The Lady and the Snape Chapter 2

"The Lady and the Snape"

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: See: Chapter 1.

Chapter 2

Don't Stand So Close To Me

The Ravenclaws departed quite soon after "Happy Birthday" had been sung, the candles had been blown out, the cake had been cut and the Ravenclaws' gifts opened and exclaimed over. Evidently, Snape's presence had put a damper on their capacity to celebrate. Nevertheless, the party continued. The desks had been pushed into a circular position around the perimeter of the room, with the guest of honor seated in the middle. Hermione had put herself in charge of handing out the birthday gifts.
"Here's one from the Headmaster," Hermione told her, handing her a small rectangular package wrapped in gilded gold paper.
"Oh," Cynthia breathed as the gold paper fell away under her fingertips to reveal a small book bound in maroon leather. The title stamped on the front in gold lettering read One Thousand and One Useful Potions for the Prevention and Cure of Common Ailments. "It's beautiful!" she exclaimed, gently thumbing through the book. Dumbledore smiled.
"It's from my private collection," he told her. She looked up, surprised. "I thought you would appreciate it more than I. I've never really been one for potion brewing, you know."
"I don't know what to say… thank you!" she said, standing and walking over to him. She surprised everyone (Dumbledore included) by leaning over and kissing him on the cheek.
"Look at Snape," Harry whispered to Ron, who glanced over at the professor and smiled. Snape's eyes were riveted to Cynthia, who was still standing over the headmaster, clasping his hands in hers and talking quietly with him.
"I bet he's hoping his gift stacks up!" Ron said.
"I wonder what he got her," Harry mused. After a few moments, she returned to her seat and accepted another gift from Hermione. It was a small box from Professor McGonagall that turned out to contain a black stone pendant set in a heart-shaped golden charm.
"When you say the proper spell, the pendant will transform into any one of seven stones," Professor McGonagall explained. "There's a little instruction sheet enclosed."
"Figures she'd get her something that had to do with Transfiguration," Ron said as Cynthia thanked McGonagall with a hug.
"Look, it's our turn," Harry said as Hermione lugged over the large package Neville had brought in earlier.
"This one is from all of us," Hermione was telling her. "Harry, Ron, Neville and I chipped in to get it for you."
"How very kind," she said, beaming at them. It took her a while to get the elaborately wrapped present open. Finally, the gift was revealed. "Just what I needed!" she said, laughing. "A new cauldron! I burned a hole in my other one, you know," she told the room in general.
"We know," Ron muttered.
"This is a SPECIAL cauldron," Hermione was telling her. "It's reinforced for extra thickness, but it's been charmed with a spell that makes it nearly weightless!"
"May I?" Snape asked softly, rising to his feet. Cynthia smiled.
"Oh by all means, Professor Snape!" He walked over and inspected the cauldron carefully, muttering to himself under his breath. As he conducted his inspection, Cynthia thanked each of the Gryffindors with a hug. Neville went an alarming shade of red when she kissed his cheek. Finally, Snape put the cauldron down, and his glittering black eyes fixed on the four Gryffindors.
"An excellent cauldron," he said grudgingly.
"Oh, we're SO glad you approve!" Ron said, unable to help himself. "It's what we LIVE for!" Snape opened his mouth, looking as though he were about to take points from Gryffindor, but Professor Trelawney interrupted.
"I have not brought you a gift of material worth," she told Cynthia in her whispery voice. "Instead, I will open my Inner Eye for you and tell you all the wonders your future holds." Snape snorted and went back to his seat. He sat down, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back in his chair. He turned his glittering stare on Professor Trelawney, who did not appear at all unnerved by his attention.
"I would be honored to have my future Divined by such a gifted Seer," Cynthia was saying gravely, though the corners of her mouth revealed a slight smile. Snape muttered something under his breath.
"Well," Hermione said into the awkward silence that followed. "Time for another gift!" She handed the Lupins' gift to Cynthia.
"Don't worry, Cynthia," Remus said as she opened the gift. "I'll teach you a protective charm so you can use it here at Hogwarts."
"A CD player!" she exclaimed. "Why thank you! I don't have one here… once you teach me that charm, I'll have to get my parents to send me some of my CDs!" She stood and thanked the Lupins, hugging them both and kissing Remus on the cheek.
"Well, that's it," Hermione said, gesturing at the empty gift table.
"Not quite," Snape said softly. Ron nudged Harry, grinning. Snape stood and walked over to Cynthia, pulling a small velvet box out of his pocket.
"It's an engagement ring," Ron suggested in a whisper. Harry snorted.
