What would Make Weakness Weak?

Some poor girl whose heart is set

On one whose rank exceeds her own.

Silent conversations

Visions of toy soldiers

The past comes rushing back in strong waves

Stemming from our physical contact.

I know I've hurt you in the past,

But the situation called for it.

I know I was tough on you,

But I knew no other way;

This was before I gave in to false sentimentality

And succumbed to the realization that I loved you.

As a brother, a protector and a lover

You never left my thoughts even if I wasn't with you

Always watching, waiting and planning

How I'd make you mine

How I could make myself weak,

And give myself to a lower rank.

All I know is your part of me, better then myself, and that scares me.

This goes against everything I've been taught,

Does she know how hard it is for me?

Is it just as hard for her?

Does she know that I run away and fear to stay

And obey the order my heart has issued me?