The Pretender is the Copyright of TNT Valued Gateway Client Valued Gateway Client 3 301 2001-09-25T03:14:00Z 2001-10-27T02:28:00Z 2001-10-27T02:29:00Z 4 1988 11335 94 22 13920 9.3821

The Pretender is the Copyright of TNT.  The characters Jarod, Sydney, Miss. Parker, Broots, and Mr. Raines etc. are all the copyright of TNT.  The song Dust in the Wind belongs to Kansas.  No profit intended, no harm intended.   This is my first take at fan fiction and any errors are mine alone.

Chapter 5: Just a Drop of Water in an Endless Sea Jarod's new quarters – the Centre

By evening, Jarod was situated in "his" apartments.  He had let them show him all of the changes they had made then asked them to leave.  He wanted time to absorb this unremembered space that was his past.  He slowly rolled the wheelchair around examining the objects that filled this space.

In a secure tech room, Miss Parker, Sydney and Mr. Raines watched him on the security cameras.  He spent a lot of time looking at the objects that were souvenirs of his outside lairs.  He picked each one up and closely examined it.

"Do you think he's remembering?"  Mr. Raines rasped.

"There is nothing for him to remember, Angelo verified that.  I am more concerned with hidden memory fears.  Fears he wouldn't know the source of but could still drive the fight or flight instinct in him.  We must not do anything that will cause him to feel threatened.  It will take some time to relax this instinct.  He has spent the last five years developing it."

"You remember this Sydney, he is a Pretender, OUR Pretender.  He is here to do a job.  We expect results first and foremost.  I am willing to humor you only as long as we get results."  Turning he pulled his squeaky oxygen tank out of the room.

"What is his emotional state Syd?"

"Fragile.  He has lost all of the morals and convictions, all of the things that made him the man he was.  Now he is who we tell him he is.  He could do anything.  If we push him too hard he will give in to the fight or flight instinct."

"What do you mean by that?  You still raised him; you must know what he'll do.  This is just another type of Pretend for him isn't it?"

"Far from that Miss Parker.  He doesn't remember his upbringing.  If we push him too hard he could become a sociopath like Kyle, a sadist like Lyle, or just run away and disappear for good."

"He has too much compassion to become a either of those psychos."  Miss Parker scoffed.

"No Miss Parker, he doesn't.  Part of what made Jarod compassionate was his realization of guilt.  He understood the implication of his simulations.  I spent hours after each Sim reassuring him that the Centre wouldn't let his work fall into the wrong hands.  His guilt and the realization that the Centre was what he suspected drove him to stop performing Sims and escape.  His work on the outside was a result of his guilt.  He no longer feels guilt over his past.  He has no opinions on right or wrong anymore.  In this state he is capable of anything."

"I can't believe that Sydney.  The man in that room is still gentle and caring.  Look what he did this morning, he saved more people than I can imagine…"

"No, he performed a Sim, a test that challenged his intellect.  There was no compassion or moral motivations in it."

There was a moment of silence as she thought about that.

"My God Sydney.  What have we just given the Centre?"

"A Frankenstein we can't let them corrupt."

"What can I do?"

"Get close and stay closer.  We have to be the compassion and conscience in his life until he can develop one of his own.  If Mr. Raines or Lyle get too close they could easily insinuate their conscience into him."

As if mention of his name conjured him, Lyle knocked on the door to Jarod's apartment.

Broken from his thoughts, Jarod heard the second set of knocks on his door.  He rolled across the room and opened the door. 

"Lyle."

"How's it feel to be back home?  May I come in?"

Jarod gestured for Lyle to come in.  He did, shutting the door behind himself.  He knew that someone would be rushing down here after seeing him arrive on camera.  He needed to get his business done before they arrived.

"I didn't really come here to talk stocks Jarod.  I'm taking a big risk here, not with my job but with my life.  I wanted to warn you about something dark operating here at the Centre."

"What are you talking about?"

Lyle looked up at the camera facing them. "I've scrambled the sound to the cameras.  We used to trust each other.  We were trying to find out what it was and who was involved before you were injured.  Can I count on your help again?  Can you trust me now?"

