NOTES: Ok nvcc Normal nvcc 1 1 2001-11-08T23:49:00Z 2001-11-08T23:50:00Z 14 4505 25683 NVCC-AN 214 51 31540 9.3821

NOTES:  Ok.  Here it is.  Finally.  After Lord knows how long.  The conclusion of A Mirror's Reflection.  Yeah!  Come on people, cheer with me!  This is the second fic I've finished!  I've actually finished it!  Do you understand what an accomplishment this is for lil me?! 

Ok.  Here finally we come to the end of Zel's narrative.  We find out what made Zelgadis so different in the time between Next and Try, we also finally meet the non-existing Monster Quexton (Yeah, that one).  Hope you like it.

A MIRRORS REFLECTION

Part III

"Zel..?"

Lina is still calling me, wanting to know if things have been all right with me since we parted after the fight with Fibrizzo.  I hear a hint of concern in her voice, and I find myself surprisingly feeling warm.  Though Lina acted all tough and hard, she really did care for me and her other friends.

But I am different now, and I don't know how to tell her this.  I had discovered something, and it was not pretty.  But I was still myself, I was still Zelgadis and nothing changed that.

What had occurred?  I don't think I'll ever tell Lina…or Amelia.  It was too disturbing, and they wouldn't understand.  They are not like me…they are human.  I only have a third of humanity in me.  The rest is rock and demon.

Demon.

As I have mentioned earlier before, I had made a fast exit after Fibrizzo's defeat.  I had not been long alone in my journeys, for I had lost myself.  The Clair Bible might have had the answer to my cure, but within the heat of battle, regaining my humanity was reduced to nothing in my brain.  I did not know where to start looking again.  So I drifted aimlessly, berating my spastic mind and as Lina would helpfully put it, 'be glum and depressed'.

I was also feeling the odd stirrings within me.  I had never noticed them until Fibrizzo had shown his true might to us, when I felt his Monster power.  It was a familiar feeling, but I did not want to admit it to myself.  I had not felt it from Xellos or the other Monsters, because they were not as strong as Fibrizzo.  Now Fibrizzo was pure Monster, the strongest source of evil I had ever faced…more powerful than Shabernigdo or Gaav in the way he handle us, played with our lives so that Lina would cast the Giga Slave.  It was mainly after him did I come to understand my Demon third.

Demons were related to the Monster Race.

But I refused to believe it. 

I was alone when Xellos came to me one night while I camped in the woods.  When I saw him materialize in the shadows, I was shocked.  Lina was not around, so why did the Monster come?  It was Lina that the Monster Race had an interest in, not me.  When he approached slowly, with his ridiculous smile plaster on his pale face, I realized that something important was about to happen.  Could it be that Xellos knew for certain of a cure for my curse?

"What do you want, Xellos?"  I asked rudely.  I was in no mood for crazy Monsters, now thinking that nothing good would come out of this.  After all, Xellos was a Monster, why would a Monster want to help me?

I was dumbstruck when Xellos bowed to me.  Xellos bowed to me.  I sat there, staring at him over my fire, my mouth hanging open like a stupid codfish, my eyes probably wide as ever. 

"Greeting, Zelgadis.  It is wonderful to see a familiar face again."  Was his cheery reply to my rude question.  "Please, may I sit down?"

I remember thinking, what the Hell?!  But I waved for him to join me; after all, he hadn't done anything for me to attack him…at least not yet.

Xellos sat and placed his staff on the floor in front of him.  He stared at me, his eyes closed as normal, and his smile still there.  "So, how have you been feeling lately, Zelgadis?"

"Fine."  I answered, wondering what the Monster up to.

There was a long silence, one in which I was determined not to be the one to break.  Thankfully, Xellos spoke, but I remember that he opened his eyes a crack when he did, totally unnerving me.  His eyes freaked me out; they reminded me of something I did not want to admit then.  Something even now I wish wasn't true.

Xellos's eyes reminded me of my own.  Cold, hard, and unfeeling.

