CHAPTER
FOUR: BREAKDOWN
After seeing Tenal Ka and Jacen off, her Uncle Luke had asked Jaina to drop by his office. She readied herself for the lecture that would start somewhere along the lines of, "Jaina, the reason you're not going to Rygelia is not because I didn't think you couldn't handle it. I just think you need a break from everything."
She kicked absently at a loose pebble as she rounded a corner in the temple. She had been out of action for weeks now, and the only thing worse then being stuck on Yavin Four was being stuck there why everyone else got to leave. The only bright spot was she would get a break from watching Jacen and Tenal Ka together. The two of them were inseparable – even more so then before they had started dating. She had enough of them flaunting their perfect relationship in her face. Although she hated to admit it, even to herself, she felt that way because she was jealous. Then the jealousy soon became erased by shame. Tenal Ka was sick with a disease there was no cure for and here she was thinking she didn't know how much more of the two of them she could stomach. If anyone deserved to be happy it was her brother and Tenal Ka. She had never seen two people more in love. She knew she had been pretty cold to them lately, especially to Jacen, but when they returned maybe she could change all that.
She had noticed Anakin had been absent from the good-bye ceremony in the hanger bay, and made a mental note to go check on him after her uncle had finished whatever it was he wanted to talk to her about.
Anakin worried her. He seemed to be doing his best to avoid everyone. Jaina hoped that by telling Tahiri what had happened that she might be able to get through to Anakin. Sometimes it seemed like she was the only person he would listen to.
Jaina's heart went out to her younger brother. She had no idea what it was like to feel so responsible and so guilty about something. Their father was not helping the situation either. In fact, he was making it worse. Anakin already felt bad enough as it was without their father adding to the big enough burden his son was carrying on his shoulders.
Pushing her thoughts aside when she reached her uncle's office, she rapped her knuckles on the door. Luke's response was immediate.
"Come in, Jaina,"
She opened the door and was surprised to find Lusa sitting across from her Uncle's desk.
Luke nodded to his niece in greeting. "I'm glad you're here. There's still one other person we're waiting for but I can fill him in when he gets here. I had a very important reason for asking you both here,"
Jaina pulled up a chair beside Lusa, curious as ever.
"I know you think I left you out of the mission to Rygelia on purpose, Jaina, and you're right,"
Here it comes, Jaina thought, he's going to tell
me he didn't pick me because he thinks I'm going through some kind of depression.
"But I did that because I have another mission that I need you for which is just as important,"
Jaina perked up at this news. Finally, she was going to get back into the thick of things.
"It's not what you think," said Luke, picking up on her elation. "There's a good chance you won't have to use your lightsaber at all,"
Jaina's excitement dropped considerably. "What kind of mission is this?"
"You'll be going to the Dezzlec system. All six planets are considering membership with the New Republic in hopes that we will be able to help protect their system from a Yuuzhan Vong invasion.
"Right now, if the Yuuzhan Vong continue on their present course they could take the Dezzlec system in less than four months. If the Vong take the system, the New Republic is going to lose one of its major natural resources provider."
Jaina blinked in disbelief at what she was hearing. "You're sending us on a diplomatic mission?"
"No, no, it's much more than that. See, the Dezzlec have been great supporters of the Jedi since the days of the Old Republic because they saved their system from being taken over by the Sith more than sixty years ago.
"The reason I asked you here," he continued, regarding Lusa and Jaina in turn, "is because the Dezzlec have requested to have Jedi present during the negotiations. They trust the Jedi to make sure that the New Republic is giving them a fair deal, and I've you chosen you and Lusa to represent the Jedi."
"I thought you said there was three of us going?" Said Lusa.
As if on cue, there was a knock on Master Skywalker's door.
"Come in,"
The door to the room swung open and in stepped Ganner Rhysode.
"Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?"
Luke quickly filled Ganner in on everything he had missed.
"And why exactly have you specifically chosen us for this wonderful mission?" Ganner said, his tone full of sarcasm.
Jaina could see he was as thrilled as she was about the idea of going on some diplomatic mission that could easily be handled by some less experienced Jedi. The three of them should be out there fighting the Yuuzhan Vong, which was where the New Republic really needed them in Jaina's opinion.
Luke looked thoughtful. "The Jedi could use more support in the senate, and if Dezzlec does join the New Republic that will happen.
"They haven't seen much of what the new generation of Jedi Knights can do," he said to them, "so this mission will serve the purpose of showing them we are just as capable as the Knights of old."
Ganner let out a snort. "So, you want us to put on a show for them, is that it?"
"That's not it at all," Luke said, shaking his head. "I chose each one of you for a specific reason." He turned to the centaur girl. "Lusa, you have an extensive knowledge of medicine. Cilghal tells me you have become quite the Jedi healer,"
Lusa ruffled her cinnamon mane in embarrassment. "There is still much more I have to learn, Master Skywalker,"
Luke nodded solemnly. "A Jedi never stops learning. I have full confidence that the Dezzlec people will see you as a more than capable Jedi healer." He turned to Jaina next. "It's obvious why I have chosen you, Jaina. You are one of the best Jedi pilots out there,"
And my flying skills are going to be put to waste on this mission, she thought angrily.
