LILA'S SURPRISE BIRTHDAY BASH!
Casey's Note: My goodness this is long! But it's funny! My brother Pyro is forcing me to admit that some of the credit should go to him. He's been helping out with this and throwing in some ideas. Stupid Pyro….trying to take my spotlight…….*grumbles*
* * * * *
*At the Theatre in the Gold Saucer….*
Princess Garnet: *voice comes on as the narration* Long, long ago..... An evil force casted it's shadow over the peaceful Kingdom of Alexandria...
Offstage voice: Hey it's Galdia!
Princess Garnet: Not anymore, buddy! *returns to sweet narration voice* Princess Lily-
Lila's: *from offstage* Use a better name!
Princess Garnet: *audio sigh* Princess Lila-
Lila: *giggles from offstage*
Princess Garnet: Princess Lila was just captured by the Evil Frog, Fred!
Offstage voice: Frog!?!?! Fred!?!?!
Princess Garnet: I couldn't think of anything else. So the Princess was captured by a frog. What will become of her?
Reno: *from offstage* She's going to be eaten alive!
Lila: *from offstage* Hey! *audio slap*
Princess Garnet: Just then, the Legenday Hero, Rena appears!
Reno: It's RenO, lady!
Heidigger: *comes onstage as the Knight, only he's wearing a tutu*
Reno: *reluctantly follows* Why are you wearing that?
Heidigger: They couldn't find the Knight's uniform. *ahen* Oh, you must be the Legenday Hero, Rena! *snickers*
Reno: *glares* Yeah sure, I'm Legendary of course! *girls in the audience squeals*
Kari: There's FFVII characters onstage!
Casey: Yeah, I decided that they should take part.
Kally: Why?
Casey: 'Cause I like to see them suffer!
Kally: I see. *grins*
Heidigger: *does a curtsey* You're here to save Princess Rosa-Lila, aren't you? Please, speak to the King!
Reno: *whines* But I don't wanna!
Rufus: *prances onstage, proudly sporting his royal clothing*
Kari: And I just suppose it's an accident that Rufus happened to be the King?
Casey: Yup! *nod nod nod*
Heidigger: *bows*
Rufus: *grins, then looks at Reno* Bow to me.
Reno: *long pause* .........................No.
Rufus: *whacks Reno on the head with his staff and Reno falls to his knees, barely conscious* Good peasant. *ahem* Oh Legendary Hero, Reno. You have come to save the beautiful Princess Lila...on the peak of a dangerous mountain....dwells the big bad frog.....Fred.
Heidigger: Frogs dwell on mountains?
Rufus: Fine, he's in a big mushy swamp with the Princess.
Lila: *from offstage* My dress will be ruined!
Rufus: *sighs* Then he's from a big luxurious castle.
Kally: But frogs can't afford castles! *blinds Rufus with the camera*
Rufus: I DON'T CARE! *sob* This frog does. He's evil, k?
Reno: Just get on with it.
Rufus: *is about to whack Reno again, but the thought of Lila scared him* Heidigger?
Heidigger: *gladly snatches the staff*
Lila: *from offstage* Touch him and die!
Rufus: Oh well. *turns back to Reno* You can't defeat the measily frog now....
Reno: Why?
Rufus: Cause you're a wimp, and you're stepping on my lines.
Lily: *from offstage* No, I am! *stomps happily on Rufus' script that he left behind*
Rufus: Talk to the one who can help you.
Reno: *long pause* .............No.
Rufus: *sighs*
Scarlet: *comes onstage as a witch*
Biggs, Wegdge, Jessie: A witch! *tackles Scarlet to the ground and drags her off the stage*
*We hear a long scream as Scarlet has, um, sadly parted with our world.....again.....*
Rufus: *looks at Reno* Well, that doesn't leave you much choice, does it?
Reno: You think I would've gone to her in the first place?
Rufus: *scarcastically long pause* .................Yes.
Reno: *sighs and walks over to the man in the tutu* Yo Ballet-man!
Heidigger: *bows* I am...a lowly Knight....
Rufus: *snorts in agreement*
Heidigger: How may I help you?
Reno: Well, you can gimme your wallet for one, and then you can tell me how to defeat the........the King!
