hiee!!! i strike back again!!!!! lolz :P anywayz, very very few people actually read the last chapter, from what i'd gathered on... *looks at the clock and calender* 2:40pm {GMT+8} on 26/8/2001, Sunday. yeppers. what happened to everyone? maybe i shouldn't have posted this, but i'd finished it, so who cares?? i'm sure you don't. be a sweetie review for me this time, kay? ta ta!
Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine. I'm insane
and that's my line.
Chapter 7: Detention Month
'Alright, a little drop of this,' Lily said, squeezing the orange as carefully as she can into her cauldron.
The girl added a few items from the Gryffindor girls's dressing table. Nina's full collection of nail polish ('Down you go!' cried the redhead, flinging the bottles and files), Tally's enormous variety of hairclips ('Stop struggling you stupid butterflies, or I'll throw you into the fire!'), Sita's perfumed-parchments ('Good riddance, stinko!'), Pertsy's autumn leaves collection ('Off with the rubbish of grubs!') and Adele's treasured magical creatures picture captions from various books ('Sorry Teddy, but they'll have to do. Those photo shots of Redcaps have been tempting me!').
Lily went into the bathroom and Tally's soap bubbles seem to pique up Lily's interest. That was soon drowned into the murky coloured liquid in the cauldron. The colour turned grey. Lily grinned to herself in satisfaction before throwing in a packet of Gram's All-Fun 63% Purple Shading, and started stirring her potion happily.
So what if she's a bad potion brewer? So what if she's just too bored? So what if she plans to create something just for fun? So what if the dormitory blow up, there and then? So what if the girls found their items missing? Lily didn't bother that. No.
This potion, however terrible the brewer is, couldn't possibly be messed up, even by a squib, because it is messed up. It wouldn't be messed up at all.
Why? Because Lily Evans hadn't the slightest idea of what she's brewing!
**
'Aah! Someone stole my leaves collection!'
'Leaves??? Those rotten things are gone, and who cares??? My nail polishes! I spent loads on them!!!! What is that to your cheap, dry, lousy LEAVES???'
'Oh no! My butterfly hair clips!'
'What happened to my scented parchments?'
'Who stole my pictures????????????' Adele yelled, obviously louder than her already shrieking, complaining friends.
Lily remained seated in her bed, slowly and calmly flipping the thin pages of a copy of "A Prankster's Dictionary by Lady P. Joke." It was obviously a muggle book because the picture of its author isn't moving and the paper is a … paper, not a parchment.
The five girls stared suspiciously at their usually noisy friend.
'Did you know who took our things?' Nina demanded, pompously.
'You weren't on talking terms with me, remember?' Lily said, not bothering to even look up. Nina had told Lily several days ago that she will never talk to her again because Lily once turned her green nails white.
'Not demanding terms, Evans. Now—'
'Aha!!! That's talk for you!' Lily cried, slamming her book down in triumph. 'Shows how terrible you are in keeping your vow!!!' and a series of laughter ensued from the redhead.
'Lily, did you take my pictures?' Adele asked in exasperation, knowing that with Nina talking to the insane girl, she – and the girls – would never receive their answer. Lily stared at Adele, making her feel a little uncomfortable. Adele isn't exactly fond of cats, and Lily's green eyes reminded her of a cat.
'No, I didn't take anything,' Lily said calmly. She was careful to not make it sound as innocent as possible. Innocence is trouble, and Lady P. Joke's advice was always look casual, not innocent or suspicious.
And besides, Lily stole them (I know it's a bad thing, but I promise I'll return them to you, Lily whispered in her heart, crossing the little heart in her chest) not take.
'Why, do you suspect me? You should've known better than that, Teddy. Now, who'd like to bet that Minnie will trample in to ask if anyone had seen her muggle make-up? Fourteen galleons, girls!'
The Gryffindor girls knew better than to bet with Divination's lousiest student. They had long discovered that Divination in Hogwarts is opposite to Divination in some other schools. Trelawney told Lily that she was no Seer; she was. Anna Hopkins is a genius in Divination; She's a dunce at it. Divination was the hardest subject ever; too wrong, because all the students did was invent some rubbish and feed it to the professor. Instant top marks for raving rubbish.
