"The Lady and the Snape"
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: See: Chapter 1.
Chapter 2
Don't Stand So Close To Me
The Ravenclaws departed quite
soon after "Happy Birthday" had been sung, the candles had been blown out,
the cake had been cut and the Ravenclaws' gifts opened and exclaimed over.
Evidently, Snape's presence had put a damper on their capacity to celebrate.
Nevertheless, the party continued. The desks had been pushed into a circular
position around the perimeter of the room, with the guest of honor seated
in the middle. Hermione had put herself in charge of handing out the birthday
gifts.
"Here's one from the Headmaster,"
Hermione told her, handing her a small rectangular package wrapped in gilded
gold paper.
"Oh," Cynthia breathed as the
gold paper fell away under her fingertips to reveal a small book bound
in maroon leather. The title stamped on the front in gold lettering read
One
Thousand and One Useful Potions for the Prevention and Cure of Common Ailments.
"It's beautiful!" she exclaimed, gently thumbing through the book. Dumbledore
smiled.
"It's from my private collection,"
he told her. She looked up, surprised. "I thought you would appreciate
it more than I. I've never really been one for potion brewing, you know."
"I don't know what to say… thank
you!" she said, standing and walking over to him. She surprised everyone
(Dumbledore included) by leaning over and kissing him on the cheek.
"Look at Snape," Harry whispered
to Ron, who glanced over at the professor and smiled. Snape's eyes were
riveted to Cynthia, who was still standing over the headmaster, clasping
his hands in hers and talking quietly with him.
"I bet he's hoping his gift stacks
up!" Ron said.
"I wonder what he got her," Harry
mused. After a few moments, she returned to her seat and accepted another
gift from Hermione. It was a small box from Professor McGonagall that turned
out to contain a black stone pendant set in a heart-shaped golden charm.
"When you say the proper spell,
the pendant will transform into any one of seven stones," Professor McGonagall
explained. "There's a little instruction sheet enclosed."
"Figures she'd get her something
that had to do with Transfiguration," Ron said as Cynthia thanked McGonagall
with a hug.
"Look, it's our turn," Harry
said as Hermione lugged over the large package Neville had brought in earlier.
"This one is from all of us,"
Hermione was telling her. "Harry, Ron, Neville and I chipped in to get
it for you."
"How very kind," she said, beaming
at them. It took her a while to get the elaborately wrapped present open.
Finally, the gift was revealed. "Just what I needed!" she said, laughing.
"A new cauldron! I burned a hole in my other one, you know," she told the
room in general.
"We know," Ron muttered.
"This is a SPECIAL cauldron,"
Hermione was telling her. "It's reinforced for extra thickness, but it's
been charmed with a spell that makes it nearly weightless!"
"May I?" Snape asked softly,
rising to his feet. Cynthia smiled.
"Oh by all means, Professor Snape!"
He walked over and inspected the cauldron carefully, muttering to himself
under his breath. As he conducted his inspection, Cynthia thanked each
of the Gryffindors with a hug. Neville went an alarming shade of red when
she kissed his cheek. Finally, Snape put the cauldron down, and his glittering
black eyes fixed on the four Gryffindors.
"An excellent cauldron," he said
grudgingly.
"Oh, we're SO glad you approve!"
Ron said, unable to help himself. "It's what we LIVE for!" Snape opened
his mouth, looking as though he were about to take points from Gryffindor,
but Professor Trelawney interrupted.
"I have not brought you a gift
of material worth," she told Cynthia in her whispery voice. "Instead, I
will open my Inner Eye for you and tell you all the wonders your future
holds." Snape snorted and went back to his seat. He sat down, crossing
his arms across his chest and leaning back in his chair. He turned his
glittering stare on Professor Trelawney, who did not appear at all unnerved
by his attention.
"I would be honored to have my
future Divined by such a gifted Seer," Cynthia was saying gravely, though
the corners of her mouth revealed a slight smile. Snape muttered something
under his breath.
"Well," Hermione said into the
awkward silence that followed. "Time for another gift!" She handed the
Lupins' gift to Cynthia.
"Don't worry, Cynthia," Remus
said as she opened the gift. "I'll teach you a protective charm so you
can use it here at Hogwarts."
"A CD player!" she exclaimed.
"Why thank you! I don't have one here… once you teach me that charm, I'll
have to get my parents to send me some of my CDs!" She stood and thanked
the Lupins, hugging them both and kissing Remus on the cheek.
"Well, that's it," Hermione said,
gesturing at the empty gift table.
"Not quite," Snape said softly.
Ron nudged Harry, grinning. Snape stood and walked over to Cynthia, pulling
a small velvet box out of his pocket.
"It's an engagement ring," Ron
suggested in a whisper. Harry snorted.
"I was in Hogsmeade the other
day and I just happened to see this," Snape was saying.
