Chapter 2

February 20, 2009, Near the Planet Pluto

"All right, left hand then. Good. Fire a shot from the gun. Okay, not bad. You're really improving, old buddy. Shift back to Plane Mode and we'll bring them in."

Lenardais sighed in relief. Finally it was over! The last days had been rather harsh, as Roy worked to bring him up to speed on the piloting of a Veritech. The Plane Mode was no problem - the controls weren't much different than those of his old plane. The Guardian mode worked almost under the same pattern, so he had learned to adjust in barely a day.

The Battloid Mode - Or robot mode - however, was another thing whatsoever. Knowing what switch or button activated this punch, this kick or this grab. What were the ways to walk, run and shoot. Robot maneuvers upon maneuvers. It was just simply confusing at first. The first day, he had tripped on his own feet and landed hard on the deck. It had been a very funny moment for Roy, to be sure, but Alex had been disappointed in himself for this amateurish act.

But he had catched on quickly. After all, he had helped develop the first pre-Veritech Battloid, as had Roy. As of the present, he handled himself like a true ace in Plane Mode, a very good pilot in Guardian Mode, and a modestly efficient pilot in Battloid Mode. That last bit irked him, and he told this to Roy.

"Don't worry." said his friend. "You're still as good a fighter pilot as I remember you. It's only a matter of time before you get better. Give it a week and you'll be the equal of every pilot in Battloid mode. Give it a month and you'll be an ace in the three modes, just like me. Trust me!"

"Yeah, right." said a half-amused, half disgusted Lenardais. "I remember the last time you told me that!"

"Herr....when was that, to be precise?"

"June 18, 2005, my dear Roy. Special mission on a terrorist group in southern Nevada."

"Oh, come on!" said Roy in hurt indignation. "How was I supposed to know they'd bring reinforcements that quickly?!"

"You couldn't. You're not omniscient. Which is why I take caution when you say 'Trust me'.

"Don't change the subject. It's not the same at all! You..." The two men went on, bickering long and large, relieving the tension and intensely enjoying this precious moment of true friendship.

When Roy had come on the bridge and seen him, he seemed like a man who was seen a ghost - in fact, in Roy's point of view, he was. He had stared at Alex in complete shock for a long minute, making Alex and Vanessa fidget and even causing Captain Gloval to inquire whether Roy was all right. Fokker had not responded but had kept staring at Lenardais intensely. Then he had let out a shout that made everyone jump and before Alex quite knew what had happened, he had found himself caught in a bone-breaking embrace, his breath knocked out of him. After a few seconds of this, Roy had let him go, saying he knew Alex couldn't have died: he was far too stubborn for that. The two had then excused themselves from the bridge - in fact Roy had excused them both - and had spent the next three hours in Roy's quarters, with Roy filling him in on what had happened after his "death".

The factory had blown up skyward, as Alex had hoped, taking only a few unoccupied buildings with it and sparing the habitations that were near. Roy and the reinforcements had then spent hours in a frantic search for his aircraft, before reluctantly admitting that he was dead. A great ceremony was held in Alex's honor in the city, the Mayor of Macross saying that "this act will not be forgotten, for this brave man gave his life to save thousands. Only great men can do so selflessly." The military commander had also put in a kind word. It was a very sad moment, it would appear, but it was also a very proud one. The word of Alex's deed spread to the High Command, who gave him a posthumous promotion and the Medal of Valor. And cadets took the name Alex Lenardais as their inspiring factor both on and off the battlefield.

"Its not that surprising." Roy had said when Alex had expressed dismay at being a sudden role model. "Young people need heroes when there is war. They need an ideal of purpose and strength. An icon. And you, old buddy, did a very heroic act back then."

"But I'm not at all as great as this story makes me out to be!" Alex had said.

"But they don't know that. They only know what you did." Roy had retorted with a small smile.

It was true. There was no help to it. And that was what Alex dreaded.