So the lousiest kid in their – Hogwart's – Divination class is a top student in other magical school. Who's like to bet with Lily, her reputation for flunking the famous course being very high?
'No. We don't want to bet with you, Lily,' Pertsy said firmly.
'Really?'
'Yes.'
'Really really?'
'Yes, yes.'
'Really really really?'
'Yes, yes, yes!'
'Cause I was only joking,' Lily said, grinning. 'Too bad, you missed a chance for fourteen gold lumps. That's a waste, I must say.'
'Hey! Lily, I need your brain one moment!' Sirius yelled, stomping into the dormitory.
'Get lost, Black!' Tally snapped. 'Or I'll personally see to it that you're sent hurtling out of this room!'
'Oh, really? When I'm armed with my wand and James and Remus?' Sirius said mockingly. 'Not a chance, girl, not a chance.'
'What help do you need?' Lily asked boringly, dropping back on her bed.
'Oh, something about darling Snape. We kinda forgot how to make the paper look like parchments. Tomorrow's special,' James said.
'Oh, you're doing something? Okay, count me in!' Lily said. She dug around in her very messy drawer and took one of the thousand vials that were scattered all over. She'd decided that Snape would be the best target to try her potion on.
'What's that?' Remus asked, pointing at the small bottle.
'Something,' Lily said dismissively, smiling sweetly. 'Let's go pull some pranks!!!'
'Hey, hey! Wait for me!' Adele cried, sprinting after them. The remaining four Gryffindor girls stared at each other.
'Gone again!' Sita said. 'Whenever we try to lecture Lily, she's always saved by those boys!'
'Well… I was wondering, if Lily was dressing and those boys suddenly run in, what do you think will happen?' Tally asked, thinking deeply.
'Sparks?' Nina suggested. 'Yells?'
'She doesn't dress,' Sita said.
'Yep. One flick of a wand and she's all finished,' Pertsy said. 'Adele does that, too, that's why they don't bother company as much as we do.'
**
'There he is! James, pass me that spray! Hurry!' Sirius said, beckoning James to hand him the gadget that looked like a spray to spray a garden infested with bugs. In this case, a seat infested with Slytherins. James was busy fiddling with its cap.
'What's that?' Adele asked. 'What have you got in it, I mean.'
'Something to frighten the snakes,' Remus said.
'James, hand it over!!!' Sirius said.
'Hang on!' James said.
'Give it to me!'
'I said wait!'
Lily snatched the sprayer from James (who was getting fed up with the demanding Sirius and is now quarelling and arguing with him) and uncorked the little vial she brought before tipping in its contents into the hollow can. She then took the ink bottle from James and tipped that in, too. She shook it vigorously up and down and up and down before settling it back into James's hands.
'Shut up, you two! Just spray him!' Remus hissed at the two of them.
James sat up dizzily. Sirius had just placed a punch on his face and he had just pulled Sirius's hair. James clutched the spray handle numbly, tipping an empty bottle of violet ink into it. Sirius was staring blankly at the wall in fron of him, notingly pointing at some invisible stars (the hair-pulling from James must've loosen some of its ends) in blank daze. The girls were testing him by poking a couple of tiny needles onto his hands to see if he's still concious.
Sirius had a habit to look concious when he's unconcious and unconcious when he's concious.
'Oh. Yeah. The spray,' James muttered. 'Spray who?'
'Give it to me, moron!' Remus hissed, snatching it from James's hand. He aimed it carefully at Snape, who was still conversing with his fellow Slytherins (the bugs in the hallway chair). He let the trigger off carefully.
Whoosh! The bright purple ink shot out in a weird little glob, just like some sort of liquid that is like a ball of glue. There were bubbles stuck on it, and as it sailed towards the unsuspecting Snape, the bubbles grew bigger.
It hit Snape's sallow skin on the cheek with a loud and sticky splat, making the Slytherin jump up in surprise and yell out in pain.
'Ow! Yow ow ouch! It's burning me! It's burning me! Help me, you goofy fools! Ouch! It's burning my skin! Ow! Ow!' Snape yelled.
'What's burning you?' they asked curiously.
'I saw something flying your way, Severus,' Lucius Malfoy said silkily. 'Thought you have sense to avoid it.'
'IT'S BURNING ME!!!!!!!!!!!'
