TITLE: Finding Me (3/?)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL:
LaVelleBelle@aol.com
RATING: PG
PAIRING: B/R
SUMMARY: Buffy and Xander are in LA visiting Cordelia and Angel.
FEEDBACK: Yes please!
DISTRIBUTION: At my site
(http://www.ourowndestiny.com) as well as FINNatics and The Hellmouth
Chronicles. All others, please ask first.
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant
Enemy own all.
DEDICATION: To Emmy, a writer who I truly admire.
NOTE: The song contained herein is called "True North" by Fisher.
Buffy leaned her arm out of the window of Angel's car; still
unable to believe the vampire drove a convertible, of all things.
He never ceased to amuse her.
She looked over at him, his
right hand gripping the wheel, his eyes cast firmly at the road ahead of him. He
had changed so much since coming to Los Angeles. Gone was the youthfulness he
used to posses, a thing of irony for sure. 242 years old or not, with her he
always seemed to be young somehow. Maybe it was in the softness of their kisses,
or the carefully nervous way he used to rest his hand on her knee when they were
together. Somehow, he had just seemed young to her.
But now- he
seemed old; like a man crossing his 20's to his 30's and realizing that more
than just doing his job, he needed to take pride in it.
She smiled
at him and, whether he could see her out of the corner of his eye or if they
still had that sense where they could feel each other, he turned to her and
smiled back.
"What?" he asked.
"I was just thinking
of how different you seem," Buffy said. "Things are good out here?"
Angel thought for a moment, unsure of how exactly to answer. He wasn't
sure if he should tell her about the dark path that he had taken in the past
year. Would she be glad that he had made it through it, or scared that he had
needed to? Of all people, he wanted to hide it the most from Buffy.
He turned his eyes back to the road and, glancing in the rear view
mirror, he said, "It is now."
Cordelia smiled back at him
reassuringly.
Buffy nodded, aware that there was more to the
story, but not wanting to push it. They were just friends now- he didn't owe her
any explanations.
"So Angel," Xander said from the backseat. "Have
you sang at this place?"
"Has he ever!" Cordelia answered,
laughing. "There was a petition going around to have him banned, but the Host
ignored it."
"The Host?" Buffy asked, turning back to
Cordelia.
"Yeah- green, horny demon who runs the place," she
answered. "Big friend of Angel's."
"So he's good? I mean, he's a
good demon?" Buffy asked. "The no-kill variety?"
"Yeah," Angel
answered. "Look, Buffy. All the demons tonight are of the no-kill
variety."
"They're all good?"
"No. Most aren't," he
said, shrugging. "But we're not going there to slay. We're going there to find
out some information."
"But it's safe, right?" Xander asked from
the backseat. "There's a mutual respect- no slaying, no eating?"
"Most of the time," Cordelia said. "Don't worry Xander, if someone tries
to eat you, I promise I'll laugh no more than 10 seconds before trying to help
you."
"Children behave," Buffy laughed from the frontseat. She
turned to Angel and smiled. "Now I can see why you don't invite us to visit
much."
"You should see her with Wesley," Angel said, grinning.
"They're almost worse."
"Stop. You're scaring me," Buffy said,
laughing.
Cordelia scoffed. "I can hear you, you know?"
"Are we there yet?" Xander asked.
"Oh my God," Buffy said,
giggling. "This is hell. I'm in hell."
"This is worse then hell.
And I've been there," Angel said, smirking as he pulled up in front of
Caritas.
"So have I, and I'm not too sure," Buffy said, smiling.
She turned around in her seat and playfully smacked Xander in the head. "We're
here."
++++++
As Buffy walked into the karaoke bar,
she was sure she had dreamt of this place before. At the time, she hadn't
considered that perhaps it had been a prophetic dream; the many species of demon
huddled around their candle-lit tables and sipping their martinis while
listening to a Fyoral demon belt out "Memories" had seemed like one of those
dreams you had after you ate something spicy, and nothing more.
She walked past the first few tables, unable to suppress a smile at this
place. Despite the fact that half the demons in the place could snap a human in
two with one hand (if they had one at all) behind their back, it all seemed
funny to her. She didn't think she'd ever be able to slay a demon again without
hearing cheesy 70's love songs in the back of her head.
Xander was
just as amused and actually let out a chuckle as he walked next to her. "Are you
seeing this?" he asked her. "Or did I inadvertently take a drop of acid sometime
today?"