"What about Ganner?" He was an accomplished Jedi Knight who was not half bad with a lightsaber, but Jaina did not think he possessed any unique talents.
Luke pondered his next words very carefully before speaking. "Ganner is what many would consider to be the ideal Jedi. He's bold, strong, and courageous."
Jaina was unable to resist the urge to roll her eyes. As if Ganner's ego was not enormously huge in the first place, Luke had to go and inflate it some more.
He could have easily chosen Anakin for the mission instead of Ganner. Anakin was a much more powerful Jedi then him, but in light of recent events she understood her Uncle's reasons for choosing Ganner over her younger brother.
Trying not to let any of the disappointment she was feeling show, Jaina said, "so, when do we leave?"
"Tonight," he said, "since the New Republic officials will be arriving in the Dezzlec System sometime tomorrow afternoon. In the meantime, you should use the computer's library to brush up on your knowledge of where you'll be going. Is there any questions as to your role in the negotiations?"
The three Jedi Knights silently shook their heads.
"I know you think I'm sending you on some boring diplomatic mission," said Luke, sensing their frustration, "but that could not be farther from the truth. You are the extra factor that will help convince the Dezzlec to join the New Republic. And with the increasing number of worlds falling to the Yuuzhan Vong, we need all the help we can get. Besides, " Luke said, giving them an amused smile, "this will give you the opportunity to learn something about diplomacy that may help you to prevent a interplanetary civil war when you're on future missions."
He made it sound like they would be doing the galaxy a huge favour, but that did not make Jaina like the mission any more. In fact, she liked it even less now, if that were actually possible. Love of politics was something her mother had been unable to pass onto her. She hated diplomacy and all the stuffy bureaucrats that went along with it. The only good thing she was getting out of this mission was it would get her out of this place for a while, even if it was just to baby-sit a bunch of diplomats.
No matter how hard Anakin tried he could not get the horrible dream out of his head. All night he had been plagued with nightmares of Sernpidal, his father's anger, his own guilty conscience, and memories from his childhood that he did not even want to think about.
He felt like he was losing his mind. There were so many emotions and feelings jumbled up inside of him trying to break free, he thought he was going to explode at any minute if he didn't let them out. They were beyond his control. One minute he was sobbing like a newborn and the next he was ripping the sheets of his bed in fury.
He heard a tentative knock at his door that he had been expecting for some time now. He had locked himself in his room all morning. It was only a matter of time before someone started wondering what was going on.
He silently prayed the person on the other side of the door would go away. He couldn't deal with anyone right now. But the knocking just got louder and more persistent.
Anakin clutched the sides of his head in agony. "Go away!"
"Anakin?" Came the muffled voice of Tahiri. "What's going on?" She tried his door but it was locked. "Open the door and let me in,"
"Please, Tahiri," he begged, "just leave me alone,"
His voice was off. He did not sound like Anakin at all. The flood of emotions she felt coming from him was almost enough to bring her to her knees. She could not stand out there doing nothing when he was clearly going through some kind of crisis. Without a second thought, she used her mind to open his locked door. What she saw when she walked inside was enough to make any words she had planned to say to him catch in her throat.
He was rocking back and forth on his bed, hugging his knees to his to his chest. His skin looked pale, and his ice blue eyes had dark circles underneath. He stopped when he saw her.
He looked at her with empty eyes. "I thought I told you to leave me alone,"
"I felt your pain. I couldn't just walk away,"
He got up from his bed and walked towards her. "You have no idea what's going on inside of me,"
Tahiri forced herself to stay where she was standing, even though the way he was acting was enough to send a shiver down her spine. "Anakin, I understand –"
That was when he lost it.
"Don't tell me you understand, because you don't!" He screamed.
With his bare hands, he hurled everything off the shelf next to him, sending bits and pieces of machinery flying everywhere.
"You can't understand," he whispered, his voice trembling.
"Then make me understand," she said stepping over the mess on the floor to reach his side.
Anakin shook his head and sank to the floor, holding his face in his hands.
Tahiri knelt down beside him. He was a complete wreck and she wondered how long he had been like this. He looked scared…something she was not use to seeing on him. That frightened her even more then his strange behaviour.
Not knowing what else to do, she put a comforting arm around his shoulders. Anakin recoiled at her touch and slid away from her.
"Anakin, let me help," she pleaded with him.
She waited for another outburst but he didn't say anything. He just sat there, staring blankly at the wall, as if he had completely forgotten she was there.
This was not good at all. He looked like he was just shutting down. At that moment, Tahiri knew there was only one way she still might be able to reach him.
Anakin, let me help you.
She came up against a concrete barrier.
"Stay out of my head!" He snarled.
Before Tahiri could comprehend what was happening, her body was being lifted into the air and hurtled across the room faster than the speed of light. A sharp pain smacked her in the side of the head, bringing her body's flight to an abrupt end…and then nothing.
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