'Er, who shot that?' Malfoy said hurriedly, not very eager to get on Snape's bad side.
'You insolent fool! I said it's BURNING me!!!! Get me some ice! My skin in burning, you idiots!' Snape yelled bad temperedly, jumping up and down, clutching his left cheek. Malfoy, not really used to being ordered about, stared dumbly at Snape.
'Who shot that?'
'All YOU do it ask! Figure it out!!!' Avery roared. 'Get Severus his ice!'
'Yes, sir. At once, sir. Aye, sir,' Malfoy said hurriedly, throwing him a resentful glare before going off.
The Marauders were rolling on their backs with laughter when they saw Malfoy pulling a face at the Slytherins behind their backs. It looked distorted, demented and very very funny, since his nostrils were flying in rage, his tongue wriggling and his eyes bulging. Adele would give anyhting for a photo at that moment.
'I- I didn't know that ink can fill one's face with warts,' Sirius said in amusement, catching a glimpse of a family of marching warts on Snape's left cheek. They looked comical.
'Or volcanoes!!! He looked just like the moon!' James squealed.
'Oh, let's shoot all the Slytherins, then!' Adele giggled. 'It'll be soooo funny!!!'
So Adele grabbed the sprayer from Remus's side and shot all the glue globs into the air. It headed towards the group of Slytherins like the one did before Snape before sticking themselves onto each Slytherin.
'Argh! My eyes are burning!' Avery yelled.
'Eek!' Pettigrew yelped, clutching his nose.
'Where's that Lucius??? Aaah! I'm cold all over now! Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!' Snape sneezed, shivering all over from head to toe. His cheek is now blue in colour.
'Ice is heeeeere!!!!!' Malfoy yelled, hurling a bucket of ice at the freezing Snape. He shivered even more.
'What do you want me to turn into, huh? Achoo! Achoo! An iceberg? Achoo! achoo!'
'The ice—'
'I'm freezing, you stupid moron!'
'Oh.'
'Get me HOT WATER!!! I want BOILING hot water!!!!'
'No! Get me ice!' Pettigrew yelled, clutching his nose painfully.
'Me too!' the others yelled.
'I'd rather find out who's doing all these,' Malfoy muttered, hurrying off.
The Marauders, hidden behind the long shadows, laughed silently and rolled all over the floor helplessly when Snape's left cheek began blossoming some beautiful polka-dot coloured hair. It all looked very odd, with the yellow-red polka-dotted hair covering blue warts and yellow volcanoes.
'Oh no! Now he's sprouting branches – like a tree!' Lily cried, helplessly falling back onto the floor with her friends, whose eyes were streaming tears now.
'Evans, Potter, Black, Lupin and Varens,' said a sudden voice. The laughter died in their heart and the stomachs began to sink. The dangerous murderous voice of the Gryffindor house head went on, 'Detention.'
**
'Figures,' Lily muttered. 'Detention for one whole month. I never heard of this before.'
'You have, now,' Adele said, sulking as she milked the cow. 'Every Sunday, get sent to the muggle village to milk cows in muggle clothings. Every Monday clean the cauldrons. Tuesday, wash the windows with a 1cm² cloth. Wednesday, dust the library books – page by page! Every Thursday, feed the new kelpies in the lake. Every Friday, scrub the bedpans. Every Saturday, meet Dumbledore for attitude counselling. Whoever heard of that?'
'Really brilliant. Attitude counselling with Dumbledore,' James said sarcastically, milking his cow. The cow swung her tail into his eyes. James smacked it.
'Milking cows are rather ridiculous, too,' Remus said.
'Especially in my old clothes,' Sirius muttered.
'Better old than new,' Lily said cheerfully, glad that her new muggle clothes are safe in her bag.
'Hah. Lily's clothes are too big for me,' Adele said.
'I'm a growing girl!' Lily snapped in reply. 'And that's my favourite pants. Don't you dare dirty it!'
'Yes, Miss Lily,' Adele said sarcastically. 'No, I really mean the soon-to-be Madam Potter. Your parents are bound to marry you off pretty soon, right? Or would you rather James propose you?'
'Any boy who dared propose to me will be poisoned first,' Lily said savagely.
