Check Back Later

Check Back Later

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction

by MrThou

Disclaimer: I refuse to disclaim that I do not own any of these characters. Rather, I remain firm in my disbelief that Rumiko Takahashi didn't create them.

Disclaimer (Serious): This story is based on characters created by Rumiko Takahashi.

About the footnotes: At times you may see a number after a word or sentence. Click on the number to read the footnote(0).

Chapter 3


There is a relatively common state of being--or unbeing, depending on how you look at it--in which one steps outside of one's body, and sees it from above, or the side, or some other direction that you wouldn't normally see your own body from.

For reasons that should be fairly obvious, this is called an out-of-body experience. It was also not the condition Dr. Tofu Ono currently suffered from.

Right now, he was dancing around his clinic, a model skeleton he liked to call Betty clutched in his arms, humming a happy little tune and breaking things left and right.

Out-of-body experiences are sometimes called Near-Death experiences, because they are often associated with patients who nearly die(1). Again, this was not what Dr. Tofu was currently suffering from. It was, however, what his patients feared they would suffer from whenever he was in this not-out-of-body condition.

Ranma and Akane entered the clinic, not knowing that Dr Tofu was suffering from this not-out-of-body experience. Ranma quickly exited the clinic, after a desk lamp, propelled by a wildly swinging skeleton, struck her full in the face.

Akane decided it might be wise to do the same, minus the light fixture.

Outside, Ranma started to swear. Akane ignored it, however, since she was doing it in Mandarin. She cast a glance back through the door at Tofu, who was now ineffectively trying to disco with Betty. Apparently it was difficult to disco when your partner kept falling over.

"I think my sister Kasumi was just here." Akane said.

"Tall girl, brown hair?"

Akane nodded, then sighed. "Yes. Dr. Tofu always does this after she visits."

"I hadn't noticed." Ranma rubbed the lamp-shaped mark on her face. "Didja notice anything layin' around that she might've just given him? You know, a book, or some cookies, or something?"

"Umm... I think I saw a plate of cookies on his desk. Why?"

"I met another guy with this problem once. To get him back ta normal, we hafta find his mind."

"... What?" Akane was confused. How could you find a mind?

"Are you deaf or something?" Akane frowned indignantly, and shook her head. "Look, you've heard of out-of-body experiences, right?"

Akane shook her head again, but Ranma continued regardless.

"Well, this is kinda like that, only in reverse. He's having an out-of-mind experience. So we gotta find his mind and stuff it back in."

"You're really weird, you know that?" Akane said, not for the last time.

Ranma gave a rather exasperated sigh. "Look, just follow my lead, okay."

Without further word, Ranma ran back into the clinic. Two seconds later, Akane followed.


The first sight that greeted Akane Tendo upon her entrance into the clinic was that of Dr. Tofu trying to the Cha-cha. The second, more relevant sight was that of Ranma talking to a plate of cookies.

"You've got to get a grip on yourself," the redhead said to the cookies.

The plate of cookies, being a plate of cookies, said nothing.

The inaction of the plate of cookies was ignored by Ranma, who continued her lecture. "I mean, sure, she's pretty an' all, but still, she's only a girl. She ain't gonna grow fangs and bite your head off. You shouldn't be so afraid of her." Ranma ducked quickly as Dr. Tofu danced around and kicked a stapler off the counter.

"Look, after I fix you up, I want you ta pick up that telephone and call her. Thank her for the cookies. Try ta hold a conversation. You're never gonna get over this if you can't talk to her."

The plate of cookies remained silent. Ranma dodged the skeleton's feet as it was swung around by the doctor.

"Glad we had this chat, Doc." And with that, the girl stepped up to the dancing doctor, and smashed the plate of cookies into his face. He collapsed to the floor. Ranma knelt down to check on him.

Akane watched with a concerned expression. "Do you think that might have been a little bit... harsh?"

"Nah, I didn't hit him that hard. Besides, he'll thank me for it in a minute."

