LILA'S SURPRISE BIRTHDAY BASH!
Casey's Note: Hey everyone, Lila's birthday is Aug 19! Now ***ALL*** of you must celebrate or I'll hurt you! We can't have her feeling so lonely on her birthday. This features (tada!): Most of the FF7 characters, Lila, Kally, Kari, moi!!! (Erm, not that I'm trying to take all the attention…), and our nemesis's Pyro, Lily, A=Brat, K-os, and the PRO. Please review and say "Happy Birthday Lila!" while you're at it, or else!
* * * * *
Casey: Hey guys, Lila's birthday is today!
Rufus: So?
Aeris: That means we've got to get ready. *claps* Oh I can't wait!
Reno: Does this mean I've got to do something special???
Kari: Wanna strip?
All: KARI!!!!!
Kari: *laughs* Sorry.
Casey: *shakes her head* You're not sorry at all.....
Kari: Y'know, you're right. *smirks*
Kally: Wait, does anyone have a big enough place for this party??
*All eyes turn to Casey*
Casey: What? If we have a party here then Pyro might be able to get in here! And plus it's too obvious. Lila may stumble onto our plans.
Pyro: The girl's right.
Kally: Hey you're not in this scene! *throws Pyro out the door and locks it*
Cid: Oh, locking the door, that might help! Maybe if you always lock the door they can't get in! *scarcastic voice* 'Let's just keep the doors unlocked and of course Pyro wouldn't think of walking in!'
Kally: You know, sometimes I wonder about what Shera really puts in that tea of yours.
Tifa: Then who would have a big enough place that Lila will never think of sneaking into to see her surprise?
Sephiroth: OOO! *raises his hand* She would NEVER go to Lily's place!
Casey: Awesome idea! Reno, go to Lily's place and ask if she'd let us hold a party there.
Reno: You could NEVER bribe me enough to send me over there! *shudders* NEVER EVER EVER!
Kari: *holds up a bottle of beer*
Reno: *swipes the beer from Kari's hands* I'll DO it!
Kally: Yay! *throws the red-head out the door* Now, what are we going to get her?
Rufus: A straight-jacket!
Cid: I'm sure she already got one.
Yuffie: Why don't we give her a chocobo?
Sephiroth: *perks up* Chocolate-covered chocobo?
All: *stare at Sephiroth*
Yuffie: You're disturbed!
Sephiroth: What? They taste good!
Kally: Alright, Yuffie, you go buy a baby chocobo, Sephiroth, don't you EVER do food arrangements for ANYthing.
Sephiroth: *stares off into space, dreaming of chocobos*
Yuffie: Alright, one ugly chocobo, coming up! *dissapears in a flash of smoke*
Casey: Kari and I will go buy the food. *hugs Rufus* Bye-bye Rufus sweetie!
Rufus: *pulls from Casey before Reno could snap more pictures*
(note: read Lila's "Kally's B-day!" to get it)
Kari: *laughs as they leave* Did you get it?
Casey: *holds up Rufus' credit card* Uh huh! *they laugh and run off*
Yuffie: *runs back carrying a bird-cage* I got a red baby chocobo with greeny eyes! It looks like Reno!
Kally: Kewl! *peers into the cage at the tiny chocobo* Is it sleeping?
Yuffie: No, the shop owner said he was sleeping.
Sephiroth: Ummm, being someone who's killed a lot, I can tell if something's dead.
Rufus: *scarcastically* Oh that's a wonderful sixth sense!
Sephiroth: Silence, human! *walks up to the cage* Yup, it's dead.
Marlene: Daddy, what does 'dead' mean? It sounds bad! *starts wailing!*
Yuffie: But he said that it was just sleeping! *starts to tear*
Kally: It's ok, just go back and get your money back. And try to get a live chocobo one!
Sephiroth: Wait, it's still good for a chocolate chocobo!
Yuffie: *her face goes green and she runs off*
At Lily and Pyro's HQ....
???: *knocks on the door*
Lily: *opens the door* Reno! How nice of you to visit! Have you decided to leave Lila and join my side?
Reno: No, I just wanted to hear if we could hold a party for her here, and-
Lily: NO! *slams the door shut*
Reno: *knocks on the door* Umm, hellooooooo? My tie's caught in the door!
Lily: You don't WEAR ties! I'm not falling for that!
