Summary: Edge (Adam) gets called over to babysit Mick Foley's kids... but they won't sleep without storytime!
Rated PG for some mild language. It's a bedtime story, people!
Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Edge/Adam Copeland... but.. I'd like to...! I mean, if his wife didn't... Anyway, I don't own Mick Foley's kids. I don't own Mick Foley, either... you know, come to think of it I don't own ANYONE in these stories! So please don't sue me! (hides under her bedcovers)



Once Upon A Time

By Dezzie-Chan ^.^


(We join our hero - that's Adam - after having watched the kids all evening... is he still in one piece!?)


Seventeen rounds of "Al Snow and Chyna in a handicap match against the Big Show" with Mick's kids hadn't done much for Adam's bad mood. He was tired, and just wanted Noelle and Duey to go to sleep. Plus, being beaten by Al Snow in any way shape or form including impersonation was a depressing undertaking. Mick would agree with him, anyway. The two mini-Micks were currently both jumping on Noelle's bed, and having a pillow fight of legendary proportions.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Adam sat down on the side of the bed. "It's sleep-time!" He patted the side of the bed, and was pleasantly surprised to see Noelle calmly settle down into her bedsheets, climbing under the covers and pulling them up to her chin. Duey plopped down next to her.

'Wow... these kids aren't so bad afterall!' Adam said, looking at the both of them. 'They're even kind of cute when you get down to it...' He stood up to leave the room, ready to lead Duey off to his bedroom. He rested his hand on the lightswitch, and turned around to call for Duey, but was instead met with expectant looks from both kids.

"Uh..." he looked around, as if he was forgetting something. "Due-ster! Time for bed! You don't want to sleep in your sister's room, do you?"

"Uncle Adam..." Noelle looked exasperated. "You didn't give us our bedtime story!"

"Duuuuuh," droned Duey.

"A bedtime story..." he sighed, and returned to bedside, summoning up images of the stories his parents used to tell him when he was but a little thing. What was something two children, who just happened to be offspring of a WWF legend, would be interested in? Certainly not "Sleeping Beauty" or "The Emperor's New Clothes."

Adam scratched his chin, then snapped his fingers. "I know! You guys can hear all about my Tables Ladders and Chairs match at No Mercy!:

"Nooo! We want a REAL bedtime story!" Noelle cuddled down into her covers, looking resolute.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Duey. "With fighting, and bad guys getting beaten, and the good guy getting the girl!"

Adam raised an eyebrow. TLC had had fighting, the Hardyz and Dudleyz had been beaten, he was a REALLY good guy, and he always got the girl. What was this kid's problem? But, he didn't want Mick's kids to go to bed unhappy, so he cleared his throat, and began the first, of what he was yet to find, many stories.

"Once upon a time--"

"I wanna hear Red Riding Hood!" interrupted Noelle.

Adam rolled his eyes. That was so boring. He would have to spice it up. "Okay... once upon a time..."

(We now switch to storymode... with ( ) brackets representing Adam narrating something, { } brackets representing Duey and [ ] representing Noelle... I know it's confusing, but trust me, it's better that way!)

(...there was a man named Kane, but everyone called him Big Red Machine.)
[I said I wanted Little Red Riding Hood!]
(Trust me, Noelle, this is better... just listen to Uncle Adam, okay?)

Kane was lumbering down a woodland path, with happy woodland creatures scampering about, like little squirrels chattering and birds chirping and singing like, er, well, happy woodland creatures do. Kane had with him a basket full of goodies for his Grandma Gertrude. People said he and his brother got their disposition from her, so she was Kane's favorite relative, and he wanted to brighten her day with the contents of the basket, which included a box of matches, a lighter (in case they ran out of matches), gasoline, a blow-torch, and some flints.

(But, as we was walking along, minding his own business, he ran into... the... uh... the Big Bald Washout!)

Albert gave Kane a dirty look as he took in the standard red and black attire, and then the not-so-standard covered wicker basket. He snickered, and folding his massive arms over his chest, proceeded to jab at the Big Red Machine.

"Hey, Big Red Machine! What the hell's that? Taking some goodies to grandma's, or what?!"

"..." Kane proceeded to shoot an icy glare at Albert, taking in a deep huff of breath.

"Whatsamatta?! Cat got your tongue, big guy? Ha ha ha h--GACK!!"

Kane had secured a hand around Albert's neck, and in less than two seconds, had hoisted him into the air, then brought him crashing down onto the forest path. Albert twitched, in deep pain, as Kane nodded in satisfaction, then began to travel back down the road.

