Disclaimer: Yada yada yada, I own nothing, yada yada yada.


Katze: Hello and welcome to the second day of TrueChat with Harry Potter. Today we will not have a live audience; we will have a soundman. In accordance with yesterdays *cough* surcomstances, I have with me ten new guests and none of them are dead *quietly* yet. We have Professor Trelawney...

Trelawney: *spookily* Yes?

Katze: *impatient* Go away, you're not to come out yet.

Trelawney: *muttering* Shoot, my entrance is ruined. (she takes a seat)

Katze: And we have Neville Longbottom, Percivil Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Dudley Dursley, Luicus Malfoy, Professor Minevera Mcgonagal, Viktor Krum, Cho Chang, and Lavender Brown. First we will meet Mr. Weasley. (Mr. W on)

Mr. W: (points to the camera) What's that?

Katze: That's a camcorder.

Mr. W: A muggle toy?

Katze: *annoyed* Yes.

Mr. W: *ecstatic* What's it do?

Katze: *gritting teeth* It makes moving pictures.

Mr. W: Really? Does it have a plug?

Katze: No.

Mr. W: *sad but then brightens up* Can I have it anyway?

Katze: No way Jose.

Mr. W: *indignant* My name is Arthur.

Katze: (gives Mr. W a horrible, nasty look and he sits down and is quiet) And now Dudley. (Dudley on (he has a camcorder))

Mr. W: Can I have that?

Dudley: Sure, If you give me your stick, they took mine from Smeltings. (Mr. W gladly trades) Ico Defarmbo! (he loses an eyebrow) Cool!

Trelawney: (at the same time as Katze) That will bring danger to you.
Katze: And now back to ME! (pause) Shut up Trelawney. We meet Percivil. (Percy on)

Percy: *stuck up* Oh, you HAVE to meet me! (Mr. W turns on the camcorder and starts taping)

Katze: *sarcastic* Yes, we all know you are soooo wonderful. Our next guest, Mr. M. (Mr. M on)

Mr. M: I heard that some people are calling my boy a sissy. I would like to say that he ain't, and that's that. (he sits down and hits his squirming thigh pocket, and whispers to it) I'll feed you later.

Katze: Great I'm stuck with a bunch of loonies. Now Vicky. (Krum on)

Krum: *his weird accent* My name is not Vicky, it is Viktor. But you may call me Krum.

Katze: 'Kay Crummy. (Krum sits) Now we have the pleasure to meet someone who *cough* did NOT see what happened yesterday, RIGHT Neville? (Neville on)

Neville: *nervous* Yes, yes, ma'am... just what you said ma'am.

Katze: (nasty smile) Of course, that's because I'm always right. Now we meet the one... the only... dumb blonde, ditz-for-brains. (Lavender on)

Lavender: Krum! Can I have your autograph?! Professor Trelawney! Any new predictions?!

Trelawney: I foresee that I will die at (enter time that she dies here)

Lavender: *sad* Oh no!

Trelawney: But that's not for awhile.

Lavender: *happy* Good!

Trelawney: But I will die.

Lavender: *sobs* So I'll never see you again?!

Trelawney: I'll be a ghost so you can talk to me.

Lavender: *happy* Oh goodie! I nearly forgot!

Katze: Lav, are you able to shut up? I'm getting upset, and that's a VERY bad thing. (Lavender sits)

Mr. W: *exited* Pictures, that keep changing! I have to show Molly!

Katze: We now meet Cho Chang. (Cho walks on carrying Cedric's dead body)

Cho: Now Cedric, you didn't eat your vegetables. Remember what I said? (listens) No! I can't believe I put up with you, you don't make your bed , you never pick up after yourself, and you can't stand up strait.

Dudley: (sneeze) Ah shoo hoo! (a sundae appears in front of him) Cool! Hey Cho, did you know he's dead?

Cho: He... he's not dead... can't be... sings me to sleep... (closes her eyes) Lullaby and goodnight de de de da la la dum, da da de da da de dum la la la la de doe.