'And you'd better believe her,' Remus whispered. 'Sirius tried it for fun once. Revolting result.'
'It's still rather silly to send us to this muggle village every Sunday,' Sirius said. 'Milking cows indeed.'
'What use is milking cows going to be to us? It's not like we're going to start some barnyard at all, or a poultry farm!' James scowled.
'There. I'm done with my cow,' Remus said, untying the black and white cow.
'You'll have to wait for us,' Adele said.
'Hey, anyone guessed why that normal ink made Snape's face grow warts, volcanoes and polka-dotted hair?' Sirius said in attempt to strike up a conversation. It's getting too boring.
'I made this potion and poured it and mixed it with the ink from the ink bottle!' Lily exclaimed proudly to her friends.
The others paused their job to stare at Lily in disbelief. Lily Evans? Potions? Brew? Make? That didn't quite fit in the picture of reality. Lily could hardly brew anything to save her own life! So how could she have brewed a potion to grow warts, volcanoes and polka-dot hair, along with the weird hot and cold temperature the Slytherins claimed?
'You're missing one itsy bitsy tiny little fact, Lily,' Sirius said. 'You can't brew anything correctly.' Lily looked annoyed.
'Well I did because I don't know what exactly I'm brewing!' Lily said hotly. 'No, scratch that. I know what I'm brewing and from now on, I'll get distiction for my potions!' That was a lie, but when Lily was determine, she knew she could do it.
'Are you lying to us?' Adele said suspectingly.
'No!' Lily snapped. 'I'll finish my potions perfectly from now on, Adele, and I'll prove it to you!' She swung her cow's string rather violently.
'Um… okay, but try not to get too worked up,' Adlee said nervously, backing away from Lily. She hit Sirius's cow, who let out an angry moo, because Sirius was suddenly shaken and smacked onto it.
'Aaah!' Sirius and Adele yelled as Sirius's cow kicked and upset the bucket of milk.
'What? What?' the farmer cried, running out of his cabin. He stared as Sirius's cow kicked James's cow, which in turn fell on Adele's cow, and upsetted Lily's cow. Remus's cow, who was munching on the dry hay, was toppled over by the weight of three – no, four – huge cows.
The farmer roared with laughter, as it was a rather funny sight.
McGonagall, who was hiding nearby, got swung rather violently by the furry end of Adele's cow's tal and fell into a nearby pool of water head-first. She emerged a second later, gasping for breath and looking completely drenched. The lady blinked blankly for a few times before realizing what had happened.
'DETENTION!!! You are not here to play!!! DETENTION!!!!!!!' she yelled, just as a nearby frog jumped onto her tight bun and hopped off. The Marauders and farmer couldn't take it anymore. They rolled onto the floor with uproaring laughter.
**
'Whoever knew that our detention will last for two months, with the same concepts and our wands confiscated for the day?' James said as they marched into their common room in their messy, hay-covered muggle-clothings.
'And to think it's only nine in the morning,' Remus moaned. 'And still Sunday…'
'Well, at least the prank on Snape yesterday was worth it. We needn't see Dumbledore for the counselling and it's a fairly good treat enough for me,' Lily said.
'What? Don't twist your words around,' Adele said. 'I don't get what you mean at all.'
'She means that it's good we didn't start our detention yesterday, which is listening to some boring lecture on manners,' Sirius said.
'Oh.'
'Milking cows,' James sighed. 'If our moms ever got hang of this punishment – detention, whatever – what do you think they'll do to us?'
This had all five Marauders's train of thought, picturing and imagination running wild with horrors of their evil mothers.
James found himself facing Yvonne, who was fire in her hazel eyes, staring and glaring at him menacingly with her bad cooking of a flat, charcoal pancake in her hands. She forced the disgusting foul-tasting and burnt pancake into James's mouth, yelling at him for not getting a better detention like cleaning and sweeping the chimney.
Sirius pictured an evil-looking Melissa Black, threatening to lock him in a cold cell without food of any sort – and not even a single drop of water – to be fed with. His stomach will be sealed with a spel and his teeth glued with super-glue to stop him from opening his mouth, to make it impossible for it to even talk.