"I have some information that might be of interest to you, Zelgadis.  Will you hear me out?"

"What are you up to?"  I growled, wishing he'd just close his eyes.  I knew that he was feeding off of my discomfort.   I wished at that moment I hadn't let him join me.

He raised his gloved hands and said, "I promise, nothing, Zelgadis.  Its just that my Mistress has noticed that you have been…well, how do I say this…restless."

I really did not like the sound of this.  For Xellos's Mistress to have noticed something about me, meant that she had been watching me! "What the Hell are you getting at?"  I demanded, feeling more than a little nervous.  I knew for a fact that I was no match for Xellos, if he wanted anything from me, I would be powerless to stop him.  But at least I would blow off a limb or two.

Xellos said, "You have started noticing things about yourself, things that you would prefer not to exists.  You left in such a hurry after Martina's wedding."

"So what?"

Xellos leaned forward and grinned.  It was not his Trickster grin. It was an evil grin that made my stomach turn into knots. "You thirst for blood, Zelgadis.  You thirst for suffering like every other Monster."

I felt like hurling in the damn Monster's face right then and there.  The whole concept made me sick back then.  "I am not a Monster, Xellos!" I yelled angrily.

"You are a third Demon, my confused friend.  Demons are related to Monsters.  They thirst for the same thing.  You know this, Zelgadis."

I stood, not wanting to hear his mocking voice.  But he appeared in front of me still grinning.  He was enjoying this; I knew it like I knew night and day.  I was suffering, and he was feeding off of me.  I stumbled back, trying to get my personal space back.  "What do you want?"  I growled.

"My Mistress had noticed your restlessness, Zelgadis.  So she sent me to give you a gift."

I was liking this even less.  I wanted to be anywhere but there, alone with Xellos's freakish eyes on me.  I stood though, stiff and nervous as Xellos reached into his dark cloak and withdrew a dagger.  I leapt back, now fearing that the 'gift' was my death.  It did not make any sense to me, for what would my death do? Other than making Lina very pissed, and I was sure that the Monsters did not want Lina's wrath directed on them.

But instead of attacking, Xellos thrust the dagger's handle towards me, offering it.  "Take it."  He told me cockily.

I stared at the dagger for a moment, wondering what kind of trick was Xellos playing.  But I reached over and took it, looking at it in confusion. I was about to ask Xellos what was so important about the dagger when the blood in my veins froze, causing me to shudder as I recognized the dagger.

How could I forget that dagger…

The dagger that had slit my mother's throat…

I barely noticed that Xellos was speaking to me, "My Mistress told me that it was important that you be given this dagger.  Said that it will solve some of your problems and make you feel better.  So, does it?"

I ignored the question, instead I demanded, "Where did you get this?"  I noticed that my hand was shaking.

Xellos had closed his eyes by now, but he still grinned.  "Oh, one of the minor Monsters snatched it from some soldier in an army."

"What army?"  I growled.  I knew that Xellos knew the importance of the dagger, and that he was taking his time because he was enjoying himself at my expense…again.

"Why, an army that belongs to the Monster Quexton."

I glared at him, wanting nothing but to throttle him.  "We both know that there is no Monster Quexton."

Xellos shrugged and turned slightly. "Well, apparently there is somebody using that name again.  They used it back then, and they are using it now.  Very intriguing don't you agree?"

Beautiful mother…strong father…

"Who?"  I hissed, looking at my hideous reflection on the blade.  "Who was responsible?"

Xellos's grin showed his white teeth.  "A little late to go for revenge?"

"Who is it?" I was shouting, but I didn't care. I could see my mother's blood dripping from the blade to the handle, drenching my hand.  I could see my father's corpse behind Xellos's mocking body, mutilated and stinking.

"That is a secret!"

I hurled the dagger at him, which he easily dodged.  "Now now, Zelgadis."  He said.   "I would have thought you would ask where this person is."

"I bet it's a secret!"  I hissed, wondering if I could cause him any kind of pain.