Rufus: Huh?
Princess Garnet: *sighs* This is taking forever. Ooops I left the mike on! *returns to sweet voice* oh what is going to happen next? Oh....Legendary Hero.....look!
Hojo: *twirls onto the stage in a bunny outfit carrying Lila*
Reno and Rufus: AAAAHHHH! MONSTER! *points in fear*
Hojo: No that's Jenova.
Rufus: We weren't talking about you.
*blinding flash comes from somewhere in the audience*
Heidigger: *stares in dissapointment* Where's the frog?
Hojo: They lost the outfit. *clears his throat* What ho! Do you dare ignore the Evil Frog???
Kari: You're a bunny rabit!
Hojo: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I have not harmed the Princess,
Lila: Actually you did. *holds up a finger, which has been scratched*
Hojo: I've have been expecting you, Reno!
Rufus: *snickers* That sounds very wrong.
Reno: What do you mean you've been expecting me? You came here!
Lila: Please help me, Legendary hero! *giggles*
Reno: *whines* Do I have to?
Hojo: Tell me, Reno. Who is your enemy??? Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Who do you hate?
Heidigger: You like doing that, don't you?
Hojo: *nod nod nod* Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Reno: *thinks for a minute* I hate....um.....
Rufus: *leans in a whispers* You hate Lila.......
Reno: I hate...Li-*gets a deathglare* I hate Rufus!
Rufus: You what? *bursts into tears*
Casey: *runs on stage* Rufus! *hugs him* Don't worry, at least I don't hate you.
Lila: Stop it, Reno! What are you doing?
Reno: *grins happily and laughs at Rufus*
Kally: *looks at the others* I think we should start the party before they cause any more trouble.
Kari: *points towards the stage and pouts* But I wanna see them fight!
Hojo: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I am sick of being ignored!
Lila: Oh you shut, you, you blabbermouth! *knocks Hojo off the stage and turns to Reno* Reno! You saved me!
Heidigger: Geh, heh heh, that's the end, folks!
Pyro: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
A=Brat: *looks at Pyro and giggles* Someone pass me a marker!
* * * * *
Lila: *runs into the ballroom and squeals* It's so beautiful!
Everyone else: *follow and stare in disbelief at the room; it's been decorated complete, with a glittering gold floor, a very detailed stage, long gold curtains hanging along the wall from the ceilings, and a beautiful arrangement of food on one side. Fancy chairs and tables are gathered on the same side, leaving the other side open for a dance floor*
Sephiroth: *grabs Cloud by the collar* You ruined my decorations! Where is my birthday sign?
Cloud: *points to the sign above the door that's impossible to miss and Sephiroth grins before gently letting him down*
Lily: *jumps onto the stage* If I may have your attention,
Lila: *panicks and screams* IT'S LILY! RUUUUUUUUUUUUN! *notices no one else is panicking so she calms down*
Lily: It's a great honour to be able to hold this party for such a *pauses and forces her next words out* wonderful person,
Lila: *visibly cringes*
Lily: So I think we should make some charactors sing a song for her!
Reno: *looks at his fellow Turks* I have this independing feeling of doom. She's going to make me sing! *pouts*
Lily: But I know that Reno won't sing tonight, so we'll have Aeris, Tifa, Cloud, Rufus and Sephiroth sing for her!
Rufus: *stares in disbelief* Huh?
Casey: *swoons* He's gonna sing! *pushes him onstage with the other singers*
Kally: Hey weren't you going to be burnt at the stake?
Lily: *shrugs* My element is fire. It can't hurt me, remember?
Kally: Riiiight.
Reno: She didn't pick me! I can't believe she didn't pick me! Everyone knows that I always sing for her. Wait, this is a good thing, Reno. Yes it is. *nods* You don't need to sing, she still loves you, right? *goes on mumbling to himself*
Aeris: Ready, guys?
Tifa, Cloud, Sephiroth: *nods* Ready!
Rufus: *deadpan* Whee.
Writin' Lots Of Fanfiction(sing to the tune of "Livin' La Vida Loca")
Tifa:
She's into F-F-Seven,
The Turks and fanfiction,
She loves the Seventh Heaven,
But Reno's her addiction.
Reno: *sniffs* I'm supposed to sing….