Reno: Crap! *leaves*
Pyro: *walks up* Was this I hear about a party for Lila?
Lily: That Reno! *steaming* All he does is talk about Lila! *makes a face* Lila, Lila, Lila!
Pyro: *whacks her on the side of the head*
Lily: *slaps him* That HURT!
Pyro: Hey! You do know that if you allowed the party to take place in the ballroom, then we'd have the advantage as this IS our place!
Lily: Oh. Oh well. *skips off*
Casey: Ooooo, why don't we get her a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig *stretches out her arms* cake?
Kari: Sure! Where would we find one?
Casey: Right there *points to the towering cake right in front of them*
A=Brat: Coming through! *flies down the isle with her shopping cart and bumps into the cake, knocking the entire thing onto Casey and Kari*
Kari: A=BRAT!!!
A=Brat: Oh, I'm so sorry! *barely stiffles a giggle*
Casey: *climbs out of the mess* Thanks, cuz. Now we can't get any food for Lila's birthday party!
A=Brat: Oh that's tomorrow, isn't it?
Kari: *scarcastically* No!
A=Brat: Oh, my bad. *runs off towards the ice cream isle, ready to do damage*
Kair: Well now we can't get a cake.
Casey: Don't worry, we'll just order one! *runs up to the counter that wasn't there before* Hi I'd like to order a cake, please?
Scarlet: *filing her nails* That's wonderful.
Kari: Scarlet?
Scarlet: Wait your turn, take a number.
Casey: Ummm, we're the only one's here. *tumbleweed flies by*
Scarlet: Very well. What would you like? A cake?
Kari: Gee, you must be psycic.
Casey: Yes I want a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig *stretches out her arms* cake that says 'Happy Birthday Lila!' on it, and we need it by tomorrow, alright?
Scarlet. Gotcha. A biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig *stretches out her arms* cake, yada yada yada. You going to pay for it now?
Kari: Yep! *holds up Rufus' credit card*
Scarlet: *recognises the card* Smashing. Now, just give me the card and I'll give it back to you when the cake is delivered.
Kari: *about the hand the card over, but snatches it back* Are you sure that's the way it's done?
Scarlet: It's the new policy. *swipes the card away*
Casey: Oh, alright. *she and Kari leave*
Scarlet: Hehe...*goes back to filing her nails*
Yuffie: *walks into the Nibleheim Pet Store* Hello, I'd like to register a complaint.
Reeve: *does not respond*
Yuffie: Helloooo, miss?
Reeve: What do you mean by 'miss'?
Yuffie: I have a cold. *ahem* I want to register a complaint*
Reeve: Sorry, we're closed. Go away.
Yuffie: Bite me, old man. *slams the cage on the counter* I have a complaint about this baby chocobo that you had sold me an hour ago.
Reeve: *blinks* Right, the flame-red Wutainian chocobo. What is wrong with it?
Yuffie: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, it's dead!
Reeve: Erm, no. He's just resting.
Yuffie: Look, I know a dead chocobo when I see one, actually Sephiroth does, and he told me this is a dead chocobo!
Reeve: No, he's not dead, he's just resting. *gestures to the bird* Wonderful breed, the flame-red Wutainians, aren't they? Just beautuful plumage.
Yuffie: The plumage doesn't matter. The bird is stone dead.
Reeve: Nononononono you're wrong, he's just resting!
Yuffie: Well if he's resting, I should be able to wake him up. *shouts at the cage* Hey chocobo! I've got some tasty greens for you if you just wake up.....*stops when Reeve whacks the cage*
Reeve: Look! He moved!
Yuffie: *glares* He didn't move! That was you hitting the cage!
Reeve: I never!
Yuffie: Yes you did!
Reeve: Did not!
Yuffie: Did TOO!
Reeve: I never did anything to the cage, Yuffie!
Yuffie: This is a dead chocobo! *shouts at the cage once more* WAKE UP! *opens the cage, takes out the chocobo, throws it in the air*
Both: *watch in anticipation*
*The poor chocobo plummets and lands with a timid 'thud' on the counter*
Yuffie: *looks up* Now that is a dead chocobo.
Reeve: No, he's just stunned!
Yuffie: 'Stunned'?
Reeve: Right! Erm, the flame-red Wutainians stun very easily. You stunned the poor creature just as he was waking up. *shakes his head* Tsk, tsk.
