Xena and Joxer's Big Adventure
Chapter One
As the ship rocked from side to side, Xena and Gabrielle watched the docks drawing closer, their sea journey was almost at an end.
"Not too much longer now." Xena commented. "Sure wish I could go with you."
"I know. So do I. But this time it's Amazons only. If I had my way, you'd be included too. But rules are rules. If you had let us initiate you into the Sisterhood...."
"Well, you know me -- I'm not much of a joiner."
Gabrielle softly bumped Xena's upper arm with her shoulder. "Maybe someday?"
Smiling slightly Xena answered, "Maybe."
"You really didn't have you come, I know how much you hate the Romans."
"It's not the people I have the problem with, and really, not even the soldiers. It's the Roman emperors. None of them have ever been worth a damn, especially Caesar, and Caligula. Besides if I had stayed in Greece it would have been that much longer before you came back to me."
"You're not going to get into any trouble are you? I'd hate to hear that you've been at war while I've been gone."
"No, I'll keep a low profile. If they leave me alone, I'll leave them alone." Xena replied.
"Let's hope so."
As the two women walked down the gangplank they heard a familiar voice yelling out to them.
"Xena! Gabrielle! Over here!"
With surprise on both faces, they looked toward the sound to see Joxer waving at them.
"Where'd HE come from?" Gabrielle asked.
"No telling." Xena replied.
"Hiya, girls!" Joxer said with unbridled enthusiasm. "Funny meeting you two here. Taking a vacation?"
"Joxer, what are you doing here in Italia?" Gabrielle asked.
"I was just going to ask you the same thing."
"The Amazons are having a Spring Gathering. It happens every eight years. This time the tribes of southern Italia are hosts. So WHY are you here?" Gabrielle asked.
"It was kind of an accident. I was drinking, and gambling, and I lost. But I didn't have the dinars to cover my bets, so I had to work it off as a deckhand on a trading ship. So here I am. How lucky can I be? My two most favorite people in the world!"
"Xena," Gabrielle said, "I guess I should be going. I see a few Sisters I recognize and it will be safer if we travel together."
Seeing Xena's expression, she continued. "It won't be that long, only full moon to full moon."
"Yeah, but it's still five or six days until the moon is full. That makes it almost thirtyfive days. We've hardly ever been apart that long before. I really don't like this."
"I know. I don't either, but this is important to me. And it's important to my tribe, to ALL the tribes. With all the wars and turmoil the Amazons been through, this Gathering is really needed to bring us together again."
"I realize that. And I know it's vital for them if they're to survive. But I'm REALLY going to miss you."
"Hey, what about me? You can hang out with me while she's gone. We'll have a GREAT time!" Joxer exclaimed.
Rolling her eyes, Xena answered. "Oh yeah! A REALLY great time!"
After giving Xena a long and loving embrace, Gabrielle said, "Now you two have fun, stay out of trouble, and I'll see you after the next full moon."
"So, what do you want to do?" Joxer asked as Xena glumly watched Gabrielle disappear down a well-traveled road with a half dozen of her Sister Amazons.
"I don't know. I guess get something to eat."
"Uh, I don't really have much money with me." Joxer stammered.
"So what's new?. I'll pay for it, as usual."
Finding a tavern, they sat at a small table near the door and ordered roast pig, duck eggs, brown bread, and ale.
After the meal they continued to order more ale, there was nothing else to do and nowhere to go. Eventually they both became more than slightly drunk, Joxer even more so than Xena.
As they left the tavern, Xena longingly looked down the road Gabrielle had taken.
"You know," Xena said as she slapped Joxer on the back with false cheerfulness, "I don't think it would hurt anything if we went a little ways down the road, just to make sure Gabrielle's okay."
"Are ya' sure?" Joxer asked, "I think if she wan-ned you to comalong, she'd'a ast ya'."
"What are you saying? That she doesn't want me around anymore?!"
"Huh?" Joxer said as he squinted at Xena as if he was going to cry. "Gabbyell don' want you nomore? Didjoo have a fight?"
"No! No fight, she went with the Amazons to some kind of Gathering."
"Why'd she-doo that? I thought we gonna git somethin t'eat?"
"What in Tartarus are you talking about? We just ate."
"We did? Was it any good?"
"You're drunk! You don't have any idea what you're talking about. I'm going after Gabrielle. She needs to know I'm still looking out for her."
"Okay." Joxer said, working his mouth as if he was still eating. "Less go fine Gabbyell."
As Xena strided purposely down the dusty road, Joxer stumbled behind, talking more to himself than to Xena.
As they walked, the exercise helped to sober up Xena, but Joxer only got tipsier. Soon they arrived at a raging river, fresh with icy water from the Spring melt. Uprooted trees of all sizes were being carried downstream to the Ionian Sea.
"How we gonna cross?" Joxer asked. "I don' swim so good."
"I suppose we could cross like the Amazons did -- take to the trees and cross where the branches from both sides meet."
Looking up, and up, to the tops of the lofty trees, Joxer said, "I don' clime so good either."