Remus saw Anne locking him in a room of bright stars and his worst nightmare: a 72 hour long tape of "Barney and Friends" and "Tellytubbies" along with a large, human-size statue of Batman and Robin. He tried imagining the terror he will fell but failed to do so because he nearly threw up trying to imagine a proper version of Barney, Tellytubbies, Batman and Robin. Oh, not to leave his favourite full moon out too. However nice the transformation is these days, it's still painful.
Lily saw herself busy running from her mother, who was holding an extra large pair of scissors (better described as shears) to cut her static ankle-length hair. Rose was grinning evilly (something that's really worth a shudder and tears), brandishing the garden shears menacingly as she cornered Lily, yelling at why the girl hadn't bothered to do work but played pranks instead, even if her pranks DOES involve potion brewing. Or if she MUST get a detention, why not homework? Why cows, of all the miserable barnyard creatures Professor McGonagall could choose?
Adele's was, thankfully, the sanest of all the five. She only had her mother lecturing her on good manners, the wonderful world of nice people and the wonderful good things parents expected from their young children.
'No! No! No!' Remus yelled out. 'I don't wanna think about this any more!!!'
'Neither could I,' Sirius said, his stomach suddenly sinking in despair. James threw up suddenly.
'Ugh!!!' the four yelped, jumping away from him quickly.
'Mom… Pancake… Revolting… Yuck…' James stuttered before falling unconcious on his vomit. Lily made a face.
'Wow. Never knew his mother's food could make him faint,' Adele said. 'I thought that the best food is mother's cooking.'
'In James's case, it's different,' Sirius said.
'His mother's the worst cook ever,' Remus said, sticking out his tongue in disgust at the remembrance of Yvonne's food.
'She couldn't even boil water. Lousiest cook in the whole wide world,' Lily said, sympathicly pouring a bucket of cold water (she summoned it with her powers) on James's head to wake him up.
Back in Loopy Village, on Mischief Avenue, Yvonne Potter sneezed into her breakfast of canned beans.
**
'Those vermins have to clean the cauldrons now,' Avery said snickeringly, jabbing his fat thumb at the Marauders, who were busy scrubbing the cauldrons in the potion dungeons like there was no tomorrow. It was Monday, thus, cauldron cleaning day.
'Serves them right,' Pettigrew said, trying to sneer at them. He looked like his face had been turned upside down, from the looks of it.
'I bet it was them who made you hot and cold last Saturday,' Malfoy said positively in a sickening tone as if saying "I KNEW you're gonna be their victims, you pompous ordering monsters!"
'Those riff-raffs are rubbish to the wizarding committee, eh Severus?' Pug Pont said, nudging Snape.
'Exactly so,' Snape sauntered, leaning at the door casually. He smiled unpleasantly at the five Gryffindors and pulled out his wand from his robes pocket. 'What do you think we should do to riff-raffs like them?'
The Slytherins sneered unpleasantly (Pettigrew still managed to look like a mixture of a sick cockroach and a dead overturned ladybug) before pulling out their wands to hex and curse the unsuspecting Marauders.
'What would you do to riff-raffs?' Sirius asked suddenly.
'Me? I'd give them another chance,' Adele said.
'What if they're like these Slytherins?' Remus asked.
'I'll bomb them!!!' James said.
'What are YOU doing up there?' Lily said.
The Slytherins spun around them in search for the five Marauders's voice. Findging no one behind, they resumed to their wands again.
'Na-ah, Snakes,' Lily said. 'You're cursing no one here.'
'Nope, no, nope,' Sirius said, pulling a face as he came to sight before Saidin Bulstrode. The boy screamed. Sirius was sitting on him broom upside down. And the sudden face scraed him off his wits.
'Talk about your bad time!' Remus said, laughing. 'WE can curse YOU now!'
'Really,' Adele said, nodding (she looked odd, sitting upside down, flying on her broom). 'Cause we'd just finish designing our menu of the day: Dungbombs Delight!!! Care to sample it, boys? We were looking for victims – namely them five cauldron scrubbers – when you came around.'
'Here you go! Free sample for the first minute!' James said joyfully, stuffing an acid-cream covered Dungbomb into each Slytherin's wide-opened mouth. James went through them again, lighting the hidden crackers. 'Oh, do remember that you will have to pay when the minute goes by! Three knuts each, and it's a best buy! No cheaper rate!'