Yuffie: Listen here, when I bought this thing you told me that it was just exhausted from running around at the Gold Saucer's race track!
Reeve: *scratches the back of his head* Then he's probably just pinning for the Class S chocobos.
Yuffie: PINNING for the CLASS S CHOCOBOS? Not very likely! *points to the bird* And why did he fall down the instant I got home?
Reeve: The flame-red Wutainians just prefer to lay down. Remarkable bird, isn't it?
Yuffie: I was looking closely to the cage and I noticed that it was hanging by a thread before it fell down! *places her hands on her hips* Now why is that?
Reeve: Of course I tied him to the cage. Otherwise he would've slipped right through the bars and ZOOM! He'd be gone in a second.
Yuffie: 'Zoom'? This thing wouldn't 'zoom' even if you blasted it with every materia there was! It's frickin' dead!
Reeve: No no no! He's just pinning!
Yuffie: This chocobo is not pinning! He is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and has gone back to the Planet. He's met his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in pease! If you hadn't tied the poor thing to the cage, he'd be pushing up the flowers right now in the slums! His meabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig, kicked the ****ing bucket, shuffled off his mortal coil! He's run down the curtain and joined the frickin' choir invisible. He is extinct! THIS IS AN EX-CHOCOBO!
Reeve: *pauses* Well, I suppose I better replace it theen.
Yuffie: *out of breath* You......................think?
Reeve: *goes into the back*
Yuffie: *steals from the cash register*
Reeve: *returns* Sorry, that was the last of them flame-red Wutainians.
Yuffie: Oh.
Reeve: *holds up a rock* I've got some pet rocks left, though.
Yuffie: Does it wark?
Reeve: *looks at the rock* Noooooooo, not really.
Yuffie: WELL THEN IT'S NOT MUCH OF A ****ING REPLACEMENT IS IT?
Reeve: Don't shout! You'll hurt it's feelings! *pets the rock* There there, she didn't mean those nasty words.
* * * * *
On the Highwind....
Lila: *is sitting by herself in the middle of the floor in the cockpit drawing on the floor with some crayons*
Crew member: Erm, miss? I'm not sure if you're allowed to do that....
Lila: Don't worry, I'm not. *goes back to drawing a picture of Reno*
Crew member: Shouldn't you be associating with your friends instead of sitting here?
Lila: Reno's meeting me for a date in a few minutes. *swoons* I can't wait!
Reno: Hey losers! *enters the cockpit wearing an impressively clean uniform*
Lila: RENO! *flies into his arms*
Reno: *thinks* (Boy, Casey's going to severely owe me for being the distraction.....)
Crew member: Thank goodness. Please take her away. *gestures to the wall, which is now a very detailed mural* She's been driving us insane here.
Reno: *stares at the mural* Did you get bored?
Lila: Just a tad. I wanna go to a restaurant! Take me to Wutai!
Reno: *looks at his wallet* (She's going to have to pay me back too...)
* * * * *
Kari: I'll get it! *runs to the phone before it even rings* Yo?
Lily: (Yuck, not Kari!) Kari, darling. I'm calling to offer you ladies the use of my grand ballroom!
Kari: Yeah? What's the catch?
Lily: There's no catch...*coughexceptforyourlivescough*
Kari: Nasty cold?
Lily: Um, yeah, sure. Can I talk to Kally?
Kally: *snatches the phone away* Hullo?
Lily: Waaaaaaazzzzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!
Kally: So you're letting us use your place?
Lily: Of course I am! Why wouldn't I want to do something for (erk!) Lila?
Kally: Thank you so much! We'll be over right away to get the decorations up!
Lily: See you soon! Byeeeeeeee! *hangs up*
Kally: Hey guys! We're going over to Lily's place! She's letting us use her place!
Casey: *shivers* I have a sudden feeling of independing doom....
Sephiroth: Living with you, that's how I feel most of the time, Cas.
Casey: Aw, thanks! *hugs Sephiroth, unaware that she's been insulted*
Elsewhere......
Pyro: Yes! They're coming over! We're going to finally trap them!
Lily: We're using traps?
Pyro: *blinks* What did you have in mind?
Lily: Well, I was kind of hoping that we'd invite the PRO over, seeing as how he spends all of his free time attempting to murder Casey.
