"Chances Gone By"
By Adrienne
Spoilers: Everything through season seven, and predictions for season eight.
Author's Note: Takes place right after season seven ends. Thanks to Adeline for coming up with the title.
A familiar figure walked through the ambulance bay of Cook County General Hospital. She paused a moment, taking in the sights and sounds she had so sorely missed. It had been too long. Four and a half years to be exact. Okay, maybe not an eternity, but it sure felt like it. Chicago was home, the best and worst times of her life had been spent here. The wind blew her short blonde-brown hair, and she closed her eyes, remembering all the times she had stood here waiting for an ambulance or trying to find a quiet spot in the midst of chaos.
Walking through the doors, everything was the same. The same smell, atmosphere, and strange jumble of staff, patients and policemen. Whoever said you can't go home was certainly wrong. She was back, and here to stay.
The woman walked up to the admit desk where Randi was playing computer solitaire and chewing bubble gum.
"Randi?" the woman asked.
Randi looked up, annoyed, but then smiled, recognizing the figure. "Dr. Lewis!"
"Hey, how are you?"
"Good. What are you doing here?"
"I'm back to work. Is Kerry around?"
"Yeah, she's off somewhere disciplining the residents."
Susan smiled, happy that things hadn't changed a bit during the time she was in Phoenix. She walked into the lounge, and the past came flooding back. All the hours she had spent in here, worrying about work, dealing with Dr. Kaysen, talking with Mark Greene…she looked at the names on the lockers. Some were familiar, others she didn't recognize. Carter, Greene, Chen, Benton…God she had missed this place and these people. The door opened, and Susan turned around to come face to face with Kerry Weaver.
"Susan," she said, embracing her.
"Kerry. It's been too long."
"That it has. When Randi said you were here, I couldn't believe it. What are you doing here?"
"They didn't tell you?" Susan asked, surprised.
"Tell me what," said Kerry, rather confused.
"I've been hired as an attending here in the ER."
"No, I wasn't informed," Kerry replied, obviously chagrined. "Who exactly did you speak with?"
"A Dr. Robert Romano? He was pretty arrogant when I talked to him."
"Ah, yes, our Chief of Staff. I'll have to have a little talk with him."
"When did Morganstern leave?"
"About a year after you."
"Are you mad?"
"Of course not. Why would I be?" Kerry asked, rather transparently.
"Well, you know, we weren't exactly on the best terms when I was here before as a resident."
"Hopefully that's all in the past," Kerry told her with a smile. "I imagine you want to catch up with everyone."
"Of course. Is Mark around?"
"Yeah, I think he's just finishing up with a trauma. Let's go and find him."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Mark Greene called the time of death and sighed. That was the third death today. Another victim of drunk driving. He pulled the latex gloves and trauma gown off, leaving them on the floor and walked out with his head down. His head was pounding, he wanted nothing more than to go home and forget about the stresses and pressures of work. There had been a time, years ago, when he loved this place and would willingly take extra shifts, no matter now tired he was. But now it was different; he was different.
Suddenly he felt a change in the air, and a tingling in his chest. What was it?
"Mark!"
He looked up, hearing a familiar voice. She was standing there, beautiful as ever, as if it was still 1996 and nothing had changed.
"Susan?" he choked out, barely believing she was there.
She stood there, grinning, taking this moment in and savoring it. Mark walked towards slowly her and they embraced.
"God, I've missed you," he said.
"I know. I've missed you too," she replied when they pulled away.
"I can't believe you're here. Why didn't you call?"
"Wanted to surprise you."
"Are you on vacation or something?"
"No, actually, I'm working here. Evidently Kerry didn't know either."
"Back here? That's great!" They both smiled, and embraced again, giddy with the joy of a reunion.
"Mark," an English accent called out. Mark turned around to see his wife, Elizabeth Corday walking towards them, carrying their baby Ella.
"Elizabeth, I want you to meet someone. This is Dr. Susan Lewis. We used to work together during our residency."
"Very nice to meet you," Elizabeth said, shaking her hand.
"Likewise," Susan said, barely hiding her surprise.
"And this is our baby girl, Ella," Mark told her with pride, taking the baby from Elizabeth.
"She's beautiful, Mark…I'm so happy for you both." Susan smiled, hoping it sounded sincere, but truthfully her heart was aching fiercely.