"Lyle, I don't know you, I don't know anything…"

Lyle interrupted.  "You are key to their plan Jarod.  It's important that you get an alliance of people you can trust especially now that you're hurt.  Listen, they won't let me stay here long, they probably already have people on their way here.  Trust me Jarod, we are on the same side."

Miss Parker knocked on the door and without waiting, glided into the room.  Pretending to look surprised at Lyle's presence she acted embarrassed.

"I'm sorry Jarod, I thought you were alone.  I wanted to surprise you with dinner at my place."

Lyle knew that she had been aware of his presence and looked knowingly at Jarod.  Jarod exchanged his look.

"I was just checking in on Jarod.  I have to get going.  I'll see you for the stock Sim Jarod.  Good night." 

Miss Parker held the door for Lyle as he stood up and headed out of the room.  He couldn't keep a smirk off his face as he passed.  She took a deep breath before turning around and facing Jarod.

She was thrown off guard when he asked in an irritated tone, "Do you always walk into my apartment uninvited?"

Her first reaction was anger but that quickly changed to fear.  Had Lyle already corrupted Jarod?

Jarod felt her anger turn to fear.  He waited to hear what she had to say.

"Jarod?"  Seeing that he was waiting for an explanation she continued.  "I'm sorry, I didn't think.  Having you back was comfortable for me.  I forget you don't remember what was comfortable for 'Us'.  If you want me to wait for an invitation I will.  I'm sorry if I've irritated you.  Can I make it up to you with a dinner at my place?"

Jarod accepted her explanation.  He could feel her fear and sincerity.  Relaxing, he motioned for her to sit beside him.

Taking her hand in his he said, "No Mary, I'm sorry.  This is all so overwhelming.  Please forgive me."

Seeing the smile that beamed from her face was all of the reassurance he needed.  "What is for dinner, my favorite I hope.  That way I'll know what it is."

Her laugh was infectious and soon they were both laughing.  "Hell no!  I can't eat junk food like you do, I have 'real' food planned!"

"If we're finished walking down memory lane could we head to my place?  I'm starved!"  At his nod she got up and pushed him to the door.  "Does it feel like home to you?"

He could hear the worry in her voice.

"No." he responded sadly.

After dinner he sat stroking her bunny, Bugs.  Dinner had been a vegetable casserole that she had cooked despite her denials that she couldn't cook.  Good food with good company had left him happy and relaxed.  They had laughed through dinner and dessert.  His disbelief that he could have forgotten ice cream left them hysterical.

When she reached over to stroke Bugs on his lap he took her hand in his. 

"Mary, where were we before I was hurt?"

Uncomfortable she asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, where were 'we'?  I don't remember my rooms or yours, this place or the people but I do remember this comfortable feeling with you.  Were we just friends or something more?"

Miss Parker stood and paced to the window.  She was unprepared for this and afraid of giving the wrong answer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.  Maybe I should go back now."

He put Bugs down on the floor preparing to wheel the chair out of there.

"No Jarod, stay.  You just caught me off guard."

Sitting beside him again she took his hand.

"Jarod, we have been many things to each other.  I had the biggest crush on you when we were growing up.  I fantasized about marrying you and having kids, and bunnies, and picnics, and all of that mushy stuff.  When my father sent me off to school I didn't see you for twenty years.  You had your work and I was just too far away."

Uncomfortable with the rest of the story real and invented, she took a deep breath and continued.  "When I did come back, I was busy with my career and climbing the corporate ladder.  Then five years ago I was assigned to be your security.  The Centre thought that our childhood together would be an asset.  We had our rocky moments getting to know each other again.  You introduced me to Thomas.  He and I were so in love.  We were planning a new life renovating houses in Oregon when he was killed.  I fell apart when he died but you were there for me.  Helping me to get myself back together, opening my eyes, driving me crazy and bringing me back."

Jarod listened to her.  Hearing what she was saying and what she was leaving unsaid.  Sydney had said she was not going to pressure him to be more than he wanted.  On impulse he leaned over and kissed her.  She hesitated and gave herself into the electric kiss.  He leaned into the kiss as far as the chair would let him.  She accommodated him and slid off her chair and into the kiss.

