Mommy Dearest
Disclaimer: I don't
own Sailor Moon so please don't sue me.
I just sat there for the longest time. I just sat there, on that cold, wet ground,
bawling my eyes out. My future mother
had left me. Did she not care about me
anymore? I didn't know. I just sat there, crying. It was strange for me. 'Why am I crying? Why should I care?' I
kept thinking to myself. I was destined
to find the answers.
I finally picked myself up off the
ground. I felt so dizzy and
light-headed. I was blinded by my
tears, as they wouldn't stop pouring from my eyes. I slowly began to walk. I
wasn't sure where exactly I was walking to, but I had to get away. I walked continuously; unaware of anyone I'd
passed on the street. I think I even
ran into a few people, but I didn't care. I walked on and on, tears streaming down my cheeks. After what seemed like an eternity of
walking, I finally ended up in front of a park bench. I collapsed on it.
I looked at my surroundings and
realized that I was at the park. I
sighed as a cold chill ran down my spine. I glanced over at a big tree in the middle of the park. Suddenly I began to cry again. I was at the place where it all
started. Where I couldn't keep my big
mouth shut. I felt very sick at my
stomach.
"Why Serena, why?" I asked out loud. "Why did you
leave me?" Was I not good enough? That's when I realized the truth: I
wasn't.
I
began to reflect back on all the times Serena and I had gotten into fights and
arguments. They were mostly because
Serena wanted time alone with Darien and I wouldn't let her have it. Some of the fights had been because she had
wanted to go to the mall with some of the other girls, and once again: I'd
interfered. I'd never actually given
Serena a chance at anything and no matter what, everyone had always sided with
me and turned against her. Serena
almost always gave in, but she must've had her breaking points.
"Oh my god!" I cried. "It is me! It's my fault! It's all my fault!"
I began to sob as if there were no tomorrow. For me, there probably wasn't a
tomorrow. 'If Serena and Darien can't
work out their problems, then I'll never exist.' I thought. Darien had
said that Serena didn't want to be found. I saw that for myself. If Serena
left, there'd be no Princess Serenity, no Sailor Moon, no Neo-Queen Serenity,
and most certainly: no Rini. I cried so
much harder. If Serena abandoned us
all, the whole world may be in chaos.
"Stupid little wretch!" I said to myself. "No
wonder mama hates you! You're a monster,
plain and simple!"
I had not realized that I'd called Serena 'mama',
but she was. I was so close to losing
her, if I hadn't already. Why couldn't
I just leave Serena alone, for once? Why couldn't I see all the damage I was causing before? Why did it take me this long to figure out
how fragile Serena's emotions were? I
shuddered. I wanted to die.
"Serena, I know you can't hear me, but I'm so
sorry." I cried. "I hate myself so much! Darn temper! I just want you to know that I love you, mama!"
Memories began to appear in my mind, memories of
Serena. She had done so much good in
this world. I remembered how she'd
saved Hotaru and managed to get my heart crystal back, from Mistress 9. I remembered how she saved me from Queen
Nehelenia.
"Stupid brat." I said to myself. "How dare you
call Mama, Nehelenia. No one's that
bad! No one but…me!" I cried.
I began to think of Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon was the person I secretly looked
up to. She was so cool! I liked her zesty attitude. Sailor Moon could always save the day, no
matter what. Sure, she was a little
cowardly, but when worse came to worse; Sailor Moon was always there. She'd never turn her back on anyone. Sailor Moon had saved the world so many
times, and never asked for anything in return. I was so happy, when Mom had given me her old moon prism compact. With it, I could fight side by side with my
hero. I sighed. Without Sailor Moon, the scouts and the
whole world would be in danger. None of
the other scouts were strong enough to defeat all of those nasty youmas. Only Sailor Saturn, but she would have to
destroy the world to do so.
That brought me to my next thought: Princess
Serenity. Serenity was Serena's other
identity. Serenity was much calmer and
more serious than Serena was. Serenity
only surfaced during a true crisis. I
remembered when Princess Serenity had surfaced when Serena and I were falling
in the air. I was unconscious and
Sailor Moon was trying desperately to wake me up, in hopes that Helios would
wake up too and rescue us. When Sailor
Moon saw that she couldn't, she transformed into Princess Serenity. After a very close call, I managed to wake
up and Helios saved us. Serenity was
very noble and despised evil. Without
Princess Serenity, there'd be no silver imperium crystal.
