Disc: You know it.
AN: And... here you are. This chapter introduces two new mildly reoccuring characters, who will be familliar to those of you that have read CLAMP manga other than Sakura. Kind of. Anyway, I'm sorry for all the waits between chapters... Balancing two series isn't easy, huh? -_-;; So here we are. This chapter has about three paragraphs of tragic relief, just to explain the long-unanswered question- 'Why the hell is Syaoran (insert here)?' that has puzzled I don't know who. But enjoy the chapter.

COFFEE BREAK
CHAPTER FIVE: LOVE AMONGST THE PINEAPPLES

(Last chapter: Eriol proformed a rather touching death scene, and then declared it was just a joke, Sakura ran off crying, Meiling unwillingly gave Evil Tomoyo a good idea, and Nakuru glomped Syaoran and brought him back into reality.)

Evil Tomoyo had A Plan.

It was a Good Plan, as she thought to herself. She was currently at her PC busily tracking and/or stalking several young and angsty homosexual anime characters. All she had to do was convince them that things would be a lot better in the world if she was ruler. And maybe promise to set them up with their respective love intrests. If they had any. Being evil (and just a little bit of a godmoder) had advantages.

"Meiling-chan!" she called, clicking twice on the image of a normal looking brunette high schooler. "Meiling-chan, come here!"

Meiling appeared on cue. She was wearing her latest clothing in a set- a rather skimpy pink bunny outfit with some *really* cute ears that Evil Tomoyo had spent *hours* sewing...

The Chinese girl frowned. Of course she wanted to get out of the place, that was the entire point of her storyline... but like it or not she was getting into the routine. "Hai, Evil Tomoyo-sama?" she asked sarcastically. "What's your bidding this time?"

"I want you to bring me the transportation device." replied the Evil one. "And set it for..." she checked the site again. "One Kamui Shirou and one Miyuki- well, she doesn't seem to have a last name. Oh well. And get me some pocky."

Meiling, running out into the hall, muttered something under her breath about losing weight from all this. Evil Tomoyo chuckled to herself as she tapped her fingers across the keyboard of her PC. With any luck, this would work out great...

"Ah." she started, as Meiling came running back with a dish of pocky and a small device that looked suspiciously like a Wish bunny. "Thank you, Meiling-chan. The Piffle Princess model always works so well for inside our own circle of characters, although of course the Tenchi model works much better for the entire multiverse... Here we go."

She pressed a button, cackling to herself as a flash of light filled the room. In a few seconds both the bishounen and the schoolgirl were tossed akwardly out onto the floor.

Miyuki looked around, blinking in a way that seemed to say 'oh, damn, not this again'. Kamui just stared at the floor mumbling the name of some car.

***

Nakuru, believe it or not, was happy. She was happy because she had always considered herself a matchmaker. Even despite the fact that none of her couples ever worked out well, she had always been sure that she could bring together anyone in the world with no (very) adverse effects. She now had a chance to prove this to the world!

"Sya-chan," she said happily, pulling on his ears for some odd reason, "do you want to help me set you up with T-kun?"

Syaoran turned, against most of the laws of time and space, several shades of red at once. "W-what do you mean?" he stuttered, glaring at the non-gendered being still rather firmly attacked to his back. "I'm not... I mean, I..."

Nakuru brushed the repeated denials of something aside. "I'll matchmake you!" she exclaimed. "I'll get you and T-kun to fall in love and get married and have a house in the suburbs with 2.5 children and a dog and-"

"2.5 children?" asked Kero-chan, sweatdropping to save his life. "They're both guys, ya know... And... why would anybody want half a kid?" Kaho, refusing to speak for fear she would burst into giggles, nodded somberly at his words.

"It doesn't matter!" cried Nakuru, striking a pose. "It's all in the name of LOVE!"

Syaoran blinked, blushed, frowned, and preformed many other Syaoran-like gestures of humiliation. "Erm... I dunno..." he muttered.

"Of course you know!" Nakuru responded, slapping him on the back and causing him to fall over. "We're gonna set you up with T-kun, right? Aren't you happy happy happy about that?"

Kaho frowned. "Nakuru-san..." she said. "Li-kun probably isn't happy right now, considering all the grave bodily harm you're doing him. You may want to give him some personal space so he isn't so scared of you."

"Yeah, yeah, sure." muttered Nakuru dismissively. She did, however, more back and almost out of Syaoran's bubble. "So, Sya-chan... Wanna come to my house? We can help you win T-kun over. Kero-chan can come too! I'm sure he and Suppi-chan can have fun together!"