But Xellos shook his head at me, "Nope.  My Mistress told me that I'm to help you get there.  You simply will have to find out who's this 'Monster Quexton' on your own."

"Why?"  I asked.  "Why would your Mistress do this?"

This time Xellos's shrug seemed genuine, "That I'm not sure about." He said almost sheepishly.  "Maybe she's just interested in the results."

I didn't like it.  Not one bit…but to get my revenge…I would do anything to have my revenge…to finally be a man and avenge my parent's death…to avenge my suffering.  I wanted this.  I had not realized it, but I wanted this Monster Quexton to suffer.  But all my searching had revealed that there was no such creature.  He had guessed that it was someone playing a sickening game, but I could find no one. 

My day had finally come.  I looked at Xellos and demanded for him to tell me the location of the army.  He laughed and told me that he was happy to oblige.  I remember feeling a little sickened at the way I had latched onto the dagger and the thought of revenge.  I wanted to see blood spilled.

I was acting and feeling like a Monster. 

I hated it, but I refused to back down.

That morning, Xellos lead me away from my camp, down east nearing the coast.  The fool babbled incessantly, what I have no clue.  Only Xellos could turn a comment like, 'the sky is clear' to something totally different.  I shut my ears to him, not paying attention to what he was saying.  I was in a way trying to get a hold of myself.  For the first time since turning into a Chimera, I could think about nothing but my parents.

I could feel my father lifting me in his strong arms.  I could smell my mother's send as I hugged.  Their gentle smiles, their love for a weak child who eventually was the reason for their deaths.  After all, it was the original plan for me to be sacrificed to appease Quexton, not my mother.  I was the reason my father had gone back to rescue me, and died trying.  If I hadn't been so weak I could have protected my mother, if I hadn't been weak I could escaped and my father would not have had to return to save me.

I knew that these were unhealthy faults, but I could not help but thinking and in some way believing them.  I was strong now, and cursed.  I knew that even if I had been strong back then I still would have been overwhelmed.  After all, I was just a boy.  But now I was a man.  I was strong, and nothing could stop me.  I had battled Rezo and his copy, I had gone head to head with Gaav, Shabernigdo, Zanaffar, and the Hellmaster.  And even though I was beaten by them, I survived, and helped in their undoing. 

No, I was no longer weak.

But at what cost? 

I had to stop in my thinking as Xellos raised his hand and went quiet.  I could hear the sounds of a lot of voices.  And far away I could see smoke. 

Xellos spoke, "I see that the army is sacking another village.  I wonder who will be the sacrifice here?"

I knew he asked this to get on my nerves.  And it worked.  Was there a young boy down there who worshipped his parents? A happy boy who wanted nothing to do but to please them?  A boy whose life was about to be shattered like mine had.

A boy who later would be unable to look at his reflection in mirror because it made him sick to see what stared back?

Trust me, I have never been one for heroics thought I have defiantly done my share traveling with Lina.  I have never knowingly involved myself in trying to save strangers from fate.  Sometimes I wonder what Amelia would have to say about that. 

But there, right there, something snapped.  I wanted to make that army down there suffer.  I could feel the cold blade that took my mother's life hanging on my side.  I wanted that blade to be drenched in blood, but this time the blood of those responsible for her death.  I wanted to kill, and I wanted to enjoy it.

I was aware of Xellos chuckling, but I ignored him. 

It was my day.  The day I will finally prove to myself my worth, and who I was.

"Ray Wing."  I spoke the words calmly and leapt away from Xellos and into the air.  I stopped and asked Xellos, "Are you coming.  I'm sure your Mistress would want a thorough report."

For a moment Xellos looked a little startled at my comment.  I felt dark pleasure at this.  I now knew what the trick was.  They wanted to toy with me.  They knew my 'restlessness' was the fact that I was becoming aware of my Demon part.  They wanted me to accept it with open arms.  They wanted me in a way to become one of them.