Casey: *pats him on the back* Poor baby.
Cloud:
"She doesn't seem to like me,
And I'll always wonder why.
If I am in a cool new story,
She'll just cringe and pass me by."
Aeris:
"She'll make you laugh your head off
And believe that she's insane.
She writes about our crazy lives,
Making you laugh until you're in pain."
Rufus:
*groans and interrupts* "She's like a bullet to the brain……"
Reno: And she doesn't even like Cloud! Why does he get to sing?
Kari: Awwww, does Reno-baby wanna sing for Lila?
Reno: *blushes* No I don't!
All:
"Final Fantasy!
She's writin' lots of fanfiction!
She'll type and post away!
Writin' lots of fanficion!
What goes on inside her head?
Keep out of the kitchen!
She will make you laugh,
Writin' lots of fanfiction!
Writin' lots of fanfiction!
She's writin' lots of fanfiction!"
Rufus:
"Why the heck am I singing,
In a pathetic birthday story?
She killed my pride and took my poor gun,
What happened to my glory?"
Reno: *silently fumes*
Sephiroth:
"She will always want to destroy Cloud
So she's number one in my book.
*gives up* La la la la, la la la la
La la la la la la la
Yeah, she'll make you go insane!"
Lila: *sniffs* That was great! *all the singers bow, while Sephiroth chases after Cloud with his masamune*
Pyro: *claps, sorta, and comes on the stage* Wow, that was uh….nice. *looks at Lily* Shall we bring out our gift?
Lila: OH NO! I KNEW IT! *runs off screaming* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yuffie: Well she should've seen that coming.
Casey: Reno, call her back!
Reno: Fine. Oh, Li-
Lila: *runs back road-runner style* You called?
Reno: You never gave me a chance to…
Pyro: Awww, this is touching. I'm bored. Yo PRO! You can come out now!
Casey: Uh oh.
The PRO: *suddenly appears out of nowhere* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kari: Your would-be assassinator shows up and all you can say is "Uh oh"?
Casey: *nods* Pretty much, yeah.
Cloud: *runs by, with Sephiroth close behind* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The PRO: Now I'll finally get you, Casey! I'm not the world's best assassin for nothin'! Giglamesh! Ex-Death! *points at Casey* Sic her!
Casey: Um, I think I'll just go for a walk…. *runs, with the two FFV characters on her tail*
Lila: PRO! Call them off! It's my birthday! *bursts into tears*
Yuffie: Yeah! We wanna break!
The PRO: Fine. *breaks their weapons*
Barret: That's just a bad pun there, foo'!
The PRO: I know, *grins*
Barret: Wait a minute, if you broke all of our weapons, then what happened to my arm?
[Umm, Barret will now be leaving this fic to go to the Midgar Hospital, but don't worry. Hojo will take gooooood care of him…]
Sephiroth: You broke my sword! *starts crying*
A=Brat: I think that this fic has totally lost control here.
Kari: *smiles sweetly* Punch, A=Brat?
Yuffie: Oh by the way, Lila. I got you a present. *holds up the pet rock* I hope you like it.
Lila: Sure do, thanks Yuffie! *whips the rock towards Lily's head* Heh heh…
Lily: Whoops! *ducks and Pyro gets hit*
Pyro: Ow! *rubs his head* Now what does this have to do with the fic?
Casey: *pauses from her running* It's cause I'm the author.
Ex-Death: Got her! *throws a net over Casey*
Cid: Well that was a *^&*& stupid thing to do.
Vincent: I'm amazed she even learned to turn the computer on.
Casey: K now I feel stupid.
Kari: NOW?
Casey: Ok, you be quiet! Hey you're supposed to be on my side here!
The PRO: Well, thank you all for a lovely evening, and I hope I didn't ruin anyone's plans.
Lila: Um, you crashed my party for one thing.
The PRO: Oh, sorry. Happy Birthday! *hands Lila a picture of Reno* Hope that makes up for it! *leaves with the FFV characters and his prisoner*
Lila: No problem! *squeals and hugs the picture*
Aeris: What is an assassin doing with a picture of another guy?
Tifa: I dunno but it kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Lily: Well, shall we resume our celebration?
