ACT ONE
Jack had searched holiday after holiday, with no luck thus far.
Nearly two weeks before Jack's wife, Sally, along with her friends Blondie and Harlequino, had set out to see the famous Christmastown for themselves. But they never returned, nor, apparently, had they even made it to Christmastown. He had checked. Jack knew there was no way Sally and her friends would disappear like that unless something had happened. There were now only two holiday lands left to check, and if he didn't find them in either of those, he would have to check the real world next.
Slowly, he opened the heart shaped door and jumped in.
The world inside was every bit as strange to him as the other holidays had been. The dominant colors were shades of red, and there were lots of heart shaped things about. Jack frowned at how unrealistic they looked. But he continued through the town, looking for any signs that Sally was there or had been. The smell of roses and chocolate were almost overwhelming, and most of the town's denizens seemed to be winged people of some sort. Jack wandered through, looking for someone who could give him some information.
He soon found himself in front of a large building with a neon sign glowing in pink letters: LOVE HOTEL. Rose bushes and pomegranate trees surrounded the place. Jack could see a short, round-looking one of the winged people standing on a ladder in the garden, picking pomegranates. He approached him.
"Excuse me, sir," said Jack, "I'm looking for some friends of mine, and I was wondering if-"
"Let me guess," the cherub said "A ghost, a ragdoll and a monster."
"Yes! That's them! So you've seen them?"
"Yes, they are staying inside the hotel."
"Would you mind leading me to them?"
"I would."
"What?"
"I would mind. We need no more of your kind here in Valentineland. Plus I bet Eros would be very unhappy with me if I allowed just anyone to see the girls. "
"Eros?"
"Yes, he's the ruler of Valentineland. He lives on the top floor. And I suggest you get out of here before I find myself forced to call the giannizeros."
"Please! I only want to see my wife!"
"Which one is your wife?"
"Sally-the ragdoll."
"I wouldn't bother. Eros has his eye on her. In fact he's planning to take her to the Tunnel of Love any minute now."
"The Tunnel of Love?"
"It's a boat ride sort of thing, in a quiet, dark, private, romantic setting. I'm sure they won't want to be disturbed, if you know what I mean. Now I tell you for the last time-get out of here."
"Alright," said Jack. He turned and walked away, out of the cherubim's sight. He then hid behind one of the trees and waited for him to step away from the hotel gates. It took a few minutes, but finally the garden was clear. Jack was so happy he burst into song:
HIER SOLL ICH DICH DENN SEHEN
"Finally I have found the place
Where Sally, my joy, waits.
Heaven, grant me your sweet grace,
Help me through these gates-
I suffer from the pains of love all the time,
In return give me joy,
And lead me to her."
He then walked to the entrance, opened the decorative gates, and stepped in.
He found himself in the lobby. The interior of the building seemed to be done up in a Neo-Classical style, with lots of marble, statues, and pillars. But there were no people in sight. He called out. "Hello? Is anyone here? Sally?"
"Jack," he heard a familiar voice-though not Sally's-call out. "Is that you?"
"Harlequino?"
The harlequin demon stepped out from the hallway. "Jack! It is you! Oh, I'm so happy! I thought I recognized that voice!"
"Where's Sally and Blondie?"
"Blondie is doing as well as can be expected," he said, not quite answering Jack's question. "She's a ghost, so they don't have too much control over her. They did find a way to keep her from attacking though."
"How's that?"
"The counting trick. You know that obsession ghosts have with counting..."
"Of course. What about Sally?"
"I'm not sure about Sally. I only ever see brief glimpses of her. She's usually with Eros or the guards. Or Rudolph."
"Rudolph?"
"Short, pompous winged fellow..."
"That guy I met outside?"
"Most likely. I think he's after my Blondie..."
"And Eros is after Sally."
"We must get out of here," cried Harlequino. "Oh, Jack! They made me into a janitor! You wouldn't believe the things I have to clean up! There's whipped cream in all the sheets..."
Jack interrupted, "Do you know where Sally is being kept?"
"Yes," replied Harlequino, "She's on the 4th floor, in the Greek Room. It adjoins with Blondie's."
"Is she ever alone?"
"I don't know. They usually have watchmen nearby. "
"Hmm...okay. I have an idea."
Across the hotel, Eros frowned as he helped Sally off the small boat. The Tunnel of Love had not gone at all as he'd hoped. Halfway through the ride she burst into tears. "Sally," he said, "What's wrong? Tell me how I can help."
"I miss Jack. I miss my home."
"You must forget them! This is your home now. Ask for anything that is within my power to give, and you will have it."