"Eh..." Syaoran replied simply. And because the author doesn't think she's conveying very much about Syaoran's thought process, she will proceed to explain and give a bit of a PoV. Just so you don't think she's slacking off or anything.

Syaoran Li had 'issues' dealing with his own feelings, but for once he thought that he might have it right. Sakura was a Very Nice Girl, and about the best friend anyone could have, but... Sooner or later that was all it came down to. He'd been crushing on a certain white-haired boy for a while because of his moon aura- and while he was certain that, in some other world, he and Sakura could have been romantically involved (cough, cough)... Syaoran had started to think that her aura might be why he had liked *her*.

Touya didn't really have an aura, apart from that general surly bishouneness. And he was smart, strong, kind when he wanted to be, and didn't give a damn about what anyone else thought. He'd probably protect the whole town if he needed to, despite not looking like your atypical superhero of justice. And so... Syaoran's subconcious had decided that all this was rather meritous, and besides Syaoran looked better as an uke, and had developed him A Crush.

There were hurdles. For instance, his entire rational brain, which was declaring very loudly that Touya didn't seem too found of Syaoran. Mainly because of Sakura and the fact he himself hadn't been very nice at first. And even then, his brain said snidely, the older boy would probably have to be off his rocker to chose as a romantic companion one rather small and helplessly furious Chinese gaki.

So he waited. What else could he do?

This train of thought has been brought to you by the Society for Tragic Relief in Lousy Comedy Fanfic. Thank you.

Kaho, feeling like someone had just gone off on an inner monologue, checked her watch. "Oh!" she stated in surprise. "It's almost time for my meeting... Sorry, Nakuru-san, Li-kun... I'll catch up with you two later." Running out the door of the karaoke bar, she hurried into a nondescript office building near it and made a dash for the elevator.

This was important, she thought, even as she walked into the meeting room. It had been the right thing to do to enroll. She could help others deal with their problem, and in return she could deal with her own. She strode to the front of the room, past the occupants of multiple folding chairs, and took a deep breath.

"Hello." she began. "My name is Kaho, and I have a Shota Complex."

"Hi, Kaho!" chorused the others.

***

There was more silence. It wasn't very happy silence. It was the sort of silence that happens when someone's played a really nasty practical joke, which in this case they had. Sakura could be heard sobbing in the next room down.

Shun blinked for a moment. "How did you *do* that, anyway?" he asked Eriol.

The boy shrugged. "I killed the tentacle monster during the break between chapters." he responded, looking in roughly the direction Sakura had dissapeared into. "Where did she go, anyway?"

"I don't know." said Shun, finally snapping out of the blinking pattern. "I've never been out of Hammerspace the entire time I've been here... I was too busy. Do you think she'll be okay?" He frowned nervously. "I mean, my daughter's going to be rather sad if anything happens to Sakura-chan..."

Eriol, frowning slightly, walked towards the door and gestured for Daidouji-san to follow him. "We'd better find out, ne?"

Following the sounds of Sakura's crying, the pair headed down the long hall the door had let them to. It was grey, dull and looked exactly like a typical space the author didn't want to spend time describing. Sakura was huddled next to an elevator at the end of the corridor. Eriol sat down beside her.

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

Sakura, eyes red-rimmed from her tears, turned to look at him. "What do you mean 'am I alright'?" she asked angrily. "I thought you were going to die! I was... so sad, and... how could you do something like that? How *could* you?"

Eriol took a hankerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. "Sakura..." he began. "I'm not going to say it wasn't a cheap trick. It was, and I'm very sorry. Can you forgive me?"

The author would like to point out that she herself would not have accepted this apology. However, Sakura is a very angelic girl and thus wiped her tears and managed a faint smile. "I... guess so."

"Good!" Eriol sprang up and offered her a hand. "Let's go up this elevator, Sakura... I have a feeling we're getting closer to getting out of the shark."

As the two children stepped into the elevator, Shun frowned. "She only let you call her that because you were dying..." he muttered before joining them.

TO BE CONTINUED...

(What? Kamui and Miyuki? Will *they* really help Evil Tomoyo take over the world? How will Nakuru set Syaoran up with Tou- sorry, T-kun? Who are the others members of Kaho's "Shotacon Fans Anonymous" branch? Where will Sakura, Eriol and Shun land next? Do I even know... Read the next chapter of Coffee Break to figure it out, fool!)