As he continued to look up, he turned in a full circle, got dizzy and lost his footing. Before Xena could react, Joxer stumbled backward, took several missteps, fell into the churning river, and was being washed downstream, flailing, reaching out for anything, but grabbing nothing.
Without hesitation, Xena dived into the bone-chilling water and began swimming toward the drowning Joxer.
As she closed in on him, she was looking ahead, and spotted an area where the river made a sharp bend. On the outer edge where the water was the fastest, the bank was being washed away. But on the inside a small beach was being built up. As she grabbed Joxer by his shirt at the collar, she tried angling in toward the beach. But in his panic, Joxer began to fight her, thinking he was being pulled under the water to his death.
The more he fought, the less control Xena had over the situation. Only because of her enormous strength was she able to wrestle Joxer toward the beach. But just as she felt her feet touch bottom, a large log caught her from behind, hitting her in the head and knocking her unconscious. Somehow, Joxer was able to regain his footing, and was barely able to drag Xena to the shore and onto the small beach.
By this time it was late afternoon and dusk was falling. Xena remained unconscious, and Joxer passed out from the alcohol and exhaustion. The two remained out until well after the sun had risen the next morning.
Joxer was the first to awaken. As he sat up shaking his head, and trying to remember what had happened, he heard Xena moan. He looked over at her, wondering why they were on the sandy shore of a raging river.
Slowly things came back to him -- meeting Xena and Gabrielle; Gabrielle leaving with the Amazons; Xena and him eating, and drinking; Xena dragging him along to follow Gabrielle; and falling into the river.
As Xena slowly woke up, Joxer surmised that somehow he had saved her from drowning, but just how he couldn't remember.
Xena sat up holding her head as if she was in pain. As she took one hand away, there was sticky blood on her fingers.
"What ... what happened?" Looking around, she continued, "Where are we?"
"I'm not really sure. I think we were following Gabrielle and somehow we fell into the river. I think I saved you from drowning."
"Gabrielle? Who's Gabrielle? And who are YOU?" Xena asked in obvious confusion.
"Who's Gabrielle? Wow! You really must have really been hit hard. Xena, she's only your best friend in the whole world, that's all."
Slowly shaking her head, Xena tried to make sense of what he said. "And who did you say you were?"
"I'm Joxer."
"Jerkster?"
"NO! Joxer. Joxer the Mighty. Come on Xena, you know me."
"Xena? Why do you keep calling me Xena?"
"Because that's who you are. This must be more serious than I thought if you can't even remember your own name."
Looking around as if searching for something familiar, Xena slowly stood up, the throbbing in her head not quite as bad.
"What am I wearing?" She asked as she finally noticed her armor and her weapons. As she took the Chakram off its hook, she sliced several of her fingers, quickly dropped it, and grabbed her bleeding fingers with her left hand.
"What IS that thing? It's dangerous! Someone could get hurt or killed with it!"
"That's your Chakram." Joxer told her as he picked it up very carefully. As he started to hand it to her, Xena backed away from him.
"I don't want that! And get this stuff off me!" With only her left hand, Xena managed to remove her armor and scabbard. Then feeling the small knife nestled between her breasts she pulled it out with two fingers and threw it away.
"What kind of person would wear these awful things?" She demanded to know.
"A WARRIOR!" Joxer told her. "Xena, you're the Warrior Princess."
"NO! You're mistaken. I'm not a warrior, I can't be. I HATE those things!"
Joxer gather up Xena's weapons.
"Xena...." He started to say.
"DON'T call me that!"
"But it's your name. What else am I going to call you?"
"I don't know. But I don't like that name. It's ... it's hard, and cruel sounding."
"So what DO you want me to call you? Warrior Princess?"
"No. Don't call me Warrior. Don't call me anything that even sounds like war or violence or, or ... I don't know. Just don't."
"Fine. So you pick out a name. Whatever you want."
Xena looked around and then headed toward the woods. As Joxer started to follow, Xena looked at him sharply. "Do you mind? I would like a little privacy."
Realizing why she was going into the woods, Joxer backed away, then turned around, embarassed.
When Xena returned, she was carrying a small yellow and pink flower. "Oh, look, Jerks... I mean Joxer. The first flower of spring. That's what I want to be called -- Flower."
"Flower? What kind of name is that?"
"What's the matter, aren't I -- pretty enough to be called Flower?"
"Are you kidding? You're beautiful! I just never heared of anyone called Flower before."
"I don't care. Until I can remember my real name, I want you to call me Flower."
"But I already told what your REAL name is, it's...."
Quickly putting her hand up, Xena said, "NO. Don't say it! Don't call me that terrible name!"
"Okay. Flower it is."
"Is there anything around here to eat?" Flower asked Joxer after a while. "I'm getting kind of hungry."
"If I had some kind of net I might be able to catch some fish, but ... no net."
"Can you hunt something?"
"I can try. Why don't you stay here and I'll go a little ways into the woods to see what I can find?"
"Sure. Just don't be gone too long, okay?"
"I'll be back before you know it."
A little while later Joxer returned with a big grin on his face, and his hands behind his back.
"You'll never guess what I found!"
"What?"
"Guess! You just won't believe it!"
"I don't know. A bottle of wine?"
