"The Lady and the Snape"
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: You know the drill. JKR, no money, etc.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Again I am indebted to Riley
and her fic Pawn to Queen, which suggested to me the idea of blending
wizardry with Muggle science and medical theory.
Chapter 4
Fragile
"Oh!" Amanda Lupin exclaimed,
"I didn't know anyone was in here!" Snape looked up from the scroll he
was grading to regard her with a cold stare. To her credit, she did not
drop her eyes, instead returning his stare with a mixture of amusement
and curiosity. Snape was the first to look away.
"As this is the Staff
Room and you are staff no matter what my personal opinion may be on that
situation, you might as well sit down," he grumbled. Smiling, she set her
portable stereo on the table and took a seat across from him.
"I've got a huge stack
of compositions to grade," she confided, pushing a button on the stereo.
"When I was in college, I hated writing papers. I never realized
I was the LUCKY ONE! I only had to write ONE paper - my poor teacher had
to grade thirty or more!" She jammed a cassette tape into the stereo, shut
the little door, and pushed Play. Immediately, Muggle music filled
the Staff Room and she set about grading the stack of parchments before
her. He stole a look at her, engrossed in her work as she was. It was nearly
Christmas, and she had grown visibly pregnant in the past few months. Though
she had initially put on weight, she now appeared to have lost it again
and then some, and her pale skin looked quite a bit paler to Snape. There
were dark circles under her eyes, and her usually shiny coppery-blonde
hair looked lank and dull. He frowned, biting his lip in thought.
"Hey, take a picture,
it'll last longer," Amanda told him without looking up from the parchment
she was grading. It took him a moment to figure out what she meant, but
when he finally made sense of her words, his pale face flushed scarlet
in embarrassment at having been caught staring. He tried to turn his attention
back to his work, but was distracted by the music. It was simple, not overly
produced with the flashy, electricity-driven instruments that seemed to
characterize so much of the Muggle music he'd heard. This was just a man
singing, backed by a piano. He picked up the empty tape case and inspected
it idly. The front was a picture of a red flag with a black square in its
center. The words Billy Joel and Storm Front were printed
on it in opposite corners in white lettering. Snape opened the tape case
and pulled out the insert. Inside was a picture of a dark-haired Muggle
man standing against a dark blue sky whose color held the promise of stormy
weather in the near future. His hands were thrust into his coat pockets
and he stared off at something in the distance that was not visible in
the photograph. Though the photograph did not move, Snape thought that
the Muggle looked quite a bit wizard-ish in his long black coat with its
collar turned up against the cold. Carefully placing the insert back in
its tape case, Snape decided that Billy Joel was at least tolerable… in
fact, he found that he rather
liked this particular song…
On the Friday after
his encounter with Amanda and his introduction to the music of Billy Joel,
a very sad-looking Madame Pomfrey came to him with a quiet request for
batch of a potion that he'd never brewed before. The next day, he stood
in the otherwise empty Potions classroom, stirring a bubbling cauldron
almost absently as he reread the recipe for the unfamiliar brew. He wanted
to be sure he'd gotten it right; one little mistake here or there would
lead to unpleasant side effects for the potion's intended recipient. As
if the intended effect weren't unpleasant enough, he thought without
humor. I wonder which of the silly little twittering fools it's for.
Well, if this doesn't teach her to be more careful in the future, nothing
will… I doubt she will wish to repeat this experience. He watched with
satisfaction as the potion's color suddenly changed from green to a deep
ruby red. Like blood, he thought as he ladled some out into a goblet.
How
appropriate.
He so often carried
noxious-looking (and smelling) potions through the school that no one looked
twice at him as he carried the smoking goblet through the hallways and
into the hospital wing. He opened the door and entered the waiting area,
where he started in shock.
"Hathaway," he said
quietly. She looked up at him from her seat and gave him a wan smile.
"Hello, Professor Snape,"
she said quietly. She looked as though she had been crying recently. "I
see you've brought it." Trying hard not to allow his emotions to show on
his face, he nodded wordlessly. At that moment, Madame Pomfrey came bustling
out of the ward.
"Oh, Severus," she
said in a subdued tone. "Thank you so much for your trouble. I don't know
what we'd do without you." Snape was still looking at Cynthia.
"I understand that
the process can quite unpleasant," he told her softly. "Madame Pomfrey
will give you a much stronger version of the Dreamless Sleep potion first
so that you won't be aware of what's happening." He suddenly realized that
both Cynthia and Madame Pomfrey were staring at him oddly.
