Breaking down the Walls, Chapter 6

Breaking down the Walls

TITLE: "Breaking down the walls" Chapter 6 - 6/12 - Rated R-13 - B/A Angst, series 6 predictions
AUTHOR: Charlie/Selwyn29
EMAIL: selwyn29@ntlworld.com
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, they're Joss's. But if they were mine I give them to Duck's for safekeeping
J
PAIRING: B/A, and loads more
TIMELINE: After end of series 5 Buffy, series 2 Angel
SPOILERS: Anything is possible... say all, up to B5/A2
SYNOPSIS: My take on series 6 and what should happen, please read Chapter One or none of this will make sense.
FEEDBACK: Come on, give me some help here, do you like it?
RATING: PG CONTENT

DEDICATION: To Trammie and Mark my Beta readers and Duck's who without her epics I would never had started this one. Also to the Babble Board posters, who have been an inspiration for some storylines, and finally to the great UK programme Hearts and Bones for a few inspriational lines :)

A few hours later, the Scooby gang was still in Giles' living room, endless empty cups were scattered along the floor. Dawn was asleep, curled up against Buffy, on the sofa. Anya had fallen asleep on the floor, with Xander holding her. Willow and Tara were in the same condition on the armchair, which left only Buffy and Giles awake. They had talked through everything during the night; the death, everything that had happened in the past few months while Buffy had been away, how she had been brought back, the coma, and then the past couple of days. Willow had explained to her, as much as she could, how Angel had helped her and supported her and Buffy was beginning to remember little bits of the past 48 hours.

Now it was just the two of them left awake. Slayer and Watcher.

"What happens now?" Buffy asked.

"In relation to what?" Giles replied.

"Well, everything I guess."

"I don't think we can answer those questions straight away, Buffy. I think we need some time to work some things out. It's not going to be easy. There is a gravestone with your name on it in the cemetery, that isn't going to be simple to explain. I think, for the moment, you need to try and stay away from people."

"All people?" Buffy asked.

"Obviously, we all know you are back. But I think you're going to have to keep a low profile in the town, for a while, at least. And we have to think of Dawn's situation in all of this."

"Giles, I think we both know that, for the moment, at least, it is best for Dawn if things stay as they are. That she stays here with you and you continue to be her guardian."

"If you think that is for the best."

"Definitely. It doesn't mean I won't see her all the time, its just I think she needs a father figure in her life. Ours won't win any 'Parent of the Year' awards. I love her so much, but I know she needs a parent, as well as a sister, not some combination of the two."

Giles nodded, understanding.

"And I need you too." Buffy began, tears welling up in her eyes.

"You'll always have me, Buffy." Giles said, and reached over to take her hand.

"I'm not sure what's happening to me, the 'Powers' spoke of me being immortal, but I'm not sure what that entails."

"We'll begin to look into it when the others get up." Giles said.

"Thank you. For everything." Buffy said. "Now how about we give up on the soap opera conversation and make some breakfast to get these guys up and about?" She said, and made her way to the kitchen.

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As dawn broke, the LA gang headed back to the Crawford Street mansion. Cordelia and Wesley had only been there once or twice, while Angel had lived in Sunnydale. Gunn and Fred were both seeing it for the first time. All four were awestruck at the imposing house.

"Wow man, I'm impressed, I mean the hotel and this? Talk about property magnet." Gunn said, on entering.

"There's so much potential here." Cordelia gushed. "I mean, tidy up that courtyard, fix the fountain, clean up the French windows let a bit of light…ah right, well some nice colourful drapes, an open fire. You could make this quite a home."

"Buy it then, if you like it so much. It's going on the market." Angel snapped.

"You're selling it?" Wesley asked.

"What about Buffy?" Cordelia asked.

"What about her?" Angel said solemnly.

"Well, it's just, we thought you were going to try again." Wesley stammered out.

"She has her own life here. She doesn't need me in it anymore."

"So that's it, you're listening to what the 80's pop icon thinks now, are you?" Cordelia stormed, "Everything has to be so damn tragic with you two, can't you just have a bit of happiness? It is allowed you know."

"It's better this way." Angel replied.

"Do you love her?"

Angel gave them a look that told them it was a stupid question to ask.

"Then why is it better?"

"It just is, now pack everything up and we can head back to LA at sunset."