The bickering ended when Roy called Delta to receive permission to dock. Alex looked at the enormous ship, like a fallen leviathan on a great chunk of ice. A chunk of ice that wasn't part of the moon, as it would have been had the Fold worked properly. But it hadn't. The Fold had instead sent the SDF-1 and all of Macross Island - another unwelcome side-effect- near the planet of Pluto. Many people had died because of the Fold and the coldness of space, except those onboard the ships Deadalus, Prometheus and except those inside the bunkers of Macross Island. All in all, over seventy thousand survivors remained. For the past three days, they had been transferred to the SDF-1, and the Deadalus and the Prometheus had been attached to the great ship. The crew of the SDF-1 was now hard on the task of salvaging any and all usable items of the shattered city, planning to use the material to rebuild at least part of it inside the hull of the ship. It was a rather desperate measure, but all agreed that it had to be taken. The last three days had been less than relaxing -thus the reason Roy and Alex enjoyed their "filling" sessions so much.

They received an affirmative from the control. Idly listening, Alex realized that it wasn't Lisa Hayes's voice.

Probably not her shift, thought Alex, then he went a little rigid as something else sunk in. Oh, God, was it today? Yes, sadly it was.

They settled their Veritechs in their assigned hangar. As techs rushed to secure the crafts, both men climbed down and removed their helmet. It was then that Roy saw something was the matter.

"Hey, Al. What's the matter?" he inquired. "You look stressed all of the sudden." He stepped back as Alex rounded on him, somewhat worried and frantic.

"Roy. Can you tell me who on the bridge does formal debriefings?" It was asked with such intense attention that Fokker blinked, dumbfounded for a moment.

"What?" he finally blurted.

"I said: can you tell me..." Alex stated again. Roy cut him off almost angrily, coming back to his senses.

"I heard you the first time! Why do you think someone from all the way up to the bridge would debrief you?"

"Because Gloval said my case was special: me being supposed to be dead and all. He said he'd send someone from the bridge to take care of the matter."

Roy stroke his chin pensively, looking at the working techs. He turned back to his friend. "I see. Well, Lisa conducts those most of the time, I think. But we can cross her out on this one. As the second in command, she really has her hands full. Claudia would be in the same position. That leaves..." Roy trailed off then, a smile suddenly appearing, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Alex hated that look with a passion - it always meant trouble.

"You're going to have one of the Bridge Bunnies." he sated, then chuckled. Evidently he thought what was happening was quite funny. Alex definitely didn't. But curiosity urged him on despite this show of dangerous mirth.

"Bridge Bunnies?" he queried hesitantly, not really wishing to know but being curious nonetheless.

"Lieutenants Kim Young, Vanessa Leeds and Sammie Porter, to be precise. They hang out together all the time and are always trying to get themselves dates. It was so flagrant that people started calling them the Bridge Bunnies. What can I say, the name stuck. I think you've met them, haven't you?" Roy laughed again at his friend's distress. Alex was looking absolutely mortified, and feeling worse. To be actually stuck with a woman in debriefing was not something he liked.

"I met them." Alex half groaned, starting to walk to one of the entrances of the hangar. He meant this as a non-subtle end to the conversation but Roy, as usual, only let go when he wanted to.

"Oh really? Which?" He had an idea, of course: he had seen the bridge. But it wouldn't have been Roy Fokker without a minimum of teasing queries.

Alex sighed. "Let me think. Lieutenant Leeds and Young. Yes, that's it. Thought I mostly was with Leeds. Young, however..." he stopped, appalled that he had let something like this in front of his boisterous friend. Roy, of course, jumped on the hint he saw.

"Something happened with Vanessa and Kim? Tell me! Come on, buddy, you can't hide yourself now." They both stopped at the entrance.

Alex sighed again - he did much of that when he was caught in such a turn of events. Roy would not let up, so he talked about how intensely he had stared at Vanessa, and what Kim had said. He did not, however, tell him about the short time he had accidentally held Vanessa, and about how strangely attractive he had found the situation despite his fear.

By the time he had ended, Roy was of course laughing his lungs out. Alex could only wonder at how serious the man could be when on a mission, and how irritating in private.

"Al...hehe...you...heh...you are so dead! And I mean for real this time!" said Roy when he could speak again. "Kim won't let you live this one down. I hope it won't be her who'll do your debriefing. If it's her, well, you certainly won't last long."

"Thanks for brightening my day, Roy."

"Any day, anytime." said Roy before chuckling again.

Alex grunted in disgust and prepared to leave. He'd go take a shower, change in his uniform - a lieutenant uniform, although he was to officially become a lieutenant-commander as soon as the debriefing proved to be satisfactory. Then he'd lounge about somewhere, waiting for...

