Title: Outside
Author: Autumn
E-mail:eddievedderismylife@hotmail.com
Category: Series, Drama/Angst/Romance
Series: "Stained"
Author's Notes: This mini series, is the result of a) my personal
life going down the toilet, 2) listening to these two songs on repeat
far too often. This is my first post since my hiatus, I hope it
isn't completely terrible.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, and the song belongs to
Stained
Thanks too: You, you and you.
==================================================================
And you, bring me too my knees
Again all the times
I had to beg you please -in vain
All the time, that I felt insecure
Was for you, and I leave
My burdens at the door
I hate my life. I know what you're thinking, overreacting,
melodramatic teenager. Well, be that as it may, I truly hate my
life. It wasn't all roses and perfume or anything even before I got
my little gift. I grew up with an alcoholic father and an abusive
mother. In fact, it was my mutation that stopped the daily beatings.
I can't say it never proved itself useful.
After David recovered, I came home and found a duffel bag
packed for me. My mother handed me a wad of cash and told me to get
the fuck off of her property. So I did, and my eight-month long bad
streak ended in Laughlin City, Canada. That's where I met Logan, and
my life had a bright spot for the longest time, or so I thought.
I'm on the outside,
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
Logan was the first person I ever met that I connected with.
It sounds lame to say we had this mega cosmic bond of some sort, but
that's exactly what it is, or was. I know what he's thinking, true I
have him in my head, but I knew what he was thinking even before he
was in my head. He's like me, more so than he wants to think.
The reason he left, coupled with the convenient excuse to go
searching for his past is that he is terrified of me. I know why he
says or behaves the way he does. I know he fantasizes about Jean,
and I know he is in love with me. He'll never admit it too anyone,
but that's just how it is.
Logan left me because he can't deal with the fact that I know
him better than anyone else on this planet. He's petrified at that
thought, and so he ran. That's what he does when he gets scared, he
runs. Judging from what I know of him, Logan's going to be running
for a very long time. And I'm still here, all alone, just like
always. Some things never change.
All the times that I felt
Like this won't end
Was for you
And I taste what I could never have
It's from you
All the times that I've tried
My intentions full of pride
But I waste more time than anyone
I got a postcard from him a week ago. It said, "Hey kid,
sorry to bail on you like that. I'll be back.-Logan" It wasn't so
much the content, but the fact that he had written at all that made
me absolutely ecstatic. Logan has an avoidant personality, and the
gesture of sending anything to me meant a great deal.
Jean, was pissed off by the fact Logan sent the card to me,
and not her. I heard her whining about it to Scott. "It's terrible
the way he plays with her emotions Scott. We both know, he felt far
more for me than he did for her. He's such a jerk to be toying with a
kid that way!"
I really don't know why Scott puts up with her. He could
have Ororo instead. She's a wonderful person, and the only one who
seems to understand the connection between Logan and myself. She's a
little wary of it, because Logan is so much older that me, but she at
least accepts it for what it is, an unbreakable force. The only real
stability I have in this world. I love Ororo, because she, unlike
all the others here gets that, and she doesn't try and convince me
that Logan's feelings are all in my head.
I'm on the outside,
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
When Logan comes back, the first thing I'm going to have to
do is have a nice long shat with him about his misconceptions. For
the first time in his life, he's letting other people influence what
he thinks and feels. Because of the Ice Bitch (a.k.a. Jean) Logan
believes that his feelings towards me are sick and wrong. I know he
feels dirty for having sex dreams about me. He of course, doesn't
think I know what I do, but when he comes home he's in for a lot of
surprises.
All the times that
I've cried, all this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel all this
Pain stuffed it down
Its back again and
I lie, here in bed
All alone, I can't mend
-but I feel
Tomorrow will be O.K.
Back to this whole hating life thing. The only really good
thing in my life is Logan. Sure Xavier's is nice and all, but they
expect certain things from you. Things I don't want to give them,
like joining the team. Though they haven't said it yet, I know that
they expect me to join in their crusade. They feel that I `owe' it
too them, at least that's how Jean sees it. She told me that "after
everything they've done for me, I better start training harder and
show some gratitude." She's such a cunt; I really don't know what
Scott sees in her. Or Logan for that matter.
When Logan gets back, it will only be for a little while.
He'll get restless and want to leave, and he will. Only next time
I'm going with him, and it will be forever. Maybe he doesn't realize
what he feels yet, or see that its' right, but one day he will, and
we can finally be free, to live, to laugh, and to love.