Angel stalked off further into the house and left his four friends standing there.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was almost sunset by the time Buffy arrived at the mansion. She walked down the steps to the courtyard she remembered so well. Images of times past flashed into her head; of laughing and giggling as they walked down the stairs, their arms 'round one another, of chaste kisses by the French doors as the sun came up, and then, as they got to know one another again, of more passionate kisses inside the walls. Buffy started to smile at the thought. Then she turned to stand at the French windows and the brief smile fell from her face. A few boxes were piled up in the lounge, Cordelia and Fred were on the floor, wrapping objects that had survived her destructive session the night before, and putting them in boxes. Wesley and Gunn were packing the books they had brought, into crates.

"You're leaving?" she said, quietly.

Angel came through the back door of the room, into the main lounge; he had his head down and some more books in his arms.

"You're leaving, without telling me?" she said again, a little louder this time.

"Buffy." Angel said, looking up at her.

"Again?" she shouted, this time.

Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and Fred all jumped up.

"Angel, I think we'll go help Mr. Giles, help him with, erm, help him…" Wesley began.

"We'll just go help him." Cordelia finished, and she dragged the ex-Watcher out by his arm. As she passed by Buffy, she whispered, "You go, girl!"

Buffy walked into the now, almost empty, room and over towards Angel.

"Without even saying goodbye? Why?" she said, angrily.

"It's better this way."

"Better for who? 'Cause from where I'm standing, we both lose out."

"We can't be together, it's that simple."

"It's not that simple! If there is one thing I have learned about our relationship, after all this time, is that it's never simple! You're not making the decision for us, Angel, not this time."

"Nothing has changed, Buffy."

"Everything's changed! We've both changed."

"You deserve more than me, you deserve a Riley in your life."

"I had one, now he's gone."

"Do you still love him?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Do you?"

"I never loved Riley like I love you." Buffy said, quietly. "And he knew that, that's why he left."

"So why did you chase after him, why run after him?" Angel spat out.

"Who told you that?" Buffy asked.

Angel stood in front of her, in silence.

"Who told you?" Buffy yelled.

Again, nothing came from Angel's mouth.

"Who?" She screamed again.

All the pent up anger came through Buffy and she slapped him across the face.

Angel recoiled from the attack and put his hand up to touch his bleeding lip.

"Spike." he said, hoarsely.

"And you take what he says as fact now, do you? You listen to Spike?"

"He didn't say anything to me that I hadn't already thought."

"What do you think? Come on, Angel, fill me in."

"I don't know what to think, Buffy, two years have passed, you've moved on, like I asked you to, and you found someone else. Riley can give you everything I can't."

"From the moment you stepped out of my life, I was lost, I didn't know what to do, where to turn, and I admit, I made a few mistakes. But then Riley came along, he was safe, and he was nice, and genuinely cared about me. Everyone wanted me to be with him, and I guess a small part of me wanted it to, that white picket fence dream."

"That should be your life, Buffy." Angel's eyes looked more sorrowful.

"You don't get it, do you? For five or six moments, even in a perfect day with Riley, I'd look up, and there'd be a hole in the world, and it would be shaped like you. You left to give me everything you thought I needed, and I understood that, but the only thing I want, and the only thing I need…is you. I love you, Angel."

Tears were streaming down Buffy's face as she whispered the last words of her speech.

"I don't get what's changed, Angel. I watched you mourn, I watched you fall apart at the seams after I had gone, beg for another chance, or watch for the sunrise to come and take you to me. Yesterday, you held me so close and promised me you'd never leave me again, and now, here we are, in the same tired situation. I love you so much and I truly believe, that underneath whatever it is you have going on here, that you love me too. So I'm going to make it easy on you, simplify it all. I'm going to walk towards that door now, and I'm not going to look back, and if I get through without you telling me what's going on, then it's over. If you let me go, then let me walk out of your life. As far as you're concerned, I'm still dead and was never brought back. Just remember, that I loved you till the last possible moment, and I'll never love anyone as much as I love you."

She looked into his dark eyes one last time and turned on her heel. She started the long steady walk towards the doorway.

Angel stood in the middle of the room, watching her back, watching the only true love of his life walk away. Chanting a slow mantra to himself, 'It's all for the best, it's the best thing for both of you.' But the more he chanted inside his head, the more his soul screamed out to him, 'Don't make that mistake again, she's a part of you, don't lose that.'

Buffy's journey took her closer and closer to the door, the tears freely flowing down her ashen, white face. Each leaden step took her further and further away from her lover. She prayed to the gods that she had the strength to make it to the courtyard, but prayed also that he would stop her.

She reached the edge of the French windows and steeled herself to make that one last step.

"I love you." the whisper came across the room, "I love you so much, it's tearing me apart."

