Self Disappointment

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Blavnor, Mandalor
Curel Headquarters
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Did you get it? Fianat was asking the question even before the door was shut.

The Mandalorian bounty hunter did not apologize. You didn't tell me a Jedi would be involved. Everywhere she went, he was there.

Fianat pounded her desk with a fist. When I made the arrangements, I didn't know there would be Jedi involved!

The oddly dressed woman shifted her weight from one foot to another and crossed her arms over her chest.

Did you at least get the other?

She withdrew a small white disk from her shoulder bag and tossed it onto Fianat's desk.

This is the Filipian? The professional snatched it up and plugged it into her computer.

What do you think? You saw it on the holocast.

Tapping her fingers rhythmically, Fianat watched the screen as the translated files downloaded. Excellent. But you know you won't get as much for this.

Flinging her hair over her shoulder and throwing her hands on her hips, she asked how much.

D1500 ducats. Fianat did not care about the displeasure that creased across her business partners face, but added encouragingly, D10,000 when you bring me the other.

It's worth that much to you, huh? Why don't you have one of your little black market runners pick it up for you? Swaggering her hips as she ambled on over to the overdone desk, she knocked on the expensive wood and pet the deep green leaves of a bird of paradise. But you knew they couldn't handle it, right?

Fianat was not easily intimidated and stood to meet the other's eyes. And that's why I offered the job to you.

The bounty hunter walked away satisfied enough, and Fianat was immediately contacting her partner.

Lord Sidious, Fianat dipped in a short courtesy. I have good news.

The dark clad man reclined ever so still as she made the announcement.

We've just obtained the Filipian's blood. We should be able to isolate the healing gene in a matter of days.

But you don't breed Filipians, do you?

As a humanoid, we're sure it will be compatible with our current subjects. We will introduce it to the clone population on Byss as soon as possible.

Unmoved and unresponding, he just stared ahead neither pleased nor seemingly dissatisfied.

I'll contact you with more information later, with a overdone smile, she efficiently ceased the connection.

As soon as his image faded, she tossed back her hand dimissally. Senile old man... He doesn't know what he's got.



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Bonadan
Clinic
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The riot had calmed to an alarming emptiness, and while they had waited vigilantly for more guards, or some kind of authority figure to control the situation, none came. One by one, the healers disappeared to their own rooms. Finally abandoned, Obi-Wan eased into one of the two benches on the porch, and kept watch.


*****

The sound crept up from the greenhouse. Stilling himself further, Obi-Wan held his breath to listen more keenly at the intrusive disturbance. Footsteps padded softly in the dirt.

Easing from the bench, he rounded the building, stealthily keeping to the shadows that hugged the cinderblock walls.

While his own footsteps silently tread the path, the others increased to a clear sprint. Dashing off to follow the source of the sound, the Jedi rounded greenhouse and kicked into high gear as a form crested over a subtle slope and out into the darkness.

They began to howl, those beasts, from their perfect niche of camouflaging shadows. He stopped to listen. The pat of their paws echoed around him, and he remained trapped as a statue as they began to circle. Brandishing his lightsaber, he prepared to cut them down should they attack.


*

The lone figure shone in white on the rays of the moon, miraging against the moors. she called, betraying the safety of her location for the sake of the animals.

Elia glanced back over her shoulders and bolted into the night, sucking in oxygen efficiently. The Selves were quick upon her heals, as was the Jedi. Her legs responded with agility to the new demand, and the wide open beckoned.

Elia? Look out! he called out ahead keenly aware of the animals on his heals and yet insistent on catching her. What are you doing? It's not safe out here! When she ignored his heated inquiries and warnings a second time, he reached out to halt her, and tackled her across the midriff.

As he plowed into her back, she arched and tumbled to the side, barely touching the earth as he whisked her around to break the fall. Stop running!! he yelled twirling out of the fall.

Clawing at his hand around her waist, she hurdled out of his grip and sprinted up the next incline. Her muscles burned up the slope, and she felt herself slow near the top, and dizzy, spun around as Obi-Wan leaped towards her.


*

They circled in a pack, stalking the pair from a safe distance, rearing back and forth in the excitement. A new leader had not yet taken her place and they scrambled anxious to attack.

*


Barreling his chest into hers, he grabbed at her wrists to disarm her of the vibroblade that appeared in her hand, and they tripped down the backside of the slope. In a futile crash, he lay heavily on her ribs and yanked the weapon from her grasp, though this time it was clear she had no intention of resisting for the Selves held back timidly in the raucous.

