Winner and Still Champion
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash
Disclaimer: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that appear, such
as Link, Mario,
etc. They belong to whoever did create them (You know who you are),
and we swear that
we would put the little "R" symbol after the names, except that 1.
We don't know how
and 2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_cleared up.
P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate
to shut up, we
don't want to hear it.
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries
generally
don't develop strong feelings to anyone.
We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's),
we came up
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :)
A final note: You may find out humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane,
ad nauseam.
Feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind
we will not read them.
***
Part Two: Motivation
***
Slowly, very slowly, I opened my eyes. I groaned when I saw cold
metal above
my head, but didn't look anywhere else. First, I had to get my bearings,
i.e. who I was:
Link, where I was: no idea, what happened to me: got in some fight
with some guy called
the Master, who I want to sleep with: *Editor's noted: we'll
leave this out...for now*.
Remembering my fight with the Master, I reached for my shoulder, expecting
to find
blood, and feel a piece of bone. Instead, all I felt was cold tunic.
I sat up suddenly, and
looked at my left shoulder and said "What the heck?" No, not the most
brilliant comment,
but what do you say when your shoulder is in perfect condition, when
last you saw it, it
was bleeding profusely and your shoulder bone was sticking out?
When I lifted my gaze from my shoulder, I saw the strangest thing.
A large number of
people were in cages that were surrounded by a shimmering blue field.
When I looked
closely at the people, I felt a bell go off in my memory. After much
thinking and
recalling, I finally remembered who they were, and the rush of memories
was almost
overwhelming: these were the people who were in the Super Smash Tournament
with me
six years ago! I also saw that everyone was unconscious, and
some had a large number of
wounds. "Fox! Kirby!", I cried out to the people I was friends
with six years ago.
With a heave, I got myself to a standing position, and began to run
to my friends.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!"
All of a sudden, I was thrown backwards as I touched a shimmering blue
wall that
appeared in front of me. And before I was thrown back, I was given
a painful electric
shock. I landed on my back with a grunt of pain. After spending
about five minutes
recovering, I managed to get back to my feet. I saw that I was
surrounded by the same
shimmering blue field that engulfed the others.
I drew my sword, and slammed into the field, hoping to see the
field in some way
weaken. All that happened was that my sword bounced off the wall, and
causing me to
lose my balance and nearly fall over. * There has to be _some_ way
to get out of this
cage* I thought to myself.
"Why would I go through _all_ this trouble to capture you, and
then give you a
way to escape?", came a sneering, mocking voice.
*The Master!* I thought to myself. *He must of captured me!*
"Yes, it is I, the Master. I hope you didn't hurt yourself _too_
much," he mocked.
"If you are hurt, just tell me how much and I will make it TEN TIMES
WORSE!!!!!", he
suddenly exploded. I fell over from the blast off his voice. He regained
his composure,
and continued, "You see Link, you have caused a good deal of problems.
When you
defeated my personal friend Master Hand, the whole plane of existence
of the Smash
Tournament collapsed, a large portion of my minions were lost
in time, and all the
fighters escaped my grip. But now, after six years, I have finally
accomplished what will
help me take control of every plane that even exists!", he said, seeming
to suddenly glow
the color gold.
*Man, and I thought Ganondorf was nuts, but this guy is completely
out of his mind!"*, I
thought.
"I am not insane!", he yelled, right after I thought that he was crazy.
*What the....*
"And yes, I can read your thoughts right now, so be careful what you
think. Now, on to
business!", and suddenly pointed to Luigi, who was bleeding here and
there, and a bolt of
orange lightning came out of his finger. I barely had time to think
*What the...* before
the orange lightning hit each wound, and each wound sealed up,
and Luigi was
completely healed. After this lightning therapy, the Master pointed,
one by one, to every
character with a wound, hit them with orange lightning, and that fighter's
wounds healed.
"You see," said the Master, as he was healing Captain Falcon
(who had several
burn wounds), "I can heal everyone of you. I'm healing you now because
I'll need you to
be ready to begin your training and hear the explanation of all this."
"What do you mean by 'explanation of all this'?", I asked, trying to
find some way to
fill the silence, and to learn more.
"If you wait, I will tell you all that I want you to know. Now
be quiet.", and with
that he ended the conversation.
***
When every fighter was healed, the Master snapped his fingers, and all
of them just
woke up! All of them had different reactions to being inside a cage:
Fox shot the
shimmering blue field with his blaster, but quickly stopped when the
shot came back at
him. Pikachu seemed to crackle with electricity, and shot a huge beam
of electricity at
the blue field! I felt my hopes rise, because the blue field suddenly
changed to the color
red, but when Pikachu stopped and started panting, the field instantly
changed back to
blue.
