Part 2 Marauder Matchmaker
By Admiral Albia

Okay, youse peoples, listen up! This story is PG-13 for a reason. It involves cross dressing, swearing, and *suggestive* slash. On that note, though, it's also in Humour for a reason =) If you don't find it funny don't sue me, but feel free to flame. If you write a long enough one, you can be a Slytherin in one of my upcoming stories! =) And boy do *they* get beaten up...

Disclaimer; Let's put this to the test. How many people out there actually think I'm J.K. Rowling? You do? I'm honoured! =) But sorry, I'm not. Nevertheless, on with the story! *points dramatically as all characters head purposefully in other direction* What the...? Hey! Come back! COME BAAACK!

Marauder Matchmaker
"Hooboy, this is going to be GREAT! How's the potion doing, Peter?"
"OK... just a few more minutes..."
"Right, I've written both letters and addressed them accordingly... ow! What was that for?"
"Remus, you sound like a secretary. `I've written both letters and addressed them accordingly`... I'm kicking you for your own good, you know."
"Whatever," Remus muttered, rubbing his shin. "Do you want to read them through?"
"OK." Sirius took the letters and read through them. "Good. Just put a little more meat on it, though. Like, oh... I worship you, I adore you, I want to hold you forever and ever and ever... meet me by the lake at midnight tonight so I can snog you passionately..."
"You really want me to put `snog you` in?"
"Well, words to that effect, anyway. That looks done, Pete."
"It is," Peter said, lifting the cauldron off the sink and extinguishing the fire that had been under it with tap water. "This should last us a week, give or take. Assuming James takes the Cloak, I mean."
"He will. He always has so far."
"Is it meant to smell like that?" Remus asked.
"It doesn't smell of anything!"
"Oh, but it does. To me, anyway."
"Leave it," Sirius advised as Peter opened his mouth. "C'mon, let's go to the Owlery and set this plan in motion."