Katze: *sigh* What I have to put up with. Meet Professor Mcgonagal. (Mcgonagal on)

Mcgonagal: PARTY!

Katze: What???????!!!!!!!!!!

Mcgonagal: Raise the roof, we got to get a party goin'!

Katze: I thought you were stern and serious.

Mcgonagal: Dude! That's only when Dummy's around. But he's dead, so whooo hoo Party!

Lavender: A party! Where?! I wanna go to a party!

Katze: Lav, you are a pain in the neck.

Lavender: *puzzled* How can I be a pain in your neck?!

Katze: (trying hard to ignore Lavender) Because we have all new people here today. I will ask the first question again, and it is: what do you think of your character in the book? Starting with Mr. Weasley.

Mr. W: Say, "Cheese!"

Katze: *ornery* Gouda!

Mr. W: *annoyed* No! Say, "Cheese!"

Katze: Mr. Weasley, tell us what you think.

Mr. W: This is so cool!

Katze: Arrggggggg!!!!!!! Take him away, bring him back when he's ready to talk. (two large men with dark sunglasses and black suits grab Mr. W and drag him offstage) Dudley?

Dudley: (his mouth is full of sundae) 'hat 'o 'o 'ant? (Cho snaps her fingers)

Cho: What happened to my fingers? Cedric, are you playing a trick on me? (pause) Then who did? (pause, then she points at Dudley) Him? No he didn't, you did. It was funny Cedric. *giggle*

Katze: I want to know about your character.

Dudley: They make me out to be a bad person; I blame my parents, no I blame the writer. By the way who wrote the Harry Potter books?

Katze: Joanne Kathleen Rowling.

Dudley: Well I think she's *sniff* mean. I'm not that fat or ugly, but if I was I would blame society.

Katze: Percivil? What do you think?

Percy: Oh, my character is almost perfect. It works hard, like me; gets good grades, like me; is good and perfect, just like me. But in a few ways doesn't add up to my perfectness.

Katze: (rolls eyes) *quietly* What an egotist. *louder* I thought the Percivil in the book was too smarmy.

Percy: Ha ha ha, that's funny. Would you like to hear about all the wonderful deeds? Okay! Well then, I have captured a dragon that Charlie couldn't and I ... (he rambles on and on and on in the background)

Katze: (rolls her eyes again) What about you Mr. M?

Mr. M: I have to...

Trelawney: (interrupting) I will die in 5... 4... 3... 2... oh well, Avada Kadavera! (she dies)

Lavender: Professor! Professor Trelawney! (start crying and runs around the room until she goes out the window, Katze sniggers)

Neville: *screaming like a girl* Not again!!

Katze: *interrogatingly* It never happened before. Right Neville?

Neville: *nervous* Sorry, I forgot. Never ever happened. I'm so stupid, to think it happened.

Mr. M: As I was saying before the interruption. I have to say this: my son is not a sissy nor is he gay. He's a freak... that's it a freak of nature.

Katze: Did you understand what I said? I asked about YOUR character.

Mr. M: I am a mean man, I hate my kid (a few people look puzzled), I abuse my slaves, I don't feed my pets so I can watch them die. I AM EVIL AND CRUEL! MEAN AND NASTY!

Katze: So we will get along just fine.

Mr. M: It depends on what house you were in.

Percy: (stops telling about himself) Ah, the houses at Hogwarts, people from the same house bond a lot better. (resumes speaking about himself)

Katze: The house I was in was my house. (all gasp) Oh come on its not THAT weird! It's not weird at all.

Mr. M: *snootily* Then we will not get along.

Katze: Then you're a stuck up, stupid, egotistic, rude, putrid, bigoted, idiotic, (beep) jerk!

Mr. M: *offended* Hey! I am not!

Katze: You are too!

Mr. M: Am not!

Katze: Are too!

Mr. M: Am not!

Katze: Are too!

Mr. M: Am not!

Katze: Are too!

Mr. M: Am not!

Cho: Stop acting like children, you're bugging Cedric, right Cedric? (she nods his head) See?

Katze: (pouts) I don't like him because he IS a stuck up, stupid, egotistic, ru...

