TITLE: Finding Me (10/10)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Buffy, on a tip from The Host, goes on a quest with Xander to find Riley.
FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback.
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all. I own just my immense respect for the man.
DEDICATION: To any and all who gave me feedback on this series. You have no idea how much it means to me. Truly.
NOTE: The title is from a Vertical Horizon song.
Riley stared up at Buffy, not believing. She didn't just ask him that, he thought. It was an impossibility. Maybe if the stars aligned this way, and the planets another... No, he decided. He definitely hadn't heard her ask that.
"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "What did you say? Cause it sounded like you asked me to-"
"Marry me," she said again, her eyes imploring. "Riley, you heard me."
Riley's eyes grew wide. "Buffy," he said, mulling his words over carefully. "You don't mean that."
"I don't?" Buffy asked, her heart beating fast inside her chest. "I usually say what I mean, Riley. You know that. And you know, the more I say it, the more I like the sound of it. Marry me, Riley." She smiled, taking his hand. "Marry me."
"You're insane," he said, laughing.
"Certifiable," she admitted. "But I'm serious."
"You don't have to do this, Buffy," Riley said. "When I said I needed something concrete- I didn't mean...I didn't mean *that*"
Buffy nodded, looking down at their hands. She let go of his, standing up again. The proposal had seemingly come out of nowhere. She hadn't planned it, or even considered it before this moment. She thought back on what Xander had told her in the car- that when she got here- to this place, to this moment- she would know what to say. But she didn't know. Her heart had spoken for her.
"Riley," she said, moving to sit on the side of the bed and crossing her legs. "A lot has happened since you left," she said, looking down at her hands. "My mom," she said, and the words seemed almost caught in her throat. "My mom died," she finished, raising her head to look up at him.
"Buffy," he said, her words shocking him. He had known that Joyce was sick, but when he left- everything had been alright. She was out of the woods, or so they had said. "God, I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you," he said, reaching for her hand.
She shrugged it away. "Riley, that's not what I'm saying," she said, sighing. She looked up at the ceiling, as if the answer to all of life's puzzles were written there. She was silent for another minute; spending that time trying to control the tears that threatened to resurface. She looked down at him again; searching his eyes and finding the comfort she had always taken from him without him knowing.
"The thing is," she began again, "I've been the slayer since I was 15. Every night, I patrol. I fight, and I win. I was so used to that. If there was an evil to be fought, I'd go out there and kick its ass. I never thought-" She looked down, sighing again. "I never thought there would be something that I couldn't fight.
"I came home," she said, still looking down. "I came home and I found her. She was just lying on the couch- so still. I- I tried to help. I called the ambulance, and I tried CPR, but nothing worked. I couldn't do anything to help her," she said, and, at the thought, the tears finally came.
Riley reached over, lifting her chin and wiping her tears away with his thumb. He didn't say anything; he knew there was nothing he could say to make things better. He knew what Buffy meant because he felt the same thing at that moment- helpless. It wasn't a good thing to feel.
"The thing is," she said, smiling weakly at him. "I was scared. I was so scared that I couldn't control anything ever again. I couldn't stop you from leaving, and I couldn't bring my mom back. And I wanted both so much," she said, sighing. "So much."
"I'm sorry," Riley said, taking her hand and squeezing it. "I never knew that you cared so much for me, Buffy. I thought-" He sighed, shaking his head. "I just didn't know."
"I know," she said, nodding. "I wish that I could have made you feel it."
Riley sighed, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on Buffy's forehead. "I do now," he said, resting his own forehead against hers for a moment. "I'll come back with you, Buffy. That's all you had to say."
At Riley's touch, everything seemed to fade away and she was back in that place she had missed so very badly. But his words brought her back to reality, and she shook her head, pulling back from him. "Riley, no," she said. "That's not- that's not why I told you that."
Riley looked at Buffy, confused. "Wow, it feels like old times," he said, grinning slyly. "Forever a mystery to me, Buffy Summers."