"No! Something even better than that!"
"I give up. What?"
Bringing both hands out he exclaimed, "Wild turnips and radishes!"
When all he saw was a confused look on her face, Joxer said proudly, "For my famous turnip and radish STEW!"
"But how are you going to make it? We don't have any fire or a cooking pot?"
"You just watch. Why don't you cut these up into bite-size pieces, and I'll get the fire started." And he handed the turnips and radishes and Xena's breast knife to Flower. "You can use one of those flat rocks to cut them up. And don't throw away the tops, they're my secret ingredient."
As Flower started to cut up the vegetables, being very careful not to cut herself, Joxer began to gather small stones to make a fireplace. He then gathered dry kindling and grass from the edge of the woods. From a pouch inside his breast plate, he pulled out two pieces of flint wrapped in an old rag. As he struck the two together, sparks began to ignite the dried grass. Soon he had a respectable fire going.
Joxer then took his copper helmet off, remove the straw hat liner, and filled it with water. Using three large stones as support, he then placed the helmet, now a cooking pot, over the coals.
When the water began to steam, Joxer dropped in the pieces of turnips and radishes, saving the green tops for last.
As the stew began to cook, Flower said, "That is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. How clever you are to think of using your hat to cook in."
"Why, thank you. It is rather clever, isn't it? But we'll both have to eat out of it since we don't have any bowls."
"What will we use for spoons?"
"Not a problem. I can whittle us a couple of flat spoons out of a piece of wood. It shouldn't take long."
When the spoons were made and the stew had cooked, Joxer let Flower take the first taste.
Knowing that Xena and Gabrielle weren't that fond of his stew, he really didn't expect Flower to like it much either.
"Oh, Joxer," Flower said as she swallowed the first bite. "This is simply delicious!"
"Huh? It is? Are you sure? I mean, of course it is. It's my secret ingredient, you know."
Together they finished eating the stew.
"You just have to make that again," Flower told him. "I just don't think I could EVER get enough of it!"
As Joxer began to wash out his helmet, Flower took it away from him. "Let me do that. Washing dishes is woman's work. It was enough that you did the cooking."
As the day passed, Joxer tried to tell Flower about her life as Xena. But she was more interested in Joxer's adventures as a warrior, and somewhat curious about Gabrielle.
When the afternoon began to turn to dusk, Joxer found more firewood while Flower gathered fresh grass to make beds for them, next to each other.
"I thought since it is still getting cool at night that we would be warmer if we slept close together. If it's all right with you." She explained.
"Uh, sure. Whatever you want." Joxer answered a little uncertain.
Joxer interweaved branches and medium sized limbs together to make a windbreak. The two pallets would then be between the windbreak and the fire.
As they lay down, Joxer let Flower take the one closer to the fire.
"Joxer," Flower said. "I want to thank you for everything you've done for me -- saving my life, cooking for me, taking care of me. I know I am perfectly safe with you around."
"Think nothing of it. Even though you don't remember, we've been friends for a long time. And that's what friends do for each other."
"Is that ALL we were, just friends?"
"Well, yeah. Just friends."
"Oh, okay. Goodnight."
"G'night."
The next morning Joxer found himself wedged between the windbreak and Flower. Sometime in the night she had moved closer to him for warmth, and in his sleep had moved away from her. After a few times he had nowhere to go. He knew he should get up before she woke up, but she was lying so tightly against him he was afraid if he moved even slightly, she would wake up. And if she was Xena again he knew his health would be in serious jeopardy.
But the longer he lay there, the more aware he became of the warmth and softness of her. The scent of her hair and the pressure of her body against his was too much. And despite himself, he found he was becoming more than a litte aroused. And as close as Flower was to him if she woke up she too would know it ("Please, let it be Flower and NOT Xena!").
Then he felt Flower stir. As she slowly moved and stretched and moved again, he held his breath, hoping she would think he was still asleep, and that he had done nothing wrong.
Becoming desperate, Joxer slowly and carefully began to ease himself up and away from Flower. As she stirred again, he was able to cross over her and got up. But seeing her shiver with the morning coolness, now that his body heat was gone, Joxer put wood on the smoldering fire.
After the fire had caught up, Joxer returned to the woods to relieve himself and to look for more turnips for breakfast.
When he returned, he was shocked to see Flower stripping off her clothes and easing into a relatively calm pool, protected from the cold river, for a morning swim. Not wanting to be seen watching her, Joxer went back into the woods until he thought he heard her back at the camp fire.
Just before he left the woods, Joxer checked to make sure Flower was dressed. Then acting as if nothing had happened, he shouted out as he walked toward her. "Great news! Not only did I find more turnips, but also wild carrots and onions. We are REALLY going to have a feast for breakfast!"
After they had eaten Flower asked Joxer why were they camping out instead of going to a village somewhere.
"Because we're on the wrong side of the river," He explained. "And we're going to have to wait until the river isn't running quite so fast before we can swim across."
"Then why don't we walk upstream and downstream? Maybe we can find somewhere better to cross.'
"Now you see, THAT was going to be my next suggestion. What we'll do is go downstream until midday. That way we'll have time to get back here before sundown if we don't find anything."
