TITLE

TITLE: Finding Me (6/10)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Buffy and Xander, on a tip from the Host, go on a quest to find Riley.
FEEDBACK: I do the Dance of Joy upon receipt of feedback, so yes please!
DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon (aka Genius) and Mutant Enemy own all.
DISTRIBUTION: At my site (http://www.ourowndestiny.com), and all the usual suspects. All others, please ask first.
DEDICATION: To Moe and Jen'fr. Just 'cause.
NOTE: The title is a song by Vertical Horizon.



As the streets whipped by outside her window, Buffy couldn't help but feel nervous. By the look of the speedometer, Xander was going above the speed limit, but Buffy still felt as if they wouldn't get to Riley in time.

Her dream bothered her more than she would like to admit. She had problems sitting still, or maintaining a non-Riley thought for longer than a minute or two. All that seemed important right now was finding him, and helping him. Everything else would have to be pushed to the back of her brain for her to deal with later.

"Xander," Buffy said, her voice agitated as she tapped nervously on the dashboard of his car. "Can't you go any faster?"

Xander sighed. "Buff, we're not going to be much good to Riley if we're laid up in the hospital with concussions."

"I know," she said, pulling her hair back into a ponytail and fastening it with an elastic band. "It's just-"

"You're worried," Xander finished. "I know. I mean, I understand that. But we need to worry about ourselves too. We can't be driving 100 miles per hour to get somewhere we're not even sure we're going yet, you know?"

Buffy nodded. "I'm sorry Xander. I just keep hearing him calling out to me in my head. I didn't get to the helicopter in time to stop him from leaving, and I don't really feel like continuing my tradition of really sucky timing. Not when his life is on the line."

"OK," Xander said, "I'll make you a deal."

"A deal?" Buffy asked, raising her eyebrows at her friend. "What kind of deal?"

"The kind where you let us stop for dinner, and I go an extra 5-10 miles per hour," Xander said, pointing to a sign at the side of the road. "There's a diner coming up in two miles. I'm starved. You game?"

Buffy lowered her hand to her stomach, feeling the rumblings underneath. They had been driving for 8 hours straight since the morning, and neither had eaten breakfast or lunch. Dinner was sounding like a very good idea. "OK," Buffy agreed. "Just a quick one tho."

"I doubt that's going to be a problem." Xander started to slow down as he veered the car onto the exit ramp. "I think as soon as they put the plate in front of me, it's going to be in my stomach about a minute later. I'm *that* hungry."

"I'm sorry Xander," Buffy said again. "We should have had lunch or at least picked up some snacks at the gas station."

"Hey," Xander said, patting Buffy's leg for a moment. "I want to find him too. I don't want anything to happen to him either."

"You two were good friends," Buffy said, nodding. "You were better to him than I was."

"That's not true," Xander said, smiling. "We very rarely snuggled."

Buffy laughed, and for the first time that day, she felt alright. She felt like maybe things would be OK. "How do you do it, Xander?"

"Do what?"

"Make me feel better like that. You always do."

"Oh," Xander said, grinning as he turned into the parking lot. "A magician never reveals his secrets."

"OK then," Buffy said, staring at the diner in front of them. "Well, this place looks...fun."

"Fun?" Xander said, smiling. "I think the word you were looking for is 'dive'. But they serve food, and that's all that matters to me right about now."

"I hear ya," Buffy said, unbuckling her seat belt and opening the car door. "My stomach was about to jump out of my body and get its own food if I didn't eat soon."

"Yeah well, mine threatened to eat my large intestines for sustenance," Xander said, grinning as he got out and shut the door behind him. "So do we know where we are?"

"Please don't tell me we're lost," Buffy said, her heart starting to race.

"No," Xander said, walking over to her. "I mean, we're following Route 10 all the way, so it's not like we're off on some beaten path where we have to worry about the Blair Witch or squealing like a pig, you know? I'm just not sure what city we're in."

Buffy looked up at the diner and smiled. "Tucson, Arizona."

"Ah," Xander said, following her stare and noticing the sign which read "Tucson Diner."

"Well," she said, walking towards the front entrance. "If nothing else, this diner is better than a map."