"As entertaining as it would be to have you injure yourself trying
to escape," said
the Master, "I still don't want to have to waste time healing
you _again_. So stop it
now!", and snapped his fingers, and all the people instantly stopped
trying to escape. "Ah,
that's better. Now, on to the explanation of all this!"
"Pikapikapi!" came a voice. Well, its about time. I was sitting
around on the
beach, we were there for some reason, I don't know, moon-something,
talking to Ash,
and Misty was making eyes at him when he wasn't looking, and Brock
was looking at us
from out of a bush, when all of a sudden, WHAM! Out of no where, we're
suddenly
surrounded by a glowing black ball and then...>
"Shut up! I'm about to explain it! And by the way," he said with a
grin, "I can read your
thoughts as well."
"Pika Piiii..."I'll shut up now...>
"Excellent. Now, the reason I have captured you all is to make you pay
for defeating the
Master Hand six years ago." He stared especially hard at me when he
said this. "So now I
am going to have you fight in a second Smash Tournament. I'm going
to-"
"And if we don't want to battle?" I cut in on his sentence.
"Oh, your right. I _can't_ make you battle. I know!", he said brightly,
"I'll give you a
little motivational boost.", and suddenly, 13 cages were lowered on
chains, each with a
sign marked with a name. When the boxes reached the floor, I saw that
the contents of
the boxes were hidden from view by a simple curtain.
"You see," said the Master, "If you _don't_ fight, I will destroy something
you hold
in high regard." He walked to the cage marked 'Pikachu', and drew open
the curtain to
reveal...
"PIKACHUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Two figures, one, a male, with shaggy black hair, a vest with several
pockets, and
several strange spheres attached to his belt. The other was a girl,
with red hair tied in a
pony-tail, blue-green eyes, and a backpack. The girl was clinging to
the guy's arm, and
was trembling uncontrollably.
"Yes, Pikachu, I have Ash and Misty. If you do not fight, I will destroy
them both, as
slowly and painfully as possible." At this, the girl (who I assumed
was called Misty) burst
into tears. Pikachu looked defeated.
One by one, he opened the other cages. Mario's cage held a girl (who
I later learned was
called Peach), Donkey Kong held a female gorilla (who I learned was
called Candy
Kong), Samus's cage held a guy, and when Samus saw this, she cried
out "Aaron!". Inside
the cage marked 'Yoshi', there was a rosy-pink mirror image of Yoshi
himself. As he
came to Kirby's cage, the Master said, "I've made a special exception
for you. You'd love
to destroy this, but if you don't fight, I'll release it." With that,
he drew back the curtain,
revealing a large box containing a black blob with a single white eye,
which was staring
intently at Kirby.
"What is _that_ thing?", I whispered to Kirby.
"It's Dark Matter. I thought I had destroyed it all, but I guess I
didn't. Oh yeah, it is
_really_ evil.", Kirby responded.
"So I gathered," I muttered, staring at the grotesque blob.
Next, he opened the cage marked 'Fox'. Inside was a video screen showing
a frog
creature, a rabbit like creature, a human body with a falcon face,
and a robot.
"If you do not comply with my wishes, I will short circuit Rob64, destroy
the Star Fox
Team, and revive Andross and the Star Wolf Team.", threatened the Master.
Next, he opened Luigi cage, witch had a girl (who I learned was called
Daisy), Captain
Falcon's had a car marked 'Blue Falcon'. He paused before opening Jigglypuff's
cage.
"I've got something very special for you." Slowly, very slowly, he
parted the curtains to
reveal... what looked like quill, except it had a larger point, and
what looked like a ball
with holes at the other end.
"Jig-al-ly-PUUUFFFFFF!!!!!!!!" The mike marker! NOOOO!!!!!>
"Pikachu!"Yes! Do us all a favor: destroy it now!> Jigglypuff shot
Pikachu the ultimate
death glare. Inside Ness's cage there was... nothing. Instead, the
Master began talking.
"The cage was there for only effect. What I will do if you don't fight
is remove your
psychic powers, return you to Onett, and then launch an attack on Onett
that you will be
helpless to stop." He paused. "In addition to all the old fighters,
I have two new ones: the
Koopa King Bowser, and the Pokemon Hitmonchan!"
With that, two new cages dropped down, one with a huge, green turtle
with a spiky shell,
and brown bushy _eyebrows_! The other held another monster with boxing
gloves, spiky
hair, and what looked like a tutu. I studied it for a total of five
seconds before the opening
of the cage marked 'Bowser' drew my attention. Inside was a....._piece
of paper_!