The next memory was of Neo-Queen Serenity, my mother
from the future. Mama was like a
combination of Serena and Princess Serenity. She was very beautiful, fair, and kind. She must've been the most loving person in the world. Mama loved everything, even me. She was very calm and peaceful, like her
name. Mama believed there was good in
everyone, and was so very gentle. But
at the same time, she was also very stern. Mama would not stand for evil. She despised the darkness. Mama
always had a moral for everything. I
remember when I fell and scraped my knee. My father, King Endymion, was going to pick me up and carry me, as I
demanded that someone should. My mom
looked at us both very sternly and told my dad not to pick me up. He was very confused, but obeyed. I was so mad. Before I could ask 'why', Mama explained that I was getting too
old to be babied all the time and that it was time I learned to get up on my
own. I was angry then, but now I
realize that she was trying to teach me not to be so spoiled. I think that is the purpose of sending me to
this time. Mama was so smart and
wise. Her smile could brighten anyone's
day. She always made me feel so safe,
maybe more than my father could make me feel. I sighed. Without Neo-Queen
Serenity, there would be no Crystal Tokyo, no silver imperium crystal, no
anything. Without her, I was
nonexistent.
That brought me back to Serena, topsy-turvy
Serena. Serena was wild, crazy, flirty,
hyper, and fun. Serena wasn't as
serious as Princess Serenity or as nurturing as Neo-Queen Serenity. Serena was Serena. But on stormy nights, Serena could still make me feel so safe,
just like my mother always could. When
I was depressed, Serena could always cheer me up. Serena always believed in me. When Hotaru's powers began to surface, everyone including Sailor Pluto
thought she was evil. Serena was the
only one who believed that poor Hotaru was innocent. Serena defeated Mistress 9 and saved Hotaru, because she didn't
want me to lose my best friend. Serena
was a true friend. I sighed. Without Serena, my world would be over. Everything I thought about would be
gone. I began to sob again.
"Oh mama, please forgive me." I cried.
I had always put on this "tough act", not showing my
emotions to too many people, but right now, I didn't care. I only wished that Serena didn't run
away. But I didn't blame her for doing
it. I had only insulted her more. I began to wonder why Serena was so harsh
compared to my mother. That's when I
remembered what Mama told me before I left for the past.
***Flashback***
"Honey, are you ready to go?" Mama asked.
"Yes, mommy, almost." I answered nervously.
"Rini, why are you nervous?" Asked Mama with a pretty smile.
"Because I am afraid that Serena hates me." I said sadly, as I remembered how we
bickered the last time I visited my mother's past.
"Why would you think that, sweetie?" asked mom, as
her face grew concerned.
"We always fight, mama. She's very hard on me and doesn't like it when I spend too much time
with Darien. She's nothing like
you." I explained.
"But dear, she is me. And I know that Serena does not hate
you. She acts that way because she
needs her space. No offense, little
one, but Serena is a child and sometimes feels crowded when you are with
her." Said mama gently.
"I don't understand." I said, confused.
"Serena isn't mature like I am, darling. She is a teenager and is going through a
difficult time in her life. It is okay
to spend time with Darien, but sometimes those two needs to be alone. Serena isn't as generous as I am, because
she is a child, much like you." Mother
carefully explained.
"Serena just needs to share." I said happily.
"I agree, dear, but you need to learn to
share as well." My mother said as her
smile returned.
I gasped. "Do I spend too much time with daddy here in our time? Do I need to learn to share him with
you?" I asked with tears forming in my
eyes.
"No, my little princess," Mama laughed, "We are a
family. You do not ever have to back
away from spending time with your father. I want you to, and enjoy spending time with the both of you."
"But…" I started, but Mama put her finger to her
lips, telling me that she wasn't finished yet.
"But Serena isn't exactly your mother
yet. It is strange for Serena to have
her future daughter with her all the time. She still sees it as just "her and Darien" because she doesn't have a
child yet. Therefore, she wants to have
him to herself." Mother said with that
smile of hers.
"I get it." I announced happily. Then,
Sailor Pluto appeared.
"It is time for you to go." Mother smiled. "Be very good, and try not to trouble poor Serena. And remember what I said about 'sharing Darien.' Be sure to give Darien and Serena some
space, okay?"
"I promise." I smiled. Then, my mother and I
hugged for what seemed like forever.
***End of Flashback***
"Oh mom. You
warned me. I broke my promise." I cried as more tears streamed down my
face. "Thanks to me, I may disappear,
Darien will be sad, and you may never smile again."
I cried until I just couldn't take it anymore. I got up off the bench and began to run
again, as far as my legs could take me. I wasn't sure where I was running to, but I had to get away. Like my future mother, I just kept running
and running.
A/N: Hey peeps! How'd ya think of that? I don't know about you guys, but I am
enjoying this angst that Rini is having about herself. Don't you agree? It's about time that Rini starts feeling bad about all she's done
to poor Serena. Thanks to everyone who
reviewed! All the support I'm getting
for writing this puts me in such a good mood. I probably won't get a chance to update this until next weekend, because
of school. Oh, and to all you
Rini-haters out there, check out The Fate That Never Ends. It's funny. That's it
for now! Remember to R&R!!! ^_^
