Just Human, Chapter 7: GROWING PAINS AND GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Benjamin Finn, whom his friends usually called Ben, was ten years old, not
quite sure if girls were nice or not, and loved hanging out with his best
friend Jesse Harris. Or he rather had, until six months ago, when Ben's
world suddenly changed and he now found himself envying his friend for
something he no longer had. A Father.

Not that he had spent much time with Riley. Not really. His father had often
been busy, had worked long hours and came home when his younger children
were already asleep. And even on weekends when his father was around he
seemed to favor his daughters, especially Joyce, Ben's older sister.

It wasn't Joyce's fault, of course, and she was okay most of the time, if
she wasn't talking about boys or glued to the phone talking to one of her
bitchy girlfriends who seemed to have no other subject than makeup or the
latest fashion.

Early in his life Ben had realized that females were completely different
from his sex and he remembered telling his father about it. Riley had
grinned and stroked his son's head, telling him that he had no idea how
right he was. It was those moments between father and son, Ben missed. There
would be no more of these moments in the future, no more looking up and then
at his friends and saying 'That's my dad.' Riley wouldn't come back. Ever.

With his ten years, Ben was old enough to understand about death. And its
finality. He'd seen people die - even if it was only on television. But of course
the death of his father had been the first personal experience and he had to
admit it was different.

Ben had wanted to talk to his mother about it, but shortly after his father
had died, his mother had changed. He hadn't understood it at first, but soon
he'd seen that she was drunk most of the time, that her mood changed quickly
and that she cried a lot. One morning he had found her almost unconscious on
the living room floor and was scared shitless. For one horrible moment he'd
thought that after his father died his mother was now dead too. Aunt Willow
had heard about the incident and a week later she'd come and taken him and
his sisters to her own house, where he was living now.

On the whole the house wasn't so bad. He missed his mother though. But
Willow and Tara were okay most of the time, as were their daughters. And he
was used to his sisters, but it was a pain being the only guy between girls.
True, Willow and Tara weren't exactly girls anymore. They were women. Old
women. At least in the eyes of a ten year old. For him everyone older than
20 was senile.

And there was another problem that had occurred just recently, and that had
nothing to do with his dead father or his drunken mother. Still in the eyes
of a ten year old it wasn't any less urgent. The girls had started looking
at him. And he didn't exactly know what to do.

Ben was tall for his age, had his mother's blond hair and his father's blue
eyes. A combination, girls obviously found rather fascinating. And they had
started looking at him. Not just looking at him they way they had before. It
was different. Even the older girls were looking in his direction and
giggling. And that unnerved him.

None of the girls were looking at Jesse Harris. It wasn't fair, Ben decided.
Jesse could go where he wanted and none of the girls would turn her head. He
had told Willow about it and the redhead had just laughed and told him that
there would come a day when he would be grateful for it. Well, shoot. Maybe
he would, but that didn't change his current problem.

"Gina Rollins is looking at you."

At the last possible moment Ben stifled a groan and turned to look as his
friend Jesse. "I don't want to hear it," he said defensively.

Jesse giggled and glanced at the twelve-year-old girl with auburn locks he
silently adored. When Gina caught him watching her, she made a face and
stuck out her tongue. Jesse sighed, "I wouldn't mind if she would be looking
at me."

"Then make her look at you," Ben said impatiently, eager to change the
subject. "Your parents coming to parent-teacher night next week?" he asked
his friend.

"Yeah. Although mom hates it. But dad thinks it's great fun. He said he
never enjoyed them when he was a boy." Jesse grinned, "Dad is so old, I
can't imagine him as a boy. What about you? Are you... I mean, is your mom
coming?"

Ben felt a stab in his heart at the mention of his mother, but he just shook
his head, "No, I think Willow and Tara are coming instead. The social worker
said they had temporary cust... cust... well, they tell us what to do for a
while," he said finally skipping the difficult word. "It's not really bad. I
just..." he shrugged, feeling lost the way he had yesteday when Joyce had told
him that his mother had been at Willow's house and hadn't waited for him, "kinda
miss my mom and-"

"Ben!"

