A Remembrance (CH3)
by obi's girl
Summary: Starting after "The Gift", the gang decides to go their separate ways but promise to reunite on Buffy's anniversary to remember her. Told from Angel's P.o.V, grieving over Buffy.
Disclaimer: Is this really necessary? Okay. Everything Buffy and Angel belong to Joss. So there!
Chapter 3: Getting Over You
When I received the message, I wasn't prepared. I don't think I was ever prepared. We had just arrived back from Punglea. Cordy went to her apartment to be alone; Gunn went to take a walk, passing his crib, eyeing the place and continued to walk. Wesley stopped by Virginia's to talk. I think maybe the realization that coming home was far off and impossible, he figured the least he could do was say sorry.
I'll have to tell them about you when they get back and I even though I have to, I feel I don't have the strength.
I never expected this Buffy. When I heard the message, Giles' voice was trembling, trying to keep himself from crying, like I was trying to do. He talked about the sacrifice and the "Key", Dawn, your sister. He said how proud he was of you for making such a sacrifice but I knew he was dying inside. I knew his pain; I felt it.
Giles paused momentarily, collecting his thoughts then continued. He said it would be best for the "Scoobies" to return to their lives and that he would continue your work. Guilt. He probably figured if he continued fighting, he could somehow still feel you were around. If that were me, I'd probably feel the same way.
Damn it, Buffy! Why? I know it's your duty to protect innocents but throwing yourself into an apocalypse? Giles said from his account, it was the bravest and courageous act he'd ever seen. But why? Why did you have to do that? I know you did it because of Dawn, because you wanted her to live, but what about today and tomorrow? How am I supposed to deal with this?
I love you. If I hadn't left, I would have spent my whole life with you, kept you safe. But I know, even if I did stay, it still would have happened. God, I wish I could have said good bye to you. I wish I could have held you in my arms one last time and tell you I loved you, so at least you would have known you mean something to me.
And the prophecy. Becoming human will be pointless if you're not there waiting for me. I mine as well die now, so we can be together forever.
Forever. That's how long you'll be gone. Forever, eternity... I'll never see you again except in my dreams. I'll feel your kiss, smell your golden hair and know, even though you're an illusion, at least I still have the memory. I'll always remember. I'll remember the way you walked, the way you looked when you were about to cry, the individual spirit that was yours. But getting over you? That will never happen. Getting over you means you're really gone.
I don't want that. I'm not ready for that. I don't think I'll ever be ready to accept...I love you, Buffy. I'll never let go of your memory. You made me realize I could be somebody, I could help people, I could have a future. I could have everything, only now I can't have you.
If this were what Hell really felt like, I would believe it. Forever, eternity... It still feels like Hell, my own personal Hell. I know it will take awhile until I finally see you again, finally feel your arms and your warmth, but until then, all I can do is wait.
Forever, eternity...
I will always remember and love you.
TBC
