Disclaimer: They're not mine?!?! What do you mean they're not mine? NOOOOOOOooooo.........!



AN: Today, we embark on the tale of Relena the Prophet vs. Heero the suitor. Eeeheeheehee.



Chapter Three: Heero's trouble with Religion



19 years ago

A baby! Oh, how very happy Jochebed and Amram were to see they're new daughter Relena. They would have loved her and cared for her and always watched over her if they could have. If they could have. The cruel king of their people had ordered that in order to keep the population down, every child not of noble birth, would be drowned for the next three years.

Jochebed looked down on her lovely daughter and said, "She will not die. She must not die. I will give her away, so that she will be safe."

Through their tears, Jochebed and Amram made a small boat and sent Relena down the river, praying all the while, that she would be safe.

~*~*~*~*~



Present Day

Heero found Miliardo's 'age-old-traditions' stupid. He had no idea why anyone in their right minds would base their entire future on the direction in which a tree fell. The poor guy was so busy talking to himself that he didn't realize he had made it to his destination. He was in Egypt. As his quest required he went to the palace to request an audience with the Princess Relena.

Unfortunately, the poor misinformed prince was then laughed out of town. Apparently, to his disappointment, he learned that Relena had left Egypt and now lived somewhere in the desert. Heero sighed heavily and started the hot, dry, journey into the desert.

He really didn't walk that long, but felt like ages. Eventually, in the distance, he saw a small house and determined that it must be Relena's home. He practically collapsed on the porch in relief, he was so happy to be in the shade and not in the bright, hot sun.

"Is anyone here?" he called out when he reached the porch of the little hut.

"Just a minute," came the reply in a singsong voice. His heart raced in anticipation. He would finally meet her face to face. The woman he would marry was about to come out that door. The hinge creaked as the door was pushed open and out stepped a woman. A woman that was definitely not Relena.

"Hello. May I help you?"

"I . . . uh . . . well . . . you, see . . . May I speak to Relena?"

"Oh. Well. Relena lives in that hut over there. You see it? It's the one with the chickens in front. Yeah. Don't worry lots of people make the same mistake."

Her reply fell on deaf ears seeing as how he raced for the next hut. Sighing dejectedly, Dorothy retreated back inside.

"Relena! Relena, come outside!"

"I'm in the back come around."

As Heero rounded the corner, he saw her staring up at the hill peculiarly. "What is it, Relena?"

"There seems to be a fire on the hill. I'd better go put it out." she picked up a jug of water that just happened to be at her feet and went up the hill side.

Carefully, Relena climbed the hill and found the fire. She hefted up the water and was about to pour it when a voice from out of nowhere said, "Relena. Take off your shoes and put down your water for this is holy ground."

Relena quickly obeyed the command.

"You have been chosen to lead my people from Egypt and to take them to the land flowing with milk and honey. Now take your staff and go. Save my people from tyranny."

"Yes, my lord." With that Relena ran down the hill.

"Relena, are you okay?" Heero asked her when she reached the bottom.

"Oh, I'm fine. Now what did you need?"

Heero got down on one knee and held open a box. "Relena, will you marry me?"

Relena was so distracted with what she had been told to do, she responded, "Yes, of course. Now come on, I'll walk you part of the way home. I have some business in Egypt, you see."

So, Relena walked with Heero part of the way to his home and he walked the rest of the way by himself after being politely dismissed his fiancé, saying that some things were best done by oneself.



~*~*~*~*~

Technically, one brother actually came home with shouts of joy. The other three, well, they had an expression that showed they were thinking about their promised ones. Wufei was off in his own little world. Trowa, well, no one really knew where Trowa was, and Heero was walking around expressionless as usual. In fact, it was quite peaceful in the Sank Kingdom mansion without Duo.

The quite day without Duo turned to night, then to morning and then to night again. It had been two days and there was still no sign of Duo. If Heero was worried, he didn't show it. However, the day Heero arrived home, he found his diary under Duo's bed. Heero waited three days of for Duo to arrive home. When he did, Lets just say Heero had found that he was tired of waiting.

By the time Duo had sufficiently healed from his welcome home attack, a week had passed and Miliardo decided it was time for his sons to visit their future wives again. To make a long story short, he gave his sons instructions and sent them on their way.

This time, Quatre and Heero walked across the desert together. Quatre went up to the first house and Heero continued on to the second one. It was deserted. Heero stood in the cabin in silence as a feeling of dread crept up his spine. Then he turned and ran.

By the time Heero arrived in Egypt, the place was buzzing. People were leaving the city from everywhere. All the Israelites were escaping from the cruel and evil pharaoh. And Relena was leading the pack. She stood in front of all the people and led them away from Egypt with her ever present speaker, Sylvia Noventa.

