She sat there, and then put the car into drive. Harm watched as she slowly made her way down the street, and it didn't take him long to react. He immediately went for his car to drive after her.
He pulled up next to her at a stoplight. "What are you doing? Go back," she shouted.
"No. Don't tell me what to do Sarah Mackenzie. Unless you come back with me, I might just have to follow you to wherever you're going," he threatened with a smug grin.
That only managed to make her more angry and frustrated than she already was. "You don't understand. You have to leave me alone!" she threw back.
"I'll leave you alone when I know you aren't leaving town and me again. And just try me; try to make me understand. Don't run away from your problems."
The light turned green and horns honked behind them. Mac pulled her car into a parking lot, and Harm pulled his in beside her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I told you this would happen. Why can't you ever accept something and not pry?" she asked.
"Because I'm not letting you do this to me; to us again. I'll let you go if you give me a reason, but until then, I'm not letting you go."
His voice softened. "Okay. I'm backing off. But at least come back to my place and make me understand why you're practically running away."
"I'm not running away. I don't think you'll understand."
"Look, if you don't want to explain it right now, then at least just come back home with me."
Both had gotten out of their cars by that time, and they were standing in front of each other. Daylight had begun to fade and streetlights were coming on. Mac glanced at the darkening sky, and Harm held his breath for what seemed like an eternity as she contemplated what to do.
Her mind and heart were confused. Her mind was urging her to get away as fast as possible, telling her to walk away and don't look back. But her heart was telling her to stay and let Harm help her. She glanced at his face and saw the pain etched into his features, making what her heart was telling her even stronger.
His eyes pleaded with her, but she knew that if she walked away at that moment, he wouldn't go after her again now that she had told him not to. And she would end up losing the most important thing in her life.
It tipped the scales as she opened her mouth to tell him her decision. "If I go back with you, I don't know if I can tell you right now what's wrong," she said as all the frustration left her and fear of rejection replaced it.
He smiled a relieved smile and let out the breath he had been holding. He smiled again and then took an unsure step towards her. She knew he was afraid that he'd do something wrong to make her leave him, so she took the next step to close the gap between them and wrapped her arms around him.
He held her tightly for a minute or two that felt like eternity for both of them. The sun had finished setting, and the lighting around them was dim. "Come on," he whispered and held his hand out to her. She put her hand into his and they walked back to their cars.
Once she had unpacked all of her things again, she sat on his couch and they were both silent. Mac's heart and head were still arguing, whether she should explain why she had felt she had to leave or just stay silent. In the matter of silence, her head won for the night and she tried to let it go out of her mind.
****
I stop for a moment to keep the tears away. He looks at me strangely. "You never did tell me why you wanted to leave," he says, not accusingly, but urging me to tell him now.
"I know," I whisper. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he says. "Will you tell me now?"
I nod. "It's been in this notebook the entire time. Why don't you take over reading now?"
I hand him the notebook and he flips the page to where I left off. Before he reads out loud to me, he skims through to find the reason. When he finds it, his eyes widen, but he doesn't look mad. Not at all what I had expected from him when he found out. He takes a breath, as do I. I'm prepared to relive the pain I felt back then, and I hope he's ready to understand that time in my life.
Harm closes his eyes and then opens them. "Here goes," he says, and I nod.