"Just HAPPENED to see it my foot!"
Harry said in a whisper. Neville chuckled. Smiling up at Snape, Cynthia
took the box and opened it on its hinge.
"How lovely!" she exclaimed.
Everyone leaned in closer to see what Snape had given her. It was a small
golden butterfly, perfect in every detail from its tiny feet to its tiny
antennae. Gently, she removed it from the box. "Watch," Snape said, taking
it from her. "Miss Granger, if I may have your assistance…?" Looking puzzled,
Hermione stepped forward. He ignored her visible flinch when he leaned
over and took a lock of her hair between his fingers. He pinched the little
butterfly's wings, causing a miniscule clasp to open on its underside.
He closed the clasp around Hermione's hair, and the small piece of jewelry
came to life, its delicate gold filigreed wings fanning gently every so
often like a real butterfly perched on a flower. Cynthia's mouth fell open
in surprise.
"It's beautiful!" she breathed.
"I've never seen anything like it!"
"Neither have I," Neville whispered.
"And I've been to every jewelry shop in Hogsmeade looking for a Christmas
gift for my grandmother."
"Yeah," Ron agreed. "It has custom
job written all over it in huge red lettering!"
"It only moves when it's attached
to human hair," Snape was telling Cynthia. "It's some sort of special enchantment…
I don't know, they tried to explain it to me, but…" he shrugged. Hermione
reached up and unclasped the little golden insect, which immediately became
still.
"Here, Professor Snape," she
said, handing the ornament to him and going to sit with her friends. Snape
gave Hermione a blank look. She rolled her eyes and gestured impatiently
towards Cynthia.
"Oh," he said, as though remembering
something. He held the butterfly out to Cynthia, who smiled up at him.
"Would you?" she asked, standing
and turning slightly. "On the right side, I think." Slowly, he separated
out a piece of her hair and perched the butterfly near her temple. It immediately
fluttered into life again. "Thank you so much, Professor Snape," she said
quietly, taking one of his hands and going up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.
"I'll treasure it always."
"As will I," Snape murmured,
a seeming non sequitur. They stood frozen like that for a moment, staring
at each other.
"Don't stand," Remus sang just
loudly enough for everyone to hear. "Don't stand so," Amanda gave him an
elbow in the ribs, which he ignored. "Don't stand so close to me." Harry
and Hermione were engaged in a heroic battle to stifle their laughter,
while Amanda had already lost the war with hers. Meanwhile, Cynthia's face
had gone very red. She quickly released Snape's hand and stepped away from
him. Ron and Neville looked puzzled, as did Professor McGonagall and Professor
Trelawney, while Dumbledore's face had a thoughtful expression. Snape's
glittering black eyes swept over the laughing Muggles and Remus, who was
trying very hard to keep a straight face. Snape had no clear idea what
was so funny, but he was pretty sure that everyone was laughing at him.
Eyes narrowed but otherwise expressionless, Snape turned, looking like
he was ready to stalk out of the room in anger. Cynthia grabbed his arm.
"Wait, don't go," she pleaded,
her face still crimson. He stopped, looking torn. Slowly, she looked up
at him. "They're not laughing at YOU," she reassured him softly. "They're
laughing at ME." Dumbledore exchanged a look with Professor McGonagall,
whose eyebrows went up. Not many people could read Snape well enough to
realize that he was more hurt than angry at being laughed at and would
rather die than show it.
"What makes you think they are
laughing at you?" Snape asked Cynthia, sounding puzzled. Still gripping
his arm, she looked at the floor.
"Because I know that song." At
his questioning look, she elaborated. "It's a Police song about… well,
it's a Police song." Snape's brow furrowed in puzzlement.
"The police… they are Muggle
law enforcement officers, yes?" he asked in a tone that indicated that
he was certain he was missing something. No one dared laugh, though the
desire to do so nearly overwhelmed several people present. Cynthia gave
him a little smile.
"That's right," she agreed. "But
The Police is also the name of a band… well, they WERE a band…" She released
his arm and waved her hand impatiently. "It doesn't matter. Come on, let's
sit down." She took his arm again, guided him to a seat and sat down next
to him.
"And anyway, Severus, poking
fun at one's professors is the God-given right of students everywhere!"
Remus put in, earning a disapproving frown from Professor McGonagall.
"Oh, is that in the American
Constitution?" Snape asked sarcastically.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is,"
Amanda told him, grinning. She turned towards her husband. "Tell Professor
Snape what you've gotten in your mailbox recently."
"Let's see," Remus said, also
smiling. "There was the can of Alpo, the box of Iams Lamb and Rice Dog
Biscuits, and of course the Advantage flea treatment." Harry and his friends
were laughing, while Professor McGonagall's frown deepened.
