FIC: Just Human
Author: Jill
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Category: Drama/Angst/Romance/Future
Disclaimer: no, still don't own them, so don't sue
Pairing: B/A (eventually), B/R, C/We, A/X, W/T, G/?, others
Distribution: my site eventually, Land of Denial, Sunlight & Shadow, if you
have any of my stories, just take it; anybody else, just tell me where it
goes.
Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon up to the end of Season 5/2
Summary: set 20 years into the future - more would give the whole story
away
Feedback: would be treasured!
Dedication: to my American friend Sheila who gave birth to her baby on
September 11th and called her Hope.
Note 1: First of all. This is no Riley-bashing fic. In fact, Riley's going
to be a good guy in this, although he isn't really there. (Read the story to
understand.)
Note 2: Dawn died instead of Buffy in "The Gift"
PROLOGUE: WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christmas 2001
The streets in L.A. were busy tonight, Angel thought as he made his way
through the masses of people who were rushing in and out of stores,
undoubtedly trying to buy something for friends or family at the very last
minute.
It wasn't the first time Angel had gone through Christmas. He had to laugh
at such a ridiculous thought. There weren't a lot of people around, or
rather non-people, who'd lived through more Christmasses than he. Yet, there
weren't a lot of people around either whose Christmasses were more lonely.
But he liked lonely. Cordelia had approached him a week ago, mumbling
something about Christmas with friends, but he had declined with a little
smile and told her that Christmas and vampires didn't mix. She'd frowned at
that but accepted it, while Wesley had given Angel a knowing look behind her
back, but hadn't interfered.
As a result Angel would spend this evening on his own in the Hyperion Hotel
or maybe stake one or two vampires. They seemed rather bloodthirsty at this
time of the year. He could remember 150 years ago when he and Darla ... His
thoughts came to a screeching halt. No he wouldn't go there. Not tonight.
Tonight he had a mission to fulfill.
His fingers tightened on the letter he was holding in his hand. It was the
most painful mission of his life without doubt. But it was a mission of love
and underneath the pain he could feel the satisfaction that he might be able
to do right to a person he'd done so wrong and his mind was wandering back
to a phone call he'd received a week ago.
He'd just come back from slaying a particularly nasty demon when Willow had
called from Sunnydale. She sounded rather desperate and after some fumbling
with words she'd finally blurted out that Buffy was in pretty bad shape, had
been ever since Dawn died. The Sunnydale crew was doing their best but so
far without much success.
Buffy was doing her duty, but other than that she was pretty much a zombie.
They had tried talking to her, had dragged her out, Giles had even sent her
to New Orleans for two weeks lying to her about a vampire problem there,
just to get her out of Sunnydale, but nothing worked.
Angel and Willow had quickly agreed that it wouldn't be good for anyone if
he came to Sunnydale. There was still no way he and Buffy could be together
and if anything his presence and unavoidable departure would only cause more
pain. And so after replacing the receiver on the cradle, Angel had started
thinking. Brooding, as Cordelia had called it. 'You are wearing Buffy-face'
she had accused him, hands on her hips, but he had just sent her away, not
willing to explain what was bothering him.
Two nights later he had driven to Sunnydale and seen her. Without letting
her see him of course. He'd been careful to stay out of her sensing-range
and as far as he could say she hadn't felt him this time. But he had seen
her and what he'd seen made his heart ache and his soul heavy. What Willow
had told him was right. She was like a zombie. She was a slayer who did her
duty and nothing else.
Returning to L.A. the brooding had intensified, and tonight, alone in the
Hyperion hotel, he finally came to what he hoped was the right decision.
He clutched the letter in his hand a little bit tighter. He knew that
sending the letter would most likely make him lose Buffy forever, but then
he'd accepted the fact long ago. He loved her, more than he had ever
imagined being able to love someone and more than anything he wanted her to
have a life, to be happy. He wanted her to be happy with him, laugh with
him, have his children, but of course this wasn't an option. If anything he
could be her friend. From a distance. She knew it too and she accepted it.
The day in the cemetery at her mother's grave, when she'd told him he'd
better leave because she was too needy, there he'd known that she
understood. And accepted it.
If you love a person you want that person to be happy, his mother told him
so many years ago and he hadn't understood then. He did now. He wanted her
to have all her dreams fulfilled.
Angel almost went past the mailbox, but stopped and turned, standing before
it, the letter in his hand. Taking a deep breath, he lifted his hand and let
it fall through the slit. It fell on the ground and with it did Angel's
heart. This was the end and he knew it. Tonight he was saying goodbye to all
his secret dreams of a future filled with sunlight, laughter and the face of
a blond girl who had given him the reason to go on.
Blinking away the sudden moisture in his eyes he made his way back to the
hotel walked straight into his room and sat down on his bed. A shaky hand
reached out for a book and when he opened it a picture fell into his lap. He
picked it up, and smiled, tracing the perfect features of the young, blond
woman with a gentle fingertip. Finally he breathed a kiss on it and closed
his eyes, "I love you," he whispered. "Be happy."