Cho: Cedric says you should forgive and forget.

Katze: Avada Kadavera! (Mr. M dies) *singing* Another one's gone, and another one's down, and another one bites the dust, yea! Okay, I will forgive myself for ever letting that stuck up...(etc.) on my show, and I will forget all about him. Now, Crumble?

Krum: Can't anyvone pronounce my name right?

Katze: You couldn't pronounce Hermione.

Krum: Vhere is Herm-oh-ninny? I really liked her. (pause) Vith you! No not zat! (pause) I did too give you my autograph! And I did not steal your girl, Ron! Stop haunting me, I did not kill you! (pause) *surprised* Harry did? But vhy me? Vhy haunt me?

Katze: Ron you can stop now, you're doing more than I told you to.

Krum: You told him to! I hate you!

Katze: *breathing sharply* Don't make me mad, you won't like it if I get mad. Sit still and shut up and you won't get hurt. (Krum obeys very speedily) Neville?

Neville: *very, very, very nervous* It's just right. And I think Katze is being very nice to me *whispering* because she didn't kill me. *normal* And I think I going to leave now, may I miss?

Katze: No you mayn't, and of course I'm being nice I always act like that.

Percy: (looking at himself in a mirror) Aren't I so gorgeous and handsome.

Katze: No. You're uglier then a squished spider.

(in the background | Ronghost: Eekk! A spider! Where?! |Trelawneyghost: Ron after you're dead you have to make a good example. |Ronghost: *sulkily* I've been dead longer, so I should be in charge.)

Percy: I'll make me taller, the taller the handsomer. (at the same time as Dudley) Puli Heighterus!
Dudley: Insecto! (these two spells combine to make Percy a fly)

Percy: *buzz* Heeelp me! *buzz* Heeeeelp! *buzz* (Percy is flying around Dudley's head)

Katze: *giggle* Dudley, I don't like flies. Swat that one for me, will you? (Dudley swats the Percy-fly and Percy dies) Now what do you think Professor Mcgonagal?

Mcgonagal: I think we need a disco ball. Disco-Balli Makerus! (a disco-ball appears and falls on Mcgonagal because it wasn't attached to the ceiling)

Cho: See Cedric. That's what happens when you don't pay attention when you perform spells.

Krum: SHUT UP CHO! CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S DEAD????????????

Katze: *acting hurt* I told you to be quiet, I was nice, and warned you. (gives a very convincing puppy- dog face) But you can't be polite can you? *fake, sniff* You are so mean, Gequit! (Krum shrinks)

Cho: Cedric is wondering what that did.

Katze: It's a simple spell that makes the victim shrink until they can no longer breath oxygen and then they suffocate, or it might just make them shrink until they can't shrink anymore then they stop existing. I'm not sure which it is, because they are so small.

Neville: *sarcastic* That's lovely. (while he is talking Harry, a Poltergeist, flies in and grabs Dudley and goes out the window. Peter (who was in Mr. M's pocket) turns human and runs after Harry, and not knowing that the window was broken, falls out it. Harry laughs at this and drops Dudley, and zooms off)

Katze: *snigger snigger snigger* That was some show.
Neville: Help!

Cho: (running over to the window with Cedric) Murder!

Katze: It was bound to happen. Now on to the next part of the show... (Neville makes a run for it when Katze isn't looking. He runs in front of Cho who makes a little squeak because he steps on her toe. That grabs Katze's attention and she sends a body-bind curse to him, but it misses him and hits Cedric who stiffens, this sends him and Cho out the window. Neville gets away in the confusion) Darn! Now I have to get ten, no nine new people for tomorrow. Got to go and make some calls. Bye bye. (Katze walks off)


Oh well, all but Neville are dead. So what the next one is even better (so I think) and I had to kill them or else I couldn't have those people. I have the next part written but not typed, maybe I do have it typed and I want you to wait, I have the power to make you wait, Bwaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaa!!!!!!

What do you think? Tell, tell me true, I love it when people do, so plea-ee-ee-se read and review. Oh oh read and review. :)