"I was in Hogsmeade the other day and I just happened to see this," Snape was saying.
"Just HAPPENED to see it my foot!" Harry said in a whisper. Neville chuckled. Smiling up at Snape, Cynthia took the box and opened it on its hinge.
"How lovely!" she exclaimed. Everyone leaned in closer to see what Snape had given her. It was a small golden butterfly, perfect in every detail from its tiny feet to its tiny antennae. Gently, she removed it from the box. "Watch," Snape said, taking it from her. "Miss Granger, if I may have your assistance…?" Looking puzzled, Hermione stepped forward. He ignored her visible flinch when he leaned over and took a lock of her hair between his fingers. He pinched the little butterfly's wings, causing a miniscule clasp to open on its underside. He closed the clasp around Hermione's hair, and the small piece of jewelry came to life, its delicate gold filigreed wings fanning gently every so often like a real butterfly perched on a flower. Cynthia's mouth fell open in surprise.
"It's beautiful!" she breathed. "I've never seen anything like it!"
"Neither have I," Neville whispered. "And I've been to every jewelry shop in Hogsmeade looking for a Christmas gift for my grandmother."
"Yeah," Ron agreed. "It has custom job written all over it in huge red lettering!"
"It only moves when it's attached to human hair," Snape was telling Cynthia. "It's some sort of special enchantment… I don't know, they tried to explain it to me, but…" he shrugged. Hermione reached up and unclasped the little golden insect, which immediately became still.
"Here, Professor Snape," she said, handing the ornament to him and going to sit with her friends. Snape gave Hermione a blank look. She rolled her eyes and gestured impatiently towards Cynthia.
"Oh," he said, as though remembering something. He held the butterfly out to Cynthia, who smiled up at him.
"Would you?" she asked, standing and turning slightly. "On the right side, I think." Slowly, he separated out a piece of her hair and perched the butterfly near her temple. It immediately fluttered into life again. "Thank you so much, Professor Snape," she said quietly, taking one of his hands and going up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "I'll treasure it always."
"As will I," Snape murmured, a seeming non sequitur. They stood frozen like that for a moment, staring at each other.
"Don't stand," Remus sang just loudly enough for everyone to hear. "Don't stand so," Amanda gave him an elbow in the ribs, which he ignored. "Don't stand so close to me." Harry and Hermione were engaged in a heroic battle to stifle their laughter, while Amanda had already lost the war with hers. Meanwhile, Cynthia's face had gone very red. She quickly released Snape's hand and stepped away from him. Ron and Neville looked puzzled, as did Professor McGonagall and Professor Trelawney, while Dumbledore's face had a thoughtful expression. Snape's glittering black eyes swept over the laughing Muggles and Remus, who was trying very hard to keep a straight face. Snape had no clear idea what was so funny, but he was pretty sure that everyone was laughing at him. Eyes narrowed but otherwise expressionless, Snape turned, looking like he was ready to stalk out of the room in anger. Cynthia grabbed his arm.
"Wait, don't go," she pleaded, her face still crimson. He stopped, looking torn. Slowly, she looked up at him. "They're not laughing at YOU," she reassured him softly. "They're laughing at ME." Dumbledore exchanged a look with Professor McGonagall, whose eyebrows went up. Not many people could read Snape well enough to realize that he was more hurt than angry at being laughed at and would rather die than show it.
"What makes you think they are laughing at you?" Snape asked Cynthia, sounding puzzled. Still gripping his arm, she looked at the floor.
"Because I know that song." At his questioning look, she elaborated. "It's a Police song about… well, it's a Police song." Snape's brow furrowed in puzzlement.
"The police… they are Muggle law enforcement officers, yes?" he asked in a tone that indicated that he was certain he was missing something. No one dared laugh, though the desire to do so nearly overwhelmed several people present. Cynthia gave him a little smile.
"That's right," she agreed. "But The Police is also the name of a band… well, they WERE a band…" She released his arm and waved her hand impatiently. "It doesn't matter. Come on, let's sit down." She took his arm again, guided him to a seat and sat down next to him.
"And anyway, Severus, poking fun at one's professors is the God-given right of students everywhere!" Remus put in, earning a disapproving frown from Professor McGonagall.
"Oh, is that in the American Constitution?" Snape asked sarcastically.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is," Amanda told him, grinning. She turned towards her husband. "Tell Professor Snape what you've gotten in your mailbox recently."
"Let's see," Remus said, also smiling. "There was the can of Alpo, the box of Iams Lamb and Rice Dog Biscuits, and of course the Advantage flea treatment." Harry and his friends were laughing, while Professor McGonagall's frown deepened.