Buffy turned into the room once more, hardly believing she had heard the words she had been so desperate to hear. Angel was crumbled on the floor in the middle of the room, sobbing into his hands.

"We can't be together, Buffy."

Buffy ran over to where her lover had fallen.

"Of course we can, we can get through anything as long as we are together."

"Not this, not this we can't."

"I don't care about the normal life, the little house in the country. I'm never going to have a normal life again, hell, I don't even *have* a life. I'm not alive, Angel, I'm immortal, just like you. And I need you; I need you to help me, to be strong for me. All I can offer you is my love."

Angel looked up at the vision in front of him. This beautiful vision who had haunted his dreams and nightmares, since the first second he had seen her on the day she was called, so many years ago. His body ached to reach up and take her in his arms and crush those lips against his own. But he knew it would only take one kiss for him to drown in the depth of love they had for one another and he knew he couldn't do that. He had to explain how he felt, explain his reasons.

"I'm not worthy of your love." he called out to her.

She looked down at the crumpled figure on the floor below her, as he continued.

"I'm not the man you think I am. You don't know me anymore."

"Angel, I knew you the first time I looked into your eyes and the first time we kissed. I've seen you at your worst and at your best and loved you throughout."

"But you don't realise what I have done."

"Nothing you could have done could make me love you less."

Angel bowed his head, his tears splashing quietly on the concrete below.

"I was lost, I couldn't see the end of all the pain and all the hurt. I allowed my worst enemies to gain the advantage, wear me down until there was nothing left, nothing, but blackness and I took the easy option."

"Angel, these things happen, sometimes people get the better of us. Look at me, I didn't defeat Glory, I had to die to put things right."

"You sacrificed yourself to save others, Buffy, you gave your life to help the people you love. Me? I gave up, tried to give up my soul to stop the pain. To stop the emptiness and loneliness. I tried to unleash the demon because I was too weak to carry on. And you know what I did? You know how I tried to make my great sacrifice? I let the demon take control and I slept with Darla, I went against everything we had worked towards, every feeling and hope in my body and I buried my pain in her body, hoping to lose my soul. Am I worthy? Am I worthy of such a love as yours?"

He looked up at the girl who stood before him and willed her to walk away from him, willed her to walk away from the shell he had become, to go towards the light and a better life.

Buffy stood in silence above him, her mind trying to madly process the words she had heard. Then she looked down, into the deep pools of chocolate brown staring up at her, she looked deep into his eyes and saw pain behind them.

"Oh Angel, why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you just talk to me?" she said, and slid to the floor beside him, wrapping her small arms around his body.

"How could I?" he whispered, "How could I have come to you? I'd turned against everything we had ever stood for. Everything I'd promised I'd never become. And I thought you were happy, I thought you'd moved on in your life. You'd made your feelings perfectly clear when I saw you last, in Los Angeles, and then again in Sunnydale."

"I didn't mean any of the things I said then, I was trying to hurt you. It was petty of me, I know, but I hated the fact you didn't want me, and that you were helping Faith. I wanted to show you that I had moved on, that I didn't need you anymore, that I didn't think of you all the time. I was trying to fool myself that I was over you."

"You are better off without me."

"Angel, don't ever say that and don't you dare even think that! You understand me better than anyone in this godforsaken world; you're the only one who ever feels right to me. When my Mom died, so many people around me offered me support, offered me words of kindness. And I put on a front with them, a 'look at me, look at how well I'm coping'. Even with people like Willow and Giles. The only person I could turn to, the only person I needed was you. So I finally plucked up the courage to call you, after all that time, knowing that we hadn't exactly left things on a good note last time, and you came, immediately, to be by my side. You came straight to me, and you held me and stayed with me, and for the first time in a long time, I could be myself again. I could be the person I had locked inside the moment you walked out of my life. And I can never thank you enough for that. My last thoughts before I died were of you, and my first thoughts when I had the choice to return, were of you, and if you don't want to be with me, then I don't want to carry on."

"I love you with all my heart and my soul." Angel said, and interlaced his fingers with one of her small hands. "But I have nothing to offer you. Being with me would sentence you to a life of darkness, to living by night, and…the curse still stands. Any moment of true happiness would bring the demon back again."

"Just being with you is enough. To know you are there at the end of every day. I can live without sex in my life, but I can't live without you, not anymore."

Angel lifted one of his hands up and traced the track of her tears down her cheek, his thumb gently brushed down her face and across the swell of her bottom lip. Her beautiful hazel eyes looked deep into his own and he knew he couldn't fight this anymore, knew he didn't want to. He had given her every reason to walk out of the door and never come back, pushed her away so many times and yet here she was, comforting him, loving him. He leaned his head in towards hers.

