I'm very sorry that I couldn't get this posted sooner. But, I do have a good excuse: SCHOOL! You know, that big brick building were you supposedly receive your education? That place where a bell wakes you up every time you start to drift off to sleep? Yeah, that thing. Also, fanfiction.net didn't help me one bit by being off line for a while . . . But, no, I'm not bitter . . .(What the hell am I talking about? Of course I am!!!) Oh well, this chapter does get a bit crazy. And, I must warn you; Harry does go a bit . . . . er . . . . off of his onion.(Hence the chapter name.) I've always loved tampering with a character's emotions. (*Evil laughter*) Read, Review, and Repeat!

A/N: I don't own anything! Well . . . I do own the 'Peanut Butter Incident' (MUHAHAHA!!) I'll tell you about that later, but first . . . on to the story:


THE 'GENTER' ISSUE
CHAPTER TWO: 'IN WHICH HARRY BECOMES ONE SNITCH SHORT OF A QUIDDITCH GAME'

"So . . . er . . . how she'd take it?"

"She was worse than you. Started to scream bloody murder as soon as she saw herself in the mirror."

Harry and Ron in Hermione's body had once again met in the common room. Since it was a Saturday, it was pretty much cleared out except for a couple late sleepers.

"Oh, God . . . . no matter what body you put her in, she'll always be Hermione." Ron rolled Hermione's eyes. "Did anyone notice?"

"I told Dean and Seamus that you weren't feeling too well," explained Harry, "and Neville's still in the hospital wing from that peanut butter incident."

Ron winced, "I never thought Fred and George could be so cruel. Neville really didn't deserve a prank like that."

"Anyway, I think we'll be fine for now," finished Harry.

"'For' and 'now' are the key words," pointed out Ron, "And we- oh, wait . . . here she comes . . ."

Hermione in Ron's body stumbled down the stairs from the boy's dormitory. She looked flustered and a bit pale.

"Er . . . how are you doing, Hermione?" asked Harry quietly as Hermione sat Ron's body down on a chair.

"How am I doing? HOW AM I DOING!?" she mocked crazily. "I just peed standing up and YOUR ASKING ME HOW I FEEL!?"

At this point, several Gryffindors turned their heads to see what all the commotion was about.

Ron made Hermione's face cringe. "Hermione, could you keep it down? Your making me look like some sort of nutter."

"Oh, come off it, Ron," Hermione scathed, "Don't you feel a bit awkward?"

"Actually, I haven't changed clothes or gone to the bathroom since last night." Ron admitted, turning his new ears red.

"Well good." Hermione said shortly.

"What do you mean?" Ron raised an eyebrow. "Can't I relieve myself or change into non-smelly robes?"

"Not while you're in my body." Hermione crossed Ron's arms.

"But you can pee while standing!?" Ron yelled, "I hardly think that's fare."

"Er . . . Hermione, I think Ron's always been able to do that."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned around to find the Weasley twins, complete with peanut butter matted in their hair and puzzled looks on their faces.

"Yes. I believe it's some sort of genetic thing . . . ." Fred trailed off, still staring at Ron and Hermione, whose faces went bright red.

"Guys, we can explain everything . . ." started Harry.

"I'm not so sure I want you to." said George, "I'm kind of weirded-out here."

"Plus, it's fun just to leave it to our own imagination . . ." Fred grinned evilly.

Ron bent towards Harry, "Should we tell them?" he asked softly.

"Tell us what?" asked Fred.

"I think so," put in Hermione, ignoring Fred's question. "Maybe they can help."

"Er . . . this is Fred and George we're talking about . . . . You know, the guys who caused that peanut butter incident in the girls bathroom . . ."

"What are you three going on about?" Fred asked again, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Okay, okay . . . . uh . . ." Harry took a deep breath. "Ron and Hermione switched bodies." He said quickly.

Fred and George slowly exchanged glances. When their eyes met, they both burst out laughing. Several people turned their heads again to see what was so funny.

"Oh God . . . . that's . . . that's the funniest thing I . . . I've ever heard!" George choked out between fits of laughter."

"I can just imagine little Ronnykins in pantyhose and high-heels!" Fred said loudly, wiping a tear from his cheek. He and George continued to chortle hysterically.

"Shut up, you idiots!" Ron raised Hermione's body from his seat. "Harry's telling the truth!"

Fred and George stopped in mid-chuckle.