Bugs pawing at his leg to be lifted up again distracted Jarod from the kiss.  He looked down at Bugs and Miss Parker laughed nervously.  She moved to back away and Jarod held her. 

"Mary, I want there to be more."  He whispered as he gently brushed her hair away from her face. 

His whispered sincerity struck a note in her lonely heart.  She cried in his arms.  He could feel her sadness, gladness and fear.  He didn't know why she would feel all of these things or if that was good or bad.  He just knew that he did want more from her.

She pulled herself together and stood when there was a knock at the door.  Seeing her dishevelment, Jarod said, "Why don't you take a minute and I'll get the door." 

She smiled her gratitude and slipped into the kitchen.

Jarod opened the door to see Sydney. 

"I had heard you were having dinner with Miss Parker.  I wanted to check on you before I went home for the evening."

"I'm fine.  You don't live on Centre grounds?"

"No.  I have a house in Blue Cove and a cabin in the mountains.  A psychiatrist sometimes needs to get away from his work to keep his prospective."

"Sydney."  Miss Parker acknowledged from the kitchen doorway.  "I would have thought you'd be home by now."

"I wanted to check on Jarod before I left.  He's had a very eventful day.  How are you feeling?"  He directed his question to Jarod.

"A little less overwhelmed thanks to Mary."

"Are you ready to call it a night?  I could walk you back to your room?"

"Go ahead Jarod.  I do dishes worse than I cook.  I wouldn't want to totally discredit my reputation.  Get some sleep.  I'll come and pick you up in the morning.  We will actually be using a Sim lab this time."

Jarod nodded and Sydney took the handles of the wheel chair.  Miss Parker came around giving Sydney a 'don't you dare say anything' look, and gently kissed Jarod.

"See you in the morning."  She whispered.  She held the door while Sydney pushed Jarod out and down the hall to his apartments next door.   She smiled and gave him a wave before turning back into her rooms.  Jarod waved back and opened his door.

"It seems you and Miss Parker had recovered some ground this evening."

"Are you fishing Sydney?" Jarod asked seriously.

"Fishing?"

"Yes, fishing.  Trying to get information without asking directly."

 "It would seem so.  I am pleased that you have apparently overcome some of your anxiety and taken steps to get to know Miss Parker better.  Do you feel up to it?"

Sydney wheeled him into the bedroom.  Pointing to the bed or the bathroom he waited for a response from Jarod.  Wheeling himself to the bed, Jarod reached overhead and lifted himself up grimacing.  Sydney quickly captured the leg brace and maneuvered it onto the bed. 

Jarod let the pain of moving recede before he pulled off the tee shirt he was wearing and settled back into the bed wearing just the hospital pants he had on. 

"I need something to balance the spinning in my life.  There is something I feel when we are alone like we were tonight.  Something that makes me feels normal, comfortable, and less afraid."

Looking Sydney straight in the eye he added, "This place is not what it seems.  I don't know if it's because I'm different or if something here is.  And I have a feeling that you wouldn't tell me if you knew."

"I can't Jarod, for your own good.  You have to discover who you are without the burden of your past.  It is dangerous to your Psyche.  Your feeling of loss and anxiety would only overcome you.  I'm sorry."

Sydney could tell by his stare that Jarod was 'reading' him.  He apparently gave Jarod some reassurance because Jarod nodded and wished him a good night.

Resetting the chair in case Jarod needed it in the night, Sydney turned off the lights and left the apartment locking them securely behind him.  Sweepers that had stayed just out of Jarod's sight were standing post outside the door.

"Miss Parker will be coming for him in the morning.  No one else should be visiting him.  No one, do you understand?"

They nodded.  These sweepers were part of the crew that reported to Miss Parker, hand picked by Sam.  Sydney felt comfortable leaving Jarod in their care.

On his way home he considered the actions of Jarod and Miss Parker.  Would this be the closeness that they would need to protect Jarod?  Was Miss Parker really becoming involved or just going along with the ruse?  He wished he had the answers to those questions Jarod's life depended on it.