Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, got it? Good.

A/N: I cut off the cast by some... Just felt like it. Characters will be OOC, especially Jay and all them so I can make this appropriate for Harry Potter fans of *all* ages!

~Chapter 1~
*Survivor theme song plays then pans off to the host Jeff Probst*

Jeff: Hello, and welcome to Survivor. I'm sure after 4 shows you know what the deal is. But, once again we are in the South Pacific, on yet another island. This time instead of 16 strangers coming together, we have 8 people on each tribe that actually know each other, yet they don't know the people on the other tribe. Well, lets introduce everyone. On the Gawdblessamerica tribe we have:

Jay
Silent Bob *Jeff gives a funny look, Bob narrows his eyes at him. Jeff goes on*
Bethany
Bartleby
Loki
Rufus
Serendipity
And Metatron

*Jeff mumbles to himself...* Where do all these people come from? What kind of name is Bartleby or Metatron? *He remembers that he's being taped so he goes on*

Jeff: All of the people on that tribe came from Redbank, New Jersey to be here. They are made up of angels, a dead apostle, two prophets, and the last scion? *Jeff gives another weird look* Oh well... On the Englandrocks tribe we have:

Harry Potter
Hermione Granger
Ron Weasley
Draco Malfoy
Minerva McGonagall
Albus Dumbledore
Hagrid ?
And Severus Snape

*Jeff mumbles to himself again...* Now those names are better! *He looks back at the camera.* That tribe is made up of witches and wizards. *Jeff gulps* So survivors are you ready?

*There are yells of yeah and all of that from the crowed*

Jeff: Here are maps to your campsites. *Jeff hands one to Severus and one to Metatron* Good luck!

*Nobody moves and Jeff gets anxious*

Jeff: You can go now, please!

*All the survivors head off towards there campsites*

*The camera follows the Gawdblessamerica tribe*

Jay: This blows. When are going to get some water?

Metatron: In time Jay. Why don't you just drink some seawater? I'm sure it wouldn't affect you of all people.

Jay: Are you crazy man? I heard that stuff makes your mind go nuts or something like that. * Silent Bob nods*

Serendipity: Duh, what did you think Metatron meant by saying it wouldn't affect you?

Jay: I'm not crazy. The only crazy person here is Bartleby.

Bartleby: Hey! I took a year of anger management classes just to make all that anger go away, and you go back and insult me? *He begins to cry and runs to Loki*

Jay: *cough*queer*cough*

Bartleby: All right buddy, BRING IT ON! *Bartleby tries to go and beat Jay up but Loki holds him back, a nd Silent Bob holds Jay back*

*Camera now follows the Englandrocks tribe*

Draco: I want to go home, this is no place for high-class people like me to be!

Harry: Ah shut up, Malfoy. You wouldn't know what survival was if it came an bit you on the--
All: HARRY!

Harry: Sor-ry...

Hermione: I say when we get to the site we use our magic skills o build us a shelter. We're going to have to be better equipped, no pun intended, then that other tribe if we want to survive in this place!

*Everyone nods*

Ron: Wait a second that rock looks awfully familiar. I think we are going in circles.

Severus: I've been reading the map right the whole time, Weasley. Another comment like that and I'll take away one thousand points from Gryffindor in advance.

*Ron just shrugs* Maybe the map is wrong, Professor.

Severus: Wrong? Why would they give us a map that is incorrect?

Albus: Something foul is afoot...

Harry: Yeah and he's hiding behind that bush. *Harry points to a bush not far away where Jeff is hiding laughing his booty off*

Draco: I say we beat him up and steal the real map.

Minerva: Now Mr. Malfoy there is no use for violence here. Just go ask her politely for the map.

*Draco rolls his eyes. And goes to ask Jeff for the map, but instead he sees a sign with their tribe name on it.*

Draco: Hey guys! It's over here!

*They all run to the site*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Okay now tell me what you think. Any suggestions, a comment even critiques. Flames are appreciated!