5000 Barrels of Beer on the Wall...
Adam Pierson, eternal grad student, was invigilating a Linguistics 101 exam. Although he enjoyed teaching, he loathed the infinite boredom of *watching* the students for two hours while they sweated through his admittedly nasty exam.
He'd been tempted to ask them to translate a truly extinct language but had finally submitted to the tiny whisper of his long-dormant and suppressed conscience, and had relented into only making it difficult, not impossible.
Adam wasn't normally the kind of lecturer to enjoy the students' torturous plodding through his paper, but this particular class had given him more grief than usual. Not content to merely let him teach them, some bright sparks had kept on through the term to get him to join them in numerous social events involving beer.
And Adam, experienced person that he was, couldn't very well refuse beer, now could he?
So the term had somehow degenerated into fun parties at night and bleary lectures in the morning. Adam wasn't bleary; his Immortal physiology didn't stumble over something as harmless as a barrel of beer. The students were another matter.
The only ones that could stay awake were those known as the "party poopers", the few who were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and irritated the other students no end.
Of course, after the mid-term, all his party friends suddenly realized that being friends with the lecturer did not, after all, negate the need for study. Sadly, most of them failed the test, and suddenly Adam was getting phone calls from parents who indignantly told him his job was to teach their children Linguistics, not Partying 101, and that they'd be talking to the dean.
The next few days had not been pleasant.
After that the party was - literally - over. During the second half of the term Adam was the ultimate responsible lecturer, piling them with homework assignments and generally making their lives miserable. Now, watching them sweat, Adam was at least reasonably sure that some of them would pass.
And when he'd finally graded all the papers, he'd have a nice, quiet, solitary binge at Joe's to celebrate. No students allowed. Contemplating that comforting thought, he distractedly watched his students finish up and hand in their papers. As the last one walked out, he turned around.
"Dr. P? There's a 'buy one, get one free' from noon to two at McGinty's today... we're all going to be there and we thought..."
Free beer? Adam could see his afternoon in vivid clarity now. Beer, and then some.
"I'll see you there," he grinned.
So what? In the grand scheme of things, beer was an important part of Adam's life.
And grading papers while half-drunk was more fun anyway.
- Fin -
(c) Slef 8/11/01
Written while invigilating a Database Systems exam :-)
Adam Pierson, eternal grad student, was invigilating a Linguistics 101 exam. Although he enjoyed teaching, he loathed the infinite boredom of *watching* the students for two hours while they sweated through his admittedly nasty exam.
He'd been tempted to ask them to translate a truly extinct language but had finally submitted to the tiny whisper of his long-dormant and suppressed conscience, and had relented into only making it difficult, not impossible.
Adam wasn't normally the kind of lecturer to enjoy the students' torturous plodding through his paper, but this particular class had given him more grief than usual. Not content to merely let him teach them, some bright sparks had kept on through the term to get him to join them in numerous social events involving beer.
And Adam, experienced person that he was, couldn't very well refuse beer, now could he?
So the term had somehow degenerated into fun parties at night and bleary lectures in the morning. Adam wasn't bleary; his Immortal physiology didn't stumble over something as harmless as a barrel of beer. The students were another matter.
The only ones that could stay awake were those known as the "party poopers", the few who were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and irritated the other students no end.
Of course, after the mid-term, all his party friends suddenly realized that being friends with the lecturer did not, after all, negate the need for study. Sadly, most of them failed the test, and suddenly Adam was getting phone calls from parents who indignantly told him his job was to teach their children Linguistics, not Partying 101, and that they'd be talking to the dean.
The next few days had not been pleasant.
After that the party was - literally - over. During the second half of the term Adam was the ultimate responsible lecturer, piling them with homework assignments and generally making their lives miserable. Now, watching them sweat, Adam was at least reasonably sure that some of them would pass.
And when he'd finally graded all the papers, he'd have a nice, quiet, solitary binge at Joe's to celebrate. No students allowed. Contemplating that comforting thought, he distractedly watched his students finish up and hand in their papers. As the last one walked out, he turned around.
"Dr. P? There's a 'buy one, get one free' from noon to two at McGinty's today... we're all going to be there and we thought..."
Free beer? Adam could see his afternoon in vivid clarity now. Beer, and then some.
"I'll see you there," he grinned.
So what? In the grand scheme of things, beer was an important part of Adam's life.
And grading papers while half-drunk was more fun anyway.
- Fin -
(c) Slef 8/11/01
Written while invigilating a Database Systems exam :-)
