Title: The Cordelia Diaries: Tears
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail: cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com Always remember that feedback is *good*.
Rating: PG
Classifications: Diary entry, Cordy POV, Cordy/Angel
Spoilers: Nothing specific, if at all. I just throw random facts around.
Written: September 17-18, 2001
Distribution: You can have it if you want it, but you gotta ask me first!
Disclaimer: "Angel" the series belongs to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy Productions (grr...argh), and 20th Century Fox. Do enough people own this show? Are they willing to give me Angel? Er... Anyway, I'm just having a bit of fun, and they aren't mine.
Website: My Hero at http://www.envy.nu/angelmine
Author's Notes: Mmm, that trip into Angstville I mentioned? You're about to go on it now.
Thanks to Sammi for going over this for me.
***********************************************************************
Things have been slow around AI lately. That means lots and lots of time for me to watch Angel. I feel like a creep though. A stalker. Or at the very least a coward who can't admit her feelings to the man she loves.
Where are all the demons so I don't have to think about this? Are they all against me, too? If one weird thing would just show up and get Angel out of there so I could breathe. Even if it means having a really painful vision. I am that desperate.
Anyway, I'm home tonight, and Angel just drops by to see how I am. My first thought was 'Great, just great. Why is he here!?' Then I sort of relaxed and invited him in and we talked for a bit on the couch. I guess he got lonely, I dunno. All I do know is that I wanted to reach out to him just inches away from me, and I couldn't. It sucked so bad. He was all stuttery and stuff, too. Why is he always like that? Uh uh, not going for the obvious answer to that, because it's not true. I know he's not 247 and verbally challenged though. I think he just has a problem with small talk.
So, we're sitting there making with the small talk, I hadn't done anything stupid yet, and suddenly my diary, *this* diary, begins to float out of my bedroom. You know how you have those moments where you see something happening, but you can only watch in shock? This was one of those moments. There was my entire book of secrets hovering it's way to us, and all I was doing was sitting there with my mouth hanging wide open. Real intelligent, huh?
Angel just looked from me to the diary and back again. Poor guy didn't have a clue, lucky me. Looking back, the way he looked so puzzled was kind of funny. That's not an emotion that often crosses his face. However, it was so not funny at that moment in time. Two seconds later, the thing is dropped into Angel's lap.
If Dennis wasn't already dead, I would've murdered him!
That little sneak. Ooh! I'm glaring at him right now. He doesn't think I know where he is, but I do.
Anyway. Angel looked at the diary, now in his lap, then back up at me. I finally regained a brain cell, and snatched it up. He looked at me like I was crazy, but what could I possibly say? "Dennis is on crack" came to mind, but didn't really make any sense. Unless he's on some sort of otherworldly crack, and that's kinda doubtful.
I'm losing my mind.
So Angel says, "Is there something wrong? Maybe something Dennis is concerned about that you don't want me to know?"
Huh. Leave it to him to ask exactly the right question and not know it.
What was my eloquent response?
"Uh, nope. Absolutely nothing for you to be worried about. I think Dennis just wanted some attention."
Uh huh.
Dennis wanted to get me in the biggest trouble of my life is what he wanted. Stupid phantom.
Angel didn't look convinced, but he didn't push for once. That was something anyway. Sweet, merciful Lord, if he had interrogated me I would've cracked. I'm to that point now. It's not a secure place to be.
Angel said he had to do some patroling not too long after that. As I walked with him to the door, he took my hand. I still don't know why. Then he hugged me as he left. That's just too unusual. I hope he didn't notice the way I almost desperately clung to him. Ha. Who am I kidding? He's a vampire, he has all those heightened senses and everything. As he pulled away, his lips brushed my temple, and then he walked away.
I went back to the couch, collapsed, and cried for an hour.
It was all so sweet, so tender, and I don't know why. Does he know? Or does he feel it, too? And if it was just some random, sentimental moment, how am I supposed to know the difference and know whether or not to tell him?