/\/\/\
"Hello? Anyone in here?"
"You've just missed them," Myrtle said, coming out of her toilet morosely. "They were here five minutes ago..."
"Do you know where they went?" James asked.
"Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."
"You do know, don't you."
"Why should I tell you, though?" Myrtle asked aggravatingly.
"Myrtle, what house were you in?"
"Slytherin. Why?"
"I thought so. Thanks, you've been very helpful."
"I have?" James just smiled sunnily and walked out, knowing he'd confused her for years to come. As he exited the toilet, though, a large barn owl came swooping past and dropped something on his head before flying off again. James reached up and found an envelope, which was addressed to him. He opened it.
Oh, I long to hold you in my arms, baby, to love you and smooch you till the cows come home, but not through our arms `cos that'd be stupid... Sirius, cut it out! I worship the ground you walk on, I care for you like nobody before except possibly my cat STOP IT! Meet me by the lake at eight tonight and we can be together for ever and ever and ever and ever!
?
xxx
James grinned. He knew, or could guess, that Remus had written the letter and that they were all setting him up, but he didn't really mind. They never actually came - at least as far as he knew - and some of the girls were quite nice. Whatever. He was going to go.
/\/\/\
"We're going down to the kitchens. Coming, James?"
"No, thanks, I'll stay here... where're you going?"
"To get the Cloak..."
"Do without it for once. I've got something to set up in Filch's office."
"Oh, right... c'mon, boys." The three of them left, grinning knowingly at each other. Once he was sure they'd gone, James stood up and pulled the Cloak out from inside the cover of his cushion. Even if Sirius had insisted on going to get it, he wouldn't have found it. He headed purposefully for the portrait hole.
"Oh, no you don't!" Lily Evans barred his way, hands on hips. "Where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going to catch up with the others."
"No you're not, I couldn't help overhearing and you're going to go and lose us more house points, and you're a Prefect too, you should be trying to help Gryffindor win, what'll you do when Slytherin win this year?"
"They won't," James said cheerfully. "We get at least 450 house points a year from Quidditch and even I can't lose that many. Stop moaning and get out of the way." He tried to dodge around her, but she was too quick.
"Don't you care about the House Cup?"
"Not as much as I care about catching up with the others. Honestly, you're so centred on the damn' House Cup you've forgotten how to have fun!"
"You're not having fun, you're just getting detentions and losing points, you just think it's fun because you're stupid! Anyway, I know exactly where your friends have gone and it's too dangerous, you shouldn't let a werewolf loose in the grounds." James gaped at her for a second before his brain caught up.
"It's not full moon `til tomorrow," he said coldly. "Now if you would please get out of the way..."
"It's still dangerous, somebody could get killed or even bitten, and you're so wound up in your own selfish little worlds you couldn't care less what happened, you're so stupid!"
"I've done some things you'd never manage," James retorted.
"What, like the Animagus thing? Putting the entire school in danger just so you can have a laugh?"
"Actually, I meant living in Sirius' vicinity for seven years without going stark raving bonkers, but I suppose the Animagus thing comes close second. Can I go now?"
"Depends on where."
"For a walk. Look, search my pockets. Am I carrying anything?" She eyed him doubtfully.
"No."
"There you go, see? Now let me go!" She moved out of his way, and he headed down to the grounds.
/\/\/\
"Ow! Who did that?"
"Did what?"
"It was you, wasn't it?"
"Who's `you`?"
"Oh, this is stupid," Sirius groaned, giving up. A second later his sign - a dog's paw - appeared in the air above his head. "Everyone follow me. Then maybe people will stop groping me..." He hurried forwards for a few moments before he realised that Remus and Peter were in an invisible heap on the floor and laughing their heads off. "It's not funny!"
"Really?" Remus sounded like he was smirking.
"Who did it, anyway?" Sirius wanted to know again. "And how long does this Invisibility Potion last?"
"It was me," Peter confessed, "but it was an accident. And it lasts for about two hours."
"Well, we'd better move then, hadn't we?"
/\/\/\
After a while the Marauders - minus one - arrived at the rendez-vous point near the lake and hid themselves in a convenient bush which they had magically planted there earlier that day. Remus was still inclined to laugh about Peter's incident with Sirius, but once Sirius had threatened to keep punching things until he hit Remus and Peter had told everyone quite clearly that he was crouching behind Sirius he decided to keep it to himself. Fortunately, James chose this moment to appear.
"Hello?" he called. And an answering falsetto called back;
"Coming, dear, coming!"
"Did you know you sound like Sirius doing a falsetto?" James called into the empty air. Sirius changed the voice instantly.
"Just my little joke, dear Jamesee..."
"And now you just sound like Sirius throwing his voice," James said. "Where are you three, anyway?"
"No, no, dear, there's only one of me - shut up, you two!"
"Pardon?" James heard a very distinct snigger from one of the bushes they'd planted out in Herbology.
"Just me here, darling Jamesee, you must be hearing things..."
"Hold on a second, I'm sure my friends are around somewhere..."
"Oh, OK," Sirius' normal voice came from the bush, sounding a little disgruntled. "We're here. Wait a second..." a whispered conversation ensued, which James completely failed to listen in on owing to the fact that Peter's unmistakeable high-pitched laugh drowned it all out. "Your real date's coming," Sirius said. "Just stay there for a second..." There was a rustle from the bush, and a trail of footprints appeared in the grass. There was a pause, then whoever it was whispered something before the footsteps returned to the bush.
"Erm... hello?" A high, squeaky voice came from behind one of the trees.
"Hi," James said. "Why not come out where I can see you?" He paused. "Before the sun sets, I mean. Assuming you want me to see you."
"You have an awfully low voice," the voice said doubtfully.
"Just get out there, already!" Remus yelled from the bush. "I want to go to bed!" There was a pause, then James' date stepped out from behind the tree.
"You!" James gasped.
"You!" The date practically screamed.
/\/\/\
A/n; Well, this seems like a good place to stop eg> I like cliffies! Now, go on, review! Who do you think it is?
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