"What a good idea! I never would have thought of THAT!"
"Well, it's just part of my training. But before we go, we need to hide your, I mean Xena's weapons and armor.'
"Why? Why don't we just throw those awful things into the river and be done with them?"
"I don't think that would be such a good idea."
"And why not?"
"In the first place, there are bandits and outlaws around, even if the Roman soldiers do keep the peace. And you never know when an extra sword might come in handy. And besides, Gabrielle would never forgive me if I let you throw them away."
"Not to mention that Xena would kill me!" He muttered under his breath.
As they walked along the shore, Flower was picking the yellow and pink flowers and was weaving the stems together until she had made a wreath of them, and then put it on her head like a crown.
"What do you think?" she asked Joxer.
"Very nice. It really makes you look really -- nice."
Midday came and they had to turn back without finding a safe place to cross the river. When they got back to their camp site there were footsteps in the sand that weren't theirs.
"It's a good thing we weren't here." Joxer said. "They might have been outlaws."
"Or maybe soldiers." Flower said as she pointed to places where helmets, spears, and swords had left impressions in the sand. "Maybe they just stopped to eat." She went on. "It looks like they were using our fire to cook something."
"That would be my second guess." Joxer said. "You may be right."
The next morning they headed upstream, but with no sucess. The river was still raging with the Spring runoff. Once again they got back to camp at dusk, this time there had been no visitors.
"I guess we're going to have to wait until the river calms down." Joxer told her.
The next day they decided it was no use to walk up and down the river bank, so decided to spend the day resting.
"Tell me more about Gabrielle." Flower requested. "You mentioned she was an Amazon. Was she always one?"
"No, not at first. When she and Xe -- You-Know-Who, first met she was just a peasant girl in a small village named Poteidaia. She was supposed to marry a man named Perdicus, not that she wanted to. And then You-Know-Who happened by just in time to save all the village girls from slavers. But instead of getting married, Gabrielle wanted to go with You-Know-Who."
"Joxer, you don't have to keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' You can say her name."
"Well, Xena didn't want Gabrielle to go with her, but she followed her anyway and found her in Amphipolis, that's Xena's village. A lot of stuff happened, and in the end Xena let Gabrielle go with her."
"So what did she do? Gabrielle, I mean. Was she just a tagalong?'
"I guess, at first. But she had these scrolls she was writing on about all the adventures she and Xena were having. Some of the stories are really pretty good. She called herself a Bard because of her stories."
"So how did she become an Amazon?"
"She tried saving the life of one of them when they were attacked. The girl died anyway, but before she did, she passed her Rite of Caste to Gabrielle, and eventually she became their Queen."
Flower was silent for a while. "I think that 'Gabrielle' is really a pretty name, not like XENA! Why would anyone name their daughter Xena?"
"I guess you'd have to ask Cyrene."
"Is she Xena's mother?"
"Yeah."
"See? That's a pretty name too. I bet every woman Xena knows has a pretty name. She's probably the only one with an ugly one."
Joxer didn't know what to say.
A little later while Flower was walking along the edge of the river, looking at the trees, she stopped to look at one in particular.
"Joxer!" She yelled out, waking him up from a nap.
He jumped up and fumbled around, trying to get his sword out of the scabbard. After picking it up where it flew out of his hands, he looked to see what the trouble was.
Seeing nothing he asked, "What's going on?"
"I was just looking at that tree. I'll bet if you were able to cut it down, it would fall right across the river and we could use it for a bridge."
"Well, OF COURSE it would! I was just lying here wishing I had an axe to do just that."
"Can't you use your sword?"
"I don't think so, that tree must be at least three times as big around as I am, and swords aren't made for chopping. If it didn't break, the blade would get so dull in such a short time it would be useless."
"What about using Xena's sword. It looks like it's heavier than yours. Maybe it would be better to use. And even if it did get dull, you can always sharpen it."
"I don't know. Xena is kind of particular about her sword. I'd sure hate for anything to happen to it."
"So what! She's not coming back. I'M here, remember. If you don't want to do it, then I will!"
And without another word Flower retrieved Xena's sword and began hacking away at the base of the tree. After watching her take three or four whacks, Joxer took the sword from her, told her to go back to the beach, and took up where Flower left off.
During the days that followed, they both fell into a regular routine:
Each morning Joxer would have to disengage himself from Flower where she had snuggled up next to him during the night to keep warm, and then would go into the woods to look for wild vegetables for their breakfast.
And while Joxer was in the woods Flower would take her morning swim. And as hard as he tried not to, sometimes the temptation was too much and Joxer would watch her as she left the small sheltered pool, walked nude back to the warmth of the fire, and got dressed.
After they ate breakfast, Joxer would spend half the day chopping away at the massive tree. With every stroke wishing he had a axe. But as sharp as Xena's sword was, it was designed to cut down enemy soldiers, not large and backbreaking tree trunks.
One day Flower discovered that she had a knack for rapidly scooping up fish out of the pool and throwing them onto the beach; a welcome relief from the vegetarian meals they had been eating.
Wisely, Joxer didn't mention to her that she was using Xena's favorite method of catching fish.