Buffy couldn't help but smile at his words, her shoulders shaking as she allowed herself to laugh. "Riley," she said, collecting herself. "The reason that I told you all that is this- My mom dying taught me something. Not something original, granted- but it taught me something that I needed to realize."
"What's that?" "Life is short," she said, taking a deep breath. "And mine- even shorter. I have this gig, and I've been out there every night since I was 15 putting my life on the line and I don't know when I go out there- I don't know if I'll ever come back."
"Buffy, don't talk like that," Riley said, shifting uncomfortably. "Riley, I have to," she said, and her lack of emotion put Riley off for a moment. "It's a part of who I am. I can't deny it, or ignore it because it's not pleasant. My life is short. And I can't waste the time I have on being an idiot."
Riley grinned. "You're not an idiot."
"I let you go," Buffy said, shrugging. "I'm a simpering moron." She smiled. "So when I ask you to marry me," Buffy said, smiling, "I mean it. I want it all, Riley Finn- and I think you're just the guy to give it to me."
Riley smiled, and he raised his hand to the side of Buffy's face, caressing it softly.
"So if you're going to agree to come home with me, do it because I love you. Do it because I want you," she said, raising her hand to rest against his. "Do it because I *need* you."
Riley took a deep breath, feeling everything that had been missing inside him for the last seven months finally return. Buffy was within his grasp, and he was never going to let her go again. "I love you, Buffy," he said, leaning in to softly press his lips against hers, feeling drunk at the very touch. "I'll come home with you."
Buffy relaxed into his kiss, her hand moving to rest against his shoulder as she pulled him to her tenderly.
"Careful," Riley said, wincing a bit. "Still the human shishkebob."
"Sorry," she said, grinning sheepishly. "I just can't help myself." She brushed the hairs back from his forehead and smile. "So," she said, her voice shaking. "What about the other part?"
"The other part?" Riley asked, confused.
"The marriage proposal," Buffy whispered, smiling. "Don't tell me you forgot already. Or are you waiting for me to get down on one knee?"
"You're really serious?" he asked. "You want to be Mrs. Buffy Finn?"
"Hey, it's a feminist's world. I think you should be Mr. Riley Summers," she said, giggling. "And yes, I am serious. Marry me."
Riley laughed, pulling her in for another kiss. "I never was able to say no to such a pretty lady," he said, moving his lips to her forehead. "Of course. Just promise me one thing," he said, looking at her seriously.
"Anything," she said, tracing her finger along his jawline.
"Just promise me to never hide yourself, or your pain from me again," Riley said, his eyes staring into hers. "I've always loved every part of you, Buffy. Nothing's going to change that."
"I promise you," Buffy said, sighing. "If my back hurts, I'll tell you. If the latest Kodak commercial makes me cry, you'll be the first to know." She smiled. "We'll make this work. I swear to you."
"That's all I ask," he said, leaning in to kiss her again. "Now I have a request," Buffy said, her voice soft as their faces were only inches away.
"Yes?" he asked, unable to stop himself from kissing her again.
She broke away from the kiss reluctantly and looked to him. "Can we just lie here? Together?"
Riley sighed, pulling her close to him, any pain from his wound overshadowed by how good it felt to hold her again. "Of course," he said, laying down on the bed and pulling her close to him.
She rested her head on his chest and draped her arm carefully across his torso. "I missed this," she said after a moment, her voice so quiet.
He smiled, kissing the top of her head and closing his eyes. "I missed you."
+++
"So," Graham said, looking back at the infirmary. "Think things are going well in there?"
Xander smiled, following Graham's gaze. "If I know my Buffy, I'd say so," he said. "In fact, I bet we have some time. Feel like a ham and cheese sandwich? I think I have an extra in the car."
"Ham and cheese? Sitting out in the Texas sun all day?" Graham asked, his eyebrow raised. "I'll pass."
"Yeah," Xander said, nodding. "Maybe we can just sit here. I'm sure they won't be long."
They both stared at the tent for another minute, nothing happening or moving.
"So," Xander said, looking back to Graham. "Got a board game?"