"Hermione?" George said slowly, thoroughly astonished. "Did you just tell us
to-"

"I'm NOT HERMIONE!" Ron snapped, "I'm RON!"

Fred raised an eyebrow, "Fine, if you really are Ron, then you have to prove it."

"How?"

"Tell everyone here about what happened to you when you were four." said George.

Ron looked around nervously and wiped Hermione's long hair out of his eyes. "Er . . . come on, guys. That's kind of embarrassing . . ."

The Weasley twins crossed their arms. They wouldn't believe anything until Ron told his story.

"Okay, okay . . ." Ron looked around again, making sure no one else could hear. "I . . . I . . . I threw up oatmeal . . ."

"Were?" pressed George.

"In my . . ." Ron twisted Hermione's face into a grimace, " . . . underwear . . . . And mum made me wear them . . ."

Harry and Hermione burst into silent fits of chuckles as Ron turned a deep scarlet and the Weasley twins exchanged bewildered glances.

"Ron?" Fred leaned in close to his brother in Hermione's body. "It's really you, isn't it? Nobody knows about the 'oatmeal in the underpants' story but family."

"What happened to you two?" asked George.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione launched into the story of the accidental personality-switching spell. Of course, Fred and George thought this all to be a laugh riot.

"Please, guys," Hermione pleaded, "This is not something to laugh about. Ron and I could be stuck this way forever."

Ron went pale, "You're . . . you're kidding me. I can't-"

"Don't worry about it, Ron." Fred interrupted. "We'll switch you two back."

"Or just mock you until someone else does," added George.

Fred smiled, "Oh, yes, that's pretty fun too."

Harry and Hermione in Ron's body got up out of their seats and pushed the Weasley twins towards the portrait hole.

"Why don't you two go do some research in the library or something?" suggested Hermione, trying to stuff Fred out of the common room as fast as possible.

George looked taken aback, "We've never been to the library in our lives!"

"Well, it's a good time to start." Harry said.

And, with one final push, he and Hermione were able to shove the Weasley twins out of the Gryffindor common room.

"We should start looking for an anti-curse too, you know," said Hermione as she and Harry walked back to where Ron was sitting.

"Er . . . I don't think I'm quite comfortable with going out in the open yet, " said Ron meekly.

"Oh, come on Ron. If you want your body back, it's the only way," said Harry as he and Hermione guided Ron towards the portrait hole. "And besides, what's the worst that could happen?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Come on, Hermione. It's cold . . . Can't I go change into a sweater or something?"

"No! Not while you're in my body you can't!"

The three Gryffindors had all decided to get some fresh air. They were sitting underneath the large oak tree next to the lake, which housed the Hogwartain giant squid. Harry had lost his patience hours ago, when Ron and Hermione had started bickering again, and was now starring towards the Quidditch pitch. The Hufflepuff team, complete with their canary yellow robes, had just started practice. Right then, Harry wished he was with them so that he could be far, far away from Ron and Hermione.

"Come on, Hermione," whined Ron, "I'm cold, I'm miserable, and I'm all . . . er . . . cramp-y."

"Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you," Hermione twisted Ron's face into an evil grin, "It's that time of month for me. Sorry . . ."

A look of pure horror spread across Ron's new face. He groaned and started to knock Hermione's head repetitively into the tree trunk, cursing under his breath.

"Get focused, guys," Harry pleaded. "I can stand you two like this anymore!"

"That makes both of us. " commented Ron.

"No. What I met is I can't stand the two of you like this because YOU'RE DRIVING ME ABSOULTY CRAZY!" Harry's right eye began to twitch.

Ron and Hermione exchange meaningful glances.

"Er . . . maybe we should get you back inside." said Hermione as she and Ron slowly got up.

The three Gryffindors walked back down the path towards the castle. They got several odd looks and a couple snickers as people passed. (Most likely because of Harry's twitching eye.) Unfortunately, Harry, Ron, and Hermione caught some very much unwanted attention . . . .

"Well, well, well . . . If it isn't the three stooges . . ."

Draco Malfoy stood in the middle of the path, his arms crossed, looking as smug as ever.

"Move, Malfoy." Harry was in no mood to fight with the Slytherin.

"What's your hurry, Potter?" asked Malfoy, purposely stepping in Harry's way. "Don't you want to stay and chat?"

"He said shove off, Malfoy." Ron snapped, stepping up to the Slytherin. Ron had forgotten that he wasn't in his own body anymore.