"Relena, what the hell is going on?" Heero shouted.

"I'm saving my people. We must hurry, before the Pharaoh changes his mind and demands we come back."

"Relena-"

"Not now Heero," She interrupted exasperated, "I'm busy.'

"Look Relena, I just need a loaf of bread and I'll leave you alone" He told her as they trekked along, coming nearer to the Red Sea. Wait a minute. The Red Sea? Relena was leading all the Israelites right into the Red Sea!

"Relena, are you off your rocker? Your leading thousands of people into the SEA!!!"

"Just trust me, Heero. I know what I'm doing."

With that, she lifted her arms and the began to part! A huge wind came up and the waves rose and fell until there was a growing dry path crossing the Red Sea. Sylvia rushed to Relena, placing her hands under her arms. For at least an hour they stood with Relena's graceful hands stretched upward toward the heavens. Then Relena collapsed onto Sylvia. "Tell the people to cross before the waves fall back."

As the people started crossing Relena turned to Heero and asked him, "Now what did you need, darling?"

"Well," he responded carefully, " I need a loaf of bread."

"Bread. You came all the way out here for a loaf of bread." *sigh* "Look Heero, see that woman down there? The one with the bag on her back. Go ask her for bread."

Heero smiled. "Thank you Relena." As he started down the hill he realized that every woman walking had a pack on her back. He spun around looking for Relena, but she was already gone. Damn.

After walking for at least an hour, Heero came across a legion of Egyptian soldiers. Two of them rode up to him in their carriage and stopped in front of him, effectively blocking his path.

"You, there. Have you seen the entire of the Pharos slaves walking around here somewhere?"

Heero warily eyed the two soldiers before him. He held a certain respect for soldiers, yet he had bigger fish to fry and wouldn't let these men and their army get in his way. Then he smirked. Maybe these men would trade him information for a loaf of bread. Maybe they would get rid of all those people following Relena so he could have her to himself. Maybe he could kill two birds with one stone . . . in one throw too!

"Maybe," he replied. "How much is it worth to you?"

The men grinned at each other. The one who had spoken in the first place said, "A barrel of the Pharos finest wine."

"Not good enough."

Eyes narrowing, the second man offered, "A fully trained war horse."

"Nope."

The men frowned. "What will it cost us," the first man asked.

"A loaf of bread"



~*~*~*~*~



When Duo arrived home, Noin suggested they commence with the "loaf examination". Miliardo lifted the loaves one by one and finally pronounced the girls fit for his sons.

"Ahem. Heero," Miliardo started, "A loaf of oat says that one is true to their feelings and honest."

"So they gave me an oat loaf," Heero said thoughtfully.

"They who?" Noin asked advancing on Heero like a cat on a mouse.

He face-faulted. "Relena of course . . . heehee. . . hee . . . hee . . ."

Meanwhile Miliardo had finished with the bread judging and wanted to go eat dinner.

"You forgot Duo." Heero reminded Miliardo diffidently.

"Oh, of course! I can't believe I forgot the princesses loaf of bread."

"Your sarcasms not needed here, dad," Duo replied hotly.

"Well Duo? Where is your fiancé's bread?"Quatre asked.

Heero went into the dining room, tuning them out. He ate without tasting the food in his mouth, thinking of Relena. And all the weird people following her around. He was going to write about it in his diary but he didn't want Duo to find it again. Besides, it was missing again. Wait a minute, his diary was missing again?

"DUO!"



~*~*~*~*~



A week later they were kicked out of the house by a distraught Noin. In their battles, Wufei and Duo had destroyed her priceless vase handed down to her through the generations. Oops.

The boys mission? Get a sample of cloth made by their brides. All Heero could think was how the hell am I gonna find her now?

When he reached the Red Sea where he had last seen Relena, he stopped. Something was wrong. The army he had run into on his way home before lay dead, washed up on the shore of the Sea. Moving on, he found an old paddle boat with a broken oar. Shrugging his shoulders, he picked up the oar, pushed the boat into the water, jumped in, and sank. Walking from the cold water to the shore, Heero looked across the Sea. He was at a narrow part and he could almost see the other side. Glancing to the sun to judge the time, Heero splashed back into the water and swam.

By the time he reached the other side, Heero was freezing. He set out at a brisk pace to get his blood flowing. It was after noon by the time he caught up with Relena and her trailing thousands. He sighed to himself. I guess the soldiers weren't successful in getting rid of the Israelites.

"Relena," he said, falling into step beside her. "I need some cloth."

Relena looked at him like his cheese had slid off his cracker.

"Why?" she asked.