"I got a leash and dog collar
in mine," Amanda volunteered, sending the students into hysterics. Judging
by the expression on his face, Dumbledore was trying very hard not to join
them.
"Have you put him on the leash
yet?" Ron managed to choke out.
"No," she deadpanned, giving
Remus a significant look. "Not yet." Even Professor McGonagall laughed
at this. The only one not laughing was Snape.
"Oh come on, Severus!" Remus
prodded. "Surely you recall Professor McPhail."
"Mick Fail," Snape said automatically,
the corners of his lips twitching as though he was trying not to smile.
Remus snickered. Professor McGonagall had her disapproving frown again.
"Who's Professor McPhail?" Cynthia
asked Snape.
"Ah," Remus said. "You kids think
Severus is bad… well, you should have met Mick Fail. He made Severus look
like a pussycat!" Now Snape was smiling too.
"He was our Defense Against the
Dark Arts teacher, and he hated everyone," Snape explained. "And I do mean
EVERYONE. He hated Lupin for being a werewolf. He hated Potter for being
- and I quote - 'a pain in the ass'." Snape's dark eyes flicked in Harry's
direction. Harry grinned. Snape's eyebrow went up. "A feeling I am not
unfamiliar with." Harry's friends laughed, while Harry just shook his head,
still grinning as Snape continued. "He hated Evans for being a Muggle and
'an insufferable know-it-all' on top of it."
"That sounds familiar," Hermione
told him pointedly. Snape actually gave her a brief smile before continuing.
"And he hated me for - "
"For being a 'creepy little git,'"
Remus interrupted, a huge grin on his face. No one dared laugh, though
Harry thought his chest was going to explode from the effort of keeping
quiet.
"Yes, I do believe those were
the words he used," Snape agreed mildly. Suddenly, his expression changed,
his brows coming together in displeasure. "Lupin!" he snapped in a growl-y
voice much lower than his own. "What's wrong with you, that you smile so
much? Your teeth hurt? You simpleminded? What? Only an imbecile would be
so happy all the time!" Remus laughed.
"Snape!" he snapped in a similar
tone. "You slink around here like a rat in a sewer. I got some rat poison
in my desk. You come see me after class, solve all your problems! And look
what you look like. Did you lose a fight with a dirt truck on your way
here?" Now Snape was laughing too, astonishing several of the partygoers,
none of whom could have imagined Snape laughing. "Ah, Mick Fail," Remus
said, shaking his head and smiling ruefully.
"So, how did he get the name
Mick Fail?" Ron asked. Remus and Snape exchanged a glance.
"Mick Fail had rather large lips
and beady little eyes," Remus began.
"He looked like Mick Jagger,"
Snape said bluntly. Harry and Hermione exchanged an astonished glance,
while Ron and Neville looked puzzled.
"How did you know who Mick Jagger
is?" Harry asked. Remus smiled.
" A certain Muggle-born girl
happened to have a photograph of him," he told Harry, who grinned. "She
passed it around to virtually everyone in the school, and thus 'Mick Fail'
was born."
"Ah," Dumbledore said softly.
"I'd always wondered where you'd gotten that name. Now I know."
"The added advantage was that
you could say it right to his face and he'd never realize," Remus said.
"Not like 'Loony Lupin' or 'Smelly Snape'," he added, raising his eyebrows
at Ron, who blushed.
"Hey, Fred and George came up
with those, not me," Ron told him.
"No doubt," Remus agreed, smiling.
"And they weren't exactly a stretch, were they?"
"And what do they call me behind my back?" Professor McGonagall asked suddenly, her eyes fixed
on Harry.
"Um," Harry said, blushing.
"Well?" Professor McGonagall
prompted. Thankfully, Remus came to Harry's rescue.
"Remember what WE called her,
Severus?" he asked, grinning.
"No, I'm afraid I don't, Lupin."
Snape said innocently.
"Certainly you do!" Remus said.
"It was right after she'd shown us how she can transform into a cat." Snape's
face was carefully blank. "I believe we called her after a certain female
character from a James Bond film." Harry thought for a moment, and then
his mouth fell open.
"You don't mean -" he began.
"Pussy Galore," Snape said quietly,
looking at the floor. The Muggle-born students gasped. Professor McGonagall
glared at Snape.
"Fifty points from Slytherin!"
she snapped, her eyes blazing behind her squared glasses. Everyone laughed.
"I don't think you can take points
from Slytherin for that, Professor McGonagall," Remus said mildly. He looked
over at Harry. "Again, we have a certain Muggle-born girl to thank for
that one." Harry groaned.
"Fifty points from Gryffindor!"
Professor McGonagall snapped angrily, now glaring at Harry as though he
were personally responsible for his mother's actions.
"Now Minerva, that's all in the
past," Dumbledore said soothingly. "And anyway, this is a student's birthday
party. We're not on school time today." She frowned darkly at him but said
nothing more on the subject.