The boy's head flew around and wide eyed he stared at the blond woman
standing on the stairs of his school, "Mom?" he said, his voice full of
disbelief, then his whole face split into a broad smile and starting to run
he shouted, "Mom!" not caring about the curious stares of his classmates or
whether the situation might be embarrassing for a ten year old boy.

His smaller body met that of his mother's with an impact and he threw his
arms around her waist, "Mom," he whispered, pressing his face close, holding
her with all his might. He had to swallow hard as soon as the first emotions
faded and tears threatened behind his lids. It was bad enough that his
friends had seen him running towards his mother like a five year old, but no
way he would start to bawl like a toddler.

"Ben." Her voice sounded gentle and he savored the soft touch of her hand on
his hair. It had been so long.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" he asked finally, pulling back, clearing his
throat.

"Well, I thought I'd pick you up at school."

"I thought I was going with uncle Xander," he turned slightly, looking at
his friend Jesse, "that's what Aunt Willow told me. That Uncle Xander would
pick me up." There was uncertainty in his voice when he looked up at her.

"And now I'm taking you," Buffy smiled at him, realizing only now how much
she'd missed touching him. "Are you okay with it? 'Cause it means you have
to walk."

"'Cause the cops took your driver's license, right?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "They took it because I drove while I was drunk.
That's wrong and they had every right to take it away. But I will get it
back. In a couple of weeks."

"Uh-huh," Ben nodded, waving to his friend who was walking towards his
father's car that had just arrived. Xander didn't get out, just exchanged a
friendly smile with Buffy. Willow had informed him beforehand that the blond
would come to pick up her son. He had been hesitant, not quite knowing what
to expect from Buffy, but the redhead had assured him that the ex-slayer
seemed back on track.

"Do you just want to go home or do you want to do anything?" she asked,
holding out her hand for him, smiling when he took it eagerly. He seemed to
have missed her the same way she'd missed him. For a moment her thoughts
wandered towards her oldest child. Joyce didn't seem to be as forgiving as
her younger siblings. She was openly hostile and it would be hard to regain
her trust again. Quickly she hit the breaks on that train of thought. She
was with Ben now and he should get all her attention he'd missed for so
long.

"Could I have some ice cream?" he asked hopefully.

Leave it to a ten year old to have his priorities, Buffy thought with a
smile, and nodded, "Sure, you can. What kind do you want?"

*

They were sitting in the park now, Ben licking his ice cream and smiling up
at her. He seemed utterly content with her presence and the cone of course.
Buffy had to smile, "I went to see Marlie yesterday morning," she told her
son, resisting the urge to touch his head again. She wasn't sure how much of
her motherly affection his ten-year-old pride could take at one day.

"I went with Aunt Tara to see her yesterday afternoon," Ben replied. "She's
fine now. She was pretty bad that night. She cried and held her tummy." He
stopped licking his ice cream and tilted his head, "Was it really bad? Or
did she just cry 'cause she's a girl?"

"No, it's bad," Buffy assured him. His second remark bothered her a little.
"Why do you think girls do cry more than boys?"

He shrugged, "They do. Dad said that too."

"Dad said that?" his mother asked, suddenly feeling anger against her late
husband. What the hell had Riley told his son? Her son.

"Kind of," Ben amended, "He said they aren't afraid to show their feelings
while boys always think they have to be strong."

"Ah," Buffy said on a breath of relief. "And you think that's bad?"

"Dunno," the boy replied, his mouth full of ice cream. "It's kinda
embarrassing. Bawling in front of other people. In school, Jesse cried once
'cause he hurt his leg and the others called him a sissy."

"You did too?" she wanted to know.

"Jesse's my friend," Ben said as if it explained everything and it probably
did. Ben and Jesse Harris were thick as thieves, had been from the start.
They had been born only three weeks apart, Ben being the older of the two,
and had bonded immediately.