'Potter, Black, Lupin, Evans, Varens!!!' Snape tried to yell, just as the crackers went booming and crackling.
'Ow! My toof!' Pettigrew cried as his front tooth flew into the air.
'Aw… ickle Pettigrew lost a tooth! Has te tooth fairy found it? How much did she pay for it?' Sirius said teasingly before bursting into gay laughter.
'You were there! And—' Malfoy stopped. He stared at the five laughting Gryffindors before him and the five working Gryffindors who were still scrubbing the potion cauldrons. His jaw fell as he went on staring at the two sets of Marauders. Finally he came to one single conclusion: 'Aaaaah!!!!!!! Help!!! DARK ARTS!!!'
'You idiot!' Avery yelled. 'We use them!!! What idiot are you to yell like some crazy kangaroo?'
'Oh. Erm. Yeah.'
'Oh, no! Not Dark Arts!' Remus scoffed. 'We're giving them a fine example of James's wonderful Red Magic and they tell us it's the ugly Dark Arts? How very funny!'
'Dark Arts is something like this,' Lily said, muttering something under her breath and twirling her wand in some funny stances. To the Slytherins's surprise, a large pillar supporting the ceiling broke down heavily. A huge beetle appeared suddenly and flew out of a nearby window. A giant ant emerged suddenly.
Their eyes went wide with fear. It was eerie to know that this young fry of fifteen-year-old could manage a part of Dark Arts without any help from a senior. They froze for a second. A large lizard scuttled out of the window with the ant and grub.
'Aaaaaaah!!!!!!!!! DARK ARTS!!!!!!' The Slytherins yelled, clinging onto another pillar.'
'Oh dear, I forgot that I haven't mastered that one yet. Should've shown them a different on,' Lily said in dismay. 'Oh well. That pillar needs extra paint on it, so they can repair it first before they paint it.'
'W- w- what are we a- a- afraid of?' Pettigrew stammered, still clinging tightly on the pillar.
'D- Dark Arts,' stammered Avery.
'I- I thought y- you told me we u- used t- them,' Malfoy chattered.
'I- I- I was l- lying… This i- is for r- r- r- real!'
'…' was all the other Slytherins could say, meaning that they're speechless with disgust for their "leader" who lied.
'Toodle-oo, Snakes!' Adele bid, waving her hand as she turned her broom away.
'Hey Prongs, make them disappear,' Sirius said, indicating the five who were now polishing the cauldrons. Their reflections were visible on the pewter coated pots.
'Okay. Abutalahkaputalah pin pin pan pan puchi puchi hieeeek!!!!!!!' James yelled, waving his hands grandly.
Poof!!! The Slytherin Gang turned into a group of miniature figurines.
'Wrong one?' Lily said, picking up the clown figurine Snape had turned into. She dug its head into a pool of mud nearby.
'Er, yeah. They were in my way, anyway,' James said. 'Abutalahkaputalah pin pin pan pan puchi puchi hieeeek!!!!!!!!'
Poof!!! The five people in the potion room disappeared into smokes.
'Weird incantation,' Adele said.
'Well, I invented it for myself,' James said smugly.
'Do you really need it?' Remus said boringly.
'Nah! But I thought it'll be nice to add some things! And it's high time I make my show, right?' James said. He stared at the army of circus figurines on the ground, one of them covered with mud from head to toe. 'You guys'll be back to normal in two hours time. Just make sure no one pulled an arm off you.'
'One minute!' Sirius said. He turned back and sat on them (figurine Slytherin) heavily. After that, he rained them with saliva (everyone made a face) before dumping them into the mud.
'Ugh. Disgusting Sirius,' Adele said in a disgusted tone.
'That's what I am!!' he declared proudly.
___________________________________________________________________________________
AN: Hah. I've got to type this all over and it is NOT FUN!!!!! Anywayz, one disclaimer to make down here: the incantation James did [that abutalah thing] belongs really to the Doraemon author [Fujio F. Fujiko-sensei]. It kinda struck me when I wrote this :)
Please please please!!!! Review for me!!!!!
"Carrots and Lettuces with Seaweed and Chocolate goes to Seaweed and Lettuces" - it'll be my quote ^^ I love it!!! And no, no one's allowed to have it!!!! I invented it!!!!