"Well, I'd better take her up to the nursery. I'm late on my first day back—Robert will kill me," Elizabeth said, taking the baby back. "I'll leave you two to get reacquainted. It was very nice to meet you, Susan. Bye Mark," she said, kissing him goodbye and walking towards the elevators.
"Wow Mark, I had no idea you remarried," Susan said, still shocked.
"Well…we never really kept in touch."
"No, we didn't…how long have you been married?"
"Just a few months."
"Is she a doctor here?"
"Associate Chief of Surgery. She's just coming back from maternity leave."
They were interrupted by Luka Kovac, who was coming in with another trauma. "Mark, there's another one rolling up, GSW to the leg."
"Okay, got it," Mark replied. "Well, some things never change. Got to get back to work. When do you start?"
"Tomorrow morning."
"Can we get together tonight? You can come over to our house for dinner, I'll invite a bunch of the old gang."
"That'd be great, I'd love it."
"Here's our address," he said, writing it down quickly. "About seven?"
"See you then." They hugged one last time and then Mark was rushed into the trauma room. Susan went back tot he hotel where she was temporarily staying until her apartment was ready, and thought. She couldn't believe Mark was married again, with a baby. Of course, what did she expect? That he would pine after her for years since she left? It was silly to think that he would still be single and in love with her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kerry Weaver stormed up to Robert Romano's office, not bothering to check in with his secretary. She pushed the door open, to find him sitting at his desk doing paperwork.
"Dr. Weaver. How kind of you to knock," he said in his usual sarcastic tone.
"Robert, when you hire a new attending for my department, I would appreciate it if you would tell me," Kerry fumed, practically yelling.
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"Susan Lewis!"
"Oh yeah," he said, remembering. "Sorry, I've been so busy I forgot to tell you."
"Or neglected to tell me?" Kerry asked.
"Now, why on earth would I do that, Dr. Weaver?"
"I don't know, Robert. Why don't you tell me? Could it be blatant discrimination? Homophobia perhaps?"
"Why, that would imply that I was a bigot," he said darkly, becoming offended. "And you wouldn't want to imply that, would you, Kerry?"
"Of course not," she said, knowing she had gone too far.
"As much as I enjoy our little conversations, I'm afraid I have a meeting, so if you'll excuse me."
"Of course," Kerry replied, gritting her teeth and heading out the door.
"Oh, Dr. Weaver," Robert called.
"Yes?" she said, turning around.
"After giving it some consideration, I rehired your precious Dr. Legaspi."
Kerry smiled in surprise. "Good."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Abby Lockhart walked into the lounge, exhausted after a day full of abusive parents, drunks and food poisoning. She was pouring herself a cup of coffee when she felt two arms wrap themselves around her waist. She jumped back slightly, and smiled at Luka.
"Hey," she said.
"HI," he replied, kissing her neck. "Only one hour left and we have the whole weekend to spend together."
"Mmm…sounds wonderful."
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. Maybe a little of this," she said kissing his neck.
"Oh, that's nice," Luka sighed.
"And a little of this," Abby said as she reached his lips with her own and kissed him. Luka deepened the kiss, but they were interrupted by Carter, who walked in.
"Sorry," Carter said sheepishly when he saw them.
"It's okay," Luka said. "I should get back to work. See you later, Abby," he told her and walked out.
Abby and Carter stood there, avoiding each other's eyes, both sensing the awkwardness that was thick in the air.
"How've you been?" Abby finally asked.
"Fine…you?"
"Fine…"
"Well, I should get back out there," he said uncomfortably.
"Carter, wait!" Abby called after him. "We need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about," he said coldly.
"Yes there is, Carter! We can't go on forever not talking to each other!"
"Well, we've done it so far. No reason we can't keep on doing it," he told her and stormed out, bumping into Jing-Mei.
"Hey, slow down John!"
"Sorry Deb."
"Bad day?" She asked sympathetically.
"You could say that," he replied grumpily.
"Want to talk about it?"
"Sure, Doc Magoo's?"
"I'll meet you there in five minutes," Jing-Mei replied.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Carter walked into Doc Magoo's a few minutes later, and saw Jing-Mei sitting in a booth. She was looking out the window wistfully, and he noticed the sadness in her eyes. She had been such a good friend to him since her return to County, he really needed to start returning the favor.
