TITLE

TITLE: Finding Me (7/10)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Buffy, on a tip from The Host, goes on a quest with Xander to find
Riley.
SPOILERS: General Season 5, except in this 'verse, Buffy defeats Glory and
doesn't die.
FEEDBACK: I do the Dance of Joy upon receipt of feedback.
DISTRIBUTION: At my site, http://www.ourowndestiny.com and all the usual
suspects. If you want it, just ask.
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.
DEDICATION: To Moe - who makes me feel almost as special as she is.



"I love you," Buffy said, turning to Xander. "And I know I've made a lot of
mistakes in the past. I was really blind for a long time, and I don't know
what to say that will make that better."

Xander nodded. "OK, that works," he said. "But you might want to *try* to
find something to say that will make it better, because this has to be good,
Buffy. I mean, you're asking him to give up his career for you. Again."

Buffy sighed, fanning herself with the piece of paper she had folded into a
makeshift cooling device an hour before. "I know," she said, taking a deep
breath. "It's just- is there anything I *can* say? I mean, Hallmark doesn't
exactly make cards for 'Gee, I'm sorry I was a stupid idiot and let you run
off and join a military operation that hunts demons in which you can be
killed any day, and if anything happens to you, it's all my fault'."

"Actually, I think I saw one of those in a catalog," Xander said, smirking.

"Very funny," Buffy said, shifting in her seat nervously. "I just don't know
what to say."

Xander turned into the next lane to pass a station wagon they had been stuck
behind for the last 10 minutes. As he pulled his car back into the correct
lane, he shrugged. "Listen. You want my advice?"

"As long as it's more profound than 'plastics'," Buffy said, smiling. She
looked at Xander, who looked back at her, not understanding. She laughed.
"Dustin Hoffman. 'The Graduate'. Everyone told him to get into plastics?"

"Huh?" Xander asked, flicking on his headlights as the sky began to darken.
"This is a movie?"

"God Xander," Buffy said, laughing. "You really need to watch something that
doesn't star Pauly Shore."

"Hey!" Xander said, defensively. "I took Anya to see 'Dude, Where's My Car?'
a few weeks ago."

"I'm just going to try to forget you said that." Buffy laughed, putting her
fan down as the night air started to cool. "Anyway, you had advice?"

"I did," Xander said, nodding. He sat there for a minute before he spoke
again, Buffy looking at him anxiously. "I'm just trying to remember what it
was."

"Tease," Buffy admonished him lightly. "We were talking about Riley,
remember? Those magical words I'm going to say to make him come back to me?"

"Oh yeah," Xander said, nodding. "That's pretty much my advice, just the
opposite of it."

"The opposite?"

"Yeah. I don't think there are magic words. I don't think you can come up
with anything that's going to fix it all."

"OK Xander, I was actually looking for helpful advice, not the type that
makes me want to turn this car around," Buffy said, sinking down in her seat,
starting to feel the familiar tinges of hopelessness start to cross the
barrier she had put up when they started this trip.

"I wasn't finished," Xander said, grinning. "What I was going to say was- I
think when you're there, and you're in front of him- you'll know. You can't
plan everything. It's kind of like slaying, right? You don't sit at home and
think, 'I'm gonna do a back flip kick into a high punch tonight' right?"

"Wow. That would so throw me off balance," Buffy said, imagining it in her
head.

"What I meant is- you just get there, and you do what you have to do. It just
comes naturally."

"I guess," Buffy said, shrugging. "I just- a part of me," she started, and
then stopped. "OK, make that most of me thinks that he's not going to take me
back. I mean, I messed up so much."

"Yeah. Maybe," Xander admitted. "But hey- remember what the Host said?"

"That we're meant to be together," Buffy repeated, nodding. "I know, but-"

"No buts," Xander said, shaking his head. "There will be no buts in this car
except for the ones we're sitting on."

"Thank you Xander," Buffy said, smiling.

"It's what I'm here for," Xander said, steering the car into the next lane.
"So look," he said, eyeing the sky as the sun disappeared beneath the
horizon. "We have at least another day of driving ahead of us. We've got
three ham and cheese sandwiches in the backseat, and I'm feeling pretty
awake. So I'm just gonna drive through the night, and maybe we can try you
driving for an hour or two tomorrow? I mean, if you think you can without
driving us into a telephone pole."

Buffy swallowed hard, starting to fidget nervously. "Driving. Sure. I can do
that. I mean, I drove that armored car when I was in Faith's body, and I only
hit the one mailbox."

"Wow. Not the vote of confidence I was looking for," Xander said, grinning.
"But you're sure? I don't want to wake up with the steering wheel wrapped
around my neck."

"You're going to need sleep," Buffy said, shrugging. "And I want to get there
as soon as I can. So if I can help, I will."