I accepted, but unlike them I was human…if only a third.  I had been raised human.  I had also been in a way influenced by Rezo, one of the smartest men of the age…even if he was mad.  If to get my revenge I would allow myself to succumb to the Demon within me, I accepted.  But I would always be Zelgadis. 

I was not a Monster.

What I saw at the village did not phase my heart at all.  Now that I think back on it, it was something that would have made Lina, Gouarry, and Amelia shudder.  Even I would have gotten sick, but not at that moment.  I was not Zelgadis Greywevers; I was Zelgadis, the Chimera who was heartless.  I liked that title, it appealed to me.  I understood why.

The poor villagers were nowhere in sight.  Soldiers ran around, destroying anything. Nut it was the large burning barn that caught my attention.  The barn where all the screams came from.  Screams of men, women, and children locked inside and burning to death together.

Drawing my sword, I flew to the barn, ignoring the some of the startled looks from the soldiers who stopped their destruction to stare at me.  I reached for the burning lock on the door and ripped it away.  The fire licked at my rock skin, but I felt nothing.  Only the searing flames that came from under the earth could harm my skin.  I heard shouts from behind, but simply ripped the burning door open.

Immediately, coughing and terrified villagers ran out, clutching each other.

They halted when they saw the soldiers then me.  Behind them, the barn collapsed.  Some fell to the ground weeping, staring at the place where they all could have perished.  Then a man cried out, pointing at me.  "It's the Monster Quexton!"

This started a ripple of panic from the villagers, and confusion from the soldiers who probably were still shocked at my appearance.  I smirked at the frightened villagers and told them, "Get out."

They hesitated, frightened and still not wanted to leave their village.  I raised my sword and lunged at the soldier closest to me.  I man screamed, and slid to the ground, dead.  I pointed the bloody blade at the villagers and growled, "Get out, or all of you will share these men's fates."  Now, thinking about it, I think I meant it.  Anyone getting in my way was going to die.  I was not holding back.  Nothing would hold me back. 

They left, stumbling over each other, weeping; frightened…just like the way I used to be.  I then saw a young boy looking around eleven stop walking and stare at me with large dark eyes.  I met his gaze coldly, but started when the boy smiled at me.  A man and a woman took his hands and ushered him hurriedly away.  Probably his parents.

I had succeeded.

When they were gone, the shocked soldiers started inching away from me.  Cowards, the lot of them.  They could attack unarmed men, women, and children, but they wouldn't dare attack a short, thin, yet deadly Chimera.  These men were even worse that the ones who had attacked my home.  At least those men fought off soldiers, and defeated my father in battle.

These men were merely cowards.

I was enjoyed striking fear into them. 

"I am looking for the Monster Quexton.  Would any of you gentlemen care to tell me where your Master is?"  I asked politely.  I started walking toward them, devouring their wide eyes, their sweaty faces, the fast rate of their hearts.  It was delicious, and sickening.  But I was not holding back.

"A…a…Monster!"  Cried one man.

I laughed, "Hardly.  Now, who will answer my question?  Where is Quexton?"

"The…the Master…?!"  He stammered.  I could see that he was near pissing on himself from fear.  Yes, I wanted this.  I wanted them all to fear me…to fear the monstrous man before them.  A man who would not think twice of killing them.  They deserved it.  I looked at them, trying to see if I recognized any of their ugly features.  Was one of them that man who liked pretty little boys?  Was one of the one who laughed and poured wine on me when I was forced to lab it up like a dog?  Was one of them one who helped sack my home, and murder my family??

I could not recognize any of them, and that curbed the boiling anger and hatred in me.  Now that I think about it, maybe one of them was at my town all those years ago, maybe I just couldn't remember their faces.  But in any case I chose to spare them, but took pleasure in scaring the shit out of them.  And some of them did.

I targeted one ugly big fat smelly brute of a man, and went to him to interrogate.  He whimpered, and tried to run but I held him by the scruff of his fat dirty and sweaty neck and shook him like a kitten.  "Tell me…friend…where is that Monster that you follow so loyally?"

"I…I don't know!"