Chapter One
As the ship rocked from side to side, Xena and Gabrielle watched the docks drawing closer, their sea journey was almost at an end.
"Not too much longer now." Xena commented. "Sure wish I could go with you."
"I know. So do I. But this time it's Amazons only. If I had my way, you'd be included too. But rules are rules. If you had let us initiate you into the Sisterhood...."
"Well, you know me -- I'm not much of a joiner."
Gabrielle softly bumped Xena's upper arm with her shoulder. "Maybe someday?"
Smiling slightly Xena answered, "Maybe."
"You really didn't have you come, I know how much you hate the Romans."
"It's not the people I have the problem with, and really, not even the soldiers. It's the Roman emperors. None of them have ever been worth a damn, especially Caesar, and Caligula. Besides if I had stayed in Greece it would have been that much longer before you came back to me."
"You're not going to get into any trouble are you? I'd hate to hear that you've been at war while I've been gone."
"No, I'll keep a low profile. If they leave me alone, I'll leave them alone." Xena replied.
"Let's hope so."
As the two women walked down the gangplank they heard a familiar voice yelling out to them.
"Xena! Gabrielle! Over here!"
With surprise on both faces, they looked toward the sound to see Joxer waving at them.
"Where'd HE come from?" Gabrielle asked.
"No telling." Xena replied.
"Hiya, girls!" Joxer said with unbridled enthusiasm. "Funny meeting you two here. Taking a vacation?"
"Joxer, what are you doing here in Italia?" Gabrielle asked.
"I was just going to ask you the same thing."
"The Amazons are having a Spring Gathering. It happens every eight years. This time the tribes of southern Italia are hosts. So WHY are you here?" Gabrielle asked.
"It was kind of an accident. I was drinking, and gambling, and I lost. But I didn't have the dinars to cover my bets, so I had to work it off as a deckhand on a trading ship. So here I am. How lucky can I be? My two most favorite people in the world!"
"Xena," Gabrielle said, "I guess I should be going. I see a few Sisters I recognize and it will be safer if we travel together."
Seeing Xena's expression, she continued. "It won't be that long, only full moon to full moon."
"Yeah, but it's still five or six days until the moon is full. That makes it almost thirtyfive days. We've hardly ever been apart that long before. I really don't like this."
"I know. I don't either, but this is important to me. And it's important to my tribe, to ALL the tribes. With all the wars and turmoil the Amazons been through, this Gathering is really needed to bring us together again."
"I realize that. And I know it's vital for them if they're to survive. But I'm REALLY going to miss you."
"Hey, what about me? You can hang out with me while she's gone. We'll have a GREAT time!" Joxer exclaimed.
Rolling her eyes, Xena answered. "Oh yeah! A REALLY great time!"
After giving Xena a long and loving embrace, Gabrielle said, "Now you two have fun, stay out of trouble, and I'll see you after the next full moon."
"So, what do you want to do?" Joxer asked as Xena glumly watched Gabrielle disappear down a well-traveled road with a half dozen of her Sister Amazons.
"I don't know. I guess get something to eat."
"Uh, I don't really have much money with me." Joxer stammered.
"So what's new?. I'll pay for it, as usual."
Finding a tavern, they sat at a small table near the door and ordered roast pig, duck eggs, brown bread, and ale.
After the meal they continued to order more ale, there was nothing else to do and nowhere to go. Eventually they both became more than slightly drunk, Joxer even more so than Xena.
As they left the tavern, Xena longingly looked down the road Gabrielle had taken.
"You know," Xena said as she slapped Joxer on the back with false cheerfulness, "I don't think it would hurt anything if we went a little ways down the road, just to make sure Gabrielle's okay."
"Are ya' sure?" Joxer asked, "I think if she wan-ned you to comalong, she'd'a ast ya'."
"What are you saying? That she doesn't want me around anymore?!"
"Huh?" Joxer said as he squinted at Xena as if he was going to cry. "Gabbyell don' want you nomore? Didjoo have a fight?"
"No! No fight, she went with the Amazons to some kind of Gathering."
"Why'd she-doo that? I thought we gonna git somethin t'eat?"
"What in Tartarus are you talking about? We just ate."
"We did? Was it any good?"
"You're drunk! You don't have any idea what you're talking about. I'm going after Gabrielle. She needs to know I'm still looking out for her."
"Okay." Joxer said, working his mouth as if he was still eating. "Less go fine Gabbyell."
As Xena strided purposely down the dusty road, Joxer stumbled behind, talking more to himself than to Xena.
As they walked, the exercise helped to sober up Xena, but Joxer only got tipsier. Soon they arrived at a raging river, fresh with icy water from the Spring melt. Uprooted trees of all sizes were being carried downstream to the Ionian Sea.
"How we gonna cross?" Joxer asked. "I don' swim so good."
"I suppose we could cross like the Amazons did -- take to the trees and cross where the branches from both sides meet."
Looking up, and up, to the tops of the lofty trees, Joxer said, "I don' clime so good either."
As he continued to look up, he turned in a full circle, got dizzy and lost his footing. Before Xena could react, Joxer stumbled backward, took several missteps, fell into the churning river, and was being washed downstream, flailing, reaching out for anything, but grabbing nothing.