"Sir! Lieutenant! Sir!"

...this. Speak of the Devil and he will come. thought the young pilot as he turned to a coming, younger man with red hair. He was a corporal, by the insignia, a pilot. He was also somewhat winded, having run the entire length of the hangar to catch up with the officers he was seeking. He was holding a paper that looked official in his right hand. Both men waited patiently for the youth to come to them. As he neared, he put himself at attention and saluted. The two friends saluted in turn.

"At ease, corporal." said Roy formally, reverting to his military style. The man instantly relaxed.

"Thank you sir. Message from the command staff for you, lieutenant Lenardais." he handed Alex the paper. Rapidly Lenardais read them, then almost let off a small sigh again, catching himself just in time. He handed the orders back.

"Very good," he said to the younger pilot. "Tell lieutenant Leeds I shall be there in exactly forty-five minutes." From the corner of his eye, he saw Roy twitch at that. He ignored him.

The youth did not seem to be wanting to move away. In fact, he was looking at Lenardais with an air of intense interest and seemed to hesitate about something. This made Alex a bit edgy - he thought he knew what would happen - but he did not show it any in his outward demeanor. Instead, he decided to act the part of the polite officer.

"Yes, corporal. You have something else to say?" he queried calmly. The youth went completely erect, but did not leave, instead, he seemed to bring himself to a decision.

"Yes, well...sir..if you don't mind me asking..." said the youth uncertainly. Alex - and probably Roy as well - now were certain of what would be said.

"Go on, corporal." Alex urged gently, but tiredly.

"Well, are you by any chance Alex Lenardais of 2006?"

Alex seemed the image of serenity on the outside, but inwardly he groaned in utter disgust. It was the fifth time some youth had come to ask him that directly. Since when did I become such a freaking role model? he thought in exasperation. However, as much as he wanted it to be, lying was not something he did with fellow pilots.

"Yes, I am." he said dryly. "What of it?"

The corporal beamed at this. Alex thought he heard a chuckle from Roy's direction. He shot him a dirty look -which Fokker merrily ignored. He really didn't want this adulation. But then the lad surprised him.

"Sir, you really are a great man." the pilot said, then saluted in deep respect. Alex returned the salute. The younger man then went his way, leaving two surprised officers. Both maintained a certain silence for a while, before Roy finally broke it.

"Well, this was original, at least."

"Hum...yeah, I suppose." admitted Alex, tired of the attention he was having. "Who is it, anyway?"

Roy took only a few moments to come up with an answer. "Corporal Mathew Gendorsky, if memory serves. A good pilot, but with a reckless streak." his face became somber. "Just like Rick.

Rick Hunter and Lyn Minmey, the two people Roy had been escorting, had vanished during the Fold incident. Roy was certain they had not died, since Rick's flyer had been missed as well. Having every intention of finding them, he was prevented from his search by a direct order from Captain Gloval. The two men had argued about it, but Gloval had stood as firmly as a mountain: Roy Fokker's ability as a pilot and as a leader was too valuable in the crisis of relocating the seventy thousand survivors of Macross City. As such, he could not permit such a search. Roy had finally, grudgingly, backed off and gone back to his duties. But for all his cheerful exterior, he worried about his young friend.

Alex saw the way Roy looked and easily guessed the intent.

"Don't worry, Roy. We'll find them when things settle down." he stated reassuringly.

Roy sighed and nodded. His face lost its troubled edge, and a small smile came again to his mouth.

"You should be getting ready, you know." said Roy. "Vanessa won't wait forever, and I wouldn't want to ruin your date."

"Right." said Alex firmly, stepping past Roy and heading for the lockers as his brain slowly replayed what had just been said. "Wait a minute..." he snarled, turning toward his old friend, who was grinning, of course.

"Just don't be too rough on her. Women are fragile things." the taller man laughed, cheerfully dodging the helmet shoved his way and running towards the lockers himself.

Picking up the fallen helmet, Alex gave chase.

_______________________________________________________________________

I saw him today.

I still can't believe it. He has survived! Has Fate completely abandoned me? The damn, shitty, motherfucking pilot! Back, and everyone's newest hero. That is, except me. Damn him! Was it not enough that he destroyed my honor with my brethren? Was it not enough that he ruined my hour of glory? He should not have survived. Not then and not now!