... to be continued
Author: Jill
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Category: Drama/Angst/Romance/Future
Disclaimer: no, still don't own them, so don't sue
Pairing: B/A (eventually), B/R, C/We, A/X, W/T, G/?, others
Distribution: my site eventually, Land of Denial, Sunlight & Shadow, if you
have any of my stories, just take it; anybody else, just tell me where it
goes.
Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon up to the end of Season 5/2
Summary: set 20 years into the future - more would give the whole story
away
Feedback: would be treasured!
Dedication: to my American friend Sheila who gave birth to her baby on
September 11th and called her Hope.
Note 1: First of all. This is no Riley-bashing fic. In fact, Riley's going
to be a good guy in this, although he isn't really there. (Read the story to
understand.)
Note 2: Dawn died instead of Buffy in "The Gift"
PROLOGUE: WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christmas 2001
The streets in L.A. were busy tonight, Angel thought as he made his way
through the masses of people who were rushing in and out of stores,
undoubtedly trying to buy something for friends or family at the very last
minute.
It wasn't the first time Angel had gone through Christmas. He had to laugh
at such a ridiculous thought. There weren't a lot of people around, or
rather non-people, who'd lived through more Christmasses than he. Yet, there
weren't a lot of people around either whose Christmasses were more lonely.
But he liked lonely. Cordelia had approached him a week ago, mumbling
something about Christmas with friends, but he had declined with a little
smile and told her that Christmas and vampires didn't mix. She'd frowned at
that but accepted it, while Wesley had given Angel a knowing look behind her
back, but hadn't interfered.
As a result Angel would spend this evening on his own in the Hyperion Hotel
or maybe stake one or two vampires. They seemed rather bloodthirsty at this
time of the year. He could remember 150 years ago when he and Darla ... His
thoughts came to a screeching halt. No he wouldn't go there. Not tonight.
Tonight he had a mission to fulfill.
His fingers tightened on the letter he was holding in his hand. It was the
most painful mission of his life without doubt. But it was a mission of love
and underneath the pain he could feel the satisfaction that he might be able
to do right to a person he'd done so wrong and his mind was wandering back
to a phone call he'd received a week ago.
He'd just come back from slaying a particularly nasty demon when Willow had
called from Sunnydale. She sounded rather desperate and after some fumbling
with words she'd finally blurted out that Buffy was in pretty bad shape, had
been ever since Dawn died. The Sunnydale crew was doing their best but so
far without much success.
Buffy was doing her duty, but other than that she was pretty much a zombie.
They had tried talking to her, had dragged her out, Giles had even sent her
to New Orleans for two weeks lying to her about a vampire problem there,
just to get her out of Sunnydale, but nothing worked.
Angel and Willow had quickly agreed that it wouldn't be good for anyone if
he came to Sunnydale. There was still no way he and Buffy could be together
and if anything his presence and unavoidable departure would only cause more
pain. And so after replacing the receiver on the cradle, Angel had started
thinking. Brooding, as Cordelia had called it. 'You are wearing Buffy-face'
she had accused him, hands on her hips, but he had just sent her away, not
willing to explain what was bothering him.
Two nights later he had driven to Sunnydale and seen her. Without letting
her see him of course. He'd been careful to stay out of her sensing-range
and as far as he could say she hadn't felt him this time. But he had seen
her and what he'd seen made his heart ache and his soul heavy. What Willow
had told him was right. She was like a zombie. She was a slayer who did her
duty and nothing else.
Returning to L.A. the brooding had intensified, and tonight, alone in the
Hyperion hotel, he finally came to what he hoped was the right decision.
He clutched the letter in his hand a little bit tighter. He knew that
sending the letter would most likely make him lose Buffy forever, but then
he'd accepted the fact long ago. He loved her, more than he had ever
imagined being able to love someone and more than anything he wanted her to
have a life, to be happy. He wanted her to be happy with him, laugh with
him, have his children, but of course this wasn't an option. If anything he
could be her friend. From a distance. She knew it too and she accepted it.
The day in the cemetery at her mother's grave, when she'd told him he'd
better leave because she was too needy, there he'd known that she
understood. And accepted it.
If you love a person you want that person to be happy, his mother told him
so many years ago and he hadn't understood then. He did now. He wanted her
to have all her dreams fulfilled.
Angel almost went past the mailbox, but stopped and turned, standing before
it, the letter in his hand. Taking a deep breath, he lifted his hand and let
it fall through the slit. It fell on the ground and with it did Angel's
heart. This was the end and he knew it. Tonight he was saying goodbye to all
his secret dreams of a future filled with sunlight, laughter and the face of
a blond girl who had given him the reason to go on.
Blinking away the sudden moisture in his eyes he made his way back to the
hotel walked straight into his room and sat down on his bed. A shaky hand
reached out for a book and when he opened it a picture fell into his lap. He
picked it up, and smiled, tracing the perfect features of the young, blond
woman with a gentle fingertip. Finally he breathed a kiss on it and closed
his eyes, "I love you," he whispered. "Be happy."
... to be continued