And how am I going to stop crying?
End
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail: cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com Always remember that feedback is *good*.
Rating: PG
Classifications: Diary entry, Cordy POV, Cordy/Angel
Spoilers: Nothing specific, if at all. I just throw random facts around.
Written: September 17-18, 2001
Distribution: You can have it if you want it, but you gotta ask me first!
Disclaimer: "Angel" the series belongs to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy Productions (grr...argh), and 20th Century Fox. Do enough people own this show? Are they willing to give me Angel? Er... Anyway, I'm just having a bit of fun, and they aren't mine.
Website: My Hero at http://www.envy.nu/angelmine
Author's Notes: Mmm, that trip into Angstville I mentioned? You're about to go on it now.
Thanks to Sammi for going over this for me.
***********************************************************************
Things have been slow around AI lately. That means lots and lots of time for me to watch Angel. I feel like a creep though. A stalker. Or at the very least a coward who can't admit her feelings to the man she loves.
Where are all the demons so I don't have to think about this? Are they all against me, too? If one weird thing would just show up and get Angel out of there so I could breathe. Even if it means having a really painful vision. I am that desperate.
Anyway, I'm home tonight, and Angel just drops by to see how I am. My first thought was 'Great, just great. Why is he here!?' Then I sort of relaxed and invited him in and we talked for a bit on the couch. I guess he got lonely, I dunno. All I do know is that I wanted to reach out to him just inches away from me, and I couldn't. It sucked so bad. He was all stuttery and stuff, too. Why is he always like that? Uh uh, not going for the obvious answer to that, because it's not true. I know he's not 247 and verbally challenged though. I think he just has a problem with small talk.
So, we're sitting there making with the small talk, I hadn't done anything stupid yet, and suddenly my diary, *this* diary, begins to float out of my bedroom. You know how you have those moments where you see something happening, but you can only watch in shock? This was one of those moments. There was my entire book of secrets hovering it's way to us, and all I was doing was sitting there with my mouth hanging wide open. Real intelligent, huh?
Angel just looked from me to the diary and back again. Poor guy didn't have a clue, lucky me. Looking back, the way he looked so puzzled was kind of funny. That's not an emotion that often crosses his face. However, it was so not funny at that moment in time. Two seconds later, the thing is dropped into Angel's lap.
If Dennis wasn't already dead, I would've murdered him!
That little sneak. Ooh! I'm glaring at him right now. He doesn't think I know where he is, but I do.
Anyway. Angel looked at the diary, now in his lap, then back up at me. I finally regained a brain cell, and snatched it up. He looked at me like I was crazy, but what could I possibly say? "Dennis is on crack" came to mind, but didn't really make any sense. Unless he's on some sort of otherworldly crack, and that's kinda doubtful.
I'm losing my mind.
So Angel says, "Is there something wrong? Maybe something Dennis is concerned about that you don't want me to know?"
Huh. Leave it to him to ask exactly the right question and not know it.
What was my eloquent response?
"Uh, nope. Absolutely nothing for you to be worried about. I think Dennis just wanted some attention."
Uh huh.
Dennis wanted to get me in the biggest trouble of my life is what he wanted. Stupid phantom.
Angel didn't look convinced, but he didn't push for once. That was something anyway. Sweet, merciful Lord, if he had interrogated me I would've cracked. I'm to that point now. It's not a secure place to be.
Angel said he had to do some patroling not too long after that. As I walked with him to the door, he took my hand. I still don't know why. Then he hugged me as he left. That's just too unusual. I hope he didn't notice the way I almost desperately clung to him. Ha. Who am I kidding? He's a vampire, he has all those heightened senses and everything. As he pulled away, his lips brushed my temple, and then he walked away.
I went back to the couch, collapsed, and cried for an hour.
It was all so sweet, so tender, and I don't know why. Does he know? Or does he feel it, too? And if it was just some random, sentimental moment, how am I supposed to know the difference and know whether or not to tell him?
And how am I going to stop crying?
End