"So we're good on money, right?" Xander asked as he held the door open for her. "I mean, I'm kind of low but I got the impression you're not?"

"We're good," Buffy answered, walking inside and heading over to a booth. She didn't feel comfortable telling Xander than Angel had given her some money, so she hoped he would let the subject drop.

"OK," Xander said, sitting across from her. "I just wanted to make sure we're good for the five course meal I'm about to order."

The waitress came over and smiled at them. "Hey there folks," she said, placing two menus in front of them. "Y'all from out of town?"

"Yeah," Buffy said, opening the menu and looking up at her. "We're from California."

"Ah. Whereabouts?" the waitress asked. "I'm an expert on tourist attractions."

"Sunnydale," Xander said, smiling up at her. "Home of the famous Boca Del Infierno."

"Mouth of hell?" the waitress asked, giving them a strange look.

"Ah," Xander said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "You weren't supposed to be know that. Cause you know, I was kidding."

"Ah," the waitress said, shrugging. "Well anyway. Y'all can look your menus over and I'll be back in a jiff to take your order."

Buffy laughed as the waitress walked away. "Smooth Xand," she said, flipping the page of the menu and trying to find something suitable to eat. "Do you know what you want?" she asked, after a minute.

"Yeah, I have it all planned," Xander answered, motioning over the waitress. "You?"

"Yeah," she said, closing the menu. She watched as the waitress, whose name she now made out from her nametag as "Maybelline" walked over to the two of them.

"Y'all ready?" she asked, smiling as she took the pen from her pocket and poised it over the pad. "What can I getcha?"

"Um," Buffy said, fiddling with the corners of the menu, "I'll have a turkey burger with extra tomatoes, a side order of fries, and a Diet Coke please."

"Good choice," Maybelline said, smiling as she jotted it all down. "And how about you?" she asked, looking to Xander.

"I'll take a double cheeseburger, medium well with extra cheese, an order of fries, a large chocolate shake and a large root beer," Xander said, handing the menu back to her.

"Sure got one hell of an appetite on ya," Maybelline said, winking at Xander. "I'll put these right in. Kinda dead in here today, so it'll be up soon."

"Thanks," Buffy said, grinning at Xander as she walked away. "OK, number one she is totally flirting with you, and number two, you know you're going to have to doggy bag half of that, right?"

"Au contraire, mon cherie," Xander said, smiling at her. "You underestimate the depths of my hunger."

"I guess so," Buffy said. She turned to stare out the window at the cars passing by on the expressway. Night was falling, and Buffy always started to feel that itch inside her to get out and do something. Only here, Buffy wouldn't know where to start.

"Why the long face?" Xander asked, smiling at Maybelline as she placed their sodas in front of them. "Wishing you got the Diet Pepsi, aren't you?" he jokingly asked.

She took a deep breath and turned back to Xander. "I think we should go home."

"What?" Xander asked, surprised by her comment. "Why?"

"Xander, come on. Let's face facts. We have no idea where we're going, we're using money I borrowed from Angel, and there are probably vamps and demons partying it up back home while I'm away. It's selfish to go off looking for him," she said, sighing. "I just have to accept that I've lost him."

"What about your dreams?" Xander asked, frowning at his friend.

"I couldn't save him anyway," she answered, taking a sip of her soda and trying to bite back the sadness and anger that came with that statement. "I just think- I don't know," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Maybe we should just give up."

"Buffy," Xander started, trying to, for once, plan what he was going to say before he said it. "You're scared. I know you are. There's so many chances that this can go wrong."

"OK, if this is your talk to make me change my mind, may I say you suck at it?" she said, smiling a little.

"Anyway," he said, fiddling with his straw. "So maybe there's this chance that you won't save him, or that he'll turn you away, and that's scary as hell, I know. But Buffy- there's also this chance that you'll find him and things will go right. Isn't that what The Host said? That you two belong together?"

"I guess," she admitted, folding her arms. "It's just-"

"Buffy," he said, cutting her off. "Listen. I'm not going to let you back out of this. This is your chance for happiness, and you've earned it. And you know what? I'm going to make sure that, for once, you get it."