"That's good," Buffy smiled and this time didn't hold back when she wanted
to touch his blond hair. It was so soft, and it reminded her of the day of
his birth, when the nurse had put that tiny boy on her stomach. Riley had
been there too, and for a moment, one horrible moment she had wished... God,
she had to stop doing that. Those thoughts led nowhere.

"Hey mom." Ben's voice pulled her away from heavy thoughts. "Today our
teacher said, we all came from Europe once. That all the Americans left
Europe many, many years ago and come over to settle here. Is that true?"

"Well, not completely, Ben. They didn't just come from Europe. They also
came from Asia, Africa and from South America."

"Oh?" Ben crunched his nose in concentration to consider her words. Then his
face lit up, "Yeah. That's true," he said on a nod. "Li Yin, this girl in my
class, she's from Asia. Well, not Li Yin. She's born here. But her Grandpa
came from China."

"And don't forget the Native Americans," came a deep voice from behind them.
Ben whirled around, almost dropping his ice in the process, while Buffy's
spine stiffened immediately.

"The Indians?" the boy asked curiously.

"Yes, exactly," the stranger, he'd never seen the man before, sat down
beside him and his mom. "They were here long before either Europeans, Asians
or whoever came."

"I know that," Ben said. "Our teacher told us they were the natives. They
fought against us, because the white man took their land. But now they are
just American citizens like we are."

"Yes," the man agreed, smiling. Ben liked his smile. And he liked the
stranger's serious eyes and the way he talked to him. Grown ups sometimes
tended to treat him like a little kid. This man didn't and that gave him
bonus points in Ben's book.

Ben felt himself smiling back and after a short hesitation he stuck out his
hand the way his father had him taught to, "I'm Ben. And that's my mom," he
added with a nod over his shoulder.

"Hi, Ben, I'm Angel," the stranger replied and took the offered hand to shake it.

The boy had to giggle, "Angel. That's a strange name."

"I've been told that once or twice." The ex-vampire gave Ben his half-grin
and Buffy felt her stomach lurch at the sight. "Your mom once said it was
nice name."

Ben's eyes widened, "You know my mom?"

"Sure I do," Angel, said casually, "we met quite a while ago," he raised his
hands, his eyes meeting Buffy's over the boy's head, "and until a couple of
days ago, I thought we were still friends."

Buffy quickly looked away, not able to meet his gaze any longer. Angel
sighed inwardly, but shifted his attention back to Ben. "I met your mother
when she was just 16 years old."

"Oh?" Ben's eyes widened even more. Looking back and forth between his
mother and Angel he tried to do the math. "That's... a long time," he said
finally. "Wow. You've known her longer than me."

The ex-vampire had to laugh, "Yeah. You weren't even in the making then."

The boy giggled again. He liked the man who called himself Angel more and more.
"Did you go to school together?" he wanted to know.

"No," Angel shook his head, "I was... kind of following her."

"Stalking," Buffy interrupted their companionable conversation. "You were
stalking me. That's what we call what you did." With a smirk she added,
"Seems you haven't lost that particular skill."

Ben didn't pay attention to the warning note in his mother's voice. Too
fascinated by Angel, he asked, "Did you know my dad too? 'Cause he's dead
now."

"Yes, I knew your father," the ex-vampire replied, his gaze solemn, "I'm
sorry he died."

"Sure you are," Buffy snorted.

Ben shot his mother an irritated glance, not understanding her reaction.
Angel narrowed his eyes slightly at the former slayer, but then his eyes were
back on Ben, when he went on, "You must miss him a lot."

The boy shrugged, "Sometimes," he said defensively, "Most of the time it's
not bad. Aunt Tara and Willow, I live with them at the moment, are okay.
Just," he shrugged again, lowering his voice to a whisper he leaned forward,
"there are guy-things, you know. And it's kinda... embarrassing to talk to
your mom about them."

Angel stifled a grin, "Yeah, I know," he said in the same conspiratory tone.