(Since the Big Bald Washout was a sore loser, he decided he would have to ambush Big Red Machine somehow. So, he came up with a generic and overdone plan to take the place of Big Red Machine's grandmother and surprise him.)
{That's not overdone!}
[Yeah! Only the Big Bad Wolf ever did that one! This is only the second time, Uncle Adam...]
(Okay, okay, TECHNICALLY, but.. hey, who's telling this story, anyway!?)

Albert rubbed his hands together, deviously. "Heh heh heh... all I gotta do is get that old broad outta the way, and WHAM! Down goes the Big Red Machine!"

(The Big Bald Washout tip-toed into Grandma Gertrude's house, and through the kitchen, living room, and billiard hall, but he couldn't find grannie anywhere! That's when he decided she must be out, and he could easily take over. So he crawled into her bed--)
[Doesn't he change into her clothes, first?]
{Yeah! Like a nightgown, and nightcap?}
[*giggles*]
(Uh.. yeah, but Big Red Machine's grandma doesn't WEAR a nightgown and cap. She wears a flame resistant bodysuit.. and a nightcap.)

Albert scratched his arms and mid-back. "Dammit! This flame resistant bodysuit sure is itchy! But I do like the frilly nightcap..."

Suddenly, a knock (well, more like a BAM BAM BAM) came at the door, followed by "GRAAANDMA! It's Big Red Machine!"

"Come i--" Albert coughed, then changed his tone to a high squeaky one. "Come in, deary!"

Kane opened the door, then walked inside, and after looking around and not seeing his dear, sweet grandmother, called out to her. "Where are you, grandma?"

"Are you retarded?! I'm in the--" Albert quickly changed the tone to high-pitched, again. "I mean, I'm in the bedroom!" he sang.

Kane walked into the bedroom, and was pleased to find his grandma curled under her covers, with her favorite nightcap on, as usual. However, something wasn't quite right... He approached the bed, and took a long appraising look at his grandmother.

After a while, he narrowed his eyes, suspiciously, and growled "Grandma Gertrude.. what squinty, beady and evil eyes you have."

"Uhh... yeah!" Albert said in a high, squeaky, voice. "The better to size people up for a Baldo Bomb with!"

"..." Kane narrowed his eyes. "And my, Grandma Gertrude, what numerous piercings you have."

"Uhhh... yes! The better to, uh.. be hip with... my dear Big Red Machine!"

"And my, what a manly goatee you have."

"The better to attract the ladies with! Chicks dig facial hair, deary!"

"And my, Grandma Gertrude... what large muscles you have."

"Why, yes!" Albert then threw off the guise, resorting back to his normal deep and scratchy voice mid-sentence. "The better to THROTTLE YOU WITH!!"

Albert lept up from the bed, and was prepared to tackle Kane, when suddenly he felt the familiar smack of a chairshot from behind! He turned around to see a very tall and muscularly-built old lady, holding a steel chair, and looking none-too-happy.

"Come on, Kane-y dear!" growled the old woman in a voice like rust and nails. "Get him!!"

Albert felt the familiar feel of two hands grasping around his neck, and cried "NO!" as he was driven into the bed by a devestating double-chokeslam, breaking the supports and sending him creaking through the springs and mattress fluff. Kane then looked as his grandma and nodded, as she nodded back at them. Both slowly raised their hands from their sides, and as they stretched them above their head, brought them down in unison. Hellfire and brimstone burst out from the four bedposts, and Kane and his grandma embraced as Albert lay in a convulsing heap.

"So, dear, what tipped you off to be suspicious?" questioned Grandma Gertrude.

"Why, the incessantly high, feminine voice, grandma," Kane explained.

Both laughed, and began to happily go through the basket Kane had brought to share with her.

(We now revert back to Noelle's bedroom.)

"The end!" Adam chirped, then looked at the children. "So, ready for bed, now?"

Noelle let loose a heart-shattering sigh, and Duey looked sadly at the bedcovers. "Oookaaay..."

Adam was lost. "What? What is it?"

"Weeeeell..." began Noelle. "Daddy usually tells us stories till we fall asleep."

D'OH!!

"Uh.. okay, okay, that's no problem.." Adam gritted his teeth. "Let's try another story! One even more awesome than the previous... okay?"

Both kids smiled, and nodded brightly.

"Once upon a time..."



To Be Continued(?)

Tune in next time when Adam no doubt gets himself into even more bed-time story madness! In the meantime, please R&R! The next story will be up tonight or tomorrow, if you're interested.