THE END
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Buffy, on a tip from The Host, goes on a quest with Xander to find Riley.
FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback.
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all. I own just my immense respect for the man.
DEDICATION: To any and all who gave me feedback on this series. You have no idea how much it means to me. Truly.
NOTE: The title is from a Vertical Horizon song.
Riley stared up at Buffy, not believing. She didn't just ask him that, he thought. It was an impossibility. Maybe if the stars aligned this way, and the planets another... No, he decided. He definitely hadn't heard her ask that.
"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "What did you say? Cause it sounded like you asked me to-"
"Marry me," she said again, her eyes imploring. "Riley, you heard me."
Riley's eyes grew wide. "Buffy," he said, mulling his words over carefully. "You don't mean that."
"I don't?" Buffy asked, her heart beating fast inside her chest. "I usually say what I mean, Riley. You know that. And you know, the more I say it, the more I like the sound of it. Marry me, Riley." She smiled, taking his hand. "Marry me."
"You're insane," he said, laughing.
"Certifiable," she admitted. "But I'm serious."
"You don't have to do this, Buffy," Riley said. "When I said I needed something concrete- I didn't mean...I didn't mean *that*"
Buffy nodded, looking down at their hands. She let go of his, standing up again. The proposal had seemingly come out of nowhere. She hadn't planned it, or even considered it before this moment. She thought back on what Xander had told her in the car- that when she got here- to this place, to this moment- she would know what to say. But she didn't know. Her heart had spoken for her.
"Riley," she said, moving to sit on the side of the bed and crossing her legs. "A lot has happened since you left," she said, looking down at her hands. "My mom," she said, and the words seemed almost caught in her throat. "My mom died," she finished, raising her head to look up at him.
"Buffy," he said, her words shocking him. He had known that Joyce was sick, but when he left- everything had been alright. She was out of the woods, or so they had said. "God, I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you," he said, reaching for her hand.
She shrugged it away. "Riley, that's not what I'm saying," she said, sighing. She looked up at the ceiling, as if the answer to all of life's puzzles were written there. She was silent for another minute; spending that time trying to control the tears that threatened to resurface. She looked down at him again; searching his eyes and finding the comfort she had always taken from him without him knowing.
"The thing is," she began again, "I've been the slayer since I was 15. Every night, I patrol. I fight, and I win. I was so used to that. If there was an evil to be fought, I'd go out there and kick its ass. I never thought-" She looked down, sighing again. "I never thought there would be something that I couldn't fight.
"I came home," she said, still looking down. "I came home and I found her. She was just lying on the couch- so still. I- I tried to help. I called the ambulance, and I tried CPR, but nothing worked. I couldn't do anything to help her," she said, and, at the thought, the tears finally came.
Riley reached over, lifting her chin and wiping her tears away with his thumb. He didn't say anything; he knew there was nothing he could say to make things better. He knew what Buffy meant because he felt the same thing at that moment- helpless. It wasn't a good thing to feel.
"The thing is," she said, smiling weakly at him. "I was scared. I was so scared that I couldn't control anything ever again. I couldn't stop you from leaving, and I couldn't bring my mom back. And I wanted both so much," she said, sighing. "So much."
"I'm sorry," Riley said, taking her hand and squeezing it. "I never knew that you cared so much for me, Buffy. I thought-" He sighed, shaking his head. "I just didn't know."
"I know," she said, nodding. "I wish that I could have made you feel it."
Riley sighed, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on Buffy's forehead. "I do now," he said, resting his own forehead against hers for a moment. "I'll come back with you, Buffy. That's all you had to say."
At Riley's touch, everything seemed to fade away and she was back in that place she had missed so very badly. But his words brought her back to reality, and she shook her head, pulling back from him. "Riley, no," she said. "That's not- that's not why I told you that."
Riley looked at Buffy, confused. "Wow, it feels like old times," he said, grinning slyly. "Forever a mystery to me, Buffy Summers."