Alex Lenardais, I will always remember what you took from me, the suffering I faced because of you, the unbearable feeling of failure and loathing that have been mine. You, great pilot of the RDF, thinking you are the best of the best, you are nothing compared to what I am. LUCK made you a hero, but I could at least think that, while my honor was shattered, that you were a dead hero, a memory I would eventually live down.

But no. Here you are, parading your experience for all the ship to see, feigning to dislike the attention you are getting from the young pilots. I know that, deep down, you enjoy it. Your damned innocent facade hides your disdain for those lesser than you, or those you think are lesser men and women than you are. Arrogant, selfish bastard! You dare lie about your feelings toward glory. Hah! I am not surprised. Lying is for cowards, after the facts. Don't you DARE demean me! And then there's Fokker, the damn goody-two-shoes, stupid excuse for a veteran pilot that we have as a military commander. I planned to avenge myself on him, but found it tasteless, since he, at least, had shown honor: HE dis not shoot people from behind. Asshole! You will pay for your cowardly ways!

I will see that you pay.

Personally.

Enjoy your glory, Alex Lenardais, you will find it short-lived indeed.

_______________________________________________________________________

Twenty minutes before the scheduled briefing with lieutenant Lenardais, Vanessa Leeds was already seated at the table of the briefing room, reading the file about her charge. The slender young woman certainly had other things to do, but an order was an order and, although Gloval had not ordered her to conduct the debriefing, it had almost been one.

Yet, even without that particular incentive, she probably would have taken the assignment anyway. There was something about the nervous yet able pilot that she found she liked. Of course, she hadn't talked about it to her friends, knowing it would be an act of utter craziness. Kim and Sammie were good friends and very nice people, but they also had a thing for gossiping and teasing. She knew that if she told them she liked Lenardais even slightly, she'd never hear the end of it. So she kept cool and professional. But still, she wondered about him.

Shrugging, she started reading the file. She was soon completely immersed in it.

Name: Alex Lenardais
Birthplace: Hull, Ontario Quadrant
Birthdate: 17-03-1983
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 145 lbs
Blood Type: O+
Enlisted: 06-04-2001
Graduation: San Francisco UE Academy
Promotion: Promoted to Sergeant, 25-04-2003, Promoted to Master Sergeant 05-02-2004,
Promoted to Second Lieutenant 12-03-2005, Promoted to First Lieutenant 30-01-2006, Posthumously promoted Lieutenant-Commander 02-09-2006
Decoration: Titanium Cross, 12-03-2005, Badge of Excellence 17-07-2005, Medal of Courage 14-10-2005, Badge of Honor, 30-01-2006, Posthumous Medal of Valor 02-09-2006
Primary Ability: Piloting
Class: Elite Class A
Secondary Ability: Tactical Analysis
Class: Class A
Engagements: 43
Number of Reported kills: 201
Known Hobbies: Cooking, Reading, Karate, Flute
Status: DECEASED
Last Wingman: Roy Fokker, First Lieutenant, RDF
Last Affectation: Macross Base, Macross Island

There was much more there, bits and scraps of information that had been annexed, as well as the different comments and mission reports. Vanessa was amazed at the descriptions given in some of those reports. If all of this was accurate, Alex and Roy had fought their way out of more than one tight spot. No wonder they were so close. The missions they had flown demanded it, so dangerous were they.

"Incredible." she whispered.

"Well, not really." replied a voice.

Vanessa almost jumped at the voice: she had been so absorbed in her musings that she had not noticed the passage of time. She recovered from her shock enough to turn her head towards her charge. Lieutenant Lenardais was standing stiffly and alertly a few feet away from her, his stance and face set into a shining example of military self-control. He looked to her like a man who was steeling himself for battle as opposed to a simple debriefing. She wondered about this stiffness, until she remembered a bit of information.

...subject has an unexplainable chronic fear of the opposite sex. Customary analysis shows no acceptable evidence as to a reason behind this fear. Discussion with the subject has gleaned no more information, as he is unable to explain it himself. This chronic fear is not intense nor dangerous. Subject feels intense nervousness and reluctance to speak. In these cases, he reverts to complete military facades...