"It's… it's not for
me, Professor Snape," Cynthia said finally, her face going quite red at
the implication. Madame Pomfrey looked shocked at the suggestion.
"Of course it's not
for her! Why in Merlin's name would Cynthia need a Termination Potion?"
Snape felt like melting into the floor with relief. However, Madame Pomfrey
was giving him a stare that suggested he'd better hop to it. Sighing, he
followed her into the ward, where he saw Amanda lying in one of the beds.
She looked drugged. Lupin sat in a chair at her side, holding her hand
and looking indescribably sad. Neither of them looked over at the sound
of people entering the ward.
"It has to be done,"
Madame Pomfrey told Snape sadly. "She's begun getting sick around the time
of the full moon. And then she went down to Cornwall to see a Muggle doctor,
some relation of Cynthia's."
"A cousin, I believe,"
Snape said quietly. Madame Pomfrey nodded.
"Yes, that's it. Cynthia
told her about Remus's condition. The Muggle doctor did some kind of test
with a machine… she could actually see the baby inside Amanda!"
She waved her hand at Snape's surprised look. "No, I don't know how it
works. I only know that what Amanda's carrying is neither human nor werewolf.
It's…" She shuddered, then shook her head as if to clear it. "The Muggle
doctor took some blood from Remus… she said she wanted to study his condition.
She told him that the werewolf bite had somehow altered his DNA." Snape
looked startled by this information. "Any child that he fathers will be…
like this one." Snape closed his eyes for a moment, his sharp, analytical
mind racing furiously. The infective agent for lycanthropy must rearrange
the victim's genetic code on the molecular level… any possible cure would
have to take that into account… He relished the challenge of creating
an entirely new potion, the research, the experimentation, and the painstaking
formulation of ingredients to achieve the desired results. He was so skilled
at it that it was almost like a game to him. Can you, Severus? he
thought. Can you? "Shall we?" Madame Pomfrey's voice brought him
out of his reverie. Not particularly looking forward to the task at hand,
he nodded and followed her to Amanda's bedside.
"So," Snape said softly.
At the sound of his voice Lupin looked up at him, wearing an expression
of such intense hatred that Snape actually flinched. "That's right, Lupin,"
Snape said quietly. "Hate me for doing what must be done so that you need
not hate yourself more than you already do for creating the situation."
All traces of malice and sarcasm were gone from his voice now. In fact,
his tone was actually compassionate. Lupin swallowed convulsively, his
face bloodless. He stared at Snape for a moment, then used his free hand
to motion towards Amanda. Snape came close to the bed and bent over her.
"Amanda," he said in a gentler tone than Lupin had ever heard him use before.
"Mmmm," she said, stirring
slightly. Snape continued in that same gentle voice.
"I've got something
for you to drink, Sweeting." He ignored Lupin's startled look at the endearment,
instead concentrating on helping Amanda raise herself to a half-sitting
position.
"So tired… just want…
sleep." she murmured, her words slurred from the effects of the Dreamless
Sleep potion she'd been given.
"I know, Precious,"
Snape agreed. "I promise you can go right back to sleep as soon as you
drink this." He put his free arm around her shoulders and put the goblet
to her lips. As the smoking fumes reached her nose, she groaned and shook
her head, her arms coming up weakly to try to push Snape away. Her struggles
were so pathetic that it made his heart ache to watch her. He heard Lupin
make a strangled sound and could only imagine what the other man must be
feeling. Steeling himself to do what he knew he must, Snape tightened his
arm around Amanda and placed the rim of the goblet against her lips once
more. Moaning, Amanda pressed her lips tightly together. Madame Pomfrey
moved forward and deftly pinched Amanda's nose. When she opened her mouth
to breathe, Snape saw his chance. Child, I am sorry, he thought
as he poured in a bit of the foul-smelling ruby liquid, taking care that
she didn't choke. He waited for her to swallow, then repeated the process.
When he judged that the amount was sufficient, he set the goblet on the
table beside her bed. "There, that's all, Sweeting," he murmured, gently
settling her back into the bed and pulling the covers up to her chin as
one would a small child. "Soon it will all be over." Out of the corner
of his eye, Snape saw Lupin wipe his wet cheeks roughly with the back of
one hand.
"How you must be enjoying
this, Severus," he said, now holding Amanda's limp hand between both of
his own. His voice was low and full of loathing, though Snape was uncertain
as to whether Lupin's hatred was directed at him or at himself.
"Believe what you will,
Lupin," Snape said quietly. His voice sounded strange. Lupin looked at
Snape sharply; surely he must be imagining things, for it suddenly seemed
that the dark, cold eyes of the Potions Master were glittering with tears.