Without hesitation, Xena dived into the bone-chilling water and began swimming toward the drowning Joxer.
As she closed in on him, she was looking ahead, and spotted an area where the river made a sharp bend. On the outer edge where the water was the fastest, the bank was being washed away. But on the inside a small beach was being built up. As she grabbed Joxer by his shirt at the collar, she tried angling in toward the beach. But in his panic, Joxer began to fight her, thinking he was being pulled under the water to his death.
The more he fought, the less control Xena had over the situation. Only because of her enormous strength was she able to wrestle Joxer toward the beach. But just as she felt her feet touch bottom, a large log caught her from behind, hitting her in the head and knocking her unconscious. Somehow, Joxer was able to regain his footing, and was barely able to drag Xena to the shore and onto the small beach.
By this time it was late afternoon and dusk was falling. Xena remained unconscious, and Joxer passed out from the alcohol and exhaustion. The two remained out until well after the sun had risen the next morning.
Joxer was the first to awaken. As he sat up shaking his head, and trying to remember what had happened, he heard Xena moan. He looked over at her, wondering why they were on the sandy shore of a raging river.
Slowly things came back to him -- meeting Xena and Gabrielle; Gabrielle leaving with the Amazons; Xena and him eating, and drinking; Xena dragging him along to follow Gabrielle; and falling into the river.
As Xena slowly woke up, Joxer surmised that somehow he had saved her from drowning, but just how he couldn't remember.
Xena sat up holding her head as if she was in pain. As she took one hand away, there was sticky blood on her fingers.
"What ... what happened?" Looking around, she continued, "Where are we?"
"I'm not really sure. I think we were following Gabrielle and somehow we fell into the river. I think I saved you from drowning."
"Gabrielle? Who's Gabrielle? And who are YOU?" Xena asked in obvious confusion.
"Who's Gabrielle? Wow! You really must have really been hit hard. Xena, she's only your best friend in the whole world, that's all."
Slowly shaking her head, Xena tried to make sense of what he said. "And who did you say you were?"
"I'm Joxer."
"Jerkster?"
"NO! Joxer. Joxer the Mighty. Come on Xena, you know me."
"Xena? Why do you keep calling me Xena?"
"Because that's who you are. This must be more serious than I thought if you can't even remember your own name."
Looking around as if searching for something familiar, Xena slowly stood up, the throbbing in her head not quite as bad.
"What am I wearing?" She asked as she finally noticed her armor and her weapons. As she took the Chakram off its hook, she sliced several of her fingers, quickly dropped it, and grabbed her bleeding fingers with her left hand.
"What IS that thing? It's dangerous! Someone could get hurt or killed with it!"
"That's your Chakram." Joxer told her as he picked it up very carefully. As he started to hand it to her, Xena backed away from him.
"I don't want that! And get this stuff off me!" With only her left hand, Xena managed to remove her armor and scabbard. Then feeling the small knife nestled between her breasts she pulled it out with two fingers and threw it away.
"What kind of person would wear these awful things?" She demanded to know.
"A WARRIOR!" Joxer told her. "Xena, you're the Warrior Princess."
"NO! You're mistaken. I'm not a warrior, I can't be. I HATE those things!"
Joxer gather up Xena's weapons.
"Xena...." He started to say.
"DON'T call me that!"
"But it's your name. What else am I going to call you?"
"I don't know. But I don't like that name. It's ... it's hard, and cruel sounding."
"So what DO you want me to call you? Warrior Princess?"
"No. Don't call me Warrior. Don't call me anything that even sounds like war or violence or, or ... I don't know. Just don't."
"Fine. So you pick out a name. Whatever you want."
Xena looked around and then headed toward the woods. As Joxer started to follow, Xena looked at him sharply. "Do you mind? I would like a little privacy."
Realizing why she was going into the woods, Joxer backed away, then turned around, embarassed.
When Xena returned, she was carrying a small yellow and pink flower. "Oh, look, Jerks... I mean Joxer. The first flower of spring. That's what I want to be called -- Flower."
"Flower? What kind of name is that?"
"What's the matter, aren't I -- pretty enough to be called Flower?"
"Are you kidding? You're beautiful! I just never heared of anyone called Flower before."
"I don't care. Until I can remember my real name, I want you to call me Flower."
"But I already told what your REAL name is, it's...."
Quickly putting her hand up, Xena said, "NO. Don't say it! Don't call me that terrible name!"
"Okay. Flower it is."
"Is there anything around here to eat?" Flower asked Joxer after a while. "I'm getting kind of hungry."
"If I had some kind of net I might be able to catch some fish, but ... no net."
"Can you hunt something?"
"I can try. Why don't you stay here and I'll go a little ways into the woods to see what I can find?"
"Sure. Just don't be gone too long, okay?"
"I'll be back before you know it."
A little while later Joxer returned with a big grin on his face, and his hands behind his back.
"You'll never guess what I found!"
"What?"
"Guess! You just won't believe it!"
"I don't know. A bottle of wine?"
"No! Something even better than that!"