"No," Buffy said, smiling at her friend. "This is very
much happening. Gives new meaning to the term 'evil,' doesn't it?"
"I'd answer you, except I think my ears are bleeding," Xander said,
smiling. "This place is seriously unreal, Buff. I feel like taking a picture
because no one will ever believe us."
"Photographs are strictly
forboden," The Host said, walking up to Xander and draping his arm across the
boy's shoulders. "The demons get all shy. They're not quite photogenic."
"Uh," Xander said, looking at Buffy nervously. "Demon."
"Ooh, this one's bright," The Host said, taking his arm off Xander and
extending his hand to Buffy. "Buffy Anne Summers," he said. "Heard a lot about
you, tho the demons 'round this place make you out to be something more of a
Xena meets Pamela Anderson type."
"Ok, tell me which ones so I can
kill them now," Buffy said, smiling. "That's - I'm not quite sure if I should
take that as a compliment or start waving my feminism flag."
"So
you're the Host?" Xander asked, looking the demon over.
"Point 2
to the carpenter," The Host said, grinning. "If you did this well on the tests
in high school, things may have wound up differently for you."
"Thanks. Hey, and if the job as karaoke host doesn't pan out, there's
always the guidance counselor gig," Xander remarked sarcastically.
"Ouch," The Host said, grinning. "The wit on this one! So," he said,
looking around the place. "Where's the tall dark and broody one?"
"Angel? He's parking the car," Xander answered. "Cordy's here too
somewhere. I think her beacon spotted someone in the industry and she was honing
in on the signal."
"So," The Host said, looking at Buffy and
Xander. "Which one of you two will be working the pipes tonight?"
"Plumbing?" Xander asked, his eyebrow raised in question.
"I think he means singing, Xander," Buffy said, smiling. "And I don't
think either of us are, actually. We're just in for the weekend and tagging
along with Angel and Cordelia."
"No, I think you're here for
more," The Host said, looking her over. "I think you need guidance. See Xander
here, he's on the right path with Anyanka. But you," he said, looking at Buffy,
"you're on the road less traveled and it's making *all* the difference- just not
in a good way."
Buffy wasn't sure what to say and found herself
standing, very awkwardly, in silence for a few moments. When Angel came and
stood next to her, she felt relieved that the conversation would most likely
shift to focus on him.
"Angel," the Host said, smiling. "Find a
good parking spot?"
"No," Angel said, frowning. "Do you guys
validate?"
"Of course," The Host said, grabbing a glass of alcohol
from the waiter that passed by him. "See Enrico at the bar and tell him I sent
you. But don't go yet- we're in for quite a musical treat tonight."
Angel sighed, his shoulders sagging dejectedly. "Ok, but for tonight I
thought I'd go with something slow-"
"No sweetums," The Host said,
taking a swig of his drink. "You don't have to sing for your supper tonight."
"Oh thank God," Cordelia said, walking up to the group, her arms
crossed. "I just had a guy tell me I can get a national audition if, and only
if, Angel promises not to sing for at least a month."
"Wow,"
Xander said, grinning at Angel. "You must be really bad."
"Shut up
Xander," Angel muttered. "You know, I never *claimed* to be good..."
"How could you? I have a family of screecher demons who do better
justice to Paul Anka than you," The Host said, chuckling. "But like I said, you
get a reprieve tonight. Buffy's treating us to a song."
"Excuse
me?" Buffy asked, finally able to speak again. "Um, I hope there's someone else
named Buffy here tonight, because I'm not singing."
"Hon," the
Host said, moving next to her and taking her hand. "Trust me. You want to hear
what I have to say and I need to hear what you have to sing in order for me to
tell you."
"I don't know..." Buffy said, sighing.
"Oh go for it Buffy!" Cordelia said, lightly punching the girl on the
shoulder. "It's like a tarot reading but free and, well- real."
"I
really have to sing? I can't just hum for a few seconds or something?"
"You gotta sing hon," the Host said, placing the empty glass on a
passing waiter's tray. "The whole on the stage, microphone, squinting to read
the words deal. The whole kit and kiboodle, darling. Got a song in mind?"
Buffy sighed, looking to Angel who smiled at her reassuringly. "Not
really. I wouldn't know which to do."
"Just sing one from the
heart," the Host suggested. "We have the widest selection of songs in LA."
"Oh yeah, I think I saw a write up on that in the LA Times," Xander
said, smiling.