"My students have the utmost
respect for me," Professor Trelawney twittered suddenly. "They would never
mock me behind my back, for I would know it with my Sight."
"Doubtless you are correct, Trelawney,"
Snape said dryly. Ron nudged Harry, who suddenly sat up straighter.
"Oh absolutely," Harry agreed,
trying very hard to sound like he meant it.
"We are all in awe of your Inner
Eye, Professor Trelawney," Ron said with enormous sincerity.
"Yes, we all talk about it,"
Neville put in. Professor Trelawney beamed happily, evidently not noticing
Cynthia's bemused expression or that Hermione was glaring darkly at her
friends.
"Professor Snape?" a new voice
asked timidly. A first year boy stood in the doorway, clutching his Potions
textbook and a piece of parchment.
"What is it, Jones?" Snape snapped,
suddenly back to his old self. The student looked terrified.
"I just… just…" he stammered.
"For God's sake, spit it out!"
Snape said impatiently.
"I'm having trouble with… with
the Forgetfulness Potion."
"What sort of trouble?" Snape
asked.
"I… I forget!" the poor boy said
miserably. Everyone but Snape laughed.
"Well Severus," Dumbledore said,
standing. "I think we've taken enough of your time today." Taking this
as their cue, the others stood. Amanda began putting her CDs back into
their box, while Hermione and Ron began taking down party decorations.
Snape looked chagrinned as Cynthia began gathering her gifts, clearly meaning
to leave.
"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt
- " the student began.
"Well, you have," Snape snapped,
very irritated now.
"I'm s-s-sorry, sir," the student
stammered.
"Poor kid," Neville murmured.
"I know just how he feels!" Another first year boy suddenly appeared
behind Jones. He was very out of breath, as if he'd been running.
"Professor Snape," he said breathlessly.
"Jones and I need some help with the Forgetfulness Potion."
"All right, McDougal," Snape
said, his expression softening. "Why don't you boys come have some cake
first?" Everyone stared at Snape, wondering what had caused his abrupt
change in attitude.
"Thank you, sir," the boy said
politely, motioning Jones to follow him. Not knowing what else to do, Hermione
turned two more pieces of cake out onto plastic plates and handed them
to the boys.
"This is really strange," Hermione
said, sidling over to Harry, Neville and Ron. "We know why Snape likes
Cynthia. I wonder why he likes that red-haired boy?"
"Maybe he plays on both teams,"
Ron suggested. Harry shrugged as Jones came over to join their little group.
"You're Harry Potter, aren't
you?" he asked, staring at Harry's scar in awe. Harry sighed.
"Yeah, that's me," he agreed,
looking resigned.
"You know," Ron said suddenly,
"Harry was just wondering why Snape likes your friend so much."
"I was?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, you were," Neville said,
giving him a sharp nudge in the ribs. "Remember?"
"Oh yeah," Harry agreed.
"I don't have a clue," Jones
said, taking a bite of cake. "He's had a soft spot for McDougal since the
first day of class. Even McDougal doesn't understand it. Snape hates the
rest of us, but he'll be nice to me as long as I'm with McDougal. That's
why I've paid him ten Chocolate Frogs to come with me today."
"Very odd," Ron muttered. Hermione
nodded in agreement.
"Jones?" Snape called. "Why don't you and McDougal go wait for me in my office."
"Well, I guess this is it," Jones
said, finishing his cake. "See you around." The others wished him
well, watching as he left with the red-haired boy. Cynthia walked over
to Snape. She was carrying her new cauldron, now packed with gifts.
"Thank you for everything, Professor
Snape," she said, beaming. She stood up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek again.
"I had a wonderful time."
"So did I," Snape replied softly,
looking dazed.
"Now go help those poor boys,"
she said, smiling. "They're lucky to have such a gifted teacher." Sighing
deeply, Snape watched her leave. After a moment, he followed her out the
door, going up the hall in the opposite direction towards his office where
his first year students waited.
"That's the boy," Dumbledore
said. "The red-haired one who just left."
"What about him?" Professor McGonagall
asked.
"He's Muggle-born, you know,"
Dumbledore said. Professor McGonagall nodded. "His parents
are coming next weekend to see the school," the headmaster explained. "I'm
sure they'll expect to meet with all his teachers, and I know I can count
on all of you to accommodate their wishes." He said this last bit in a
slightly louder voice, clearly meaning to include the other professors
in his announcement.
"Of course, Headmaster," Remus
agreed.
"Snape's little pet is Muggle-born?"
Ron repeated, shocked. "What the hell has gotten into Snape recently,
anyway?" Harry shrugged.
"Maybe he's been sniffing glue
after all!" he suggested with a smile.
CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 3, "Why Should I Love You?"