"I give up. What?"
Bringing both hands out he exclaimed, "Wild turnips and radishes!"
When all he saw was a confused look on her face, Joxer said proudly, "For my famous turnip and radish STEW!"
"But how are you going to make it? We don't have any fire or a cooking pot?"
"You just watch. Why don't you cut these up into bite-size pieces, and I'll get the fire started." And he handed the turnips and radishes and Xena's breast knife to Flower. "You can use one of those flat rocks to cut them up. And don't throw away the tops, they're my secret ingredient."
As Flower started to cut up the vegetables, being very careful not to cut herself, Joxer began to gather small stones to make a fireplace. He then gathered dry kindling and grass from the edge of the woods. From a pouch inside his breast plate, he pulled out two pieces of flint wrapped in an old rag. As he struck the two together, sparks began to ignite the dried grass. Soon he had a respectable fire going.
Joxer then took his copper helmet off, remove the straw hat liner, and filled it with water. Using three large stones as support, he then placed the helmet, now a cooking pot, over the coals.
When the water began to steam, Joxer dropped in the pieces of turnips and radishes, saving the green tops for last.
As the stew began to cook, Flower said, "That is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. How clever you are to think of using your hat to cook in."
"Why, thank you. It is rather clever, isn't it? But we'll both have to eat out of it since we don't have any bowls."
"What will we use for spoons?"
"Not a problem. I can whittle us a couple of flat spoons out of a piece of wood. It shouldn't take long."
When the spoons were made and the stew had cooked, Joxer let Flower take the first taste.
Knowing that Xena and Gabrielle weren't that fond of his stew, he really didn't expect Flower to like it much either.
"Oh, Joxer," Flower said as she swallowed the first bite. "This is simply delicious!"
"Huh? It is? Are you sure? I mean, of course it is. It's my secret ingredient, you know."
Together they finished eating the stew.
"You just have to make that again," Flower told him. "I just don't think I could EVER get enough of it!"
As Joxer began to wash out his helmet, Flower took it away from him. "Let me do that. Washing dishes is woman's work. It was enough that you did the cooking."
As the day passed, Joxer tried to tell Flower about her life as Xena. But she was more interested in Joxer's adventures as a warrior, and somewhat curious about Gabrielle.
When the afternoon began to turn to dusk, Joxer found more firewood while Flower gathered fresh grass to make beds for them, next to each other.
"I thought since it is still getting cool at night that we would be warmer if we slept close together. If it's all right with you." She explained.
"Uh, sure. Whatever you want." Joxer answered a little uncertain.
Joxer interweaved branches and medium sized limbs together to make a windbreak. The two pallets would then be between the windbreak and the fire.
As they lay down, Joxer let Flower take the one closer to the fire.
"Joxer," Flower said. "I want to thank you for everything you've done for me -- saving my life, cooking for me, taking care of me. I know I am perfectly safe with you around."
"Think nothing of it. Even though you don't remember, we've been friends for a long time. And that's what friends do for each other."
"Is that ALL we were, just friends?"
"Well, yeah. Just friends."
"Oh, okay. Goodnight."
"G'night."
The next morning Joxer found himself wedged between the windbreak and Flower. Sometime in the night she had moved closer to him for warmth, and in his sleep had moved away from her. After a few times he had nowhere to go. He knew he should get up before she woke up, but she was lying so tightly against him he was afraid if he moved even slightly, she would wake up. And if she was Xena again he knew his health would be in serious jeopardy.
But the longer he lay there, the more aware he became of the warmth and softness of her. The scent of her hair and the pressure of her body against his was too much. And despite himself, he found he was becoming more than a litte aroused. And as close as Flower was to him if she woke up she too would know it ("Please, let it be Flower and NOT Xena!").
Then he felt Flower stir. As she slowly moved and stretched and moved again, he held his breath, hoping she would think he was still asleep, and that he had done nothing wrong.
Becoming desperate, Joxer slowly and carefully began to ease himself up and away from Flower. As she stirred again, he was able to cross over her and got up. But seeing her shiver with the morning coolness, now that his body heat was gone, Joxer put wood on the smoldering fire.
After the fire had caught up, Joxer returned to the woods to relieve himself and to look for more turnips for breakfast.
When he returned, he was shocked to see Flower stripping off her clothes and easing into a relatively calm pool, protected from the cold river, for a morning swim. Not wanting to be seen watching her, Joxer went back into the woods until he thought he heard her back at the camp fire.
Just before he left the woods, Joxer checked to make sure Flower was dressed. Then acting as if nothing had happened, he shouted out as he walked toward her. "Great news! Not only did I find more turnips, but also wild carrots and onions. We are REALLY going to have a feast for breakfast!"
After they had eaten Flower asked Joxer why were they camping out instead of going to a village somewhere.
"Because we're on the wrong side of the river," He explained. "And we're going to have to wait until the river isn't running quite so fast before we can swim across."
"Then why don't we walk upstream and downstream? Maybe we can find somewhere better to cross.'
"Now you see, THAT was going to be my next suggestion. What we'll do is go downstream until midday. That way we'll have time to get back here before sundown if we don't find anything."
