Kathryn sighed. "Don't tell me you've tripped over your laces again." she told Tom.
"Okay, I won't. Doesn't make it any less true. Sorry." Tom said sheepishly.
"I don't see why you insisted on wearing those boots anyway. There is a reason why laces went out of fashion, you know." she said, as they started walking again.
"But I like them!" he whined.
"Whatever you say. But if it happens again I'm not waiting for you to get up."
"Yes ma'am." he said.
"Now come on. I don't want to be late for my own party."
"Yes ma'am!" he said again.
They were on their way to the messhall for a party to celebrate Captain Janeway resuming command of the ship. After weeks and weeks of tireless effort, the Doctor had finally pronounced her fit to return to duty. The crew was overjoyed, because, although Chakotay was a good captain, he could never fill Kathryn's shoes. So it was no surprise that they wanted to throw a huge party in her honor, really.
They entered the messhall to resounding applause, and it took almost a minute to subside. Kathryn thanked the crew for their warm welcome, then sat down on one of the couches, where she was at once surrounded by people wanting to congratulate her and give her gifts.
"Looks like you have enough chocolate to last you a lifetime." said Chakotay when the rest of the crew had gone over to the dancefloor Neelix had put together on the other side of the room.
"Well, at least I'll never go hungry." she smiled. "I suppose you've brought me a giant chocolate truffle?"
"Not quite." he sat down next to her and gave her a box.
"It's ticking." she said, opening it. "It's a bomb, isn't it! You've become so accustomed to the Captain's chair that you can't bear to give it up!"
"Sorry to disappoint you," he said as she took it out, "but it's a watch. It has holographic hands. You can feel what time it is."
"That's... very thoughtful." she ran her fingers over it. "Thank you."
"No problem."
At that moment, Tom came up. "Care for a dance, milady?" he asked in an overly posh voice.
"I'd be honored." Kathryn put out her hand and Tom pulled her up, leading her to the dance floor, where a slow song was playing.
Holding Kathryn close, Tom looked at her admiringly. She was so completely at ease, it was hard ot believe she was the same person she had been a few months ago. She was such an amazing person. And beautiful, too, he thought, regarding her sleek black evening dress, necklace, earrings. He held her closer.
And so they danced, just enjoying each other's company, until the last song was played, half the crew had left, and they were both extremely tired.
Tom escorted Kathryn back to her quarters, she looked as though she might collapse from exhaustion at any second.
They said goodnight, and Kathryn was about to go through the doors when she stopped and turned back to him, a very concentrated look on her face. Then she seemed to shrug it off, took a step towards Tom, grabbed his face, and kissed him.
"Hmm." said Tom when she let him go. "That was... interesting..."
"Goodnight." Kathryn again turned to go into her quarters.
This time it was Tom who stopped her, grabbing her arm and spinning her into his arms to kiss her again, more passionately than before. Then he let her go, cleared his throat, and bade her goodnight with exaggerated formality.
Kathryn smiled as she entered her quarters. Things were just as good now as they had been before she'd lost her eyesight.
No, that wasn't true after all, she corrected herself with a grin.
They were better.
But, as she got into bed, she began to have doubts.
What if all her preparations hadn't been enough? What if the Doctor was wrong? What if she wasn't fit for duty after all?
What if she inadvertantly put the crew in danger? What if she accidentally activated the wrong console? What if they met a race which communicated only through sign language?
No, she decided, she was being silly.
But she still slept with a slightly uneasy feeling.
* * *
"Get back!"
The Voyager crewmembers rushed to take cover behind the table, taking shots as they went. Kathryn rolled, listened, then fired a shot in the direction of the enemy. She heard a grunt and grinned, satisfied. All the hours she had spent on the holodeck practicing were paying off.
It was her first day back in command, and already she was faced with a challenge. They had been negotiating for dilithium with an alien species. After they had reached an agreement, the aliens had invited them to join them in a meal to celebrate. It had gone quite well really, and was definitely a valuable cultural experience. But just as they were eating dessert, another group of aliens, who's origins and motives were as yet unclear, had stormed into the room and started shooting. Which explained her current predicament.
Still, she was glad to be back in charge.
The crew seemed to be fighting off the aliens without much difficulty, already they had reduced their numbers considerably. Kathryn heard the noise of another phaser being fired, and stood up quickly to take aim and shoot. Then she quickly ducked back behind the table.
And noticed the deathly silence.
She listened to nothing for several seconds. Finally, she cleared her throat.
"What's the matter?" she asked.
There was another silence.
"Captain," said Harry eventually, "You just killed Ensign Jenkins."