Pyro: *rubs his bruise* Why not?
Everyone: *sits down and eats, Casey long forgotten*
[Ten minutes later……..]
Rufus: Something doesn't feel quite correct….
Vincent: I agree. It's just a little too…..
Kally: Quiet?
Vincent: Yeah!
Kari: I wonder why?
Lila: OMG Casey! *jumps up* We've got to save her!
Pyro: No no! Calm down Lila, it's your birthday! You shouldn't be worrying over trivial things like that.
Kari: You're just saying that because Casey's your sister.
Pyro: *shrugs* So? Now that Casey is out of our hair,
Lily: I'll have no trouble destroying our nemesis! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
Lila: That's not a good thing, is it?
Tifa: Probably not.
Lila: Ok, *screams and runs from the room*
Lily: *looks at Pryo* She does that a lot.
Pyro: I've noticed.
Lily: But don't worry. Her food's been poisoned.
Yuffie: Um, should I mention that whenever the bad guy – or in this case, girl, uses poison, it never works?
Lily: *pales* That's not good.
Pyro: Ummm, you did poison the right plate, didn't you?
Reno: *looks at his plate* Oh God. *falls out of his chair* Gahhhhhhh! Glah! My throat! It burns! Ahhhhhhhh! *closes his eyes*
Everyone: *stares in shock*
Aeris: You killed Reno!
Tifa: You *%$^#.
Lily: I didn't mean to, I *breaks down* I loved Reno! That's why I always used him in my plans against Lila!
Pyro: And to spite her…
Lily: That too!
Reno: *blinks* Nah….I'm just kidding. I'm alright! *laughs and sits back in his
chair*
Nanaki: Now that was a rather pointless scene.
A=Brat: So if you didn't poison Lila's food and Reno is ok, then who was poisoned?
Vincent: *suddenly gags and falls over*
Kari: Well that's no surprise.
Elena: And why is that?
Kari: Cause Vincent's her least favorite charator. She hates him as much as Lila hates Cloud.
Cloud: Would everyone just stop bringing that up?
Cid: Hey when did you show up?
Cloud: Good question.
Tifa: We never knew she hated him.
Kari: One of her many secrets!
Rufus: Hey, you two just killed an important member of Shinra!
Pyro: But we didn't mean it!
Aeris: I thought he didn't work for ShinRa anymore…
Rufus: *shrugs* Well he was never officially fired. Guards!
Rude, Elena, and Reno: *handcuff the BTs and begin to drag them out*
Lily: You'll never stop us! I'll be back!
Pyro: And at least I got Casey!
Kally: *waves* Bye bye!
Lily: I thought you were my friend, Kally!
Kally: I still am, I'm just waiting for the dessert first! *waves again as the BTs are dragged out*
Lila: *peers around the corner* Are they gone yet?
Tifa: Yes they just left. Would you like some birthday cake!
Lila: Sure! *pauses* Why is the icing all messed up?
Rufus: Blame the catering service.
Cloud: Actually you can't because she was killed.
Kari: And twice!
Yuffie: So lemme get this straight; we waited this whole fic for those two to make their move, and it took one little mistake for them to get sent to jail?
Kally: Basically yes. Happy Birthday Lila!
Everyone else but Lila: HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILA!!!!
Reno: Screw it. *wraps his arms around Lila and kisses her on the cheek* Happy birthday!
Lila: *blushes* Awww, thanks everyone!
[Ten minutes later}
Aeris: Hey, what about Casey?
Everyone else: Uh oh! *runs out of the room after the PRO*
The End!
* * * * *
Casey: Happy Birthday Lila! It took me two long chapters but I had fun writing this! Too bad everyone forgot about me, but I had been promising the PRO for a couple of months to use the FFV characters as his followers.
Pyro: So how come you won't give me any cool followers?
Casey: Cause you're mean! *bops Pyro on the head with a nearby chair* Now, could everyone do me a big favour and leave a message to Lila in your review? Thanks very much! Oh, I should probably make a disclaimer right now:
DISCLAIMER: The FFV & FFVII characters belong to the almighty Squaresoft, and parodies were made of Monty Python, the famous theatre scene in FFVII and Livin' La Vida Loca, and the different characters belong to themselves.