"Aw, that's sure sweet," Maybelline said, cutting Buffy off before she could say anything. "Sure got yourself a mighty fine boyfriend here," she said, placing their food down in front of them.

"Oh," Buffy said, smiling. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Ah," Maybelline said, winking again at Xander. "Now is that a fact?"

"Thanks," Xander said, struggling not to laugh. He picked up a French fry and plopped it into his mouth. Another two or three soon followed.

After the waitress left, Buffy stared at Xander, not even touching her own food.

"What?" Xander asked, looking at her. "I told you I was hungry."

"It's not that," Buffy said, smiling. "I kinda love you, you know?"

"I know," Xander said, the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile. "Now eat," he ordered, grinning as he took a large bite from his cheeseburger.

Buffy picked up her turkey burger and took a small bite from the side. They sat in silence, chewing and swallowing and listening to the heated conversation at the next table.

"So I told Maria that if he ever cheated on her again, I'd drive over him with my car," the woman said, her voice angry.

"Well, the amount of chiquitas Daniel's been seen with, I'm surprised he doesn't have tire marks on his back already," the man said, laughing.

"It's not funny, Juan," the woman said. "Maria's really hurting. That pendejo is just one step away from a bad accident."

Buffy chuckled, whispering to Xander, "And you thought we had problems." He laughed, and she ate another french fry. "What's a pendejo anyway?"

"Pendejo?" Xander repeated. "Wait. I know this. I took Spanish, right? I mean, I either slept through it half the time or stared at Senora Vasquez's sweater, but I should know this, right?"

"You should," Buffy said. "I, on the other hand, took French, so will not feel bad that I don't know this."

"I'm thinking- penguin? Or possibly cheese."

"It means 'dick'," the woman said, turning around. "This one's funny," she said, pointing at Xander. "Penguin," she repeated, laughing. " I shouldn't make fun of you tho- don't think they taught 'pendejo' in Spanish class."

"Oh," Buffy said, smiling sheepishly. "We didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"It's OK," the woman said. "The more people who know what a pendejo Daniel is, the better."

"OK," Buffy said, tapping her forehead. "Got it all marked down in here. Daniel equals big pendejo."

"Good," the woman said, turning back in her seat and picking up her conversation, this time entirely in Spanish.

Xander laughed at Buffy, whose face had turned an interesting shade of red. "You know, if it wasn't for Anya, I'd think of moving here. I'm a big chick magnet," he said, swallowing the last of his burger.

"Yeah well, I think your Spanish is a little too rusty for this part of town. You wouldn't know what anything-"

Buffy stopped suddenly and looked past Xander.

"What's the frequency Buffy?" he asked, snapping his fingers. "You're having a thought."

"Xander- what if 'hard wood' means something in another language? I mean, down South there's so many Spanish names and places."

"Maybe," Xander said, nodding.

Maybelline came over and took their plates from them. "My, I can't believe you ate all that," she said, smiling. "Guess a growing boy needs a lot to keep him happy."

"Uh- yeah," Xander said, starting to grow uncomfortable with Maybelline's affections. He turned back to Buffy. "Ask them," he said.

"You think?"

"What would it hurt?"

"OK," Buffy said, turning around and tapping the woman behind her on the shoulder. "Hi," she said, waving nervously. "I was hoping you could help my friend and here with a riddle. Do you have a moment?"

The woman looked Buffy over and shrugged. "Sure. What's up?"

"Well," Buffy started, "We were wondering if you could tell us how to say 'hard wood' in Spanish."

"Hard wood?" the woman asked. "What are you- planning on taking a Latin lover or something?"

Xander couldn't help but laugh. "No," he said, "we're just trying to fill out a crossword puzzle."

"Ah," she said. "It's 'palo duro'."

"Palo duro?" Buffy asked, and the woman nodded in assent. "Thanks," she said, turning back to Xander. "That mean anything to you?"

"Not a thing," he said as Maybelline stepped over to refill his Coke.

"That's like that Palo Duro Canyon in Texas," she said, placing the bill down in front of Xander. "Went there on my first honeymoon with Earl. Five months later, the sonofabitch just up and left me."

Xander's face lit up, and he turned to Buffy and smiled. "Bingo."

To Be Continued....