* * *
Kathryn sat on her bed, not moving.
In her head was a whirlpool of thoughts.
She had killed him. She had killed him. Ensign Jenkins. A member of her crew. Brown hair, blue eyes. 29, a wife and two children. Expert velocity player.
She had killed him...
She noticed she was sitting on something hard. She pulled it out from underneath her and felt it.
The watch Chakotay had given her. It was ticking. Tick-tock-tick-tock...
She had stopped Ensign Jenkins' ticking.
Tick-tock-tick-tock...
Stopped him from breathing, stopped his heart from beating.
Tick-tock...
Suddenly, she threw the watch on the floor and stamped her heel onto it with all her might.
Tick-tock...
It refused to break.
Starting to get angry, she picked it up again, then threw it against the wall as hard as she could.
Tick-tock...
Still it kept ticking and tocking.
Tick-tock...
It was as if it were mocking her.
Tick-tock...
Stupid blind Kathryn.
Tick-tock...
Can't do anything right.
Tick-tock...
Can't do anything at all...
Tick.
Anything.
Tock.
Nothing.
Tick.
Tock.
* * *
Tom hurried down the corridors towards Kathryn's quarters. He would have gone sooner, but he had had to help the Doctor with the injured in sickbay. Now that they were all treated, he could finally go check on Kathryn, who had disappeared into her quarters as soon as she'd been beamed up.
He didn't know what state she'd be in, exactly. The first day on the job and she'd killed a member of her crew. It would be bad, it would be very bad...
He got to her quarters and chimed. There was no answer, but he had been expecting that. He quickly tapped in the security code, then stepped in as soon as the door opened.
Then he half wanted to step back out again, as fast as he could.
Instead, he swallowed his horror and slowly approached the bed.
Kathryn was lying on it, eyes closed, still in her uniform.
Her skin was pale, ghostlike. Half-dried tears rested on her cheeks.
In her hand she loosely held a knife. Blood trickled out of the cuts in her wrists, down her arms, slowly forming a red puddle on the sheet. It was all down her front, on her face, in her hair.
Getting closer, taking in the horrible scene, seeing that his eyes really were telling the truth, Tom started to panic. He ran the last few steps, checked frantically for a pulse. It was there, but only barely.
Now gasping for breath, heart still hammering in terror, he tapped his commbadge.
"Paris to sickbay, medical emergency!"
Tears steaming down his own cheeks, he gathered Kathryn in his arms, stroked her hair.
"Don't die Kathryn, don't die Kathryn, don't die Kathryn..."
* * *
"Kathryn... Kathryn, wake up..."
Slowly she regained consciousness, and with it control of her senses. From the smell and feel of the bed, she deduced that she was in sickbay. But why? Had she been injured on an away mission? Shot, per--
And then the whole thing came flooding back to her. She inhaled sharply.
"Kathryn?"
It was Tom. She could sense him hovering over her, and hear the anxiety in his voice.
"I killed him..." she said slowly.
"I know, Kathryn... but it wasn't your fault..."
She laughed, a grim, dark laugh, filled with sarcasm.
"I shot him, Tom. Of course it was my fault!"
"You didn't know it was him!"
"Yes, because I can't see! There are so many things I don't know because I can't bloody see."
"Kathryn..."
"What? You're gonna say it's not true?" She sat up. "It is though. There's no getting around the fact. Without my eyesight I am useless. Dangerous, even."
"Now you know that's not true!"
"Yes it is! Don't say things to make me feel better Tom, it won't work. You should've left me to die."
"Don't say things like that."
"Why not? It would be better all 'round. I'm sure everyone would feel much safer, be much happier."
"Kathryn, stop this."
"Tom, I'm just telling you--"
"No Kathryn, now I'm going to tell you." He grabbed hold of her arm and sat next to her. "The crew would be devastated if you died. You're their leader, their role model, their mother figure. They look up to you, each and every one of them. Do you know how many concerned inquiries there have been in the past hour? The crew care for you, they love you. I love you, Kathryn, and if anything happened to you I don't know what I'd do. All I know is that I got a horrible feeling of dread when I found you, worse dread than I've ever felt before. You mean the world, the universe to me Kathryn. Please don't ever do that to me again."
There was a long silence, then Kathryn pulled Tom into her arms. They held each other, both crying, crying tears of sadness and relief and joy and love all rolled into one.
And from that moment on, things really were better.
The End
I'd really appreciate some feedback... I'm not really sure what to think of it. Thank you :)
P.S. Thank you Mr William Shakespeare for the lovely title... :D