Malfoy looked down at Ron in Hermione's body. "You've got to be kidding me." He sneered, apparently not amused.

"You heard me," Ron had to stand on Hermione's toes in able to get to Malfoy's height.

"I'm surprised, Granger," Malfoy said smugly to Ron in Hermione's body. "I always thought Weasley would be the first to step up to me." He then turned to Hermione in Ron's body. "Or are you just letting your little girlfriend do it for you because you're too scared?"

Harry could see Ron mentally snap. Ron suddenly leapt on Malfoy's back, bringing him down to the ground, and started smacking him upside the head. Even though Ron was in Hermione's body, it was still no easy task pulling him off the suffering Sytherin.

"MALFOY! WHAT IN THE GOOD NAME OF MERLIN DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Professor McGonagall came running towards the group and pulled Malfoy away from Ron in Hermione's body.

"Pro . . . Professor!" Malfoy stuttered, "Granger, she . . . she jumped me!"

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. She looked from Malfoy to Ron in Hermione's body, then back to Malfoy.

"You don't expect me to believe that Hermione Granger attacked you, do you?" Professor McGonagall grabbed Malfoy by the ear, "Twenty points from Sytherin for fighting and another five for lying."

"But-" Malfoy started.

"DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE IT THIRTY?!" threatened McGonagall. She then turned towards Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "I don't want to see you three in anymore fights, provoked or not. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Professor . . ."

"Good." McGonagall pulled Malfoy into the castle doors and disappeared.

"Ron! How could you?!" Hermione wailed as soon as the Professor and the Sytherin were gone.

"How could I wh- Oh, wait a minute . . . You're not sticking up for Malfoy, are you?" Ron said, dusting off the robes he was wearing.

"Of course I'm not defending that scum!" snapped Hermione.

"Then why are you yelling at me?"

"I'm yelling at you because you made me look like a fool!" yelled Hermione. "Everyone outside saw that fight. Now they probably think I was really part of it!"

"So?" asked Ron unconcernedly.

"So? SO!? Don't you know I have a reputation to uphold?!"

Ron snorted "Well, you don't have much of one now."

Hermione clenched Ron's jaw, "If you weren't in my body, I would have to hurt you . . ."

"Will you two please just SHUT UP!" Harry finally snapped, his eye was twitching worse then ever. "You've been fighting ever since you've switched bodies. Can't you two just be nice to each for a minute? That's all I ask."

There was an awkward pause.

"She started it . . ." mumbled Ron.

"THAT'S IT!" Harry through his arms up in the air. "I'm tired of it! When you two can finally act your age, you can come find me."

Harry stormed off towards the castle, leaving Ron and Hermione feeling lower than dirt.






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Dunt, Dunt, Dunt!!! Wow, I bet you never knew Harry could emotionally snap like that. Er . . . sorry for those of you who didn't like that 'eye twitching' thing. I just thought it added a whole new dimension for Harry when he got really angry. And, no, I don't know how Malfoy knows about the Three Stooges. He just does, okay? Quit questioning my authority! (*PezMaster sits in a corner and rocks herself*)

Anywho, Wonder what that whole 'Peanut Butter Incident' thing was about? Well, I'm not going to tell you. (*PezMaster sticks out her tongue*) I'll just leave it to your imagination. Lets just say it had something to do with my friend, Pheebs, and I on April Fool's day. (MUHAHAHA!!!!) And, as for Pheebs . . . just picture him as a Muggle Fred Weasley. (Red hair, freckles, evil grin, the mind of a master prankster, etc. etc.) I'll type up the third (and final) chapter as fast as humanly possible. Lets just hope that fanfiction.net wont be as difficult this time around. (*PezMaster kneels down and prays to the great Fan Fiction God*) But, just remember, the more reviews I get, the faster my stories and chapters will arrive . . . . .


NOTE: Hey! Have I mentioned that I am making a web site? But in order for it to be a Harry Potter FAN site, I need stories and art from . . . Harry Potter FANS!! (Huh, what a concept . . .) So, send your stories and art to me at cshrumm@yahoo.com. Please? Pretty Please? Oh, and by the way, I will be publishing my new Harry Potter fan fiction novel (Harry Potter and the Gem of Grogonous) on my web site first. So, once again I remind you to send me Harry Potter fiction and art so I can get my story and web page under way!!!