"You would," Ben replied, remembering his ice cream-cone and munching it,
"'cause you're a guy too." He gave Angel a happy smile.

"Ben, maybe you should ask Angel if he's even got the time to talk with you
for so long," Buffy said, annoyed by Angel's presence. The man surely was
stubborn. And he was sticking to his promises. He had told her he wouldn't go
away and there he was, smiling and chatting as if he were her son's best friend.

"Oh, I've got time. I like talking to Ben," the ex-vampire said with a grin.

"Figures," Buffy muttered under her breath, narrowing her eyes at Angel.

"See," Ben turned to his mother, "He likes talking to me. Don't be a
spoil-sport, Mom."

"Yeah, *Mom*," Angel said, "Don't be a spoil sport. There are times when guys
have to talk together." He shot Buffy a wicked grin and she was tempted to
stick out his tongue at him. Bastard.

"There are things, women don't understand," Ben explained, "Guy-things."

Oh sure, Buffy thought, now he's made an ally in my own family. Great.
God, what did she have to do, so that Angel wouldn't bother them anymore?
Now he was even following her to the park. But she had to admit - although
hesitantly - that Ben seemed to like the ex-vampire. And Angel seemed to
have a talent around children. Strange, she hadn't thought he would be good
around children at all. She suddenly remembered their conversation one night
in a graveyard when he'd told her that he wasn't able to father a child. He
had sounded so sad then. So maybe he even wanted kids. But with the night
surrounding him all the time, she hadn't been able to imagine them around
him. But he was good with them, at least he was with Ben. The boy wasn't the
easiest with strangers, but with Angel he didn't seem to have any problems.

"I've had a lot of practice with Cordelia's and Wesley's kids," Angel said
and Buffy realized that she had said the last thought aloud.

"Oh," a bit startled she looked at him, not sure if she wanted to
participate in that conversation. Not certain what she wanted at all. "Yeah,
Willow told me she and Wesley were married. I thought it was... rather odd."

The ex-vampire had to laugh, "I thought the same at the beginning. But
somehow they seem... right. They have a boy and a girl. They're adopted."

"I see," Buffy said, although she didn't. Of course she knew that Angel was
probably close to Cordelia and Wesley. They had worked for and with him for
a long time, but the way he was talking about them, was more like family.
More like she would talk about Willow or Xander. "You're close," she
remarked, hating to feel jealous for a moment.

Angel shrugged, "I guess we are. Cordy's like an annoying little sister." He
laughed again, but there was also sadness in his eyes. Was he maybe thinking
about his real sister? The one his demon had killed so long ago. "For a
while I thought..." he paused, shook his head, "Anyways. Yeah. They're good
friends." After another pause, he added warmly, "Family."

Ben followed the conversation of the two adults, munching his cone and
watching them. He had a strange feeling in his gut seeing them together. He
couldn't explain it, but it was there. It was the first time he saw his
mother with a guy except his father, and he wasn't so sure he liked it.
Sure, there was Xander. But Xander was Jesse's dad and married to Anya.
Angel on the other hand... "Do you have kids?" he asked, interrupting the
adults.

"No, I don't," Angel replied, his voice even, but the sadness had come back
into his eyes, Buffy noticed. "But Michael's my godchild. He's the boy I was
talking about before."

"Your godchild?" Buffy eyed him curiously. She remembered him telling her
being human for several months. "How old is he?"

"Almost seven."

So he had still been a vampire then. The ex-slayer thought back to the
Cordelia she had known. Queen C certainly wouldn't have made a vampire to
the godparent of her child.

As if sensing her thoughts, Angel said, "Cordy practically forced me. She
thought I needed some..." he laughed slightly, "real strings to humanity."

"I see," Buffy nodded.

Bored with the fact that the adults weren't paying attention to him, Ben
looked at his mother, "Mom, can I go over there?" he asked and pointed at a
spot where several boys around his age were playing baseball.

"Of course," she answered, and Ben was gone in a flash. There settled an
awkward silence for a while, until Angel cleared his throat.

