*Author Notes* My latest fanfiction *weep* *weep* is here and is probably the most unusual project I have done to date and the one that has taken me the least amount of time

*Author Notes* My latest fanfiction *weep* *weep* is here and is probably the most unusual project I have done to date and the one that has taken me the least amount of time. To understand my story you must understand where I was when writing it. I was in my fourth block class, Spanish II, the last and most dreadful of the day. My fellow students are all low-life scum who can barely speak and understand English much less Espanol. While the Neanderthals around me spit out sentences that reassembled more of a cannibal tribal tongue, I desperately turned to a project to keep my sanity. I decided that I would write something short and clever. I think I accomplished the short angle quite well, but the clever remains for the reader's judgment.

*Thanks* To anyone involved with BWOC, your efforts have not gone unnoticed by the public television viewers. To Frost for never stopping her endless repetition of quoted movie, book, and television lines. Thanks to whoever created insanity for without that, this story would have no hope of existing today.

Big Wolf on Campus

"Does This Excite You?"

Story told by HEL

"Does this excite you?"

No.

"How about if I added a nice fat tomcat to sweeten the deal, would that excite you?"

No.

"How about a nice luxurious ten million dollar yacht, that has got to excite you?"

No.

"How about a brand-spanking new, shiny toothbrush, is that exciting?

No.

"Now here is a treat, I'll let you pet my goldfish, does that not excite you?"

No.

"A mime, a paralyzed mine has just got to excite you, does it not?"

No.

"How about a slippery, sticky banana peel, does that not just excite you to no end?

No.

"I'll give you power."

No.

"I'll give you riches beyond belief."

No.

"Well, my options are sort of depleted. I've come to the bottom of the barrel, how about sex, that has just got to excite you?"

No.

"Does this excite you?"

No.

Merton turned dejectedly away from his full-length mirror, which resided down in The Lair. His current situation involved him standing completely nude in front of the before mentioned mirror. His mind was tormented into the depths of despair and his spirit broken beyond belief.

"Nothing ever excites you," he grumbled half-heartedly with a disgusted look downwards. "It's all your fault."

Does this excite you?

*Author Notes* If you didn't understand the meaning of this short piece then I suggest you read it again. For those who think I was making fun of Merton, I was not. I wrote this as a parody and hope you likewise treat it as such. Now for all you readers all you need to do is review before you leave! Arigato & Gracias!