Pyro: But that's MY job!
Lily: Yeah but you suck at it, and he actually tries! Besides, once Casey's out of the picture, I'll have no problem getting at Lila.
Pyro: What about Kari and Kally?
Lily: Oh, Kari doesn't care what happens, and Kally refuses to be a part of this war, so she won't interfere. Is there any point to this scene?
Pyro: *sighs* Not really. Casey just wanted to expand the fic.
Lily: I see. *cackles evilly and phones the PRO*
* * * * *
Lila: *drags Reno into the streets of Wutai* Oh Reno, don't you just adore this place?
Reno: Yeah, sure Lila. *his gaze wanders up to the mountain* (Hey that's where Donny-boy had tied up Elena and the brat. I wonder if I can call him up here and....wait, Casey would kill me, wouldn't she?)
Lila: C'mon! *pulls the Turk into a restaurant by his hair*
Waiter: Greetings. Seating for two?
Reno: *sees through the disguise and whispers* Rude? What gives?
Rude: *whispers back* Elena and I accidently blew the place up while trying to destroy the aliens. So Tseng's making us work here until we pay our debt.
Reno: Kally's making you work here, isn't she?
Rude: Yeah, but I had you fooled for a second. *normal voice* May I recomend the table between the fireplace and the window? It's got a lovely view, and it's the only table that's clean.
Lila: Kewl! *drags Reno over to the table and picks up a menu*
Reno: *dully picks up his menu* (These are all in french! I don't know french!) Eeny-meeny-miny-mo........*his finger lands on the Chat Salade* I'll have whatever that is! (Urg, I bet that's going to be gross)
(A/N: I'm not sure if I got that right, but it's supposed to mean cat salad)
Lila: *giggles* Doesn't he just sound professional when he speaks in french? Lesse...I'll have a cheeseburger.
Reno: *looks up* They have cheeseburgers here? I want that!
Rude: Too late, you ordered Cat Salad, so Cat Salad is what you get! *walks off*
Reno: *looks at Lila with panic on his face* Did he just say what I though he said? Cat salad? CAT salad?
Rude: *walks into the kitchen* Alright, cat salad and a cheeseburger are what they've ordered. Cook that up!
Elena: *glares* I don't want to cook! Turks don't cook!
Rude: Nor do they wait on other Turks or obsessive teenage fans! Now cook!
Elena: No! YOU cook and I'll be the waitress! *throws the spatula at Rude*
* * * * *
Casey: Somebody answer the door!
Vincent: But no one has knocked.
???: *knocks*
Casey: *sticks her tongue out*
Vincent: *grumbles as is about to open the door when it slams in his face*
Scarlet: Greetings! *waltzes in with a perky smile* I've brought the cake. *snaps her fingers and Palmer pulls in a trolley-thing that's got a huge cake on it*
Palmer: *sniffs* It's not a lard cake...I want lard......
Kari: Ummm, that's not the cake we wanted.
Scarlet: Is too!
Kari: Is not!
Scarlet: Is too!
Kari: Not!
Scarlet: Too!
Sephiroth: What's wrong with the cake? Is it made of Jenova parts?
Kari: No, it says 'We hope you die, Lila!' on it.
Vincent: Alright Scarlet! *gives her a high five*
Tifa: That's not nice!
Scarlet: Duh!
Casey: We've got to fix it! We can't give her a cake with that on it!
Rufus: Sure we can. It's easy!
Kally: Rufus! *whacks him*
Aeris: Well, let's worry about the cake later. We've got to get the ballroom all set up.
Casey: Of course! Let's go, gang!
Barret: We're not your gang!
Cid: *looks at Cloud* Have you noticed that nobody is asking the big question here?
Cloud: And what's that?
Cid: 'Why the heck are we going to have a party at LILY and PYRO's?'
Cloud: You're right! Oh well, I think that Casey has a plan.
Cid: *groans* We're doomed.
Rufus: Hey, what are you doing with my credit card, Scarlet?
Scarlet: *screams in terror as he raises his shotgun*
[This scene will be censored by a lot of anime clouds and a bunch of nice words like "BAM!" and "POW!", and poor Scarlet has, um, sadly parted with our world....]
Tifa: Rufus!
Rufus: What?
Tifa: You didn't let me help!
Palmer: Hey hey! Can I come too?