"Hey Deb, thanks for meeting me."
"No problem," she replied, snapping out of her reverie. "I took the liberty of ordering you some coffee."
"Thanks," he said picking up the cup.
"So what's bothering you?"
"A lot of things. Losing the Chief Residency, I've been looking around for positions at other hospitals. And Abby."
"You two have a fight?"
"Yeah…I'm pretty sure I've screwed things up between us."
"Could I ask what the fight was about?"
"Well, actually it was me…I told her I didn't want to be her friend anymore."
"Why did you say that?"
"…Because I was jealous…"
"Of?" Jing-Mei asked, pushing him.
"Kovac."
Ah, now it all makes sense, she thought. "You wanted more than friendship with Abby?"
"…Yeah…I don't want to hurt her, but I guess I already have."
"Talk to her, it's not too late to save your friendship. But John…I've seen her with Kovac…I think he really does make her happy."
"Thanks, Deb," he replied giving her a smile.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Abby lay in bed that night in Luka's arms after they made love. It was early, but they were both exhausted from the day's events. She was quiet, and Luka sensed something was wrong.
"Abby?" he whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Of course," she replied quietly.
He expected that answer, so he tried another approach. "Is something wrong between you and Carter?"
"Why do you ask?"
"It's just that you two are such good friends, and lately you haven't talked to each other and it's almost like you're avoiding him."
Abby was quiet, not sure if she wanted to tell Luka what had transpired between her and Carter. "…We just had a fight, that's all…"
"Oh," Luka said, sure that there was something else. "What was it about?"
She was silent, and Luka knew she was debating about whether or not to tell him. "…It wasn't really a fight, actually…he told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore," she said, and the hurt was painfully apparent in her voice.
"Why did he say that?" Luka asked, surprised Carter would do something like that. As much as he didn't like the guy, Luka had to admit Carter was a great friend to Abby.
"He said he didn't want to wish bad things on us…and that he couldn't keep on being my friend…"
"Oh," Luka said, understanding what she had told him, even though she didn't come straight out and say it.
"Don't be mad," Abby told him.
"I'm not, darling," he said, using a term of affection that they only used when they were alone like this. "I'm just sorry. I know how much his friendship meant to you."
"I don't know what to do…" Abby said, feeling lost.
"Have you tried talking to him?"
"Yeah, but he just says that there's nothing to talk about."
"Maybe he just needs some time," Luka suggested.
"Maybe."
"Is there anything I can do? Any way I can help?"
"Just hold me," she whispered vulnerably.
"Always," he replied.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I'm not angry, Mark. I just wish you had given me more notice," Elizabeth said as she hurriedly set the table.
I'm sorry," he said. "Everything will be fine, though."
"How many people did you say were coming?"
"Well, Carter, Kerry, Benton and Cleo, Chen, Lydia and Haleh could come."
"Why did you invite Cleo?" Elizabeth asked grumpily.
"She was there when I invited Benton," Mark explained. "It would've been rude."
"I suppose."
"Be nice."
"I really don't like her. No personality whatsoever," she said as the doorbell rang. "Oh God, they're here already!"
Mark opened the door to find Susan standing there. "Am I too early?" she asked. "I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find your house, so I left a little before I had to."
"No, you're right on time," Mark told her, ushering her in. "Elizabeth, Susan is here!"
"Coming," Elizabeth called from the kitchen. She bustled in carrying Ella. "Nice to see you again, Susan."
"You too," Susan said as a bell went off in the kitchen.
"I'll go get that," Mark told them. "You two stay here and get to know one another."
Susan and Elizabeth sat down on opposite sides of the room, and looked awkwardly at one another.
Elizabeth was the first to break the ice. "Mark said you used to work together in the ER."
"Yeah, we were both residents. I met him just after we graduated from med school."
"How long were you at County?"
"About four and a half years, then I moved out to Phoenix."
"What made you come back?"
"A combination of things. My parents are getting older, so I wanted to be closer to them. Just looking for a change, I guess. I missed Chicago a lot."
Ella began to fuss, and Elizabeth slowly rocked her until the baby's cries subsided.
"How old is Ella?" Susan inquired.
"She's four months next week," Elizabeth told her proudly.