"What! You fiend! You're holding a piece of paper hostage? You monster!",
I said, with a
massive amout of sarcasm. Then, I took a closer look, and saw writing
on the paper. The
words said:
The undersigned Koopa King, Bowser, upon winning the Super Smash Tournament,
shall
receive:
1. His own private plane of existence.
1a. A castle, fortress, or other dwelling constructed to his exact
specifications.
2. A legion of underlings who will unquestioningly follow your every command.
3. The undersigned Mario and Luigi, your slaves and prisoners for you
to do with as you
please.
Signed:
Assignor: _______________________ (Master)
Assignee: _______________________ (Bowser)
Prisoner 1: ______________________ (Mario)
Prisoner 2: _______________________ (Luigi)
***
"Hmmm," said Bowser. "I don't think..."
The Master hastily scribbled an extra article. It read:
4. A free sports car.
"I'm there!"
The Master and Bowser signed, and, after much threatening, Mario and
Luigi unwillingly
signed.
After a long silence, a thought crossed my mind.
"Why doesn't Hitmonchan..."
The Master eyed Hitmonchan meaningfully. For the first time I took a
good look at it. It
was viciously punching air and screaming a lot.
"Hit Hit Hit Hit HITMONCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!"
"I withdraw my question."
"Now that's settled, we arrive at Link," the Master sneered. He grinned
viciously.
"Revenge is sweet!" he screamed.
He snapped, and two spotlights focused on the cage marked 'Link.' From
out of
nowhere, a drum roll played. The curtain inched apart to reveal...
***
*ZELDA!!!!!! NO!!!!!* I screamed in mind. *I WILL KILL HIM!!!!!!!!
I WILL FLAY
THE FLESH FROM HIS BONES!!!! I WILL RIP OUT HIS INTESTINES AND
STRANGLE HIM WITH THEM!!! I WILL...I WILL...* I suddenly noticed that
the
Master was clutching his head and moaning.
"Stop thinking so loudly!", he shouted. "It is really hurting my head!"
*WELL TOO BAD!!!!!!! I WILL CHOP YOU INTO TINY LITTLE...*
"If you don't stop, I will destroy Zelda now!!!", he screamed. I immediately
stopped.
*Okay*, I thought, *calm down. Just because this deranged lunatic has
captured the most
beautiful person you know...*
*Yeah, she _is_ pretty nice,* came a voice in my head. I instantly realized
that the
Master was telepathically talking to me.
"Shut up!", I yelled out loud. The others stared at me, surprised at
my sudden outburst
after being silent for so long. Even Zelda looked faintly surprised.
*Okay, I've got to say something. Something noble and heroic. And mature!
Mature!
Yeah, that's it, mature!* And so I said...
"Zelda, no! I've got to save you!" Yeah, not the most brilliant comment,
but I had to say
_something_.
Kirby shot me a speculative look, and then grinned mischievously.
"For Hyrule! Without her, Hyrule would be devastated!", I said trying
to cover my
embarrassment.
Suddenly, the shimmering blue field that contained all the fighters
disappeared, and
I stepped out. Suddenly, the Master began to talk:
"I have taken you from different planes of existence. Each plane is
like a different
universe, and you each came from a different plane. I captured you
and brought you here
so that you would fight in the Second Super Smash Tournament. I also
brought what
would make you _have_ to fight." He looked evilly at Zelda. I cursed
him in my mind,
hoping he heard me. "The Tournament will begin in a few days. Until
then, you will be
staying..." there was a flash of light,"...here." I looked around.
All around me, there was a city of indiscibible beauty. There were
crystal towers, a
blue sky with white clouds, a grass of vibrant green, and golden mansions
that had signs
in front of them, and the signs said things like 'Link/Zelda' or 'Samus/Aaron'.
Kirby sighed
with relief when he found out that he wouldn't have to share a room
with Dark Matter.
At length I figured out the pattern: the mansion with your name is
where you stay! So that
means... I'D BE SHARING A ROOM WITH ZELDA!!! Whoooohooooo!!!!! *Now
to
lapse into a long fantasy dream sequence...* (Editor's note: you don't
want to
know-Deadeye) The Master immediately cringed at this and started shaking.
"Ewwww.",
he said. "I don't think that I'll be reading _your_ thoughts for a
while.", and waved his
right glove in front of his face, and a blue wave appeared in front
of him, and I realized
that he couldn't read my thoughts anymore, which was a _very_ good
thing. The Master
disappeared, and his voice boomed from nowhere:
"_Almost_ anything you ask for will be granted. Just say it aloud and
it will appear
before you. There is a training hall to the South, and the Fighter's
Stadium is to the
North." I looked to the North, and saw a huge, floating stadium. "The
Tournament will
begin in three days. Kirby will fight Yoshi in the opening match. Until
then, 'avida say'"
End Part Two
