then offers it to Ron and falls asleep)
Ginny: Oh my poor dearest Harry!
Katze: (nasty glint in her eyes) Stop it now Ginny! I am so sick of you. You were nice in the book but now, Auuggghhhh!!!!!
Neville: (runs on) Bad news Fred killed himself!
Ginny: Oh no! Not my bestest brother Fred! (starts to hex Neville when he runs off) *sniff* My bestest *sniff* brother. *sniff* Why him?
Katze: (walks up to Ginny breaks her wand and throws her out the window) Oh good that just had to be done.
Ron: Yes! *faking sorrow* Boo hoo, boo hoo poor Ginny, I'm so sad.
Harry: (waking up) Ron?
Ron: What?
Harry: Could you move over a few steps?
Ron: 'Kay. (moves over)
Harry: Exipilliarmus! (Ron flies out the window and his wand lands neatly on Katze's desk)
Katze: Harry! That was uncalled for!
Harry: *sulkily* But everyone else was doin' it.
Katze: No they weren't. Since you are the only one left, and I'm getting sick of you, I challenge you to a duel.
Harry: I accept. (Katze and Harry face each other)
Katze: Exipilliarmus!
Harry: Avada Kadavera! (Harry is thrown backwards into the wall and knocked unconscious, but Katze is unscathed. Katze walks away and Harry wakes up and tries again) Avada Kadavera! (this doesn't have any effect, but it makes Katze turn around)
Katze: I never liked you Potter, now you're acting like a cowardly jerk. Avada Kadavera! (Harry dies) *maniacal laughter* Oh I got to start calling people to come tomorrow, bye. (walks offstage, the lights are dimmed. You can hear the voices of all the people who died fighting over who gets to haunt Katze. There is a sound like a big fight, then all of a sudden the camera is hit and falls to the ground and turns off)
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No I do not believe in ghosts, they only make the story funnier. I posted something a lot like this only a while back, but when I wanted to change it bit I had to do it all over. It's new and improved, and has two more chapters written, but not revised or typed. r/r please... oh come on... pahweese!