So he was afraid of her? What a strange guy! Like she was anything to be afraid of. Vanessa looked at her charge and sighed inwardly. Why did the Captain give this to her? Probably hadn't read the files. Anyway, she was here now; she'd have to make the best of it.

"Welcome Lieutenant." she said "Good of you to come." Sparkling intro, Vanessa, spoke a sarcastic part of her mind.

"Thank you, ma'am." was the stoic answer. This time Vanessa sighed outwardly. So that's how he wanted it, huh? Well, too bad, but she didn't want that type of conversation and she wasn't about to start one like that just now.

"Come on. Call me Vanessa, sir Lenardais. In case you haven't noticed, we have the same rank and you will soon outrank me. So enough with the "ma'am", ok?" Here it goes. I wonder how he'll react.

To her relief, he somewhat relaxed at this slight rebuke and -almost- smiled. At least he didn't seem like an image of the perfect military man. His white uniform, with deep blue at the shoulders, fit him well, she could not help but notice. She then saw he was well on his way to standing up all the way thought the debriefing. She indicated a chair in front of her.

"Sit down, please. You know as well as I that this may take a while."

"Thank you." he sat down in the proffered chair gingerly but calmly. Vanessa noticed he had not called her 'ma'am' and inwardly she cheered herself for this small victory. Now she could concentrate on the matter at hand. She looked down at her documents to compose herself, and then charged ahead.

"All right lieutenant, I'll revise the events that led to your 'death', all right. Then I'll ask you to fill in the obvious blank. Is that all right?" he nodded and she started her résumé. "As it goes on the day you were presume dead: 8h00 You and then-lieutenant Roy Fokker take off from the military airfield of Macross Island. 8h05-8h47 Lieutenant Fokker and you make a standard patrol over Macross Island and the surrounding terrain. 8h48 Lieutenant Fokker calls the Control Tower about sighted hostiles. 8h49 You both engage the enemy crafts. 8h50 Breakaway of one of the crafts. You give chase. 8h51 You manage to take out the craft but the Reflex Factory reaches critical. 8h52 Managing to contain the explosion, you disappear. 8h54 Reinforcements arrive. The other enemy crafts are shot down. 9h00 First search party sent, Roy Fokker commanding." she looked up from her résumé. "Does that seem allright to you?"

"It does." he nodded solemnly.

"They found nothing in that search, nor for any others for the three days that followed. Thus you were presumed dead until you reappeared three days ago. Allow me, then, to ask you this: what happened to you?" She was surprised by what he did then. He laughed. It wasn't a hearty laugh, but a soft one, one mingled with sadness and exasperation. She suddenly found his tense but gentle face quite melancholic.

"If I knew, Vanessa, don't you think I would have explained it by now?" he sighed more than snapped, but there was tension beneath the voice. His demeanor was steadier towards her: obviously, in debriefings at least, his nervousness did not last long. He spread his hands "As far as I was concerned, I was dead. There were no ways for me to pull out or dodge the blast. So I was ready to die and when I saw the flash I thought 'goodbye world'. But then I was here, in the middle of the attack you suffered at the hands of these...giants or such. Aliens, anyway." he seemed displeased by his own lack of knowledge.

Vanessa nodded pensively, looking at Lenardais. It was clear he was telling the truth. In fact, no one aboard ship really thought he could lie, especially those who served with and under him three years ago. She wrote a few notes, but she knew her report would be brief, if precise. There just were no clues to justify he lied.

She tackled a new line of conversation, surprising herself and probably he as well. Normally, the debriefing should be continued, she telling him things he knew quite well: his promotion, that he had to form a squadron (as was required of first lieutenants and above) and technical data about veritech fighters. She thought that pretty futile: he had, after all, much experience already as a lieutenant, knew how to form a squadron and as for veritechs...well, according to the dossier, he was one of those who helped analyze flaws in the first pre-prototypes, as such he knew what the veritechs were pretty well. If not, with Roy Fokker, he probably knew by now.
She thus chose a very casual line of conversation.

"Your bio tells me you have a gift for cooking. Is it true?" she knew it was, but had to ask.

He seemed surprised and at a loss there, but composed himself quickly and efficiently.

"Well, yes. I do like cooking." he was perplexed at the turn of the conversation, yet she decided to pounce a little more.