The back of her head bluntly bounced off the barren grasses and her chest constricted fearsomely. A darkness blotched her vision to which she couldn't rub out, and the blackish cloud of ink that syruped from her psyche smeared across her eyes. (Out, out damn spot!) Nausea licked her, but the grip of wheezing led her to aggressively shove off the attacker. Still caught up his arms, she rolled to her side and coughed in stunted asthmatic heaves until she gagged.

Patting her back with the flat of his palm, Obi-Wan crawled closer to her and buried his face in the powdery grasses to catch his breath. As she settled, he scanned the horizon on which the Selves had withdrawn, and turned his attention back to the healer.


She should have died hereafter
There would have been time for such a word
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the
Way to dusty death. Out! Out, brief candle
Life's but a poor player that struts and frets
His hour upon the stage, and then is heard
No more. It is a tale told by an idiot
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.


Squishing the base of her palms into her eye sockets, her face scrunched into a mask-like frown and she tilted towards him. What's wrong? he quizzed her, surprised to see her so vulnerable. Hooking his hand under his head, he rolled to his side, and gently rubbed the bump on the back of her head. LeTauktch is dead. I just received word from Lepkaum. Drawing in her elbows, she clawed at his arm, begging him to fold her in. Unable to refuse, unwilling to rebuke her, he wrapped both arms around her tightly when she began to cry. Methodically examining the source of this outburst, he restrained himself from peppering her with more questions and just let her be. Thaum, Relvaire, Li'sarrow, M'ztka. Empathizing with her grief, he felt her powerlessness, her frustration, her loss. She cried as if to mourn her own existence.


*

Stirred by the banshee's song, the Selves whimpered away, looking like a defeated Cerebus on the horizon.

*

Bracing the back of her head, he sat up, her legs tucking beneath her as the two folded in a bundle on the dirt. After wiping her nose on the bottom of her shirt, she dropped her head back against Obi-Wan's chest. Nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck, she hooked her arms around him and squeezed with every ounce of energy she had left. He sat up taller and gently had to scratch at her arms to let up, lest his floating rib be sacrificed in his humble efforts at empathy.

Please don't make me go back yet, she whimpered in a controlled breath.

Refusing to be beyond the earshot of the clinic, when a few calmer moments passed, he squeezed her arm and authoritatively announced it was time to return. We can sit outside in the front if you don't want to head back in.

Sniffling, she wiped her eyes and huddled under his wing as they ambled towards the clinic.


*****


An hour later, when all movement in the clinic had settled into a blessed fogginess, Elia revealed another haunting element of her grief.

So I guess you heard about what happened in the SE Nimitz? She glanced up at Obi-Wan who sat across from her on the bench out front. Shifting for comfort, she leaned against the stiff armrest picking at her fingers. Li'sarrow sent me out there a couple of months ago. I was assigned thirty chronically ill patients who were dying of genetic mutilation after being exposed to a highly radioactive and carcinogenic substance called DiQaerma.

Obi-Wan thought back to M'ztka's comment when the Healer had first joined the negotiations. The cynical remark suddenly became clear to him.

It is used in raw form to dissolve certain minerals from core azurite. Apparently the Simmians signed waivers in case of injury, and were therefore precluded from medical attention. They weren't stable enough for transport, so I traveled to them.

They all died in my care. She paused to allow this to sink in before moving on the reality of the matter. There's something you might not know, though. The moment I saw them, I knew they wouldn't make it and these burns were incredibly painful. Even though the anesthetic rendered them unconscious, it couldn't solve their problem. So I contacted their closest living relatives, and with their permission, I injected iNervus into their bloodstream. I knew it wasn't a traceable substance, and works painlessly.

Although he wasn't exactly sure what iNervus was, he understood the implication. You assisted in their suicides. The heavy words were expelled in a mixture of doubt and exasperation.

Her head remained bowed, but her eyes spied him for a reaction, or judgment, but she found little other than his usual intense frown. The way the media reported it, I injected them with the liquid state of DiQaerma, and, of course, all Relvaire's records indicated the substance was never used, seeing as there was a interstellar ban on the use of the toxin.

I don't think I've ever seen the people rally for the Simmians so vehemently.

