"Thalia, I'm home baby." I call, placing my briefcase on the floor.
"Daddy!" Thalia runs towrds me, I pick her up and spinn her around.
"Hey Shane." Steph says from the doorway. I return my daughter onto the floor.
"Hey sis " I smile at her, my sister has been fantastic since, Thalia's birth. I wouldn't have been able to do anything without her help.
"How's Titan, Daddy?" my baby asks.
"It's been fine, baby." I look at her and my smile fades. Everytime I look at her I see Kara. I sit down with her on the couch, there's a dull pain in my chest. It was caused by my huge mistake, killing her mother. Thalia curls up next to me and rests her head against my chest, I stroke her long dark hair. She smiles at me.
"Daddy, tell me about Mommy," she says picking up a photogarph of Kara and I.
"Your mommy was beautiful, just like you. She was funny and smart and perfect. I loved her very much and she's up there right now waching you."
Stephy called Thalia into the kitchen to help her. I went upstairs and changed into jeans and a t shirt. I went back downstairs and watched my sister and daughter talk.
"Aunt Stephy, you're real pretty, was mommy as pretty as you?"
"Sweetie, your mother was really pretty, just like you."
"But, what happened to mommy?" That question had been asked before, but every time she asked I feared that she knew the truth.
"Honey, she died in a car crash. You know that."
"But, Chris said that my mommy killed herself." I sat bolt upright. My baby knew, I'd have to tell her.
"Thalia, come here honey." I pick her up and sit her on my knee. "Your mommy.... Baby ya see this?" I hold up my shirt and point at my scar from the shooting. She nods. "I was shot in the hallway here," her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes grew wide. "I thought your momma did it. I don't know why and I've regretted what I did ever since. She went to prison for a long time, she did kill herself." I admitted.
My child was crying, she jumped off my lap and ran off shouting : "You lied, I hate you."
"What have I done wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing, she's eight Shane, she was gonna find out sooner or later. I'll talk to her."
"Thanks Stephy, I'll finish dinner." I get up and finish off the food. I never wanted her to find out how I screwed up. I'm older now, I don't forgive myself. I can't forgive myself. I'm 39 and still single. Stephy tries to get me with people, but I can't respond. I can't find love, if I do.... it'd happen again. I sigh. Stephy re-appears.
"Sorry, she won't leave her room. I tried." I sit back down and let her take over.
"I'm pushing her away, I'm going to kill her like I killed her mother." I shout, rage has taken over and I throw a glass.
"Shane, calm down, she won't go anywhere, she's just shocked. Anyway, I'm going home, don't worry." I look at my sister, she looks huge. I wonder if Kara looked like that when she was pregnant.
"Yeah, go home to Drew, make sure he looks after you, I know these wrestler types." she smiles at me and leaves. I turn off the food and head upstairs.
"Daddy!" Thalia runs towrds me, I pick her up and spinn her around.
"Hey Shane." Steph says from the doorway. I return my daughter onto the floor.
"Hey sis " I smile at her, my sister has been fantastic since, Thalia's birth. I wouldn't have been able to do anything without her help.
"How's Titan, Daddy?" my baby asks.
"It's been fine, baby." I look at her and my smile fades. Everytime I look at her I see Kara. I sit down with her on the couch, there's a dull pain in my chest. It was caused by my huge mistake, killing her mother. Thalia curls up next to me and rests her head against my chest, I stroke her long dark hair. She smiles at me.
"Daddy, tell me about Mommy," she says picking up a photogarph of Kara and I.
"Your mommy was beautiful, just like you. She was funny and smart and perfect. I loved her very much and she's up there right now waching you."
Stephy called Thalia into the kitchen to help her. I went upstairs and changed into jeans and a t shirt. I went back downstairs and watched my sister and daughter talk.
"Aunt Stephy, you're real pretty, was mommy as pretty as you?"
"Sweetie, your mother was really pretty, just like you."
"But, what happened to mommy?" That question had been asked before, but every time she asked I feared that she knew the truth.
"Honey, she died in a car crash. You know that."
"But, Chris said that my mommy killed herself." I sat bolt upright. My baby knew, I'd have to tell her.
"Thalia, come here honey." I pick her up and sit her on my knee. "Your mommy.... Baby ya see this?" I hold up my shirt and point at my scar from the shooting. She nods. "I was shot in the hallway here," her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes grew wide. "I thought your momma did it. I don't know why and I've regretted what I did ever since. She went to prison for a long time, she did kill herself." I admitted.
My child was crying, she jumped off my lap and ran off shouting : "You lied, I hate you."
"What have I done wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing, she's eight Shane, she was gonna find out sooner or later. I'll talk to her."
"Thanks Stephy, I'll finish dinner." I get up and finish off the food. I never wanted her to find out how I screwed up. I'm older now, I don't forgive myself. I can't forgive myself. I'm 39 and still single. Stephy tries to get me with people, but I can't respond. I can't find love, if I do.... it'd happen again. I sigh. Stephy re-appears.
"Sorry, she won't leave her room. I tried." I sit back down and let her take over.
"I'm pushing her away, I'm going to kill her like I killed her mother." I shout, rage has taken over and I throw a glass.
"Shane, calm down, she won't go anywhere, she's just shocked. Anyway, I'm going home, don't worry." I look at my sister, she looks huge. I wonder if Kara looked like that when she was pregnant.
"Yeah, go home to Drew, make sure he looks after you, I know these wrestler types." she smiles at me and leaves. I turn off the food and head upstairs.