* * * * *
Elena: Here are your orders. *unmercifully tosses the orders onto the table*
Reno: *stares in shocked disgust at the meat of a cat sitting in the salad*
Lila: FOOD! *digs into her meal*
Elena: *smirks* Well Reno, what's wrong? Don't you like what's in front of you? *barely manages to stifle a giggle*
Reno: *his face turns green*
* * * * *
Pyro: *opens the door* Greetings, gang! Welcome to our HQ!
Yuffie: *wanders in* Why the heck is this place red?
Pyro & Lily: We LIKE that color. *both glare at Yuffie*
Casey: It would look much better in blue.
Kally: I agree. Let's get some paint!
Lily: Hold it! We didn't say that you could paint the ballroom.
Kari: I'll go grab the paint! *runs off*
Lily: *looks at Pyro* We have a problem.
Pyro: We do. Oh well, we'll just have to kill them.
A=Brat: We were going to anyway.
Lily: I know, but now we really mean it!
Aeris: Casey, I think we have a problem.
Casey: What's that?
Cloud: Well, for starters, we're holding the party here, the cake is screwed up, and we've got no present for her! Besides, nobody seems to care that it's my birthday tomorrow too!
Aeris & Tifa: *kisses Cloud* Happy early birthday Cloud!
Cloud: *faints happily with hearts circling his head*
Kari: Well, that's his birthday present. *stuffs him into a closet so that he wouldn't get in the way*
Yuffie: *looks at Kari* What happened with the paint?
Kari: *whispers* Bad accident coming through the kitchen. By the way, don't drink the punch.
Kally: Now we need to decorate! I nominate Rufus, Sephiroth and Cid!
Nanaki: *blinks* Are you sure that's a good idea? *nods to Sephiroth, who's hanging a skull and crossbones sign with the worlds 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' on it over the stage*
Kally: Of course! *ties a big pink ribbon around his neck* Now you look all pretty!
* * * * *
Reno: *forces down another bite* Glump!
Elena: What kind of a noise is 'Glump?'
Reno: The one I just made. Now go fetch me a pop, bar slave!
Elena: *grumbles and walks off*
Biggs, Wedge, Jessie: *walk in front of the couple at the table with a violin and a bass violin*
Jessie: *starts singing a wonderful song as the other two play*
Lila: *sighs* How romantic!
Reno: (How pathetic)
K-os: *walks in* ARRRRG! Music! I hate music! *kills the trio*
Lila: Hey!
Reno: *jumps up and shakes his hand* Thank you...mister, K-os?
Lila: What are YOU doing here?
Reno: Yeah, I thought you were Casey's nemesis.
K-os: I am! I'm here to spoil her surprise! *strikes a dramatic pose*
Lila: What...surprise?
K-os: But what are you doing together? I thought Reno didn't like you...
Lila: What.....?
K-os: Oh, I see. Reno only came here because he's being forced to...
Lila: You're lying! *bursts into tears* Reno, say that isn't true!
Reno: *with a monotone* Ok, that isn't true.
Lila: *gasp* You fraud! *runs from the restaurant*
Elena: *returns with the pop* What just happened here?
Reno: *shrugs* I just did as she told me to, and she freaked out.
K-os: She's not very stable, is she?
Elena: *pours the pop on him* You jerk! She's going to see her surprise too soon!
Lila: *runs up to Casey's Little World and starts banging on the door* Casey! Guess what happened? *realises she's not home* I bet Pyro did something to her! I've got to stop him! *runs of to Lila and Pyro's HQ*
* * * * *
Elena: *runs into the ballroom dragging Reno by his ear* Has Lila come by yet?
Everyone else: *looks up*
Sephiroth: Did you guys lose Lila?
Elena: *nods*
Sephiroth: Sweet.
Casey: You guys WHAT?
Reno: K-os' fault!
Pyro: Alright K-os!
Lily: *elbows Pyro in the ribs and whispers* That wasn't part of the plan!
Pyro: Ow! *whacks her back*
A=Brat: *kicks Aeris*
Aeris: What was that for?
A=Brat: Sorry, I felt left out.
Kally: So Lila's coming her soon, right?
Reno: *releases himself from Elena's grip* Probably.
Casey: *screams* We're not ready yet!
Lily: Well I suggest that you hurry because Lila's coming up to the door soon.