"What kind of food?"

Now he was REALLY perplexed, thought he tried to hide it. Nervousness started to creep back into his features and his voice.

"W-well...hum...I Italian food, Vietnamese food, some Chinese recipes." he faltered after that but spurted "Especially Italian." then fell completely silent.

"Italian. Like pasta and that kind of things?" she asked brightly. He raised an eyebrow at this: a discussion about pastas obviously was not what he had in mind. He did nod hesitantly, however. "That's great! You know, I myself just love rigatoni!"

"Really..." he was very embarrassed now, but she saw a small smile creeping into his mouth. She took it as a good sign, and so decided to go into more military-like territory.

"You've been a pilot for..." she checked "five official years now, eight chronologically. Tell me: what do you like about flying?" he brightened perceptibly at this: obviously this was a subject he liked. His nervousness dissipated, and his small smile bloomed. She saw the great changes as a pleasant surprise. If he didn't have this ridiculous fear of women, she thought, he'd find a girlfriend in a heartbeat.

"I like everything about flying. Well, except fighting. The feel of freedom and spirit you feel when you soar out yourself, alone with only your plane and your wits. You can't know just how... alive... it makes me feel in those times.

She chuckled at his almost starry-eyed expression. He was so cute! This time she did not squash the thought, for it was too true. She looked at his mission reports.

"You seem to like giving details too. In your mission briefing, you give much more than is needed about what the plane felt like, what the place looked like from above. You can be quite a narrator, you know."

"Thank you." he was still smiling, probably still reliving the feel of flying.

"All except one in fact, " she pounced, " in the mission you did in Abrar in Algeria..."

That was a mistake. A grave one. She knew it as soon as she said it. Lenardais's face vaulted, his eyes became cold and dispassionate. His hands, which lay limply on the table, clenched hard. All expression of gaiety was gone, to be replaced by a cold demeanor that made Captain Gloval's cold attitude in battle seem warm by comparison. It wasn't a sight she liked. In fact, it made her very nervous.

"you didn't say....much..." she said softly, her last word almost unheard. He, however, heard her well enough.

"No, I suppose I didn't." his voice was cold and rough, no-nonsensical and cutting. A stark contrast to the warm and gentle (if slightly nervous) voice he usually used in conversing. She cringed upon hearing it.

"Why..." she started hesitantly. She was cut off by Lenardais's fist impacting on the table. His eyes were no longer cold: they were burning with fury.

"Why! Why! That's all what you Line Officers can ask us, isn't it!! You sit in your safe little bridges and offices and you think you can judge us? Well get this: this is NONE of your business. My mission, my actions, my conscience!!!" the last was almost shouted.

For the first time, Vanessa Leeds felt fear towards lieutenant Lenardais. She felt just about ready to flee the room, flee those pained, furious eyes, when the pilot stood up stiffly.

"I think that is enough. You have your answers, lieutenant Leeds. Goodbye." he saluted and then, without waiting for her to react, he went out of the room, the door hissing close behind him.

For long moments, all she could do was sit still, shocked and scared. Then, feeling came back to her in full force, and she started to shake violently.

_______________________________________________________________________

People did not try to hinder Lenardais's way as he stormed back to the hanger where his Veritech was stationed. In fact, as soon as they saw his face, they did their upmost to get out of his way. He was still seeing red, and as such his pace was very quick but somewhat mechanical. He was on automatic. It took him two full minutes to calm down enough to think coherently. By then, he was halfway to his destination, so fast had he moved. When he did start to think, it wasn't long for him to realize how stupidly he had acted.

Damn it! Won't they stop making me relive that old nightmare? They should know how it makes me feel! Still, I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I can control myself for anything but that so why can't I learn? I looked like a real fool surely, back there. Why, to her, it must have looked... that's when it hit him like a ton of bricks.

My god, he thought in half-panic, What did I say to her?

As he replayed the discussion for himself, he realized what he had said and, more importantly, how he had said it.

Again people hurried out of Lenardais's way. Only this time they did not do it because of the fear of having one's head teared off but because of the fear of being rammed by his fast-moving body. He made it back to the briefing room in record time. He only slowed as he was nearing the door. Then, he stopped completely. He found to his dismay that he could not bring himself to step through. He knew quite well he might not like what he would see and so he wasn't too eager to see it.