I smirked at him, and his eyes became wide, his pupils tiny and shaking.  "I'm sure I can convince you to tell me."  I said almost kindly.  His terror was delicious to feed upon.  I could feel it like an ocean wave.  So this was what a Monster or a Demon feels when they torment others. 

"Please!  Please!  Don't hurt me!"

The man was a weeping blubber, and it was disgusting holding him.  Finally and gave him a good hard shake and said, "Stop it.  You're a man aren't you?  Simply tell me where is Quexton and I'll spare you and your comrades lives."

The man opened his mouth and shut it again.  I grew tired of the craven's stalling and lifted my hand.  "Freeze arrow."  An arrow made of complete ice appeared in my hand and I held it over the slug's nose.  "If this touches you," I told him.  "You're whole body will slowly freeze and be incased in ice.  Not a nice way to die, don't you think?"

I waved it a little closer and he broke.  "The…the Master is the camp near the woods three miles from here!  Please!  Please let me go!  He forced me to come here!  The damn Monster threatened me, so I came.  I didn't mean it!  I didn't want to burn all those people!"

Disgusting.   

"Where in the woods?"  I asked calmly.  For a moment I had the urge to destroy this craven fool.  A waste.  I knew very well he was bloated with greed and cruelty, but like most greedy and cruel men, he was a coward. 

"North."  Whispered the man. 

I sneered and threw him a good ten feet away, dispelling the urge to wipe my gloved hand against my cape.  "Go."  I told him, looking at his comrades who were inching away from me.  "I would advise you to not go to your camp.  That is my next stop."  They whimpered and gulped, all sweating and disgusting.  They ran.  Every last one of them ran, some retaining a hold on their weapons, others dropping them to the ground for fear that it would slow their escape.

Disgusting…all of them.

I stood by myself for a moment.  The barn smoking behind me barely irritated my nose, the devastation was what had my attention.  These people had been so lucky.  My home had not fared so well. 

I was about to cast the Ray Wing to leave when Xellos materialized next to me.  "Oh, not here is he?"

"Go away."  I said, not bothering to look at him.  I had more important things to deal with.

"But, you seemed to have dropped this."

He handed me the dagger that I had thrown at him.  I took it, once again seeing my mother's blood on it.  "Why do you insist on me keeping this damned thing?"  I demanded.

Xellos shrugged.  I turned away from him and dropped the dagger.  "If you're thinking that I should kill Quexton with the same dagger that killed my mother, then think again."  I told him angrily.  His presence was getting to me.

"Oh?"  He raised a purple brow.

"Ray Wing!"   I flew off, not bothering to explain myself.  If I were going to kill Quexton, I would do it as a man, not as a sickening Monster who would take pleasure in making things seem like a story.  I wasn't like that.  It would be ironic to kill Quexton with that dagger. 

But no.

The trees flew by below me, and it wasn't long before I found the camp.  It was fairly small, not what I had thought.  That didn't matter.  I had to find Quexton.  I landed in the middle of the camp and found it deserted other than two burly guards who stood at the opening of a large tent, their swords drawn and eyes only on me.

"QUEXTON!"  I shouted and charged, drawing my sword.  I attacked the two with no mercy, cutting them down, and killing them down.  I wanted this now.  I wanted death.  Anything that got in my way would be killed.

Yet a small voice in my mind told me to calm down.

"QUEXTON!"  I shouted again, standing over the bodies.  "Come out now!  We have score to settle!  COME OUT!"

I stood, and waited, shivering with anticipation.  Yes, now it was time for Quexton to suffer as I have suffered.  He would die a slow painful death, and I would make sure that he regretted the day he dared to order his armies to destroy my home, and to order a sacrifice of a member of the leading home.  He would pay.

When he did not come out I stepped forward and yanked the flaps of the tent open and entered.  I would make him suffer for making me come out, the craven.

