Super Smash Brothers:
Winner and Still Champion
A Fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash

A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that
appear, such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them
(You know who you are), and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol after
the names, except that
1. We don't know how and
2. we are lazy.
Okay, _that's_ cleared up.

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we
don't want to hear it.

We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally
don't develop strong feelings to anyone.

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :)

A final note: You hay find our humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.
You can feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not
read them.

***

Part Five: Victory

Zelda walked up the flight of stairs. She entered the stadium and was relieved to find the
battle arena was Hyrule Castle.

"At least he's in his home turf," she said to herself.

***

"Well, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Time to do my thing!"

"Yes," said the Master. *There is no _way_,* he thought, * that scrawny little elf can beat
Bowser!* (Editor's note: Little did he know that, to quote Nintendo Power, 'Link may
look like a scrawny little elf, but he has the strength of _ten_ scrawny little
elves!'-Deadeye)

"Ya wanna bet?" I asked. The Master fumed as he realized that he was broadcasting his
thoughts. *This gets _really_ annoying sometimes.*

"I bet!" I ran off.

***
Meanwhile outside, a rousing Hylian march began to play. I floated gracefully to the
ground. I waved and smiled weakly at Zelda. She said something, but I couldn't hear over
the roar of the cybernetic crowd. But I was fairly sure it was, "...'Till all hope is lost!"

I turned back to see a billowing cloud of flame in front of me.

*This is _not helping_!*

The flames stopped, revealing Bowser. He flexed his Koopa muscles. I swallowed, but
regained my composure.

*'Till all hope is lost, 'Till all hope is lost...*

We shook hands (spikes). I withdrew my sword. A bell rang.

***

Most of the fight was a blur. I remember the crowds were pleased. I also remember
blowing up Bowser with a bomb, but he countered by inhaling and breathing fire. It
singed my hair and clothes. I remember coughing up blood after a vicious uppercut to the
ribs. The only thing that kept me going was

*...all hope is lost, 'Till all hope is lost, 'Till all...*

***

I panted heavily and spit blood out of my mouth. A vicious slash from Bowser had torn
off the left part of my tunic from the shoulder to my belt. A deep line of red went down
my bared chest. On the rest of my outfit, in many places, five lines (claw marks) with
corresponding deep gashes. One leg couldn't support my weight and I limped. My
damage registered at 210%. Not good.

Bowser had a few scratches (the best my sword could manage) and a few singe marks
from my bombs, but he looked calm and smug. His damage was 50%.

I blinked as a drop of blood trickled down from my hairline. It flowed down my forehead
and over my eyebrows, obscuring my vision with a haze of red. Bowser chose that
moment to lower his horns. I braced myself and feebly repeated, "'Till all hope...is
lost...Arrrrugh!"

I was thrown through the air and landed inches from the edge. I was paralyzed with pain.
Bowser smirked. He wanted to finish the fight with one blow. And here it comes...

It's impossible to describe the flimsy, scarcely sane whim upon which I acted. But it
worked.

Gripping the edge behind me, I arched my back. Seconds before he hit, I did a backflip
and clung to the edge. A startled Bowser tried to stop, but was sent flailing off the edge. I
watched his windmilling arms fall ever downward. I pulled myself up and turned to face
Zelda in the stands.

"NEVER LOSE HOPE," I screamed. Zelda's eyes met my own. With my last ounce of
strength, I struck a pose. " 'TILL ALL HOPE...IS LOST!" Zelda's eye's welled with tears
of joy. I collapsed on the ground. The crowds went wild.

I was healed as quickly as possible, but it didn't help my shredded tunic. Let me tell you.
When someone lifts your hand in the air, it's the best feeling in the world! I shook hands
with Bowser, who regretfully agreed that we should unite against a common enemy. I
was led outside, where Zelda was waiting for me.

In slow motion, we ran towards each other, tears glistening in our eyes. She leapt into the
air. I caught her on the way down.

" 'Till all hope is lost!" we said almost simultaneously.

Fox thumped me on the back. "Awesome! What a comeback!"

Pika pi! WOW!

Puff! Excellent!

Amid a sea of compliments, I walked home hand in hand with Zelda. Fox watched our
departure, a lighthearted look replacing his usually serious countenance.

"They make a great couple."

Pikapi! I should know!

"Huh?"

Pikachu! How 'bout Ash and Misty?

"You have a point!"

Pipipipipipipi!

***

I lay in bed and looked out the window at the setting sun. The door opened and Zelda
came in with a tray of tea. I thanked her and she left. I began to think. Zelda...I knew I
felt something for her, and she felt likewise. But it was still hazy and imperceptible. I
tried to stop thinking but I couldn't. I fell asleep repeating in my mind the time yesterday
when we almost...almost...

***

I was awakened by a blinding ray of light and a calm and soothing, "Hey! Hey
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!"

"Gah!"

"Wake up! You slept through dinner and all night! You must have been pretty tired!"
Two separate blurred images merged into one.

"But I don't _wanna_ go to school..."

I became aware that Zelda was shaking me.

"Wake up!"

"Hey," I said." If _you'd_ just finished fighting an eight-foot tall, irate, firebreathing
turtle with spikes and eyebrows, _you'd_ be pretty tired _too_! Eyebrows! Do you hear
me, Zelda? EYEBROWS!" I jabbed the table with my finger.

"Well, I hope you're rested _now_, 'cause we had to reschedule your victory party!"

"My what now?"

"Your _victory party_! A 210-50 upset doesn't come along every day!"

My eyes went wide. "You...threw a party? For me?"

"Of course, silly!"

"Thanks!"