But Alex Lenardais was, when all was said and done, a good man. Moreover, he felt guilty about what he had wrought. So squaring his shoulders slightly and steeling himself, he firmly entered the room.

And all the apologies he had prepared flew out the window as he the full extent of his slight's damage.

Vanessa was bent over the table, her arms around her head. She was visibly shaking, and from time to time a muffled sob echoed back to the staring pilot. It was clear she was deeply shaken. It was clear that he had scared her.

It was clear he had hurt her.

Lenardais was not shocked by this. No, it was much more. His guilt suddenly doubled and redoubled until it was unbearable. He longed still to go comfort her, to apologize for his actions. But his fear, and now his guilt riveted him to his place. Contrite, he realized that, has experienced a fighter he was, this wasn't a battle he could win yet. He stepped out of the room quickly. She never noticed he was there at all, as any people in shock.

He went to his quarters, his mind in turmoil, searching for a feasible way out of the situation. He paced and paced around his quarters like he was a caged beast. He could not comfort her. That really bothered him. All the fights, all the missions, and all the damn freaking experience he had, all he could do and he wasn't able to comfort at girl. A lump of grief and helpless anger started to form in his throat until, out of nowhere, another bit of the conversation he had had with Vanessa came back to him.

"That's great! You know, I myself just love rigatoni!"

"That's it!" he thought "this is something I can at least do to apologize!"And, his heart lightened a little, he when out of his quarters in search of what he needed.

_______________________________________________________________________

The next morning was rather bleak for Vanessa Leeds. She had cried for long minutes before mastering her emotions, but she had remained hurt and angry with lieutenant - no, lieutenant-commander - Lenardais's furious outburst. How dare he treat her like that, the damn brutish asshole! She had been so scared because of him!

Scared, yes. But also saddened.

Because of the hurt she felt, she went to see Roy Fokker and found him eating a light lunch in the Officers' Mess. He had been perplexed and surprised -not to mention slightly uncomfortable- to see her sit in front of him with a serious and hurt expression. However, as he recounted the incident, his own face had become grave and sad, as if they saw something else, something behind the violent incident. He had stayed silent a long time, then had smiled sadly and told her:

"Don't take it badly, Vanessa. The anger wasn't directed at you. You unwittingly dug up something really painful to him, something he never lived down. I never could help him there. No one ever could."

"What happened in Algeria?" she had asked, very curious. The answer, of course, did not come as a surprise.

"Its not for me to tell you that. Maybe he'll tell you, I'm not sure. However, remember he mustn't be feeling too well about what he did to you. But he might not show it."

As such, still hurt but no longer angry, she omitted the incident from her report. Gloval, satisfied, had given his approval and promoted Lenardais, as the SDF-1 needed all the veteran commanders it could get.. He was to find his squadron members by this morning. Vanessa, however, still felt the hurt from the incident, a blast of fury she knew she had not deserved at all. She could understand it a little, but still...

Her thoughts were interrupted as the door of the bridge hissed open. She looked, then just as quickly looked back at her console. She sat rigidly as Lenardais went to report to Gloval with the list of pilots he'd drawn up. The two men talked for a long while. Then something caught Vanessa's ears.

"Before I go and with your permission, sir, I'd like to say something to Lieutenant Leeds. May I? It won't take long."

"By all means." Gloval agreed. Lenardais obviously saluted, then made his way to Leeds's station, stopping to relay a message from Roy to Claudia. Then he was standing next to her chair.

She did not turn to him. She wanted to sort things out before talking to him. Lenardais seemed to recognize that, for he crouched next to her and put a plastic container on her lap. Before she could register it, he said "I'm so very sorry." Softly, then he stood up and walked out of the room, ignoring the curious stares from both Sammie and Kim.

Vanessa wanted to call out to him, but realized that it would be a frivolous gesture, not to mention a childish one. Instead she opened the container, then she started. Rigatonis?! She then did a double take as she recalled her conversation with Lenardais.

She looked up but he was already gone. Still, she felt most of the hurt ebbing away from her and she smiled tentatively. Maybe he wasn't a brutish asshole after all.

"Thanks." she whispered. Suddenly, the morning wasn't so bleak anymore.

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