"I..." he began, pausing again. When she finally raised her head to look at
him, he said, "I wanted to apologize. For... how I behaved at the hospital.
I had no right to... I never planned to kiss you. And I'm sorry if you think
I tried to get attached to your children. Willow told me that Marlie had an
appendectomy and Michel was in the hospital once, so... I thought she might
be lonely or scared or-"

"It's okay," she interrupted him softly.

"I really didn't-. Did you just say it was okay?"

"I... overreacted a bit, I think," she said, strangely disappointed that he
had apologized for the kiss as well. Because after her initial anger had
faded, Buffy noticed that it had been a very long time since she'd felt that
way. Pushing the dangerous thought aside, she said, "Marlie liked you. And
she loves the book." Buffy frowned slightly, trying to find the right words,
"I... I had a rough time these few last months and... It's hard."

"I know," Angel said, "I mean, I understand. You loved him very much."

"I did," she replied quickly, almost too quickly. "He was... a good man. A
wonderful father and... I owe him a lot."

Angel frowned for a moment at the words she'd used. Hardly the way you would
describe a person who you were madly in love with. But he let it go for now,
too glad that they were having their first almost civil conversation, that
she wasn't just sending him away again. He wouldn't do anything to destroy
this. "You were married for almost 20 years. You have three children
together. You must miss him."

"I..." Buffy looked at him, suddenly not sure, what to say. She missed
Riley. She really did. But... Not willing to go there, she finally settled
for, "Yes, I do," although a little voice in her head told another story.
Looking at her watch, she gave him an apologetic smile, "We need to go now.
I'm going to see Willow later and we're going to the hospital because Marlie
is being released today. I'm... taking her home."

"That's good," he replied warmly, smiling as well. Before she could turn and
shout Ben's name, he reached out and touched her arm. "Can I... can I see
you again? There are not strings attached. I just... want to see you."

"Angel I..." she shook her head, "I don't know. It's..." difficult, she
wanted to say, but then she made the fatal mistake of looking into his eyes.
And she was lost, "Why don't you come for dinner... tomorrow?"

"I'd love to," he said, his smile now reaching his eyes. "Thanks for the
invitation."

"The kids will be there," she replied, not sure if she needed to tell him or
herself. "So it won't be... private."

"I don't mind, I already told you. I'd like to meet your kids."

"Okay then," she stood and he did the same. "Six thirty."

"I'll be there."

"I have to go now," she said almost apologetically. "Ben, come here, we have
to leave!" she shouted.

The boy nodded and raced towards them. When he reached his mother, he looked
at Angel, "Are you leaving now?"

"Yes. You and your mom are going to get your sister at the hospital. But I'm
going to see you tomorrow night."

The boy's eyes lit up, "That's great. Bye then."

"Bye," Angel said and he looked at Buffy, their eyes communicating without
words.

They turned and walked away from each other, when Ben stopped and turned
back, "Angel?" he asked and when the ex-vampire looked at him, he continued,
"Do you like baseball?"

"Not really," Angel answered. The boy's face fell, so he added quickly, "But
I'm not bad at basketball. So we could play."

"Cool," Ben grinned.

Buffy quirked a curious brow, "You play basketball? Since when?"

Angel grinned. A boyish grin, Buffy had never seen before, and it made all
her insides go mush, "I learned a thing or two over the years. And not just about
basketball. You'll see. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Tomorrow," she replied and watched his back when he walked away. When
she felt a tugging on her sleeve she looked down at her son, "What?"

"Angel's neat," he said, and then started to walk towards Willow's house.

Buffy stared at the head of her son for a while before she followed him and
stifled a hysterical laugh the very last moment. Had she really invited
Angel for dinner? She had to be nuts. Well, it wasn't something romantic,
she told herself and tried to push the upcoming guilt away. Just a nice
dinner, so that Ben could talk and play basketball with his friend.

Yeah, sure. And elephants could fly.

... to be continued