"She's beautiful."
"Thank you," Elizabeth said as the doorbell rang.
"Stay there," Susan told her, "I'll get the door."
"Thanks, I'd actually better go put Ella to bed."
At the door stood Carter, Chen, Kerry, Lydia and Haleh, who all embraced Susan amidst a chorus of "I've missed you", "It's been too long" and "Good to see you."
"God I'm happy to see all of you," Susan said, almost moved to tears of joy. "Deb, when did you come back to County?"
"About a year and a half ago," she replied.
"And it's not Deb anymore," Carter put in. "It's Jing-Mei."
"That's funny coming from the one person who still calls me Deb," Jing-Mei told him as Mark walked in to greet them.
"Hey. Dinner's almost ready, so you can all come into the dining room," Mark said and led them down the hallway.
"You have a beautiful house, Mark," Kerry remarked.
"Thanks. We've been living here for almost nine months and we're still not unpacked."
"Tell me about it," Lydia said. "I have unopened boxes from when I moved in with Al after we got married four years ago."
Elizabeth came down the stairs into the dining room. "Hello, everyone," she said merrily. "Peter and Cleo not here yet?"
"Nope," Mark replied, knowing that answer pleased Elizabeth. Just then the doorbell rang.
"Speak of the devil," Elizabeth said with a grim smile of dread.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A few hours later after they were finished with dinner, the group still sat around the table, talking of old times.
"Remember that one time when se put a cast on Carter's leg while he was asleep?" Mark laughed. "I think that was when he was still a third-year."
"How could I forget?" Susan chuckled. "He had to go through an entire mass casualty with that thing on because he had to wait for it to dry so he could cut it off."
"That wasn't funny!" Carter protested. "No one would help me saw it off, and then some motorcyclist took the liberty of cutting it off me." They all laughed at Carter's chagrined expression.
"It wasn't funny!" he insisted. "I was always the one they picked on! Doug used my butt as a backboard for basketball in the lounge when it was too cold to play outside!"
"You're pathetic, Carter," Jing-Mei laughed.
"Me?" he asked incredulously. "I'm not the one who forgot to use a lubricant when I did a rectal and got my hand caught up some guy's butt!"
"No one ever warned me!"
"Seems like I missed out on a lot," Elizabeth said.
"Those were great times," Mark reminisced. "Me, Doug, Carol, Susan, Jeanie, Peter, Carter and Kerry…it sure has changed."
"Is Jeanie still around?" Susan asked.
"She left almost two years ago. She remarried and adopted an HIV positive baby named Carlos," Kerry told her.
"Wow," Susan remarked. "Who else is gone?"
"Doug and Carol," Benton said.
"Yeah, I've kept in touch with Carol. I'm glad she and Doug were finally able to work things out," Susan said.
"That was one saga that took nine years to work out," Mark commented. "You guys remember all of the times we'd find them making out in the drug lockup or Doug arguing with Taglieri?"
"Who's Taglieri?" Cleo inquired.
"That was Carol's fiancé," Susan told her. "He stood her up at he altar."
"I remember that wedding," Haleh said. "Everyone went on with the reception as if there had been a ceremony.
"Those were good times," Lydia commented. "When Morganstern was still Chief, Doug and Carol were here, and Carter was still a third-year. Do you remember him back then? He was just a little kid, and look at him now, all grown up!"
"Thanks, Lydia," Carter said, pretending to blush.
"Not to mention before Romano took over and began his reign of terror," Kerry quipped.
"What is this Romano guy like anyway?" Susan asked. "I've only talked to him over the phone."
"He's short," Mark said.
"And bald," Lydia put in.
"Bigoted," added Kerry.
"A racist little Nazi," Peter complained.
"Wow, I'm really looking forward to meeting him now," Susan said sarcastically.
"You know, he actually made me operate on his dog," Elizabeth told them to much laughter.
"His dog?!" Chen laughed. "Wow, I haven't heard that one. I'll have to tell my mom so she can spread it around at the next surgical conference."
"Well, I hate to ruin the party, but I have an early shift tomorrow," Carter said.
"Me too," Kerry said.
"Actually, Al's expecting me home pretty soon," Lydia told them. "You need a ride, Haleh?"
"Yeah, that'd be great," she replied.