"There are no words to explain how much I love you. Nothing in my life has meaning, unless you are with me." he whispered to her beautiful face, and finally, he captured her sweet lips and claimed them as his own, and it felt like coming home.

Buffy felt his lips touch hers and her entire body spun out of control, like all the nerve endings were just waking up from a deep sleep. It had never been like this with Riley, never like this with anyone. No one could produce the sensations within her like this man could. She broke off from the kiss and looked into his eyes. Taking one of his hands in hers, she got to her feet and slowly began to lead him towards the bedroom in the mansion. As they got to the doorway, she breathed a small sigh of relief, that in his haste to leave this last time, Angel had left all the sheets here. However, he dropped her hand and held back as she started into the room.

"Buffy, we can't."

She walked back towards her lover and took his hand again.

"Angel, I just want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up with you holding me. I want to put the past two years of waking up without one another behind us. I just want to feel safe again."

She walked over to the bed and climbed in, pulling Angel along beside her. They lay side by side on the bed and their bodies instinctively curved into one another's. Buffy rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you so much, Buffy." Angel whispered into her hair.

"I know." she replied.

She reached her head up for another kiss and they were soon lost, once more, in a passionate embrace.

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Buffy awoke a few hours later and looked around the room. The heavy drapes on the windows didn't allow any sunlight in, so she had no idea of what time it was until she caught sight of an old clock on the wall.

"Lunchtime." she whispered to herself, as her stomach growled in anticipation. She gently lifted herself off the bed, being careful not to wake the sleeping vampire next to her and wandered out into the lounge. She investigated the area quickly and soon came across some fruit that Cordelia had, obviously, brought with her. She bit into an apple and started to make her way back to the bedroom. She stood in the doorway while she finished her apple and took in the sight before her.

Angel now lay on his stomach, one arm thrown across the pillow where, moments before, her head had rested. They had discarded his shirt at some point during the night, but he was still wearing his pants, which were, as she noticed, almost as crumpled as her own outfit was. She walked over closer to the bed and took in the sight of his bare back, the tattoo on his shoulder visible. Her pulse quickened at the joy of him lying there, almost naked, and so close she could just reach out and touch him.

As if sensing the sudden change in her heartbeat, he moved slightly, his arm grasping at the pillow, as if looking for something. His head turned 'round and his eyes opened sleepily, he looked across at the other side of the bed and, noticing it empty, sat up quickly, looking around the room.

"Hi." he said, sheepishly, seeing Buffy framed in the doorway.

"Hi yourself." she replied. He gestured for her to come over to him, and she did, and sank willingly back onto the bed and into his embrace. He pulled her tightly to him, kissing the top of her head.

"For a moment there, I thought this had all been a dream. I thought you were gone again." he said.

"I'm not the one with a degree in leaving." she quipped back, and then suddenly serious, looked into his eyes.

"Angel, you do want this, right? 'Cause last night you were so set on leaving, so convinced we couldn't be together. I don't want you to feel pressured into this, feel like you have to stay with me just because I asked you to." The slight tremor in her voice gave away her pretence at strength.

"Buffy, when I allowed myself to have this moment, waking up with you, it's one I have thought of so many times over the past two years."

"Then why did you fight it so hard last night?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for that, my love. There were so many things going 'round my head from the moment you returned. I just thought it best for both of us to go our separate ways. We've both changed so much, so many different things have happened to us since we were together. Part of me was terrified that you had found your place with Riley, even though it was me who pushed you into it. Those arguments we had in LA and at the University, they just all came back to me, the things we'd said to one another. The talk with Spike just made me think about everything even more. And I hate myself for what happened with Darla. I couldn't see how you could ever love me again, so I thought it best to leave, try and make a clean break of it again."

Buffy lifted her head up from his chest and kissed him deeply.

"Angel, I truly love you, with all my…well, what was, my heart. You're like the missing piece out of my jigsaw; my life just doesn't work without you. And nothing is going to come between us, I can promise that. I'll always love you, no matter what, forever."

She kissed him again and he returned the sentiment. But she broke off the kiss with a small giggle.

"What?" he asked her, a half smile playing across his face.

"I just hope you're not a commitment phobic. 'Cause I think this is one of the first cases, when forever, actually does mean forever. Think you can cope with that?"

Angel went silent, looking seriously at the girl before him.