"You also missed the announcement of the next match, too. Hitmonchan will fight the
Yoshi team."

"Now _this_ I gotta see!"

I dressed as quickly as possible and inhaled a bowl of cereal, Kirby-style. I was out the
door.

***

At the stadium, I noticed that there was a new ring. I looked like an oversized boxing
ring, with ropes and turnbuckles. A sphere, like the ones what's his name, Ash, carried,
was thrown into the ring. It split open with a flash of light to reveal Hitmonchan. It
surveyed the ring with satisfaction. But three Yoshis dropped from the sky and the fight
was on.

***

It is impossible to describe the scene that ensued. If I could sum it up in one word, it
would be: "DUCK!"

The instant the fight started, Hitmonchan went completely berserk. Yoshis came at it, but
each went sailing off with a single punch. The viewscreen couldn't handle all the Yoshis
entering and leaving the fight: it malfunctioned, and burned out with a shower of sparks.
Meanwhile the fight raged on.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! MOOOOOOOOOOON! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

I dodged one flying Yoshi, then another. I was about to warn Zelda about a third when...

*Wham!*

A red Yoshi laid dazed in my lap. I levered it off and onto the ground. Sheesh.

Finally there was only one Yoshi left. Hitmonchan caught it with a glancing blow to the
jaw and it was sent reeling into the ropes, but bounced back. Hitmonchan started to wind
up, up, up....

*Sigh,* it thought. *No rest for the ruthless...*

*POW!*

The last Yoshi sailed over the horizon. Hitmonchan folded its arms in satisfaction.

"Hit!"

***

THAT NIGHT, AT LINK'S VICTORY PARTY:

I wandered around in search of Zelda. The music was about to start and I wanted to
dance with her. Not finding her, I grew worried. I turned around to see a redhead with sea
blue-green eyes, whats-her-name, um, Misty? Yeah.

"Want to dance?" she asked brightly.

I thought a while. "Ahh, okay..."

*What could go wrong?*

More then I could possibly imagine.

Misty was a good dancer, and I quickly picked it up. Pretty soon, the others had stopped
and turned to watch us. We were having so much fun that we didn't notice two faces.

*What's he doing? Why isn't he dancing with me? He's out there with...MISTY??? What
is he thinking?*

*Where,* thought Ash Kechum, *Is Misty? She said she wanted to dance with me, but
she disappeared...I thought she...WHAT THE HELL?*

Unbeknownst to me, Ash and Zelda met. They unanimously agreed to one unspoken
thought:

*They're gonna pay.*

Meanwhile the song was nearing the end. Misty and I did a graceful finale and bowed as
everyone clapped.

*We'll need a diversion,* they unanimously thought.

A yellow blur appeared between us.

There was a blinding flash of light.

I lost consciousness.

***

I woke up a few minutes later. My hair and clothes were blackened and charred. I
became aware that Zelda was shaking me.

"Huh? Who? What? Where?"

Before I could continue, Zenda drew back and

*THWACK!*

My burning cheek throbbed from the slap. I stifled my anger, saying only, "Come with
me." I led her towards a door. I got a glimpse of Ash chewing out Misty. I slammed the
door behind me.

"Listen," I pronounced, with amazing restraint. "Listen very carefully." It couldn't last.

"WHAT THE **** DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"Um...you...I wanted to dance with you but..."

I could tell what she ment, and handled it in a mature, responsible manner.

"I DIDN'T KNOW WHO THE **** SHE WAS OR WHERE THE **** SHE CAME
FROM! I DIDN'T KNOW SHE ******* EXISTED UNTIL NOW!"

"But you didn't wait for me and..."

"And naturally you assumed that I would rather dance with a total stranger then with
you."

"Oh no...I'm so sorry!"

"I'm sorry too. But you know, I would hav much rather danced with you because I
lo...GAAAAK!

The door flew open and Ash dragged me outside. With "Ooh's" and "Ahh's" the crowd
followed.

"No weapons," Ash said coldly. He handed his balls to Misty. (Don't say it! You know
what we mean. You're disgusting.-Deadeye) I tossed my sword to Zelda in time for Ash
to lunge at me.

***

I lay on the ground, one eye black and one nose bleeding. Ash charged, but...

I rolled to my knees, stuck out my leg, spun around and tripped him. I sprang and began
to pummel him.

I grabbed Ash's collar and began to punch his head like a speed bag. I was sure I heard a
snap and a distinct *crunch* when...

"As much as it amuses me to see people in agony, and it does, I'm a busy man. So stop it.
Now!" The Master shot a bolt of lightning at me and Ash, flinging us apart.

"You can heal yourselves. Now behave!" The Master vanished.

Misty and Zelda ran to Ash and my aid, respectively. I looked at Zelda, then at Misty
before I walked home in silence and went to bed.

I awoke the next morning and ate a leisurely breakfast. I heard a creaking door and saw
Zelda sneak by.

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"Well, uh, I wanted to apologize, and I was going to surprise you, but..." She paused.

"But?"

"Well...here." She smiled as I opened a bag and found a brand new tunic.

"Th...thanks! I've been having to wear this one ever since the fight with Bowser!" I
gestured at my torn and shredded old tunic. (At the time he was wearing pajamas. No.
You're sick.-Deadeye)

"I...uh...also wanted to make up, and I got you something, too..." I produced a small box.
She opened it to reveal the solid gold neclace I had bought her the night before, with a
Triforce at the bottom.

"Oh...Link...you didn't have to...it's beautiful!"

"I thought you'd like it."

We paused for a while, then I said, "I think I'll go train some."

"Be back before four, you'll be fighting Jigglypuff."

"No problem!" I smiled and then walked out the door.

End Part Five