If its not traceable, how did the media get a hold it? His response rolled from his throat, low and deep, encouraging further clarification.

They didn't. I didn't say anything. The Simmians didn't say anything. They fabricated the whole ordeal to cover up the incident. How ironic; its the Universe' sense of justice.

Just now was he beginning to understand what Master Li'sarrow meant when she said Healer Elia will do whatever it takes.

Why didn't you defend yourself or contradict them?

Why bother when the truth was that I had done so much worse? Why expend the effort?

Her nonchalant response elicited a slight arch of the brow as his neatly hooked hands unbuckled. What about the Healers' reputation? Are they not affected by your decision? The youthful baritone in his voice indulated her in guilt, and though he tried his best to be gentle, his reactions seemed to be of little comfort.


*


Speechless. As if she hadn't covered this territory before, over and over. She failed. She brought humiliation upon her own. The healers, her only family, were now picking up the pieces from her mistake.

But then a change of heart caused her head to bounce up to drill him intensely. Humiliation was the cost for her choice. How could she explain it was the principle? Although she jutted out her lower jaw left and right, salivating for words to pronounce themselves on her tongue, frustration swallowed them back. She itched to say more, to explain herself, but if he couldn't see it for himself, it wasn't worth her breath.

She felt the heat rise to her face. Why should she deserve his sympathy or understanding? And how did she earn his opinion?

Lifting his elbow to the back of the bench, he leaned forward and reached out his free hand to her knee, careful not to touch it. I didn't mean to offend you...

Cocking her head, she spoke over her delicate pride. Not that I feel the need to justify myself to you, but Healers are bound by ethics, not public opinion. And on this planet, it seems the two are often at odds.

A slow intake of air caused his chest to rise, but blinking his eyes slowly, he continued. I can't help you if you don't explain what you mean.

After an extended moment of stubborn silence, she simply stated she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Shoving himself back against the stiff armrest, Obi-Wan cleared his throat gruffly. Smacking his right foot down on the ground, he covered his mouth with the palm of his hand and began bouncing his free foot irritably. Staring at her behind his half covered face, he finally spoke from beneath his fingers. You don't have to be so difficult for my sake. I can't save you, you know.

Cocking her head to the side, then stretching her spine like a cawing rooster, her mouth dropped. What makes you think I need saving?

Folding his arms across his chest and stretching back, he raised his eyebrows in doubt.

I don't need saving, she adamantly asserted between clenched teeth, People need compassion. Unfortunately, saving is your business, compassion is not. Don't you understand how humiliating it is for me for you to even assume I need saving?

Self-pity can be defeating.

I never thought I would say this to anyone I respected, but fuck you and fuck your stoic narcissistic overview of the world. She poked a testy finger at him before kicking her legs onto the ground.

When she saucily brushed passed him, he slumped his head into his hand propped up against the back of the bench, and mumbled his thoughts.

she bent over into his face doing her best to look intimidating.

I said , it took all possible effort to mitigate the anger singing the words. Rephrasing his thoughts more tactfully, he sat up to face her. Its unfortunate you're feelings are preventing you from acting successfully with the Simmians. M'ztka knows how much they mean to you.

Straightening up, she pierced him with suspicious beady eyes.

The Healers are a valuable asset to the Simmians. He didn't look up lest the effort at controlling his tone be diminished with the disgusted smirk he was sure wiped her face.

Almost disappointed that he refused provoke her further, she turned on her heels and left the silence to make a statement on its own.

Though the door was incredibly quiet, the swoosh echoed down the still foyer. Pausing in the door to Treatment Room A, she gazed into the darkness of Thaum's incensed mausoleum expecting Ruebyn, the angel, to announce, You won't find him here. He's risen!

Just to make sure he hadn't run off, she ambled in and dawdled at his side prodding at the light covers, tucking him in.

As if on the tip of realization that his resurrection had very little to do with her, she wandered out before the idea sunk down into those impenetrable depths.

I don't want this life anymore, and I don't know how to fix myself. Everything seems a wasted gray, and I can't even find the impetus to wish it were better or something else. I can't find myself here, yet I feel guilty for abandoning them before the fight.


Before heading back to her room, Elia begrudgingly stepped over to the window and lifted the blinds. Obi-Wan turned abruptly and saw her behind the screen, directly in front of him. Sitting on the bench inside, him sitting on the outside, she rested her forehead against the plexiglass and tapped her fingers, though it was obvious she had his attention, for he looked directly at her. Placing his fingers on the other side of the glass, they touched each others hands. After a still moment, she mouthed the words, I'm sorry, and he nodded, closing his eyes for a second. When he opened them, she was walking off back to her room.