Buffy couldn't help but smile at his words, her shoulders shaking as she allowed herself to laugh. "Riley," she said, collecting herself. "The reason that I told you all that is this- My mom dying taught me something. Not something original, granted- but it taught me something that I needed to realize."
"What's that?" "Life is short," she said, taking a deep breath. "And mine- even shorter. I have this gig, and I've been out there every night since I was 15 putting my life on the line and I don't know when I go out there- I don't know if I'll ever come back."
"Buffy, don't talk like that," Riley said, shifting uncomfortably. "Riley, I have to," she said, and her lack of emotion put Riley off for a moment. "It's a part of who I am. I can't deny it, or ignore it because it's not pleasant. My life is short. And I can't waste the time I have on being an idiot."
Riley grinned. "You're not an idiot."
"I let you go," Buffy said, shrugging. "I'm a simpering moron." She smiled. "So when I ask you to marry me," Buffy said, smiling, "I mean it. I want it all, Riley Finn- and I think you're just the guy to give it to me."
Riley smiled, and he raised his hand to the side of Buffy's face, caressing it softly.
"So if you're going to agree to come home with me, do it because I love you. Do it because I want you," she said, raising her hand to rest against his. "Do it because I *need* you."
Riley took a deep breath, feeling everything that had been missing inside him for the last seven months finally return. Buffy was within his grasp, and he was never going to let her go again. "I love you, Buffy," he said, leaning in to softly press his lips against hers, feeling drunk at the very touch. "I'll come home with you."
Buffy relaxed into his kiss, her hand moving to rest against his shoulder as she pulled him to her tenderly.
"Careful," Riley said, wincing a bit. "Still the human shishkebob."
"Sorry," she said, grinning sheepishly. "I just can't help myself." She brushed the hairs back from his forehead and smile. "So," she said, her voice shaking. "What about the other part?"
"The other part?" Riley asked, confused.
"The marriage proposal," Buffy whispered, smiling. "Don't tell me you forgot already. Or are you waiting for me to get down on one knee?"
"You're really serious?" he asked. "You want to be Mrs. Buffy Finn?"
"Hey, it's a feminist's world. I think you should be Mr. Riley Summers," she said, giggling. "And yes, I am serious. Marry me."
Riley laughed, pulling her in for another kiss. "I never was able to say no to such a pretty lady," he said, moving his lips to her forehead. "Of course. Just promise me one thing," he said, looking at her seriously.
"Anything," she said, tracing her finger along his jawline.
"Just promise me to never hide yourself, or your pain from me again," Riley said, his eyes staring into hers. "I've always loved every part of you, Buffy. Nothing's going to change that."
"I promise you," Buffy said, sighing. "If my back hurts, I'll tell you. If the latest Kodak commercial makes me cry, you'll be the first to know." She smiled. "We'll make this work. I swear to you."
"That's all I ask," he said, leaning in to kiss her again. "Now I have a request," Buffy said, her voice soft as their faces were only inches away.
"Yes?" he asked, unable to stop himself from kissing her again.
She broke away from the kiss reluctantly and looked to him. "Can we just lie here? Together?"
Riley sighed, pulling her close to him, any pain from his wound overshadowed by how good it felt to hold her again. "Of course," he said, laying down on the bed and pulling her close to him.
She rested her head on his chest and draped her arm carefully across his torso. "I missed this," she said after a moment, her voice so quiet.
He smiled, kissing the top of her head and closing his eyes. "I missed you."
+++
"So," Graham said, looking back at the infirmary. "Think things are going well in there?"
Xander smiled, following Graham's gaze. "If I know my Buffy, I'd say so," he said. "In fact, I bet we have some time. Feel like a ham and cheese sandwich? I think I have an extra in the car."
"Ham and cheese? Sitting out in the Texas sun all day?" Graham asked, his eyebrow raised. "I'll pass."
"Yeah," Xander said, nodding. "Maybe we can just sit here. I'm sure they won't be long."
They both stared at the tent for another minute, nothing happening or moving.
"So," Xander said, looking back to Graham. "Got a board game?"
THE END