"But I give you my word that I find no joy in murdering children… or dreams."
He looked Lupin squarely in the eye as he said the last. After a moment,
Lupin dropped his eyes, looking down at Amanda's hand clasped between his
own. Snape sighed and reached out absently to stroke Amanda's hair.
Snape walked briskly
through the waiting area, intending to make a quick escape, but Cynthia's
voice stopped him.
"How is she?" she asked
quietly. Snape sighed.
"She's had the Termination
Potion. All that remains to be done now is wait." Cynthia nodded. He would
have liked to say more, but he found he was having a difficult time thinking
clearly. With a murmured apology, he left. It was only a few weeks until
Christmas (and a Saturday besides), so most of the students who were allowed
were down in Hogsmeade doing some last minute shopping, leaving the corridors
nearly deserted. Those few students and professors he did encounter took
one look at the expression on Snape's face and thought better of attempting
to engage him in conversation. He paused as he passed the Staff Room, wondering
if anyone had made coffee that day. He opened the door and entered. The
Staff Room held one other occupant that afternoon. She sat at one of the
tables with Amanda's portable stereo before her, pushing its buttons with
no result and murmuring to herself. At last she noticed Snape standing
in the doorway.
"Hello, Severus," Professor
Trelawney said in her whispery voice. She held up a bone china cup filled
with light brown liquid. "Would you care for some tea?"
"No," Snape said in
a biting voice. "I would not care for some tea." Professor Trelawney
appeared unruffled by his response.
"I would be quite happy
to read your tea leaves for you, Severus. Would you not like to know what
your future holds?" she asked as she continued to press random buttons
on the stereo.
"If my future is going
to be anything like my past, I would rather be unpleasantly surprised."
Snape said in a tone of finality. "And," he said, grabbing the little stereo
by its handle and snatching it out of the reach of her fingers, "Even I can predict with certainty that you will break this if you continue to
carry on as you have." With his other hand, he grabbed the small box of
tapes and CDs that had sat next to it. "I'll just take these for safekeeping,
shall I?"
"But - " Professor
Trelawney began. Ignoring her faint protest, Snape swept out of the room,
taking Amanda's possessions with him.
Snape went to his office
and set his new acquisitions on his desk. He went to the bookshelves and
began selecting books. When he'd accumulated quite a sizable stack, he
went back to his desk. There was a knock at the door.
"Come," he said absently,
sitting down and opening one of the books. The door opened.
"Ah, Severus," Dumbledore
said pleasantly. "An owl came for you this morning at breakfast." He held
up a sealed white envelope with Professor Severus Snape written
across the front. Snape took it without comment, watching in dismay as
Dumbledore settled himself into one of the seats in front of his desk.
He really was not in the mood for one of Dumbledore's fatherly chats, and
Snape was absolutely certain he'd scream if the headmaster mentioned… "I
heard about Amanda Lupin," Dumbledore said right on cue. "I understand
you made the potion for her?" Snape nodded silently, his expression not
inviting further conversation on the subject. Dumbledore seemed to pick
up on the hint. "Well," he said standing. "I'll leave you to your books,
Severus. If you ever feel like talking, you know where to find me. The
password this week is candy cane." It would be, wouldn't it? Snape thought as Dumbledore left. He opened the envelope the headmaster
had brought him, revealing a Muggle greeting card showing a snowy city
scene with the words Best Wishes For A Joyous Holiday Season embossed
in silver letters at the top. He flipped the card open to see a Muggle
photograph of Dr. and Mrs. McDougal posed stiffly on the sofa in their
living room and looking quite uncomfortable. Snape noted that they did
not touch. Michael sat on the floor at their feet, wearing a big smile
that somehow seemed a bit forced. Printed inside the card were the words
Merry
Christmas From The McDougal Family - Reginald, Maryanne, and Michael.
A handwritten note had been added:
Dear Severus,
I hope this card finds you happy and well. I've been quite busy with preparations for Christmas and so have found it difficult to make the time to write, but I promise I will do better in the future.
I am so glad to hear that Michael is doing well in Potions. I've often wondered how Dr. McDougal and I ended up with a child at Hogwarts… there are no wizards or witches in either of our families. Still, I am pleased that he does well and seems to enjoy it.
I hope you will be able to find the time to visit us for awhile over the Christmas holiday. I would love to have you for Christmas dinner. Bring a friend if you like.