"What a good idea! I never would have thought of THAT!"
"Well, it's just part of my training. But before we go, we need to hide your, I mean Xena's weapons and armor.'
"Why? Why don't we just throw those awful things into the river and be done with them?"
"I don't think that would be such a good idea."
"And why not?"
"In the first place, there are bandits and outlaws around, even if the Roman soldiers do keep the peace. And you never know when an extra sword might come in handy. And besides, Gabrielle would never forgive me if I let you throw them away."
"Not to mention that Xena would kill me!" He muttered under his breath.
As they walked along the shore, Flower was picking the yellow and pink flowers and was weaving the stems together until she had made a wreath of them, and then put it on her head like a crown.
"What do you think?" she asked Joxer.
"Very nice. It really makes you look really -- nice."
Midday came and they had to turn back without finding a safe place to cross the river. When they got back to their camp site there were footsteps in the sand that weren't theirs.
"It's a good thing we weren't here." Joxer said. "They might have been outlaws."
"Or maybe soldiers." Flower said as she pointed to places where helmets, spears, and swords had left impressions in the sand. "Maybe they just stopped to eat." She went on. "It looks like they were using our fire to cook something."
"That would be my second guess." Joxer said. "You may be right."
The next morning they headed upstream, but with no sucess. The river was still raging with the Spring runoff. Once again they got back to camp at dusk, this time there had been no visitors.
"I guess we're going to have to wait until the river calms down." Joxer told her.
The next day they decided it was no use to walk up and down the river bank, so decided to spend the day resting.
"Tell me more about Gabrielle." Flower requested. "You mentioned she was an Amazon. Was she always one?"
"No, not at first. When she and Xe -- You-Know-Who, first met she was just a peasant girl in a small village named Poteidaia. She was supposed to marry a man named Perdicus, not that she wanted to. And then You-Know-Who happened by just in time to save all the village girls from slavers. But instead of getting married, Gabrielle wanted to go with You-Know-Who."
"Joxer, you don't have to keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' You can say her name."
"Well, Xena didn't want Gabrielle to go with her, but she followed her anyway and found her in Amphipolis, that's Xena's village. A lot of stuff happened, and in the end Xena let Gabrielle go with her."
"So what did she do? Gabrielle, I mean. Was she just a tagalong?'
"I guess, at first. But she had these scrolls she was writing on about all the adventures she and Xena were having. Some of the stories are really pretty good. She called herself a Bard because of her stories."
"So how did she become an Amazon?"
"She tried saving the life of one of them when they were attacked. The girl died anyway, but before she did, she passed her Rite of Caste to Gabrielle, and eventually she became their Queen."
Flower was silent for a while. "I think that 'Gabrielle' is really a pretty name, not like XENA! Why would anyone name their daughter Xena?"
"I guess you'd have to ask Cyrene."
"Is she Xena's mother?"
"Yeah."
"See? That's a pretty name too. I bet every woman Xena knows has a pretty name. She's probably the only one with an ugly one."
Joxer didn't know what to say.
A little later while Flower was walking along the edge of the river, looking at the trees, she stopped to look at one in particular.
"Joxer!" She yelled out, waking him up from a nap.
He jumped up and fumbled around, trying to get his sword out of the scabbard. After picking it up where it flew out of his hands, he looked to see what the trouble was.
Seeing nothing he asked, "What's going on?"
"I was just looking at that tree. I'll bet if you were able to cut it down, it would fall right across the river and we could use it for a bridge."
"Well, OF COURSE it would! I was just lying here wishing I had an axe to do just that."
"Can't you use your sword?"
"I don't think so, that tree must be at least three times as big around as I am, and swords aren't made for chopping. If it didn't break, the blade would get so dull in such a short time it would be useless."
"What about using Xena's sword. It looks like it's heavier than yours. Maybe it would be better to use. And even if it did get dull, you can always sharpen it."
"I don't know. Xena is kind of particular about her sword. I'd sure hate for anything to happen to it."
"So what! She's not coming back. I'M here, remember. If you don't want to do it, then I will!"
And without another word Flower retrieved Xena's sword and began hacking away at the base of the tree. After watching her take three or four whacks, Joxer took the sword from her, told her to go back to the beach, and took up where Flower left off.
During the days that followed, they both fell into a regular routine:
Each morning Joxer would have to disengage himself from Flower where she had snuggled up next to him during the night to keep warm, and then would go into the woods to look for wild vegetables for their breakfast.
And while Joxer was in the woods Flower would take her morning swim. And as hard as he tried not to, sometimes the temptation was too much and Joxer would watch her as she left the small sheltered pool, walked nude back to the warmth of the fire, and got dressed.
After they ate breakfast, Joxer would spend half the day chopping away at the massive tree. With every stroke wishing he had a axe. But as sharp as Xena's sword was, it was designed to cut down enemy soldiers, not large and backbreaking tree trunks.
One day Flower discovered that she had a knack for rapidly scooping up fish out of the pool and throwing them onto the beach; a welcome relief from the vegetarian meals they had been eating.
Wisely, Joxer didn't mention to her that she was using Xena's favorite method of catching fish.
