Part 3 Marauder Matchmaker
By Admiral Albia

Okay, youse peoples, listen up! This story is PG-13 for a reason. It involves cross dressing, swearing, and *suggestive* slash. On that note, though, it's also in Humour for a reason =) If you don't find it funny don't sue me, but feel free to flame. If you write a long enough one, you can be a Slytherin in one of my upcoming stories! =) And boy do *they* get beaten up...

Disclaimer; Let's put this to the test. How many people out there actually think I'm J.K. Rowling? You do? I'm honoured! =) But sorry, I'm not. Nevertheless, on with the story! *points dramatically as all characters head purposefully in other direction* What the...? Hey! Come back! COME BAAACK!

I am well aware that the clothes worn by James' date in this chapter are modern-day. I can't be bothered to go and have a look in my Costumes book, though, so you'll just have to accept it.

Marauder Matchmaker
"You!" James gasped.
"You!" Snape practically screamed.
As the reader will have already surmised, it was Snape. Albeit a Snape who was wearing a bright pink miniskirt, a bright orange sleeveless top and some incredibly uncomfortable looking high heels. He also had a yellow wig slipping off his hair and had made a huge hash of his makeup. The Marauders' bush was rocking with silent mirth.
James broke the tension. "So this is what Slytherins do in their spare time," he said. The bush rocked harder.
"You watch your mouth, Potter, or I swear I'll-"
"Slap him?" Peter enquired sweetly from the bush. The laughter became audible.
"What?" Snape looked down. "What the - I wasn't wearing this when I came out!" He glared at James. "Explain yourself!"
"Quick-Change Charm," James said, beginning to grin himself now. "Right, Sirius?"
"Exactamundo," Sirius' voice called. "Sorry about the makeup, Snape dearest, I'm not too good at it..." The giggles redoubled as Snape felt his face, looking horrified.
"Can I take it this means you don't want to go to the theatre some time?" James asked. His date glared at him.
"Certainly not! Especially if it's one of Black's plays..."
"Goodness me, whyever should I ask someone out on a date to the theatre if I've got free tickets for it?" Under his breath, James muttered, "Remus, tell Sirius I said he'll pay for this."
"Actually, it was Peter's idea," Remus called. "Should I still tell Sirius?"
"Tell Sirius what?" Sirius asked.
"That James said you'll pay for this... even though it was Peter's idea..."
"Uh-oh," Peter said.
"If there weren't ladies present-" James began; but he didn't get any further because Snape lunged at him, snarling furiously. The bush stopped laughing abruptly and began to cheer James on instead as he ducked and came up behind his rival. Snape was bigger, but James was both faster and more manoeuvrable. Eventually he managed to hide behind a tree for a couple of seconds, and the next thing Snape knew he was being charged by a large stag with queer markings like glasses round its eyes.
The Marauders watched him go. Then Sirius said, "We're fading back. Can we share the Cloak, James?"
"Hmm... considering you just dressed Snape up like a hooker, set him up on a date with me and completely failed to help when he attacked me?"
"Er... yeah."
"Sure! Where is it?" A translucent hand extended from the bush and waved the Cloak around.
"Didn't want Snape to get his filthy hands on it," Remus explained. "Nail varnish is incredibly hard to wash off."

///
Lily Evans looked up suspiciously as the Marauders spilled, chuckling, into the Common Room, Peter whispering something to the Fat Lady as he did so. The portrait began to snigger, then chuckle, then she was roaring with laughter as she swung shut after him.
"What have you been up to now?"
"Nothing you'd be interested in," Sirius said airily. "Hey, Remus. Did we get those photos?"
"Yep. On a Muggle camera, too, so he can't hide..." Remus tapped the camera with his wand and a neat pile of photographs appeared beside it. "Oh... look at this one!" He passed them round, and soon the little group by the fire was laughing so hard Lily was surprised they didn't suffocate. Intrigued, she went and looked over Peter's head.
Even Lily couldn't help but laugh at those pictures, especially the sequence where James butted Snape into Hagrid's pumpkin patch.
By the next day, of course, everyone knew about it, and most people had seen the pictures of Snape dressed up, if not the ones of James turning into a large stag and sending his rival into next week.
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A/n; Well, it's done =) Well done to jilly_chan, who guessed that it was Snape dressed up as a drag queen... and to anyone else who guessed but didn't bother to review and suggest it.
And speaking of reviews... (hint hint, nudge nudge)
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