"I should be off too," Jing-Mei told them. "Thank you for dinner, I had a wonderful time."
"Yes, thank you for having us," Kerry said, as they all got their coats and headed for the door.
"Bye Peter…Cleo," Elizabeth said, trying to hide her distaste. After she closed the door, there was a somewhat awkward silence between the three doctors. "Well, I'm going to go check on Ella," Elizabeth said. "Why don't you two talk in the living room and catch up?"
"Thanks, Elizabeth," Mark replied, glad he finally had a chance to talk to Susan alone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As Peter and Cleo were driving home that night, the atmosphere was thick with tension. Things hadn't been the same since the day Derek Fossen went on his shooting spree and Roger had punched Peter in the ER, and Cleo had been exposed to HIV positive blood. Peter couldn't stand the silence any longer. "Cleo?" He said and she still sat silently. "Cleo," he repeated, and she looked over, giving him a small smile.
"Yeah?" was all she said. What else was there really to say? Their relationship had been like this for so long that she couldn't remember why they were still together.
"Is everything okay?"
"…I got my test results."
Peter's breath caught, he didn't want to hear this news. He cleared his throat and looked into her eyes. "What did they say?"
"…I'm HIV positive," Cleo replied, still numb from the shock of the news. Peter sat silently, unsure of what to say.
"It's okay, Peter, you don't have to say anything. I'm used to it." With that she opened the door and walked out, with Peter staring after her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Just like old times, huh?" Mark asked as they sat down.
"Some of it…"
"So why did you come back to Chicago," he inquired. They were both uncomfortable and unsure of what to say.
"I missed it…I missed everything about it from the moment I arrived in Phoenix…"
"How's Chloe and the baby?"
"Chloe's actually part of the reason I came back." Mark raised his eyebrows not understanding. "Last New Year's, Chloe and her husband Joe—do you remember him?—anyway, they went out for dinner, and on their way home, they were hit by a drunk driver…and killed."
"God, I'm sorry Susan," he said, embracing her.
Her voice was choked with tears at the memory of it. "It's kind of ironic isn't it, them being killed by a drunk driver."
Mark laughed a little. "I see you still have the same sense of humor."
"Yeah, unfortunately."
"What about little Susie?"
"She's not little anymore, she's seven years old, and so smart! She's just beautiful…So I guess I got what I finally wanted, I got to adopt Susie…After Chloe and Joe died, it just wasn't the same…we both needed a change, there were too many memories in Phoenix."
"Where is she right now?"
"She's staying with my folks until I get my apartment ready…I've missed this so much…I just want to be happy again, the way it was before, you know?"
"Yeah, I know what you mean…too much has changed."
"Are you happy?" Susan asked, in her usual straightforward way.
If anyone but Susan had asked him that question, he would have answered, "Of course," but instead he said, "Sometimes I'm not sure…"
"Well…I should get going."
"I'm so glad you're back, Susan," Mark told her. "It just hasn't been the same without you…you were my best friend, and I've missed that. The way we used to talk for hours, and tell each other everything."
"So have I," Susan replied. "I do regret going sometimes…I still think about that day at Union Station…"
"Me too," Mark admitted. He embraced her for the last time that night and Susan left as he watched her drive away through the window. Elizabeth had watched the entire scene from the top of the stairs, and slowly crept to their bedroom, where she got ready to go to sleep. When Mark joined her, she was trying to act like nothing was wrong, but he knew her too well.
"What's the matter, Lizabeth?" he asked her softly.
"Nothing."
"Tell me…please Elizabeth. I know something's wrong."
"It's nothing…I don't know. Maybe I'm a little jealous," she admitted.
"Of what?" Mark asked.
"Susan," she replied, as if it was obvious. "Why is it that you never talked about her, like you talked about Doug and Carol? You two sounded like you were best friends."
"We were…but it was different when she left."
"How?"
"I didn't want her to leave…and I guess talking about it is just too painful sometimes," he explained, hiding some of the truth from her.
"Okay," Elizabeth said, accepting his answer, knowing he wasn't telling her everything. "I'm sorry, it's silly really…I just want you to be mine, I suppose."
"I am," he reassured her. "Never doubt that." But as they fell asleep that night, his mind wandered to Susan and what might have been if she hadn't left that day at Union Station.
