Book 5

Rewind
Unfathomable Jealousy


Jealousy. That haunting emotion that by definition means craving something that belongs to another. But then what was I feeling? Would it still be called jealousy in my case? What if you craved something you had, could've had, and didn't have at the same time? Can you be jealous of yourself?

I peered around the tree, there was Misty and there was Ash. They were sitting on the grass hand in hand, and he leaned over giving her a soft yet long kiss on her lips. She was sweetly smiling with her eyes and Ash was beyond happy, it was a fantasy that never seemed fathomable. It was funny; this is what I told her to do. I was jealous of something I'd put upon myself! She was happy of course, but I couldn't help but think 'that could've been me' or even more unreal was the fact that he was me. That Ash got her, that Ash could live with her, that Ash could make her happy. But oh, not me, because I was the one that didn't really exist.

I pounded my fist into the tree hard, and it hurt, but not nearly as much as everything else. If I was smarter she would be mine now. I clenched my teeth down and accidentally bit my tongue, causing blood to flow in my mouth. The taste was welcoming, that metallic flavor of blood made me feel alive. My mind was a blur of emotions overwhelmed at the sight of him kissing Misty, and being contented, but myself not feeling a thing. A picture formed, one of the imposter going further with her, feeling more of what I should've felt. They were really doing nothing of the sort; my head was forming hallucinations and pushing my rage upwards. Misty's scream was echoing inside my head, it wasn't a scream of fear though, it was of pleasure and it screamed out my name. Jealousy was now overwhelming my senses; that shouting of my name wasn't actually mine: it was his.

Luckily a sensible part of my mind awakened and stopped me as I charged towards the two. But I violently began punching the tree. With skillful moves I rapidly attacked, positioning the blows to hit directly on the face and chest if the tree had been a man. Unconsciously my knuckles were bleeding, but I craved the pain. Flesh was ripped against the rough tree, and I wouldn't even be surprised if bones were shattered. My punches were beyond mastered, and now fury was also powering them. I found myself mumbling words, and emphasizing them with blows, "That - Could - Have - Been - Me."

It was after I was breathing heavily and my hair was dripping with sweat that I finally stopped my assault. Raking my fingers down the bark now stained a deep red I kneeled in front of the tree and rested my forehead against it. From the elbow down I was numb, my senses were throbbing, and adrenalin was still flowing. My eyes drifted over my arm, surveying the hardened muscles, and the caking blood. I was acting like an untamed animal, I had become this beast in the previous years that were now of the future. I fought, I killed, and I couldn't take the risk of being with her. She loved the gentle, innocent man I used to be. I tightened my fist one last time as anger flowed through; it was his fault. And no I don't mean the other Ash. I could blame this disaster on the enemy, the lifelong one with a hideous goal. And in a way, he had achieved it: because I was a monster. But then again, there was something else that could hold the blame. I could blame everything on jealousy.

to be continued...


This story is © Rainflower
Thank-You to Nintendo and Game Freak for letting me use their characters (even though they don't know it).
All original Pokemon characters, etc. are © Nintendo and Game Freak, not me!