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Blavnor, Mandalor
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Shuttling into Blavnor from his estate, Leopold looked down over the Van Gogh fields. From that distance, the land appeared carpeted with vibrant greens splotched with reds and yellows. The technology developed at Curel, Inc. had produced nutrient rich crops heartier than ever before. Proud of what he'd sown, he worried it might all be taken away at the drop of a hat. He was walking a precarious line with this shadowy character, and he did not wish the situation to get out of hand.

Stepping out onto Tlaska's landing platform, he hurried through the glass enclosed automated walkway and into the lift. Bursting into his office, he forced a smile towards his secretary. Any transmissions?

Relieved to hear no, he closed and locked the door that lead into his private office.

He'd just set down his things when his secretary beeped him. Before she could announce the caller, he turned on the holo and ran to step on the recording platform. Lord Sidious, Leopold blundered a bow towards the looming figure.

Have you done what I asked?

Yes, 25,000 bioengineered men are awaiting your signal.

Good. But it doesn't appear I'll be needing them as soon as I originally planned. You'll receive half the sum now, the other half when you're called upon again.

Of course. They are available whenever you need them.

Without a signal of closure, the transmission went clear. Leopold struggled back to a standing position, his hand supporting his back until he was close enough to lean on his desk. Cursing his age, he nearly tumbled back into plush chair contemplating the mysterious message. Still breathing heavily, he rang his secretary to bring him some water. Why bother calling at all? Maybe he was just checking in to see if they had succeeded with the technology he gave them. But anyone who would need 25,000 soldiers was up to something, and he didn't want to know what.



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Later that Evening...
Connection between Clinic and Undesignated Spaceport
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Obi-Wan sat on the edge of his seat and leaned on the cold onyx table at the clinic. the padawan rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. I've been trying to reach you all day-

Night- I know. The frown on Qui-Gon's face let him know he had been concerned about the situation for some time and was actually gracious for the lay over, as his last transport did not have a public communication center.

I went with Thaum to the policing headquarters.

I know. His master, though waiting hours to find out what had happened, sat back into the cold metal terminal and willed his tension to evaporate off his shoulders. Calming himself, he began again. What happened, padawan?

The guards detained him for possession of a weapon.

Was he carrying a weapon?

Yes. They all carry personal weapons now since the hostility has grown to such a high degree.

Are the authorities pressing charges?

Obi-Wan folded his hands before him. No. The healers are protected under ambassador privileges. Unfortunately, the Bondani were protesting his release as we left.

As to be predicted. Something else is at work here, padawan. Disreputing the healers and Jedi on such a galactic scale.... Qui-Gon's words faded into thoughts.
I'm not sure what you mean.

He didn't answer, but seemed to change the subject. Unfortunately, most of the riot was holovised.

Good, then the agitator can be identified.

It seems that makes little difference now.

Why do you say that?

Such violence exhibited by the healers seems to support the Bondani's militancy theory.

I feared that. I don't know what to say, Master, other than I'm sorry if it has negatively affected your efforts on Alderaan.

You did well, padawan, and did what you had to do. The OASR is working hard to gather funds to support the Droid Initiative, and it is difficult for corporations to invest their money in a volatile market.

So, ironically, public opinion is playing a large part in the OASR's success.

Correct. Captain Antilles was counting on the populace to write to their Senators to cast their vote in support of Abolition, but when something like this happens, they wonder who to trust.

Obi-Wan understood the concept; he wasn't sure who to trust either. He would be thankful for his Master's perspective on the situation when he arrived for he was beginning to doubt his own judgment. How long will they continue to postpone the vote?

They may not vote at all if the High Courts claim a breach of contract. What does M'ztka say to all this?

We haven't heard from him.

That's odd. I suspect he'll be in contact soon.

There's one more item of business that you'll not be too pleased to hear. Master Li'sarrow has been asked to remain on Coruscant until the riots subside.

Kiana, who had been working at the computer counsels shot across the room to the onyx com table. she exclaimed, leaning over Obi-Wan's chair.

Qui-Gon nodded to the new addition as Obi-Wan quickly introduced her and inquired of the reasoning. Why on earth would the Council do that?

