A Remembrance by obi's girl
Summary: Starting after "The Gift", the gang decides to go their separate ways but promise to reunite on Buffy's anniversary to remember her. Told from Giles, grieving over Buffy.
Disclaimer: Is this really necessary? Okay. Everything buffy and Angel belong to Joss. So there!
Chapter 2: How to Move On Without You
Giles P.o.V
After everyone I had gone, I figured I'd come here and see if you approved. It's dark now. I can barely see your name on the stone but I know you're there, listening to me, hearing my words and pains. Pains. I know I should be proud of you for what you did, I am, but it still seems unreal.
It's hard. I know everytime I enter the Magic Box, I'll still feel you're there either talking to the gang, training in the back room or asking me for advice. I know, I never told you, we never talked about our feelings, but I think you deserve to know. I thought highly of you, Buffy. I...I even loved you.
I know there had been times between us. When the Council returned to Sunnydale, regarding Dawn's future and I stood up for you, saying that you didn't have to prove anything to them and they threatened to have me deported. I wanted to kill Quentin for saying that; I probably would have unleashed you on them. Then, later as we talked about the "Test" you told me you couldn't lose me. My heart nearly broke when you said that to me. I knew you cared but I didn't realize how much until you said that.
I can still see your smile and your angel eyes. In all honesty, you were just a girl, a lost girl. In the beginning I didn't really understand why you hated the Slaying. For most girls, it was a privilege and honor. But you. You saw it as a curse, something you couldn't escape. You were alone and scared, a little lost girl. Back then, I thought you were nothing more than a hyped 16-year-old girl that spoke a foreign language I couldn't understand. I understood most things you said, but the teenage lingo - one needs a dictionary to figure that out.
And your fascination with dating and boys. I said most Slayers never gave me this much trouble and a headache. From day one, I knew I was going to get a lot of gray hairs from having to deal with you. There was Owen, the poetry boy and your first crush at Sunnydale High. At that point, you weren't really interested in Angel. Your first date with Owen wasn't the most memorable but it made you realize something: No matter who you ended up with, you couldn't put him through what you would have to endure night after night for the rest of your life.
Then, there was Angel. I called him recently, to let him know about you. The first time you visited him in LA wasn't under the best circumstances. You came back here, lost and dazed. I didn't even to ask what happened. I knew. You fought. You told him how he had no right to come here and not tell you about his visit. A demon attacked, interrupting your meeting with Angel; he killed it and you left saying that nothing else needed to be said. You loved him your whole life and you let it be like that.
The second time, you heard Faith was hired by Wolfram & Heart, a law firm Angel opposed and you dashed off to help him. Only you weren't expecting to find her in his arms and it totally threw you. He told he did it make her confess and repent for all she had done. You didn't really believe it until you saw her in the police station giving a statement and everything became clear.
I can remember every single detail about our lives together. The times we fought, the times you hurt, the times I hurt you but no matter what happened, you never left me. And I, in turn, never left you. I stayed till the very end and now, that is exactly what I'm going to do. I can't leave you until I finish what you began. You've never given up before and I don't want to make a habit of it.
I love you, Buffy. I guess I always have. You were...my daughter. That is, if I had a daughter, it would be you. There is no question about that. Now you're gone, all I have are my memories of you and Dawn. Before coming over here, I proposed she stay with me. I knew she wouldn't be able to live at home. She lost Joyce there and since you're gone, it would be quiet and dark.
I really don't know what will happen to the house. I've contemplated selling it but even that doesn't seem right. At the funeral, some one from the Historical Society who knew of your life and your achievements offered to maintain it and dub it as a National Landmark. I laughed at the idea at first because I thought it was blasphemy but after some time, I said I'd think about it.
I came here to ask if you agree. Do you want to be honored like this? Be remembered like this? Should it be like this? Do you want people coming in your house, roaming down the halls you walked since you first came? I remember I've been there for a few times. I know how much you love it...mostly because she was there, your mother.
Ah, Joyce. You're probably reunited with her in Heaven. You may not even hear me because you're with her. I wouldn't blame you. You loved her very much and when she died, something died inside of you. You weren't the same. Now, you're gone, we'll never be the same.
I told everyone to move on with his or her lives. Willow initially disagreed because she felt if everyone returned to their lives, they would forget you. I won't. I'll never forget you. If I do, I'll remember to come back here and kneel here like I am, crying over your grave.
I feel broken without you. I feel I may not even be able to stand up and walk away when I have to. You were my strength as I'm sure, I was to you. My world is fading fast without you. All I feel is an everlasting darkness and guilt and a lost love, I will never tell you about, a love you will never know.
For Willow, Tera was her everything but you were mine and I was yours. I would have gladly taken your place if I could, but then again if I did this would probably be you crying instead of me, regretting all the things you never said. But there is no place for regret.
I will miss you always and love you always. But I know I must move on, I must live life remembering you as you were when I first met you till the day were gone from my life forever.
I reached up, lightly touching the stone with your engraved name:
Buffy Ann Summers
1981-2001
BELOVED SISTER
BELOVED FRIEND
She saved the World a lot
You did save the world, but still, I wander, how do I let you go?
TBC