"I got a leash and dog collar in mine," Amanda volunteered, sending the students into hysterics. Judging by the expression on his face, Dumbledore was trying very hard not to join them.
"Have you put him on the leash yet?" Ron managed to choke out.
"No," she deadpanned, giving Remus a significant look. "Not yet." Even Professor McGonagall laughed at this. The only one not laughing was Snape.
"Oh come on, Severus!" Remus prodded. "Surely you recall Professor McPhail."
"Mick Fail," Snape said automatically, the corners of his lips twitching as though he was trying not to smile. Remus snickered. Professor McGonagall had her disapproving frown again.
"Who's Professor McPhail?" Cynthia asked Snape.
"Ah," Remus said. "You kids think Severus is bad… well, you should have met Mick Fail. He made Severus look like a pussycat!" Now Snape was smiling too.
"He was our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and he hated everyone," Snape explained. "And I do mean EVERYONE. He hated Lupin for being a werewolf. He hated Potter for being - and I quote - 'a pain in the ass'." Snape's dark eyes flicked in Harry's direction. Harry grinned. Snape's eyebrow went up. "A feeling I am not unfamiliar with." Harry's friends laughed, while Harry just shook his head, still grinning as Snape continued. "He hated Evans for being a Muggle and 'an insufferable know-it-all' on top of it."
"That sounds familiar," Hermione told him pointedly. Snape actually gave her a brief smile before continuing.
"And he hated me for - "
"For being a 'creepy little git,'" Remus interrupted, a huge grin on his face. No one dared laugh, though Harry thought his chest was going to explode from the effort of keeping quiet.
"Yes, I do believe those were the words he used," Snape agreed mildly. Suddenly, his expression changed, his brows coming together in displeasure. "Lupin!" he snapped in a growl-y voice much lower than his own. "What's wrong with you, that you smile so much? Your teeth hurt? You simpleminded? What? Only an imbecile would be so happy all the time!" Remus laughed.
"Snape!" he snapped in a similar tone. "You slink around here like a rat in a sewer. I got some rat poison in my desk. You come see me after class, solve all your problems! And look what you look like. Did you lose a fight with a dirt truck on your way here?" Now Snape was laughing too, astonishing several of the partygoers, none of whom could have imagined Snape laughing. "Ah, Mick Fail," Remus said, shaking his head and smiling ruefully.
"So, how did he get the name Mick Fail?" Ron asked. Remus and Snape exchanged a glance.
"Mick Fail had rather large lips and beady little eyes," Remus began.
"He looked like Mick Jagger," Snape said bluntly. Harry and Hermione exchanged an astonished glance, while Ron and Neville looked puzzled.
"How did you know who Mick Jagger is?" Harry asked. Remus smiled.
" A certain Muggle-born girl happened to have a photograph of him," he told Harry, who grinned. "She passed it around to virtually everyone in the school, and thus 'Mick Fail' was born."
"Ah," Dumbledore said softly. "I'd always wondered where you'd gotten that name. Now I know."
"The added advantage was that you could say it right to his face and he'd never realize," Remus said. "Not like 'Loony Lupin' or 'Smelly Snape'," he added, raising his eyebrows at Ron, who blushed.
"Hey, Fred and George came up with those, not me," Ron told him.
"No doubt," Remus agreed, smiling. "And they weren't exactly a stretch, were they?"
"And what do they call me behind my back?" Professor McGonagall asked suddenly, her eyes fixed on Harry.
"Um," Harry said, blushing.
"Well?" Professor McGonagall prompted. Thankfully, Remus came to Harry's rescue.
"Remember what WE called her, Severus?" he asked, grinning.
"No, I'm afraid I don't, Lupin." Snape said innocently.
"Certainly you do!" Remus said. "It was right after she'd shown us how she can transform into a cat." Snape's face was carefully blank. "I believe we called her after a certain female character from a James Bond film." Harry thought for a moment, and then his mouth fell open.
"You don't mean -" he began.
"Pussy Galore," Snape said quietly, looking at the floor. The Muggle-born students gasped. Professor McGonagall glared at Snape.
"Fifty points from Slytherin!" she snapped, her eyes blazing behind her squared glasses. Everyone laughed.
"I don't think you can take points from Slytherin for that, Professor McGonagall," Remus said mildly. He looked over at Harry. "Again, we have a certain Muggle-born girl to thank for that one." Harry groaned.
"Fifty points from Gryffindor!" Professor McGonagall snapped angrily, now glaring at Harry as though he were personally responsible for his mother's actions.
"Now Minerva, that's all in the past," Dumbledore said soothingly. "And anyway, this is a student's birthday party. We're not on school time today." She frowned darkly at him but said nothing more on the subject.