Actually, Senator Palpatine advised the Council that it would suit her best to take care of the Relvaire incident first. His master let the words sink in but soon added a confidant affirmation. Don't worry, and I'll be out in a number of days. May the Force be with you. He nodded to them both and the transition faded out.


Breaking into their distant thoughts, Healer Amelia wandered in arms covered in bags. Eager to share the bad news, Kiana leaped to her friend. Elia! M'Li'sarrow can't come out. Who will take care of this mess?

Obi-Wan sat up taller and in a deep formal voice demanded to know where she had been.

Blowing off the welcome, Elia hugged her peer, and gave over a couple of bags along with a med kit. Scooting over the couches, the two tumbled down onto them.

She's been shopping, Kiana pleasantly answered the obvious for her.

I hadn't realized you'd gone.... his head fell distracted. You know you shouldn't leave the clinic, he said quietly running his hands throw his hair and leaning heavily on his knees.

Ignoring his input and purposefully avoiding his gaze, she turned her attention to Kiana who jittered with eagerness around her. Now what happened?

M'Li'sarrow's not coming out.

Kiana glanced back at Obi-Wan who turned out of the com chair and began to amble towards them. Plopping down, he hooked an arm over the back of the couch and explained. The Council denied her request because of some legality having to do with Relvaire.

The older healer's head bounced on her chest and she rolled it from side to side, stretching out the knots that seemed to have permanently formed on her shoulders.

the young Elfin whined, call back M'Li'sarrow. Tell she has to come.

I'm sorry, Kiana, but if she can't leave, she can't leave. You know she would be here if she could.

A dejected look crossed the Elfin's graceful face in way that left the other healer terribly guiltily, especially since the Relvaire case was all her fault anyway. Patting her friend's arm, she changed the subject and opened up the bags she had brought from Curel.

What's all this for? The two dug through the bags of med equipment.

We were running low.

Fluttering down the hall, Ruebyn peeked into the common area. Jedi Obi-Wan. You are still awake? Go lay down. Her pleasant sing-song voice belied the severity of the command.

It's okay. Lay down, Elia agreed glancing over to the unshaven Jedi keeping her hands busy with bags. Lay down. Throwing Healer Elia a harsh look for having been told what to do, he stretched up off the couch and worked his way towards Treatment Room B passing within feet of her.

No complaining, young Jedi, the matronly Ruebyn reprimanded. His exhaustion was evident in the bags that drooped below his eyes and draped from his very posture to which she should have been far more aware.

Wake me if anything happens, Obi-Wan turned to face Elia as he stepped out who simply nodded in reply. Eye contact was long enough to acknowledge that something awkward has occurred between them, but his eyes were soft and seemed to hold no animosity or hostility.

Elia watched him leave the room out of the corner of her eye, trying to look occupied with the jumble of bags before her. She wondered what he could have possibly thought of her after that psychotic episode on the moors. Pressing her cool hands to her blushing face, she tried to wipe out thoughts of the last evening, and trust the Jedi's discretion.

After he'd staggered out, Elia gathered herself together, then dug through the crinkly mess to show Kiana all she'd bought. You should see what Curel is offering down there now that they've privatized the cloning industry- Oh! I wanted to ask how it went down in Tempkar.

They let him go, Kiana answered casually, picking a clear tube. What's this?
A liquid thermometer. Where is he now?

In bed, resting.

I'll bet he liked that, Elia continued to peer through the bags, but soon gave up and piled them over onto Kiana.

So why'd they let him go? Looking to Ruebyn for more details, she wiggled into a more comfortable position.

He was detained for carrying a weapon but luckily all the holos show he never took it out. Kiana, why don't you put those things away?

The young girl gathered up all the bags rather noisily and bounced around the kitchen.

So they shot him?! How is that legal?! I know Bonadan has a no weapon policy, but Li'sarrow worked that out a long time ago.

the words stood out awkwardly. They claim they didn't shoot him.

Ruebyn reclined sideways on the couch and folded her hands in front of her as Elia began unlacing her knee-high boots.

If only the guards are allowed access to weapons and they didn't do it, then how did Thaum get shot in the first place?

He says he doesn't think it was blaster fire. The soft lines on her face went firm.

I saw the damage, Ruebyn. It went straight through his chest cavity. She kicked off her boots and unruffled her pant legs.

He says it could have been an arrow.