"OK," Xander agreed. "But if you're having any doubts-"

"Xander, I'm having about 351 doubts. They're just all jumbled into one now,
so I can't really tell you if one of them is about driving."

"OK, well just let me know if you change your mind. We can always pull over
to the side of the road for a few hours to catch some sleep."

"And in those few hours, something could happen to him. I can't take that
chance, Xander."

Xander nodded. "OK. Just get some rest now so you're ready for tomorrow."

Buffy grabbed her jacket from the backseat and folded it into a pillow,
pressing it against the window. "Yes Sir," she said, smiling as she closed
her eyes. "Wish me prophecy-less dreams."

"Sweet dreams," Xander said, and a minute later, Buffy was asleep.

++++

Riley looked up at the sky, eyeing the stars he had guided himself by for the
last two weeks. In this stretch of the canyon, it was just him and Graham
every night, patrolling for the group of demons that had taken out a party of
tourists a month before. The unit held its base of operations about a half a
mile up under the shade, privacy and protection of an overhanging piece of
rock.

There, at least thirty more men like Riley converged, studying the species
and trying to find a way to defeat them. From the one he and Graham had been
able to capture a few days before, the scientists had concurred that the
demon was stronger than most, deadlier than most and especially hard to kill.
Their hides were as strong as stone, and their claws as sharp as knives.

Riley had never met a more difficult opponent and it had taken the two of
them an hour to take down the one they had. He wasn't exactly looking
forward to meeting up with them again. But as he moved past the familiar
path he traveled each night, Graham at his side, he knew it wouldn't be long
before they did just that.

"What do you think?" Riley asked, looking over at his friend who held his
tazer gun in a similar position to Riley's. "One more sweep?"

Graham nodded. "Yeah. Got a bad feeling we're about to run into trouble."

"You too, huh?" Riley sighed, tightening his grip on his gun. "I don't hear
anything, but..."

"Yeah," Graham agreed. "There's something about to happen. Get your weapon
ready," he said, moving his own into position.

The two of them stepped more slowly around the bend, blind to what lay behind
it. They held their breaths, listening for any sign of movement, but hearing
none. But the hairs standing at attention on the back of both of their necks
told a different story. "Graham," Riley whispered, his voice barely audible
despite the fact that they were a mere few feet away from each other. "Let's
take 'em down."

Graham nodded, and as they turned around the bend, neither was surprised to
find two of the demons laying in wait for them. Riley quickly fired his
weapon and, just like the last time, the demon moved with skillful ease and
precision out of the path of the fire. "Damnit," Riley muttered, moving
quickly to another position and keeping an eye out for Graham, who had done
the same.

"Take it easy," Graham said to Riley. "Just like last time, Ri- wear 'em
down." Graham moved carefully, his head lowered just a bit as he edged
closer to the two demons who eyed them as nothing more than pure fodder.

"I got it," Riley said, shooting his gun again and cursing in frustration as
once more, the demon moved out of the line of fire.

Graham looked over at Riley, who was visibly growing more agitated by the
moment. "Cool down, Finn," Graham ordered. He dropped to the ground, quickly
rolling over and shooting up at the demon. It was caught by surprise and
wasn't able to dodge the blow. "Gotcha," Graham said, getting to his feet
and watching Riley walk closer to the other one.

"Back down," he said, running over to Riley to pull him back. But the other
demon, infuriated by his fallen mate, slashed out at Riley, its inches-long
claws digging into his stomach.

Riley recoiled back, his hands clutching his stomach, his eyes growing large
as he noticed the blood pouring out. "Damnit," he said, his voice weak as he
looked back at Graham.

"Shit," Graham said, his own voice shaking as he raised his weapon and shot
the other demon which had begun to charge towards the wounded shoulder. When
he saw it fall to the ground, he rushed over to Riley, catching him before he
fell to the ground. "Finn," Graham said, shaking his friend. "Stay with me
Riley."

Graham quickly maneuvered out of his jacket, bunching it together and
pressing it against Riley's stomach. Riley groaned as the two of them fell to
the ground.

"Just keep that there," Graham said. "Hold it tight against the wound."

"Graham," Riley sputtered, his face taut with pain. "Buffy-"

"It's alright," Graham said, "Just hold it tight." He shakily grabbed his
cell phone from his pocket and dialed base camp. The few rings that it took
before anyone picked up felt like the longest. "This is Agent Miller. Agent
Finn is down, requesting medical attention ASAP," Graham said, checking his
watch. "We're at position C-42."

He waited for the confirmation before hanging up the phone and looking down
at Riley. "You're not going anywhere, Finn," Graham said, grabbing his
friend's hand and squeezing it tight.

But Riley didn't respond, and his hand stayed limp. "Finn?" Graham asked.
Still no answer. "Riley???"

To Be Continued.....