The idea started to sink in though. All those times Mark told me that this record deal would be a way to immortalize Mimi. I remembered that outburst I had about the record deal meaning nothing with Mimi gone, but now it was the complete opposite. The record deal was the way for Mimi to mean something forever. And as I thought about it, the importance of her being the reason behind my success became a huge goal. I still wasn't completely for changing the song. But there had to be some sort of way I could rework it, maybe write something new to go with it.
Then one night I was in the shower. The hot water was long gone. I was just standing there, getting really cold, when it came to me. I knew what I had to do. The lyrics were materializing in my head, the guitar was resounding in my ears. For the first few weeks, the excitement of the possibility of making it was taking me over. Logic left my brain. The fact that my album may not sell, that no one would really like me did not even occur to me. Now that everything had started to sink in, this song was all that was important. This absolutely wonderful tribute to the love of my life. And I knew that it was what I needed.
I never thought that my life would be so changed
by Roger's sudden success. I used to think he didn't need me because
he would withdraw. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't smile or laugh
or play the guitar, he wouldn't do much of anything but breath and it often
seemed that even that was an effort. It used to hurt because I knew
he needed someone, that he was just being stubborn. And that was
why I would dedicate every waking moment to his well-being. That's
why I would mother him, worry about him, worry about what he thought about
me. But that was then.
I have to admit that I was pretty shocked
when he asked me to create the video for the song. It's not even
that I never thought he would. It just makes me so happy to know
he finally needs me. He knows that I'm the only person who could
possibly understand what this piece of creation means. I never quite
knew why it was so important that Roger needed me. I think because
I need him so much. I've never really been that secure of a person.
I was always the one with a couple of friends who I thought hung out with
me because they felt bad. Roger was the first friend I had who actually
wanted to be there. Neither of us had the best of home lives.
We were able to confide in each other. He'd tell me how his father
was upset because they couldn't afford a bigger house for five kids, how
his mom would cry because the food stamps weren't enough this month.
I'd tell him how my A's weren't good enough, my baseball stats weren't
high enough and my sisters were better. He envied our money, I envied
his love. We'd take him on trips to Six Flags, despite the fact that
my mother didn't completely approve of my friendship with him. He'd
invite me over for dinner, where you didn't have to eat what you didn't
like and you could talk about anything you wanted because there was usually
someone younger than you throwing peas at the wall.
I watched him as he started to change.
I accepted it. He was free now, away from the restraints that being
poor put on him all his childhood. I used to envy the closeness of
his family, but he always seem to want to get away from it. It was
hard for me though, because I wasn't changing. And that was when
I started fearing that he wouldn't need me anymore. Even though we
got the loft together, found Collins and Benny to split the rent and still
hung out, he had new friends. Bandmates, druggies, girls. I
was the last person he needed in his new life. But I still needed
him so badly. And then the thing with April happened and I was all
he had. The bandmates, the druggies, the girls. They all gave
up on him. And I finally knew he needed me, but he wouldn't give
me that much because he shut me off.
I analyze too much, that's my problem.
If I just let things happen without wondering why and how, I'd be a lot
better off. But I don't know if Roger knows how much it means to
me that he asked me to do this. I wanted to hug him right then, I
was so excited. I know I can make this the best it can be.
I have so much film of the two of them. Kissing, hugging, cuddling
on the couch. I have footage during fights, after fights. Moments
when they're alone. I know exactly what I want to do to make this
work and I can't wait to hear the song I'll put it to. And I can't
help but love the fact that Roger's different now. He's so much more
open, so much more peaceful and free. He's happy all the time.
I don't think I have ever known Roger when he was happy all the time and
it's the most wonderful thing. For the first time in a long
time, Roger is like my best friend. And that is worth a lot more
than any record deal.
Ok, so, yeah, this part is a little corny and cheesy. Kinda like
cheetos. Anyway, the video is coming up! I realize I've been
neglecting the other three characters, so I'm going to try to work them
in to the next part. Probably just one more chapter, maybe two.
Please review!