"I like this one," the Host said. "I think we're
gonna get along great. But back to you toots," the Host said, smiling at Buffy.
"Come up with a song yet?"
"I think so," Buffy said, looking down
at the book. "From the heart, right?"
"From the heart."
+++++
"So is this going to be hard for me to hear?" Angel asked,
looking to the Host who was sitting next to him. He stared up at the stage where
Buffy was nervously waiting for the song to begin.
"Probably," the
Host said, his fingers playing with the small umbrella that was stuck into his
marguerita. "You can wait out in that hot little car of yours if you want. This
won't take long."
"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss her singing
for anything."
*****
Buffy stood on the stage, looking
down at the group of demons and friends in the crowd and she wanted nothing more
than to just walk off the stage and forget all of this craziness. Cordelia had
explained to her that the Host was anagogic and could read people's pasts,
presents and futures, but, despite hearing what the Host had to say about Xander
and how on target it was, she was still a bit dubious.
It was
ironic, really. She believed in vampires and demons and every sort of monster
you could imagine, but she was having trouble believing that this demon could
know the path she was supposed to take when she hadn't been able to figure it
out herself.
The music started and Buffy took a deep breath,
reading the words on the screen and dreading the moment when they lit up and she
would have to sing. Finally, the words turned red, and she began.
~*~ If this ever gets to you,
will you know it's from me?
Or
would you think it was a joke,
throw it back to the sea
Or, do you,
do you know
everything I'm feeling?
Do you know
no one
could love you more,
My true north ~*~
The Host turned to
Angel, looking at the vampire watch her. "How you doing big guy?"
Angel turned to the Host and grinned painfully. "It's hard."
"Knowing she's not singing about you?" he asked, watching as Angel
crushed a straw in his hand. "Buck up cowboy. She still has you in her heart.
It's just singing for him right now."
****
Buffy
took a deep breath between lines and looked down at the group before her. Angel
and The Host were chatting and Buffy briefly wondered if he should instead be
paying attention to her. Cordelia and Xander were laughing about something-
hopefully not her singing. The last time she had sung in public was back in her
7th grade talent pageant and she had taken second place. She knew she wasn't
*bad* but she wasn't sure if she was exactly *good*.
The words lit up
again and she continued....
~*~ If this ever gets to you,
will
you please forgive me?
I was the one who let you down
It's too late for
"sorry" ~*~
But do you, do you know
everything I'm feeling?
Do you know
No one could love you more,
My true north
~*~
Buffy stopped for a moment; she was beginning to feel a little
overwhelmed by the song. She had heard it one night on the radio in the training
room at the Magic Box and had started to cry by the second verse. The words
struck too close to home, and Buffy was wondering if perhaps she had a streak of
masochism in her to be singing this song on stage in front of not only her
friends and a room full of demons, but Angel as well.
~*~ If I
told you then-
I'd made it clear
Would you still be here?
If
this ever gets to you
Will you still remember me?
And do you,
do you know
Everything I'm feeling
Do you know
No
one could love you more
My true north ~*~
As she sang
the last note, she had to struggle to fight back the tears that so often
overcame her when listening to this song.
"Thank you," she mumbled
almost incoherently before placing the microphone back down on the table to the
right of her. She walked off the stage, waiting at the edge to take a deep
breath before she approached the table.
"So," Buffy said, slipping
into the seat next to Xander. "Did I assault everyone's ears enough for one
evening?"
"Buffy," Cordelia said, turning to her friend. "That was
amazing. And you know if I thought it was bad, I'd be the first to jump all over
you with snarky comments," she said, grinning. "How come you never told us you
could sing before?"
Buffy shrugged. "Topic never came up. But
thanks," she said, tucking her hair nervously behind her ear and staring at the
Host and, next to him, Angel. "So can we get down to business or should I wait
for the recording contracts to come pouring in?" she asked, forcing a smile onto
her face.
"The lady's all work, no play," the Host said, taking
another sip of his cocktail. "Ok. How about everyone leaves us be for a little
tete-a-tete?"
"Yeah," Angel said, standing up. "Come on guys.
Let's give them a little privacy."
"Angel," Buffy said, standing
up quickly and staring at the vampire, unable to form words.
"I
know Buffy," he said, understanding. "It's alright. I know."
Buffy
nodded, sitting back down. "Thank you," she said, watching the group walk away
and feeling very open and vulnerable with the Host in front of her. "So," she
said. "Tell me my fortune."