Casey: What?
Kari: How can you tell?
Lily: I always know when my prey-er...friends are around.
Reno: Quick! Hide me from her! *attempts to run off but Kally holds him back*
Kally: No way, sweetie. We've got something special planned for YOU.
Lily: I'll go answer the door. *walks off*
Nanaki: *looks at the others* We're in trouble.
* * * * *
Ex-Death: Yo boss!
The PRO: What?
Ex-Death: What are we doing in a grocery store? Weren't we supposed to crash a little girl's birthday party and take out a whiner?
The PRO: Yup.
Ex-Death: Then what's with HazardWay?
The PRO: We're out of green paint and a few items. No go shut up and help Gilgamesh in the dairy section.
Kari: Why do we have FFV charactors in here?
Kally: Shhhh! We're not in this scene!
Ex-Death: *grumbles and wanders over to Gilgamesh*
Gilgamesh: You know, now that I think about it you look a lot like Sephiroth.
Ex-Death: Just shut up and pass me the milk.
* * * * *
Lila: *starts banging on Lily's door* Lily!
Lily: *opens the door* Yeeees?
Lila: *still banging, unaware that she's now beating on Lily* Open the door!
Lily: QUIT IT! *Lila stops, barely fighting off a smirk*
Tifa: *listening in* Shhh...she's at the door!
Casey: Reno, go apologise to her!
Reno: *whines* But why?
Scarlet: Wanna take me out instead?
Reno: *sweatdrop*
Cid: *whispers* I thought that &#@^ was dead.
Casey: Shhh! Reno's not supposed to remember that!
Kally: Just take her to the Gold Saucer, and if you do anything......*motions to Scarlet* I'll let her at you!
Scarlet: *puckers her lips and flashes her eyebrows at Reno*
Rufus: MY EYES! *turns away and runs, along with the rest of the males*
* * * * *
Lila: I give up, why DID the chocobo cross the road?
Lily: *sighs* (Am I going to have to distract her forever?)
Reno: Lila! *bounces out the door*
Lila: Reno! You're ok!
Reno: *stops* Ummm, yeah. You saved me from the witch. *deadpan* Go Lila.
Lily: Hey! What did I do to deserve this?
Lila: You're right, she IS a witch!
Lily: I'm NOT a witch!
Lila: *points at Lily and shrieks* WITCH!
Biggs: Did I hear witch? We have ourselves a witch!
Wedge: A witch! Burn her! Burn her!
Lily: *rolls her eyes* The things I put up with....
Jessie: Burn her at the stake!
Lila: Hah!
*And the trio drags Lily off*
Jessie: Bugenhagen! We've found a witch! May be burn her?
Biggs, Wedge: Burn her! Burn her!
Bugenhagen: *looks at her* How do you know she is a witch?
Wedge: She looks like one! *motions to Lily, who's dressed in a black dress*
Lily: I am NOT a witch! I am not a witch!
Bugenhagen: Why are you dressed up like that?
Lily: It's their fault! *points at the trio* They changed my clothing with that materia of their's!
Biggs: *subtly tosses the Make-Lily-Look-Like-A-Witch materia off a cliff*
Jessie: Where'd that cliff come from?
Biggs: *shrugs*
Wedge: But she's still a witch!
Biggs, Wedge, Jessie: Burn her! Burn her!
Bugenhagen: Did you three dress her up like this?
Wedge: No-
Jessie: Yes-
Biggs: No!
Wedge: Well, maybe we did. But she has got a wart.
Lily: *gasps* I do NOT!
Bugenhagen: Why do you think she is a witch?
Biggs: She turned me into a Cactaur!
Bugenhagen: A Cactaur?
Biggs: ....................*after looking at himself for a looooong time*........................Well I got better..…..
Wedge: BURN HER ANYWAY!
Bugenhagen: Now calm down, there's a way of telling whether she's a witch or not...
Jessie: You sure? 'Cause I can show you her wart....
Lily: I don't have a wart!
Bugenhagen: Now what do you do with witches?
Biggs: You burn them!
Bugenhagen: And what else do you burn besides witches?
Wedge: MORE WITCHES!
Jessie: Hmmm, what about wood?
Bugenhagen: Very good! You get a star! *Jessie beams* Now why do you think witches burn?
Biggs: Cause they're made of wood?
