CHAPTER FOURTEEN: penny Normal penny 34 54 2001-09-24T16:06:00Z 2001-10-12T16:43:00Z 4 1976 11264 93 22 13832 9.2720 0 0

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:  NO ONE'S PERFECT

          "Want some help?"

          Lusa turned away from her job of patching up the First Mate's hull and regarded Jaina curiously.  "I thought you were fixing the engines,"

          "I was," Jaina said, "I just decided to take a short break,"

          Lusa applied another layer of sealant to a leaky spot on the hull.  "We haven't been able to tear you away from the inside of the shuttle all day.  What happened to make you suddenly change your mind?"

          Jaina leaned her back up against the hull and said, "Ganner happened, that's what,"

          "Do you want to talk about it?"

          "I thought I had him all figured out, but now…" she trailed off with a sigh.

          "Now you realize you were completely off course about him?" Lusa finished for her.

          "Yeah, that's pretty much sums it up," Jaina said in a glum voice.

          "What happened?" 

          "He came by the engine room to tell me I needed a break.  We start arguing, and then he tells me he was just trying to be my friend all this time,"

          "Did you believe him?"

          "Of course I didn't.  And then I said some pretty harsh things to him," with a guilty look on her face, she added, "I think I really hurt him,"

          "You two fight an awful lot.  Maybe you – "

          "Whoa, Lusa," Jaina said cutting her friend off in mid sentence before she could finish that thought, "I do not have a crush on Ganner,"

          "You obviously care about him, though," said Lusa, "or else why would you be out here telling me you think you hurt him?"

          Jaina didn't know what to say to that.

          "Look at it this way," Lusa began, "do you fight with Ganner because you really don't like him or because you're afraid that if you let him get close to you, you might realize he's not such a bad guy after all,"

          "I don't know," Jaina said, as she pushed back a strand of brown hair that had fallen in her face.

          "I think you do know,"

          Jaina blew out a long breath of air.  "You think I should go talk to him, don't you?"

          Lusa went back to applying sealant to the shuttle's outer hull.  "I think you've already come to that conclusion on your own,"

          Anakin felt like a brand new person as he ran through a routine preflight sequence on the small ship he had 'borrowed' from the Jedi Academy's hanger bay.  He didn't know how to describe what he was feeling, but it felt like he was seeing clearly again for the first time in months.

          Tahiri and he had run into an unusual number of sandstorms on their way back to Mos Eisley – which Tahiri had explained was because Tatooine was right in the middle of its sandstorm season.  That was what had made them take a lot longer then anticipated to get back.  Not that either of them had minded, though.

          Anakin had expected being cramped together in a small space for sometimes hours at a time, would be somewhat awkward after what had happened between them, but it wasn't.  They both did their share of talking and listening as if nothing had changed. 

          From Anakin's point of view, nothing really had.  Tahiri was still his best friend – and always would be.  It was just that now she was someone he shared an even deeper connection with.  He would be kidding himself if he said that he had always thought of her as just a friend.  The truth was, she had always meant much more to him then that, but he had not realized how deep his feelings for her ran until a few days ago.

          "Are we all ready for takeoff?"  Tahiri said to him as she slid into the seat beside him.

          "Just about," Anakin told her.  "No offense, but it will be good to be back at the Jedi Academy where there's lots of trees and no sand."

          Tahiri nodded, a thoughtful expression on her face.  "It was nice to back," she said, "but it isn't my home anymore, and it hasn't been for a long time."

          Anakin checked the boarding ramp, to make sure it was up, and then lifted the ship out of the docking bay and headed towards space.

          The air traffic on Tatooine was nothing compared to that of Courscant, allowing Anakin to clear the planet's atmosphere in little time.

          "You should call your mom and let her know you're all right," Tahiri said as soon as they were in space.  "She's probably really worried about you,"

          "I guess I should.  I haven't spoken to her since I left Courscant,"

          "What about your dad?  Are you going to talk to him?"