The doctor sat up. "Thank you, Ranma."

Ranma glanced at Akane, and gave her a look which was meant to say 'Why does everyone always question me?', but was instead interpreted as 'I told you so'. This misinterpretation, while accurate enough, pushed up Akane's irritation level, which was already quite high because she had been having a very bad day.

Tofu removed his glasses, and polished them with his shirt. "So, Ranma, what can I do for you?"

"Well, actually, Doc, I'm hopin' you can help me explain some things to Akane, here."

Tofu replaced his glasses. "I assume you mean your... condition?"

Ranma stood up. "Yeah. Um... I guess I'll go start the kettle." And with that, she left for the small kitchen at the back of the clinic.

As soon as the redhead had departed, Akane asked the foremost question on her mind. "What was she talking about?"

"I think it would be best if we wait for her to return before we discuss her... problem."

"That's not what I'm talking about," Akane said. "Why was she talking to the cookies? It sounded like she was talking to you."

Dr. Tofu looked slightly embarrassed.

"She was," he said after a moment. Seeing Akane's confusion, he elaborated. "She was talking to me. My mind was... attached, you could say, to them. It's a sort of out of body experience, but in reverse. Instead of my mind leaving my body and wandering around, my body leaves my mind. Or at least, that's how it was explained to me."

"So when Ranma hit you with the plate..."

"She was putting my mind back into my body, yes." Tofu looked toward the kitchen door. "Ranma's apparently seen the condition before. She calls it an out-of-mind experience, but I don't really like that term. It's like saying I'm insane."

"But aren't we all, just a bit, Doc?" Ranma commented as she entered the room, balancing a tea kettle on her head, with a simple tea set in her arms.

Akane boggled. The weirdness of the day was starting to take its toll.

"Doesn't that hurt?" she asked.

Ranma raised an eyebrow, and Akane pointed to the kettle atop her head.

"Y'know, I never thought about that." Ranma said. "Now that you mention it, though, it does seem ta tickle a bit."

Akane watched as Ranma expertly twirled the tea tray on a finger, setting gently on the desk, and reached up to take down the kettle. However, her efforts proved to be none too successful, as she missed the handle completely, burning her hand. She screamed, jerking her hand away and flinching, which in turn unsettled the previously settled kettle, spilling the contents all over her, and changing her to him.

The girl-turned-boy grimaced in pain, and bowed his head.

"Um... my real name is Ranma Saotome... and I'm looking for my father. Sorry 'bout this..."

Out-of-mind experiences, despite the similar name, are not really very much like out-of-body experiences at all. For example, out of mind experiences have zero correlation to near-death, and out-of-body experiences have no correlation to being given a plate of cookies(2). Also, whereas out-of-body experiences tend to happen only once to any given person, out-of-mind experiences tend to happen repeatedly.

Akane Tendo almost chose that moment to have her first, but thought better of it at the last second, and decided to simply pass out instead.


The first thing Akane saw when she came to was the face of Dr. Tofu.

"I think she's coming around," he said. "I'll leave you alone now, if you like."

"Yeah, go ahead, Doc." Another male voice. Not Dr. Tofu's, so it must be Ranma.

She tried to sit up, but a gentle hand held her down.

"Don't try ta get up yet," he said. "If you try ta get up right away, you'll just fall back over again."

Akane started to reorganize her thoughts. She tried to speak. "I like cats." No, that wasn't the right one. She tried again. "What happened?" Good. That's what she meant to say the first time.

"You passed out," Ranma said. "Geez, what's with that? You've seen my Pop change inta a panda, haven't you? 'Course, you probably fainted then, too."

How dare he! She didn't have to stand for that! Another part of her mind dryly pointed out that she wasn't standing. She was flat on her back.

_Oh, shut up! He's being a jerk._

Yes, but it's not that big a deal. Besides, he's a hunk.

_So what? He's a boy._

Well, he makes a rather cute girl.