Wedge: I see! Now we've got to see if she's made of wood!
Lily: I can see that this conversation has lost control....
Jessie: Doesn't wood float?
Bugenhagen: Yes it does!
Wedge: So let's throw her in the pond! If she floats, she's a witch!
Biggs: To the pond!
Bugenhagen: Wait wait wait, what also floats?
Biggs: Wedge!
Wedge: Me!
Biggs: Earthquakes!
Wedge: Very small rocks!
Jessie: A duck?
Biggs, Wedge: Ooooooooo….. *stare at Jessie in amazement at her intelligence*
Bugenhagen: Exactly! So.......
Jessie: If she weighs the same as a duck,
Wedge: Then she's a witch!
Bugenhagen: *stares in disbelief* How did you know that?
Wedge: *beams* I looked at Jessie's script and took her line!
Jessie: *glares at Wedge* So we need a scale, right?
Lily: Ummmm, can I go home now?
Bugenhagen: You may use my scale. Nanaki made it for me.
Lily: Ummmm, that means it's not that great of a scale, does it?
Wedge, Biggs: TO THE SCALE! *drags Lily to the scale and Jessie puts a duck on the other balance-thingy*
*Lily and the duck both sway slightly, but eventually come to balance evenly*
Lily: IT'S NOT FAIR! THE SCALE HAS BEEN FIXED!
Bugenhagen: Now Lily, it's not nice to lie.
Zack: *slips away from the scene grinning and holding a wrench* Heh heh…..
Biggs, Wedge, Jessie: She's a witch! A witch! Burn her! *drags Lily off*
* * * * *
The PRO: *bursts into Lily and Pyro's HQ* Prepare to die, Casey!
*Lighting flashes behind him*
Casey: *calmly looks up* What are you doing here?
Pyro: *sweatdrop* Erm.....*drags the PRO into another room* Not yet! *returns*
A=Brat: I wonder where Lily went to.
Cait Sith: I wonder why Casey even has this scene!
Casey: *sticks her tongue out* 'Cause I wanna!
Cloud: *bangs on the inside of the closet door* I want out! I want out! I want out!
Scarlet: *opens the door, kisses Cloud, closes the door*
Barret: What
Palmer: The
Barret: Freakin'
Palmer: Heck,
Barret: Happened?
Palmer: LARD!
*We hear a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery loud scream scream from Cloud*
Cloud: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! *passes out*
Tifa: *sighs and looks at Casey* Shall we switch scenes?
Casey: We shall!
Sephiroth: Where do you want this fake blood?
Vincent: I'll take it!
Sephiroth: *pulls away* No! It's for the decorations!
Vincent: I vant the blood! *chases after Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: EEEK! *flees*
* * * * *
Lila: Oh look! There's a play tonight! Let's go! *drags Reno by his hair into the stadium* Hi are we the hundredth couple?
Reno: *through strangled gasps* We're...not....a...couple...
Usher: I'm sorry, but you're couple # 42, and erk! *is grabbed by the neck and thrown off the set*
Zidane: *comes onto the set in an usher's uniform* Why, yes! You're the hundredth couple tonight! You get to play the leads in our performance tonight!
Reno: And why are you in this fic?
Zidane: *whispers* Casey needed new characters. This was Kari's idea.
Reno: Really?
Zidane: No, but enjoy your date.
Lila: *squeals and drags Reno off*
* * * * *
Kari: Casey, why are we coming to watch this?
Pyro: Do I need to come too?
Casey: Yes you do! We're here to watch Lila have fun on her date!
Pyro: *sighs* Fine. *puts on wide-eyed glasses and falls asleep*
Reno: *from offstage* It's not a date!
Kally: And we're gonna take pictures to give to her later!
A=Brat: Um, it'll be too dark to take pictures.
Kally: I know. I just wanna mess up the characters with the blinding flash. Y'see, I doubled and tripled the power to the flash. *grins evilly*
Kari: So who's decorating?
*cut to Cloud, who's running away from one of Sephiroth's 'decorations'...*
Pyro: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Kari: Look it's starting!
END OF CHAPTER 1!
Casey's Note: Wow, I'm making a multi-chaptered birthday ficcy!!!! If you are the least bit of a responsible reader (and you BETTER), then sign the review box-a-ma-jig and wish Lila a happy birthday! I'll post the actual party later.