I'm on the outside,
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
Author: Autumn
E-mail:eddievedderismylife@hotmail.com
Category: Series, Drama/Angst/Romance
Series: "Stained"
Author's Notes: This mini series, is the result of a) my personal
life going down the toilet, 2) listening to these two songs on repeat
far too often. This is my first post since my hiatus, I hope it
isn't completely terrible.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, and the song belongs to
Stained
Thanks too: You, you and you.
==================================================================
And you, bring me too my knees
Again all the times
I had to beg you please -in vain
All the time, that I felt insecure
Was for you, and I leave
My burdens at the door
I hate my life. I know what you're thinking, overreacting,
melodramatic teenager. Well, be that as it may, I truly hate my
life. It wasn't all roses and perfume or anything even before I got
my little gift. I grew up with an alcoholic father and an abusive
mother. In fact, it was my mutation that stopped the daily beatings.
I can't say it never proved itself useful.
After David recovered, I came home and found a duffel bag
packed for me. My mother handed me a wad of cash and told me to get
the fuck off of her property. So I did, and my eight-month long bad
streak ended in Laughlin City, Canada. That's where I met Logan, and
my life had a bright spot for the longest time, or so I thought.
I'm on the outside,
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
Logan was the first person I ever met that I connected with.
It sounds lame to say we had this mega cosmic bond of some sort, but
that's exactly what it is, or was. I know what he's thinking, true I
have him in my head, but I knew what he was thinking even before he
was in my head. He's like me, more so than he wants to think.
The reason he left, coupled with the convenient excuse to go
searching for his past is that he is terrified of me. I know why he
says or behaves the way he does. I know he fantasizes about Jean,
and I know he is in love with me. He'll never admit it too anyone,
but that's just how it is.
Logan left me because he can't deal with the fact that I know
him better than anyone else on this planet. He's petrified at that
thought, and so he ran. That's what he does when he gets scared, he
runs. Judging from what I know of him, Logan's going to be running
for a very long time. And I'm still here, all alone, just like
always. Some things never change.
All the times that I felt
Like this won't end
Was for you
And I taste what I could never have
It's from you
All the times that I've tried
My intentions full of pride
But I waste more time than anyone
I got a postcard from him a week ago. It said, "Hey kid,
sorry to bail on you like that. I'll be back.-Logan" It wasn't so
much the content, but the fact that he had written at all that made
me absolutely ecstatic. Logan has an avoidant personality, and the
gesture of sending anything to me meant a great deal.
Jean, was pissed off by the fact Logan sent the card to me,
and not her. I heard her whining about it to Scott. "It's terrible
the way he plays with her emotions Scott. We both know, he felt far
more for me than he did for her. He's such a jerk to be toying with a
kid that way!"
I really don't know why Scott puts up with her. He could
have Ororo instead. She's a wonderful person, and the only one who
seems to understand the connection between Logan and myself. She's a
little wary of it, because Logan is so much older that me, but she at
least accepts it for what it is, an unbreakable force. The only real
stability I have in this world. I love Ororo, because she, unlike
all the others here gets that, and she doesn't try and convince me
that Logan's feelings are all in my head.
I'm on the outside,
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
When Logan comes back, the first thing I'm going to have to
do is have a nice long shat with him about his misconceptions. For
the first time in his life, he's letting other people influence what
he thinks and feels. Because of the Ice Bitch (a.k.a. Jean) Logan
believes that his feelings towards me are sick and wrong. I know he
feels dirty for having sex dreams about me. He of course, doesn't
think I know what I do, but when he comes home he's in for a lot of
surprises.
All the times that
I've cried, all this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel all this
Pain stuffed it down
Its back again and
I lie, here in bed
All alone, I can't mend
-but I feel
Tomorrow will be O.K.
Back to this whole hating life thing. The only really good
thing in my life is Logan. Sure Xavier's is nice and all, but they
expect certain things from you. Things I don't want to give them,
like joining the team. Though they haven't said it yet, I know that
they expect me to join in their crusade. They feel that I `owe' it
too them, at least that's how Jean sees it. She told me that "after
everything they've done for me, I better start training harder and
show some gratitude." She's such a cunt; I really don't know what
Scott sees in her. Or Logan for that matter.
When Logan gets back, it will only be for a little while.
He'll get restless and want to leave, and he will. Only next time
I'm going with him, and it will be forever. Maybe he doesn't realize
what he feels yet, or see that its' right, but one day he will, and
we can finally be free, to live, to laugh, and to love.
I'm on the outside,
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