"My students have the utmost respect for me," Professor Trelawney twittered suddenly. "They would never mock me behind my back, for I would know it with my Sight."
"Doubtless you are correct, Trelawney," Snape said dryly. Ron nudged Harry, who suddenly sat up straighter.
"Oh absolutely," Harry agreed, trying very hard to sound like he meant it.
"We are all in awe of your Inner Eye, Professor Trelawney," Ron said with enormous sincerity.
"Yes, we all talk about it," Neville put in. Professor Trelawney beamed happily, evidently not noticing Cynthia's bemused expression or that Hermione was glaring darkly at her friends.
"Professor Snape?" a new voice asked timidly. A first year boy stood in the doorway, clutching his Potions textbook and a piece of parchment.
"What is it, Jones?" Snape snapped, suddenly back to his old self. The student looked terrified.
"I just… just…" he stammered.
"For God's sake, spit it out!" Snape said impatiently.
"I'm having trouble with… with the Forgetfulness Potion."
"What sort of trouble?" Snape asked.
"I… I forget!" the poor boy said miserably. Everyone but Snape laughed.
"Well Severus," Dumbledore said, standing. "I think we've taken enough of your time today." Taking this as their cue, the others stood. Amanda began putting her CDs back into their box, while Hermione and Ron began taking down party decorations. Snape looked chagrinned as Cynthia began gathering her gifts, clearly meaning to leave.
"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt - " the student began.
"Well, you have," Snape snapped, very irritated now.
"I'm s-s-sorry, sir," the student stammered.
"Poor kid," Neville murmured. "I know just how he feels!" Another first year boy suddenly appeared behind Jones. He was very out of breath, as if he'd been running.
"Professor Snape," he said breathlessly. "Jones and I need some help with the Forgetfulness Potion."
"All right, McDougal," Snape said, his expression softening. "Why don't you boys come have some cake first?" Everyone stared at Snape, wondering what had caused his abrupt change in attitude.
"Thank you, sir," the boy said politely, motioning Jones to follow him. Not knowing what else to do, Hermione turned two more pieces of cake out onto plastic plates and handed them to the boys.
"This is really strange," Hermione said, sidling over to Harry, Neville and Ron. "We know why Snape likes Cynthia. I wonder why he likes that red-haired boy?"
"Maybe he plays on both teams," Ron suggested. Harry shrugged as Jones came over to join their little group.
"You're Harry Potter, aren't you?" he asked, staring at Harry's scar in awe. Harry sighed.
"Yeah, that's me," he agreed, looking resigned.
"You know," Ron said suddenly, "Harry was just wondering why Snape likes your friend so much."
"I was?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, you were," Neville said, giving him a sharp nudge in the ribs. "Remember?"
"Oh yeah," Harry agreed.
"I don't have a clue," Jones said, taking a bite of cake. "He's had a soft spot for McDougal since the first day of class. Even McDougal doesn't understand it. Snape hates the rest of us, but he'll be nice to me as long as I'm with McDougal. That's why I've paid him ten Chocolate Frogs to come with me today."
"Very odd," Ron muttered. Hermione nodded in agreement.
"Jones?" Snape called. "Why don't you and McDougal go wait for me in my office."
"Well, I guess this is it," Jones said, finishing his cake. "See you around." The others wished him well, watching as he left with the red-haired boy. Cynthia walked over to Snape. She was carrying her new cauldron, now packed with gifts.
"Thank you for everything, Professor Snape," she said, beaming. She stood up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek again. "I had a wonderful time."
"So did I," Snape replied softly, looking dazed.
"Now go help those poor boys," she said, smiling. "They're lucky to have such a gifted teacher." Sighing deeply, Snape watched her leave. After a moment, he followed her out the door, going up the hall in the opposite direction towards his office where his first year students waited.
"That's the boy," Dumbledore said. "The red-haired one who just left."
"What about him?" Professor McGonagall asked.
"He's Muggle-born, you know," Dumbledore said. Professor McGonagall nodded. "His parents are coming next weekend to see the school," the headmaster explained. "I'm sure they'll expect to meet with all his teachers, and I know I can count on all of you to accommodate their wishes." He said this last bit in a slightly louder voice, clearly meaning to include the other professors in his announcement.
"Of course, Headmaster," Remus agreed.
"Snape's little pet is Muggle-born?" Ron repeated, shocked. "What the hell has gotten into Snape recently, anyway?" Harry shrugged.
"Maybe he's been sniffing glue after all!" he suggested with a smile.

CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 3, "Why Should I Love You?"