_Shut up! I'm not like that!_

Then why are you thinking about it?

_But he saw me naked in the locker room!_

Oh, so you do like men.

_What do you mean by that?_

Well, obviously, if he saw you naked, it's only fair that you see him naked. My, Akane, you're such a naughty girl.

_Why, you!_

"Whoa, Akane, no need ta hit yourself," she heard Ranma say. "You're not dreamin' or nothing. Doc, help me out here."

Meanwhile, Akane's mind had reached a compromise.

_Alright, I get to hit him and call him a pervert for peeping..._

Right. But you have to explain why you hit him. And you can't hit him for being a jerk, unless he really insults you.

_Okay, we've agreed, then._ Akane struggled against Ranma, and threw off his arms. She sat up.

*Slap* "You pervert!" she shouted.

Ranma stood back and rubbed his cheek. "Geez, what was that for?"

"You saw me naked in the locker room, you pervert!" Perfect logic.

"You saw me, too," Ranma said defensively. "I wasn't ogling you, or nothing."

"But you were a girl. I've seen lots of naked girls."

"So have I."

"Ha! I was right!" Akane felt rather smug. Clearly, she'd one this arguement.

Ranma looked thoughtful for a moment, then smirked. It was a very wicked smirk. "Oh, I get it. You're just upset 'cause you didn't see my guy side naked. Turnabout's fair play, an' all that."

"What! How dare you!" She raised her hand to strike him. In the back of her mind, Akane heard a soft I told you so!

Ranma caught her arm. "Are you always this angry?" he asked. "You should learn ta laugh at life, and laugh at yourself. It's the most important lesson I've learned in the past year."

Akane jerked her arm free, and lay back down. "What happened?"

"Hmm... that's a long story, an' I don't want ta tell you just yet." He looked sadly at her for a moment. Then his expression brightened. "But look at me. I coulda either hated this curse, or learn ta live with it, and laugh at it. I chose to laugh, and I don't regret it."

"How did it feel? To change?" Akane asked. "You don't seem to hate it."

"I did at first." Ranma chuckled. "But that got kinda beaten outta me. So, how about this. I'll tell you how I got the curse, and then, we go talk ta your father, and see what he has ta say about mine."

"That sounds alright."

"Good. So, where ta begin. It all started a little over year ago..."



(0) This is an example footnote. Click on the number to the left to return.

(1) These experiences are a little different, however, as they usually involve dramatic music and an eerie voice telling one to 'head toward the light'.

(2) There are a few incidents which suggests at a correlation between OOB experiences and a plate of cookies, which is somewhat disputed. One such incident involved Kasumi Tendo bringing over some freshly baked cookies to say thank you to a neighbor while Dr. Tofu happened to be making a house call. This was also a near death experience, however, which leads some experts to discount it. Akane's cookies don't count, for much the same reason.



Author's notes:

Well, that took a bit longer than I had hoped. Also, it only got beta-read by one person, so it may be a bit rough. It also didn't seem quite as funny to me, personally, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

I need some suggestions for an upcoming part. What I want is a humorous curse for Ryouga (note: no crossovers, please. Although I might consider cabbits...). It doesn't have to be serious; after all, Pantyhose Tarou fell in the spring of drowned Yeti-riding-a-bull-while-carrying-a-crane-and-an-eel. Try to keep it somewhat reasonable in size, though. I don't want him knocking over buildings every time someone spills water on him. Also, the creature must be able to breath air for an extended period of time, so no spring of drowned salmon, or anything like that.

In the next episode, the first annoying flashback! And Ranma meets the rest of the Tendos. What will Soun say? All this and more on the next installment of "Check Back Later".

If you notice any serious grammatical or spelling errors, or see something that, no matter how you turn it, refuses to make the slightest bit of sense, please email me.

Comments welcome, flames ignored. If you're going to rip apart my story, at least be constructive. Send more extensive comments and Ryouga's curse suggestions to mrthou@juno.com.