          "I wouldn't know what to say to him,"

          Tahiri placed her hand on his.  "You can't avoid him forever,"

          "I know," he said, getting to his feet, "but I can keep it up for a little longer,"

          He left the cockpit area and went in search of the ship's single HoloNet counsel.   Tahiri stayed where she was, wanting to give him some time alone to speak with his parents.

          Sitting down in front of the HoloNet device, Anakin took a deep breath and turned it on.  The ship was a supply runner, and although nothing onboard was state of the art, it did have a functioning HoloNet unit.  The captain of the ship would need one to get in touch with all of his or her clients.

          He punched in the number for his house on Courscant and waited.  He wasn't sure what he would do if his dad answered, and he didn't think his dad would know what to say to the son he blamed for his best friend's death either.  But Anakin was saved when his mother's face appeared on the screen in front of him.

          Leia's eyes widened in delightful surprise.  "Anakin!"

          "Hi, mom,"

          Concern radiated off her delicate features.  "Are you okay?  Luke told me about what happened with Tahiri,"

          Anakin cringed at the memory of what he had done, but quickly put it behind him.  It was an accident, and Tahiri had forgiven him – end of story.

          "I'm okay," he assured her, "and so is Tahiri,"

          "Tahiri is with you, then?"

          He nodded his head.

          "That's good, because Luke has had his hands full trying to convince Kam that she was right in going after you on her own,"

          "Mom, Tahiri can take care of herself,"

          "And you as well, it appears," Leia said, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at her son.

          Anakin felt his face warming.  He couldn't tell how much of his emotions she was picking up on through the force or how much of it was just maternal intuition, but he really did not want to discuss what was going on between him and Tahiri with his mother.

          "So, uh, how have you been?"  He said quickly.

          "Worried sick about you,"

          He had never meant to scare her like that.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to just run off like that, but I needed to get away,"

          Leia nodded her head in understanding.  "As hard as it may be for you to believe, your father was worried about you too.  He hates himself for what he said to you,"

          Anakin bit down on his lip but said nothing.

          "He's here, if you want to talk to him," Leia said gently.

          Anakin hesitated.  What would he say to him?  Did he even want to talk to him?  He made his decision.  "I can't talk to him yet, mom,"

          "It's okay.  I understand, and I'm sure your father will too,"

          "Thanks," Anakin said, relieved that he could avoid his dad a little longer.

          Leia looked like she wanted to say more, but kept her mouth closed.  She still looked worried.  Now that she knows I'm all right, she shouldn't look this upset, Anakin thought, there must be something else bothering her.

          "There's something wrong," Anakin stated.

          "Jaina never showed up at the conference being held in the Dezzlec system," Leia began slowly.  "She should have been there days ago, but no one's heard from her.  There's more," Leia continued, before Anakin could say anything.  "No one's heard from Jacen and Tenal Ka either.  They were supposed to come back to Yavin Four and report to Luke whether or not they found anything.  If there did turn out to be Yuuzhan Vong captives, they weren't supposed to try and rescue them on their own."

          Anakin sank back into his seat, a troubled expression on his face.  Both his brother and sister had been missing for days, and to top it all off his mother had been worried about him.  There was no way he could sit around and do nothing when his siblings were probably in trouble.  He had to do something.

          "Jacen and Tenal Ka went to Rygelia, right?"

          Leia, sensing what her son was planning, said, "I know what you're thinking, Anakin, but you are not going after them on your own,"

          "Someone has to," he argued with her, "and I'm just a short jump from Rygelia.  It would take too long for anyone else, including you and dad, to reach them.  You go after Jaina and once we've found Jacen and Tenal Ka, we'll meet you at Chandrila."

          "You know your father," said Leia, "he's had the Falcon ready to go as soon as Luke called us yesterday and told us Jaina and Jacen were missing.  I still don't like the idea of you and Tahiri going after your brother on your own, but you're right, they could be in trouble.  Just please, be careful."

          "I promise I'll be careful,"

          Leia knew him too well to believe that.  "Anakin, I'm serious.  No heroics or purposely putting yourself in danger.  Do I make myself clear?"