But I stopped when I looked upon him.  My eyes widening in horror at what I beheld.  It was the Monster Quexton.  Yes, it was him, a Monster.  Yet, the sight of him made me stop, and made all my dreams of revenge and pain shatter.  Monsters are immortal…in a way, but they can be killed, and they can age.  This Monster lay on a soft pallet on the floor; its withered old face was knarled with the age of centuries.  It was man shaped, with skinny arms that shook.  Blue slit eyes looked at him with curiosity and hope.

I opened its mouth and spoke.  "Ah…there you are.  I…I've been waiting for you."

I stood there, staring at him, not believing, and not wanting to accept this.

"Finally, someone to take me out…out…put me out…" He cackled, a dry sound that made me shudder.  "What are you waiting for, boy?  Strike me!"  Snapped the monster, laying back down and closing his eyes.  "You came to do it…do it…"

I lowered my sword, and asked in a shaking voice.  "You…you want me to kill you?"  I was mortified…and a little terrified at the prospect.  This wasn't what I had imagined.  I couldn't take my revenge out on this old creature.  It was sickening and perverse.

Quexton smiled at me.  "Ah, foolish boy.  Why do you hesitate?  Aren't you going to kill me?  Go on; tell me of what I have done to you.  Though I don't remember killing off and Chimeras."

"I am human."  I said softly.  "I am a man."

"A boy." 

"I am a man!"  I cried, feeling my eyes fill with tears.  This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.  Even now, as I stand before Lina I cry to myself that it wasn't supposed to be like that.

Quexton looked curious.  "You are part human, and golem, and…"

"Demon."  I said, calming down.  I was trembling, and wanted to stop.

"What's your name?  I would like to know the name of the Demon who kills me."

"I'm not…"  I stopped and swallowed.  "I wasn't always like this.  I was human."

"I don't care whether you were human, or are human, or will be human.  You call yourself a man, standing there before me, so it matters not to me!  Your name!"

No one had spoken to me that way, like I was a child.  "Zeldgadis Greywvers."  I finally answered.

The gnarled old face seemed to relax.  "Ahh.  Yes.  I remember that name.  Other Monsters would remember it as one who helped that Inverse child slay Shabernigdo, Zanaffar, and Hellmaster.  But I remember that name from before."

It would have been so much better if he didn't remember.  Then I could fuel that rage that I had lost.  But he remembered quite vividly as he told me what happened from his point of view.

"I had picked that tow for its beauty and happiness.  The people were content, and the Lord Greywvers was a good man.  Him, his wife, and his little boy.  It had to be destroyed.  The people's suffering would be even sweeter.  A village who was not happy is nothing compared to a town of happy content people.  So I ordered it destroyed and its occupants killed except for a few slaves.  But then, the Lord Greywvers came with an army to stop me.  The fool had no idea the vastness of my reach and power…at least those few years ago.  I ordered my general to sacrifice either his wife or son.  He did that.  The wife gave her life willingly so that her boy could live.

"I was pleased.  But then after the Lord Greywvers got killed, a connection was discovered.  One that led to Rezo the Red Priest.  It was him that led to my downfall.  He destroyed the main part of my army with a simple word.  After that I realized how the times have changed.  I could not gather another army…so I disappeared, hoping that some one would come and seek vengeance.  It would be so beautiful to die painfully.  To end it."

I stared in disbelief.  It was Rezo who had rendered this Monster to this?  "Why are you giving up?"  I asked, curious.  "Why aren't you going to fight for your life?"

"I served Lord Shabernigdo and Hellmaster.  They are gone.  I was one of the first created.  I am one of the oldest and have no place among the ranks of the Monster race any more.  I have been thrown away, and have no place in the Monster's plans.  I am content with that."  His eyes sharpened on me.  "So, Son of Greywvers, how will you kill me?  What suffering do you have planned for me?"

I drew back.  I no longer wanted my revenge.   No longer did I thirst it.  I wanted to leave, to go away.  Maybe if I left him, someone else could get rid of him.  But I knew I would be running away. 

"I am a man," I said, though my voice shook.  "I am not a Monster who would enjoy the suffering of something that cannot even defend itself." 