"It's not so easy toots," The Host
said, sliding a drink over to Buffy. "Have a drink."
"I don't
usually..."
"Well, this isn't usually," the Host said, nodding as
she took it from him. "Good girl. Now, let me tell you what I need to and then I
think you have places to go. Promises to keep, miles to go before you sleep and
all that jazz."
Buffy's eyes grew wide at the reference.
"Yeah, I know. That was part of your dream. It means something, you
know? Your dreams usually do. Do you remember the dream you told Angel about the
day before your 17th birthday?"
"I dreamt that Giles and I opened
an office supply warehouse in Vegas," Buffy said, smiling. "You can't possibly
tell me that means something."
"What does Giles do now?"
"He runs the Magic Box," Buffy said. "Not an office supply
warehouse."
"Yeah, well wouldn't you consider half the stuff they
sell there office supplies for your vocation?" the Host asked, raising his
eyebrow.
"I guess," Buffy said, shifting in her seat. "But the
Vegas part?"
"It's a gamble - that place. Way I hear it lion
tamers have a higher life expectancy."
"You're so reaching," Buffy
said, laughing. "But how- how did you know about that dream?"
"Hon, I pretty much know everything. Like your dream last night? Tsk tsk
Buffy. Chocolate syrup, whipped cream and Jude Law? Naughty naughty!"
"Please tell me *that* dream meant something," Buffy said,
grinning.
"Not quite. Just your subconscious trying to remind you
of all the things you're missing. Dessert and men," the Host said, snapping his
fingers. "I can take care of one of those right now," he said, and an instant
later a handsome waiter was at their table.
"Uh," Buffy said, "I'm
not really looking to date right now," she said, blushing. "Not that you're not
cute or anything," she told the waiter nervously.
The Host
laughed. "Enrico, pay her no mind. How about you bring us over a nice chocolate
brownie a la mode?"
"Si," Enrico said, winking at Buffy as he
walked away.
"Oh my God," Buffy said, hiding her face behind her
hands. "Please tell me that did not just happen."
"Oh it did," the
Host said, laughing. "So now we've got the dessert issue under control and now
it's just the pesky little man issue. Riley, I believe his name is?"
Buffy held in her breath; the very mention of his name had the ability
to suck all of the air out of her lungs. "Yeah," she said, nodding. "I loved
him, but he left and I don't think he ever knew it."
"He didn't,"
the Host said, all signs of kidding gone from his green face now. "He went
through a lot, that guy. Still going through it. Sometimes a guy needs to find
his way back to where he belongs."
"And where's that?"
"With you, sweet pea. He belongs with you."
Buffy took
another deep breath and when she let it out, a smile had settled on her face.
"So he'll come back to me, right? Because that's where he's supposed to
be?"
"Not so fast," The Host said, leaning in closer to Buffy and
clasping his hands in front of him. "I said he needs to find his way back- I
didn't say he'd be the one to do it."
"What do you mean?" Buffy
asked, looking at him quizzically.
"You need to go out and find
that man of yours," he said, looking at her. "Your true north."
"Find Riley?" Buffy asked, shaking her head. "But I have no idea where
he is. The military won't tell me anything. Believe me, I've tried."
"Honey, to find your true north...you just need to go a
little...south."
"South?"
"South," the Host
repeated, finishing his drink. "I'll give you a hint and you'll have to find
your way from there. Hard wood. You need to go deep into the hard wood."
"Hard wood? Why do I have a feeling this is some sick perverted joke?"
Buffy asked skeptically. "Did Xander tell you to tell me this?"
"Hard wood sweetie. Go south and deep into the hard wood and there
you'll find your Riley Finn. I wouldn't waste any time not believing me if I
were you. Time is a-wasting," the Host said, getting up from the table.
"Wait-"
"Sorry sweetie. Curtain's down. Show's over. Just
remember what I said and you'll find him."
"Thanks," Buffy said
dejectedly.
"Hey," the Host said, smiling down at her. "Chin up.
You'll figure it out."
"You know that?" she asked, looking up at
him.
"No. But I tell you what- I believe it. You take that Xander
with you and I think you'll find him. Have a good night," the Host said, moving
past Buffy and towards the bar.
She stood up a little shakily and
motioned Xander over. "We're going," she said when he reached her.
"Where?"
"South."
To Be Continued...