"Buffy, forever's a very long time…" he began. Her face dropped in front of him as she waited for the leaving speech yet again.

"But with you, I think I could stretch it to forever and a day." he said, watching her expression change from utter despair to indignation. She reached across and grabbed the pillow from her side of the bed and began beating him around the head.

"Just be glad I don't have a stake. You know, some changes from the past two years, I might actually not like very much."

Angel picked up his pillow and began retaliating against his love and soon the two pillows burst, raining feathers down upon their heads like confetti. Angel knelt on the bed and grasped Buffy's hand with his own.

"Truly, there is no one else in existence that I would rather spend eternity with." he said, and gently bent down and touched her lips with his own.

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The shrill ringing of a mobile phone woke them, once more, at sunset.

"Turn off the alarm clock, just one more hour." Buffy mumbled in her sleep and turned over, snuggling deeper into Angel's arms.

Angel resisted the temptation to just ignore the damn thing, but moved one of his arms out from beneath her body to reach over to the nightstand.

"Angel." he said, his voice fuzzy from sleep.

"Angel, it's Wesley. Something's happened. Can you get to Giles' apartment whenever you can?"

"Course we'll…I'll be there as soon as possible." The line on the other end went dead. Angel put his phone back and pulled his other arm free. He sat up on the end of the bed and started to pull his top on.

"Come back to bed." Buffy whispered.

"I wish I could, but something's happened." he replied.

Buffy sat up and Angel had to stifle a laugh, as he saw her hair sticking up all over the place. Instead of laughing he gently smoothed it out with his hands.

"Thanks," she said, "what's going on?"

"Wesley just called, wants me to go to Giles' as soon as I can get there."

"It's not your birthday is it…surprise party? 'Cause in my experiences those never go well."

"He sounded agitated, like something was wrong."

Buffy reached onto the floor where her coat had been dropped the night before. She fumbled around for a moment and produced her own mobile phone.

"Ah, code red, 911, over and out. So says my message. That's Xander-speak for get your butt back to Headquarters pronto."

"Looks like it's something important then. We'd better go."

Buffy stood up and tried to brush out the creases in her outfit.

"Angel, do I look OK?" she asked.

"Buffy, you look beautiful, rumpled, but beautiful." he said and reached out to take her hand.

"It's times like this when a girl needs a spare set of clothes available." she said, as they left the mansion.

They got into the car and began the journey to Giles' apartment, both noticing the strange feeling of déjà vu.

"It's like facing them, two nights ago, all over again." Buffy whispered.

"It'll be fine, let's just go and see what's happened. Then we'll cross the bridge, of telling them, when we come to it." Angel said, and reached over to squeeze her hand.

They travelled the rest of the way in companionable silence.

When they reached Giles' they parked the car outside and walked up the steps that lead to the courtyard beside his front door. They held hands briefly, but let go before they got to the door. Whatever was happening now needed their full attention, for the moment. They pushed open the door and were met with a scene of chaos.

Half-empty pizza and doughnut boxes littered every surface, with the obligatory Starbucks and empty teacups of a lengthy research session. Giles was hurriedly looking through some books on the table. Willow and Tara stood next to Dawn with Xander and Anya close by. Spike sat on the kitchen counter, a look of sheer amusement on his face. Fred and Gunn were trying to follow orders that Wesley was barking from his position, sitting on the floor. As Angel looked past Buffy he saw immediately what had happened and flew over to where Cordelia lay crumpled on the floor. Wesley moved aside to let him come through and he picked up Cordelia in his arms and put her on the settee. She was clutching her head and babbling incoherently to herself.

Dawn saw Buffy enter the room and flew into her arms. Buffy was thrown backwards a little, at the full force of her sister.

"Oh, Buffy, we don't know what happened, Cordy just suddenly screamed out and then collapsed, it was so scary." Dawn trembled in her sister's arms.

Buffy looked over to where Angel was quietly whispering comforting words to Cordelia and asking Gunn and Fred to bring him some water and a cool towel. Buffy watched how he carefully sat her up on the couch and fed her a little of the water. He held on to her hands as her eyes began to open. Now this was a side of Angel she had never seen before and one she would have to get used to. However, most important at the moment, was Cordelia. Angel gave her another sip of water and allowed her to collect herself a little.

"Cordy, what did you see?" he asked, all the signs pointing to her having had a vision.

Cordelia looked at Angel, fear in her eyes.

"Angel, it was all so dark, everything so dark. Something's out there, it's out there hunting. It's evil."

END OF CHAPTER 6

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Chapter 7 – coming soon