Kuli
Supper time... How odd that this would bring me to my past. But then again, slicing this meat is a very familier feeling. Although this is cooked animal. Not screaming, panicking human. Not a child molestor. Not a rapist. Just food.
How did I get this animal...? Oh, right... Hime bought it... But how did that man get me...? I wasn't bought, I wasn't thrown out by my parents... I was a well loved little girl, only seven... An impressionable age... A vulnerable age.
Everything that happened when he hurt me, or rather raped me, is so blurred... But then it stopped. It stopped when I was ten. It stopped when I found a knife. It stopped when we were alone and I buried the cold metal in his heart. It stopped when he stopped you could say...
The past... Must everything make me think of it? Is this God's punishment to me for murdering my tormentor? By not letting a moment go by without it invading my thoughts? There are better things to think of though... That family... Only stayed a few months but many wounds in my heart were healed because of my time there... Jei distanced himself from me but he seemed just as warm deep down inside... Just seemed a bit hesitant to say much to me... Until those men came. Then he seemed to want to say something but I had to escape before he could speak.
Then the mainland of Europe... My old home in Hungary was somewhere here. But it wasn't the same as Ireland where things were nice and close together. Such a large, overwhelming place can easily get a child lost in more ways then one. I was actually grateful when Melu sought me out and welcomed me into this "family." A family called Auferstehung.
A family of killers. We dare not ask one another how we were brought into this family. I wonder when they first killed... Were they like me, a ten year old? Younger? Older? Perhaps I'll never know.
I never knew about my other family. Didn't know my first mission was to kill my real father. What a shock that was to me... Even more shocking was the identity of his son.
My innocence stolen by my half sibling, my new family shrouded in mystery... I am eternally lost... Hime seems to hint at a similer experience with her certain shyness and frieght at certain touches... Melu seems dead... Not touch or word can affect or penetrate that hard shell that protects her. I sincerily wish I could help them sometimes... Although she seems beyond that.
After whatever pain she felt took its course she lost all compassion. I try to hide mine and only show it on rare occasions. But how I wish I had been spared... So I could walk the world reaching out to those people... No. That part of me is dead. Forget her. Forget her, do your job, and eat your dinner.
Supper time... How odd that this would bring me to my past. But then again, slicing this meat is a very familier feeling. Although this is cooked animal. Not screaming, panicking human. Not a child molestor. Not a rapist. Just food.
How did I get this animal...? Oh, right... Hime bought it... But how did that man get me...? I wasn't bought, I wasn't thrown out by my parents... I was a well loved little girl, only seven... An impressionable age... A vulnerable age.
Everything that happened when he hurt me, or rather raped me, is so blurred... But then it stopped. It stopped when I was ten. It stopped when I found a knife. It stopped when we were alone and I buried the cold metal in his heart. It stopped when he stopped you could say...
The past... Must everything make me think of it? Is this God's punishment to me for murdering my tormentor? By not letting a moment go by without it invading my thoughts? There are better things to think of though... That family... Only stayed a few months but many wounds in my heart were healed because of my time there... Jei distanced himself from me but he seemed just as warm deep down inside... Just seemed a bit hesitant to say much to me... Until those men came. Then he seemed to want to say something but I had to escape before he could speak.
Then the mainland of Europe... My old home in Hungary was somewhere here. But it wasn't the same as Ireland where things were nice and close together. Such a large, overwhelming place can easily get a child lost in more ways then one. I was actually grateful when Melu sought me out and welcomed me into this "family." A family called Auferstehung.
A family of killers. We dare not ask one another how we were brought into this family. I wonder when they first killed... Were they like me, a ten year old? Younger? Older? Perhaps I'll never know.
I never knew about my other family. Didn't know my first mission was to kill my real father. What a shock that was to me... Even more shocking was the identity of his son.
My innocence stolen by my half sibling, my new family shrouded in mystery... I am eternally lost... Hime seems to hint at a similer experience with her certain shyness and frieght at certain touches... Melu seems dead... Not touch or word can affect or penetrate that hard shell that protects her. I sincerily wish I could help them sometimes... Although she seems beyond that.
After whatever pain she felt took its course she lost all compassion. I try to hide mine and only show it on rare occasions. But how I wish I had been spared... So I could walk the world reaching out to those people... No. That part of me is dead. Forget her. Forget her, do your job, and eat your dinner.