"It's for mother."

"Your mother is rich. Tell me again why she needs cloth from me."

"It's for the test."

"What test? Look Heero, I don't have time for this people are approaching."

Relena and Sylvia walked out towards them and held out their hands. "We are a peaceful people wishing only to pass through this desert." Sylvia called, "Leave us in peace and we will travel through without difficulty."

The leader of the strange group also came forwards. "We are the Amalekites," He shouted forcefully, "This is our desert and the oases in the distance also belongs to us. Be gone from this place by sunrise or we will attack!" He shouted these last words and the huge regiment behind him yelled in response to his encouraging shout. With that, only a hundred yards away, they settled down to watch as the Israelites left.

Relena was lost. She had no way of getting thousands of people out of this region by sunup. She turned to Heero and buried her face in his chest.

"What will I do now Heero?" she moaned.

Once again opportunity was knocking on his door . . . or it went something like that.

"Relena, I can help you get the people off this region by nightfall."

That evening, when all the Israelites were safe from harm, Relena held up her end of the bargain and cut Heero a piece of her home made shirt.



~*~*~*~*~



Four young men had just completed the Noin exam when Duo got home. In fact, Noin had been about to tell them about each cloth and what it meant when Duo walked in the door.

"Heero," Noin said handing him the sample, "Cotton shows strength and flexibility. Quatre, calico displays a love for family. Trowa, Denim reveals that your bride realizes arduous work can be as good for one as it can be bad. Wufei," Noin also rose an eyebrow when she came to Wufei, "Lace," she went on, "shows ones appreciation for the finer things that life has to give." Noin stopped for a moment as Duo handed her the walnut.

Everyone cracked up. Even Trowa. But the laughing paused when Noin opened the walnut and gasped. She held the most delicately woven handkerchief any of them had ever seen. Wufei became jealous immediately and claimed that Hildi must have stolen it from a princess.

"Nope," Duo replied grinning, "Hildi is a princess."

Heero chortled and moved on. It didn't matter to him if Duo's bride was a princess. He was the oldest and an heir to the Sank Kingdom throne. Either way his wife would be a princess too.



~*~*~*~*~



It was soon time for Heero to bring Relena to meet his parents. The final test, was the measure of her beauty. Inside and out. Now that he knew the path, and he had swam across the Red Sea twice, Heero had no problem finding the Amalakites territory. He walked beyond that and came to a mountainous area. Something had destroyed the ground and there was a giant golden calf lying deep in one of the huge crevices. Edging around these huge holes in the ground, Heero continued on his way and found Relena and her people.

As they stood on a mountain top overlooking the promised land, they watched the Israelites set up their homes and settle down. Permanently. Relena sighed and turned to Heero.

"I have no place to go. I was told not to go to the promised land. I'm not allowed. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Heero gazed into her eyes. "Do you really believe that you have no lace to go, Relena? Do you really think that I wouldn't marry you, after all this time?"

"I . . . You . . . Are you asking me to marry you?"

"Relena, I already asked you. You're wearing the ring on your finger now."

Relena's eyes widened as she looked down and saw the beautiful ring blinking on her finger.

"Oh, Heero. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Of course I'll marry you!"

Heero blinked. She had already said yes. Shaking his head in confusion, he decided it was just something women did. Sweeping her off her feet, Heero carried her to the Red Sea and made a raft to pull her on as he swam the sea for the fourth (and last) time.

While Heero swam, Relena hesitantly asked him, "Heero, wouldn't your parents require me to pass certain tests in order to be your bride?"

Heero peeked over his shoulder to look at her for a moment. "That's why I wanted the bread and the cloth. But don't worry about it now. It's been taken care of."

"They must think I'm an awful urchin sending you no bread at all and just a scrap of a cotton shirt."

"Not at all. They approve heartily."

"What's the last test. There are usually three."

"You'll see"



~*~*~*~*~



Upon arriving back at the Sank Kingdom Relena was sent to meet Miliardo and Noin. The four couples found that preparation for their weddings was completed very quickly. All they had to do was to pick out a dress. It was not until later that the girls found their husbands had wanted to a rush through their weddings to avoid a very strange brother from ruining a good time. Poor Duo.

Later, on the way to their honeymoon, Relena remembered the conversation they had while crossing the sea.

"What was the third test?" Relena asked.

"Beauty. You passed."





Fin



A/N: That ending sucked. I haven't written a chapter in so long I've forgotten how. Hey, I have an idea! Who wants to be my beta reader? Anyone? Save me from myself and be my beta reader! I'm desperate. I'll take anything I can get. Please with pink and green sugar! Please with a cherry on top? For the love of God (literally) PLEASE!!!