          "Just find Jaina, mom," and then Anakin signed off before his mother could try and talk him out of doing anything foolish.

          Leia stared at the blank screen in front of her and sighed.  She had known there was no way she would win that battle with Anakin.  Her own kids were as stubborn as her and Han put together, which meant that if there was danger, they would not shy away from it.  They would probably run straight towards it, waving their lightsabers.  Maybe if she and Han had been better parents they would have taught their kids that you don't go out of your way looking for trouble.  But Jacen, Jaina and Anakin were not stupid.  They had common sense inside them somewhere – she only wished they would exercise the use of it more often.                  

          With an obvious hesitation in her step, Jaina made her way to the Mate's cockpit.  She hadn't planned what she was going to say to Ganner; all she knew was that she owed him an apology.

          He was lying on his back under the control board, reconnecting wires into their correct ports.  He did not look up when he heard her approach.

          "Ganner, can we talk?"

          "I'm busy right now," he said without looking up from his work.

          "It's important,"

          "I thought we both said everything there was to say earlier,"

          She sighed.  "I'm sorry, okay?"

          "Sorry for what?"

          He wasn't going to make this any easier for her, was he?  "I shouldn't have said what I said without first getting to know you."

          "I had no idea you actually cared," Ganner said, getting up from under the control board and wiping his dirty hands on his pants.

          Jaina looked at the floor.  "Neither did I,"

          "Look, maybe I gave you the wrong impression about me – "

          "No, that's not it," Jaina said, shaking her head, "or at least that's only part of the reason I didn't want you getting close to me.  It's just…I'm having a hard time trusting anyone since Zekk left again," she explained.  Why was she telling him this? 

          "That's completely understandable," Ganner said in a sympathetic tone, "Jacen told me – "

          "Jacen doesn't know anything," said Jaina, "he thinks Zekk and I got into a big fight – which we did – and then he decided to leave.  But Jacen doesn't know all the details.  I've been hiding the truth from him and everyone else."

          "What did happen between you two?"

          He didn't ask it to sound nosy or to pry into her personal life.  He asked it because he wanted to know what Zekk had done to hurt her so bad that she was keeping everyone at arm's length from her.

          With a painful expression on her face, she said, "you know that Zekk turned to the dark side a few years back, right?  And then when we defeated the Shadow Academy he came back to the light?"

          Ganner slowly nodded his head.

          She moved away from him and looked out the glass view port.  At leas that was still intact.  One crack in it and their hopes to get the ship space worthy again would have been crushed.

          "He worked hard to prove to everyone – and to himself – that his turning to the dark side was a thing of the past and would never happen again," she continued.  "Everything was fine until the last mission we went on.  He used the dark side of the force to save my life and to defeat an old enemy of his," she bit down on her lower lip, and then said, "afterwards, he told me he couldn't stay because he was afraid he was falling to the dark side again.  So I gave him two choices: he could either stay and let me help him, or leave and never come back.  He chose to leave.   The only thing worse then his leaving," Jaina said, struggling to keep her voice from shaking, "was what he left behind with me.

          "While I was recovering in the med center, I made him tell me everything about his past as a Dark Jedi with the Shadow Academy, since he had always kept so much of it hidden from me.  The things he did…" she trailed off.  When she found her voice again, she said, "he killed people – innocent people – for no other reason then because they stood in the way of the Second Imperium's goals.  He told me the Shadow Academy tortured its captives, and he participated in it.  And he enjoyed it," she choked over the last words.

          "He just dumped all his excess baggage on me and then took off.  He doesn't even care that now I'm stuck with it.  I bet he never stopped to think that I would have a hard time dealing with it," tears were streaming down her face now and she did not even make an effort to wipe them away.  "But that's just like Zekk.  He always did a better job of taking care of himself then anyone else."

          Unsure of what he should do, Ganner reached a tentative hand out to touch her shoulder and pulled her towards him.  She resisted at first, and he was afraid he had done the wrong thing – but she enfolded into him, burying her face against his shoulder.  He did not know what else to do except hold her and let her cry.