Love,
Maryanne McDougal
Snape stood the card on his desk where he could see it easily. There was something very homey about the scene on the front; the snow-covered roofs, the people on the sidewalks carrying packages wrapped in festive ribbons and bows, and the warm glow of lamplight from the shop windows. He took a fresh sheet of parchment from his top desk drawer and began to write.
Dear Mrs. McDougal,
Thank you for your kind invitation. A pressing research project that will require my full attention throughout the holiday break has suddenly come up, but I would very much enjoy having Christmas dinner at your home.
Best Wishes,
Severus
Without giving himself
a chance to change his mind about accepting the invitation, he rolled up
the parchment and sealed it with a hastily murmured spell, then turned
his attention back to his books.
"Professor Snape?" Snape
looked up to see Cynthia standing in his office doorway, looking sad and
tired. He suddenly realized that several hours had gone by since he had
begun reading; the candles on his desk had burned down almost to their
ends.
"What is it, Hathaway?"
he asked.
"It's… um… it's over.
Madame Pomfrey said Amanda's doing 'as well as can be expected'."
"Ah. And Lupin?" Snape
asked.
"He's…" she looked
at the floor. "I didn't see him. Madame Pomfrey made him stay in the hospital
wing and take a dose of Dreamless Sleep potion. Regular strength - not
like she gave Amanda." Snape nodded. There was an awkward silence. Snape
looked down at the open book before him.
"I do not actually
hate the woman, you know," he finally said. "It… today was not something
I would have wished upon her." Cynthia nodded.
"I know." She wondered
why he felt she would believe that he wished Amanda ill, and then her mind
quickly made the jump. "And I'm sure that once… once some time passes,
Professor Lupin will not blame you for Amanda's suffering."
"Well," Snape said
softly. "We will see about that." She turned to leave, but then stopped.
"If you need anything…"
she began.
"Come to Ravenclaw
and ask for you?" he asked, a bit of his ironic humor resurfacing briefly.
She snorted, imagining how such a scene would likely play out.
"Yeah, well… I hadn't
thought…" She shook her head. "Look, I'll see you later."
"All right, Hathaway,"
he said softly. She held his gaze for a moment before leaving, pulling
the office door shut behind her.
The werewolf chased
Amanda through the Forbidden Forest. He could hear her ragged breathing
and smell her fear, potent and tantalizing in the darkness of the forest.
For a moment it seemed she might outdistance him and make her escape, but
her foot suddenly caught on a protruding tree root and she tumbled to the
ground. Within moments, he had closed the distance between them. The light
of the full moon illuminated her face as he straddled her body. Her eyes
looked drugged and unfocused.
"No… please, don't,"
she murmured weakly, feebly trying to push him away. Growling, he sank
his teeth into her throat. Almost immediately, he felt the transformation
take him and he was human again, lying on top of Amanda's dead body, the
taste of her blood still In his mouth.
"Amanda, oh God,
what have I done?" he cried. Suddenly Snape appeared, carrying a smoking
goblet full of one of his noxious concoctions and surveying the scene before
him with disdain.
"So," he said softly.
"You should have listened to me, Lupin." His black eyes glittered in the
moonlight. "I told you that you'd do her harm, and I was right."
Remus woke suddenly
in unfamiliar surroundings, momentarily unsure where he was. Then he remembered:
the hospital wing. The Dreamless Sleep potion must have worn off, he thought ruefully. As he began to wake up more, he realized he heard
music. He rolled over to look at Amanda sleeping in the bed next to his
and nearly died of shock. I must still be dreaming…
Sitting in a chair
next to her bed was Snape. He slept as soundly as Amanda, his head back
and his mouth slightly open. He held one of her hands in his. The other
rested on the open journal on his lap. There were several books stacked
on the nightstand, along with Amanda's portable stereo, which was producing
the faint music.
"Drink this, dear,"
Madame Pomfrey said softly. Remus started; she had moved so quietly that
he hadn't realized she was there. She was holding a goblet of potion. "You
need your rest." He sat up. She handed him the goblet and watched as he
drank it down. "Now, go back to sleep," she said, taking the empty goblet
from him and watching as he settled back into the bed. He could feel the
potion working almost immediately; it was getting harder and harder to
keep his eyes open. He glanced over at Snape, still asleep in his chair.
The music continued to play softly.
Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime's argument
How did Severus get her stereo?Remus thought muzzily. And what the hell is he doing here, anyway? He certainly doesn't look like he'd come to gloat. As the potion finally overcame him, he put thoughts of Snape out of his mind and allowed himself to be lulled into dreamless sleep by Sting's voice.
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are.
On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star, like tears from a star.
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are, how fragile we are.
CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 5, "So This Is Christmas"