Could I do it?  Could I kill something this ancient?  Yet I knew that if I left him, he would continue being a Monster and terrorize more people.  He may target me for abandoning him.  "Prepare yourself."  I said softly, sheathing my sword. 

He grinned and closed his eyes.  Accepting his fate.  "I am so tired."  He whispered softly.

And I was preparing myself.  I had always killed in self-defense, in the heat of battle.  Even when I was under Rezo I never attacked someone defenseless. This was different.  I was going to kill not in self-defense, but actually destroy the life of something unable to defend itself.  In a way, it was almost like murder…

I shut my eyes from the image of the Monster who looked like an old grandfather, and crossed my arms to make and X.  And slowly, I started the words…

"Source of all souls which dwells in the Eternal and the Infinite…"

Strong Father…

"Everlasting flame of blue…"

Beautiful Mother…

"In my soul be called forth from the Infinite…"

I have avenged thee.

"RAH TILT!!!!"

And I leapt out of the tent as it was engulfed in a wild blue and silver inferno.  I stood; staring transfixed as the Monster within never uttered a scream as it was destroyed, burned from the Astro-plain and out.  The flames rose high into the air, above the trees, the world seeming to illuminate with silver and blue.

It was beautiful.

And I wept.

Xellos did not come to me after that.  I was not accosted by any of Quexton's men.  I was alone and was content with that.  I avoided the village, not wanting at all to be praised as a hero.  I had avenged my parents, and saved a whole village from death…yet my enemy did not raise one finger to defend it's self.  I did and do not see myself as a hero.  Sure what I did was astounding…though only to a normal person's point of view, but a hero fights to survive, against a strong force.  That was not what happened.

I drifted awhile, not even bothering to search for a cure.  It seemed meaningless to me. But then I heard of the lands beyond…unknown, uncharted lands that might have a clue for my cure.  So I went to the docks and there met Lina and Gouarry.  So now, alone with my two friends I think about this.  About my parents, about Quexton, about my true nature.

I had heard that revenge was supposed to be bitter sweet.  It was just plain bitter.  Killing him did not bring back my parents, and did not change the fact that I was still stuck in a cursed body.

But killing him proved something else.  I was human, I was a man.  I had demon blood in me, and I enjoyed killing.  Though not in cold blood, I looked forward to the next battle, and wanted to see my blade kissed with blood.  It was awful, but it was the truth, and is the truth.

Could I tell Lina this?  I thirsted for blood?  She would be disgusted probably.  And Amelia…

For a moment I wonder where the girl was at the moment.  I had heard that Prince Phil was funding the ships to go explore the new world.  I hope to see her, but…do I want her to see me?  Can I look down into her eyes and face her knowing what I was, and accepting it as a part of me?

"Zel?" 

I think Lina is getting worried about my silence. 

"I suppose."

That was answer enough.  For now at least.  I am just glad to be in their company again…and maybe Amelia too.

At least now I can look at a mirror and not turn away in disgust.

THE END

::long silence::

How was that?  Was it okay?  Did it make sense?

Well, that ends my second complete fic.  That leaved three unfinished.  One of them a Slayers/Gundam crossover…so go read it!  Anyway, I really hope this last part made sense.  It's just mainly Zelgadis finally accepting:  okay, I am a third Demon…and Demons like to kill and have others suffer.  It's a part of him and he can pretend all he likes, but its not going to change anything.  More importantly, he is human, and not a boy any longer, but a man.  As a man, he has to be aware of himself, in his abilities and disabilities not matter how ugly they are.

I loved Zel in Slayers TRY.  It showed his savageness (think when he was fighting with Gravos and said it had been a long time since his blade had tasted blood) and sweetness (the end of Slayer TRY it shows Zel alone traveling, yet on his canteen of water was one of Amelia's bracelets).  He seemed more sure of himself, though he still hated his body and people's stares.  He hated it, but accepted it.

Zelgadis was a man.

Salrinia/Rue