"I want my freedom."
He wanted to avoid replying to that. "You've said that your husband is the ruler of your country?"
"Yes."
"Well, I rule here. If you were to marry me, you'd still be a queen. You could roam here freely, and do whatever you wish."
"I am Jack's queen, and no one else's!"
"Love rules this place! How could this not be preferable to your dark, death-obsessed home?"
"I feel comfortable there. I know people there. I know how things work there. And, as nice as you are, Eros, you are not like Jack."
"What does he do that impresses you so? I am the god of love! Anything he can do I can do just as well!"
Sally replied in song:
ACH ICH LIEBTE
"I was happy
And so in love.
I knew nothing of love's pain
Once I promised to him
That he would own my whole heart.
But how quick I was deprived of
That love which I did obtain!
My future looks quite grim,
And shall be till I depart.
"Please, Eros. Let me go home."
"I will not. But, you may return to your room in the hotel." Eros called to two vedettes, "Belmonte, Pedrillo, escort Sally to her room." He passed her to them, then gently kissed her hand. "I will see you later."
Sally followed the two large men up to her room.
Eros sighed slightly as he watched them leave. Then from behind he heard his named called.
"Eros! Eros! There's someone here to see you."
Eros turned to find Harlequino accompanied by a tall, severely undernourished man. He was not dressed in the Greek garb that was most common among those living in Valentineland, but rather covered almost completely in Turkish dress. He had on so many layers Eros couldn't even make out the man's face.
"Eros, this is Mr. Iskelet. He's an architect from far away. He's heard of the Love Hotel and wishes to see it, so he can create a replica in his home land."
"Fine, fine. Show him in, if Rudolph gives you any trouble tell him I said it was alright."
"Thank you, Eros."
"And remember to knock before you go into any of the rooms! I don't want to catch you in another situation like last time. "
"Trust me, Eros," said Harlequino, "I don't want to catch you in another situation like last time, either."
With that, Harlequino showed the tall man into to the hotel.
ACT TWO
"Get away from me you disgusting little freak!"
Rudolph ducked as Blondie used her poltergeist powers to cause random objects in the room to fly at him. A Grecian style vase smashed against the wall.
Rudolph stood up. He was having less luck with Blondie than Eros was with Sally.
They began to sing:
ICH GEHE DOCH RATE ICH DAR
RUDOLPH: I go, but I advise you
To avoid that awful Harlequin.
BLONDIE: It's none of your business
Whom I decide to spend my time with.
RUDOLPH: You're saying...
BLONDIE: Get out of here! Now!
RUDOLPH: You make me!
BLONDIE: Go! Leave me alone!
RUDOLPH: Okay, but promise that you won't go
Anywhere near Harlequino.
BLONDIE: Yeah right. I'm not listening to you!
I should go and see him right now.
RUDOLPH: I can't believe that in Halloween
All the women act as I've seen!
I hate to think how the men act
If this is what the girls are like!
BLONDIE: A heart that's been born in freedom
Can never be brought into slavery.
Even if my freedom has been lost,
I can still laugh at you, Rudolph.
Now leave me!
RUDOLPH: You're speaking to me.
BLONDIE: The same way!
RUDOLPH: Oh, let me hold you!
BLONDIE:[knocks him away] You pervert! Go, get out of here!
RUDOLPH: Who'd have thought you'd be such a bitch.
BLONDIE: [Ready to attack] You are not yet out of my sight.
I thought I just told you to go.
RUDOLPH: Alright then, I shall leave you now,
Out of fear that you'll beat me up.
And he left.
Meanwhile, Sally opened her door after hearing a knock, expecting it to be Blondie returning. But instead Eros entered her room, carrying his whip.
"Good evening, Sally," he said.
"Eros. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you..."
"Sally, I ask you once again, please grant me your love. Marry me! I can assure your happiness!"
"I cannot be happy here, with you, Eros."
"You think you will be happier in your own land? You haven't even given this place a sporting chance. All you do is whine about your husband back home."
"Away from him, I can never be happy!"
"Sally, I have been reasonable so far, and have been met only with unbending rigidness. You have no idea how hard it is for me to do this, but I will make you love me, one way or another! Perhaps this will shake you: If you do not grant me your love, all kinds of tortures wait for you."
"You think that is going to make me love you? You have to do better than that-
MARTERN ALLER ARTEN
Unabating tortures
May await me
But I only laugh at torment and pain!
None of them can shake me!
I would only tremble
If I could be unfaithful to him.
Be moved by pity, please spare me.
The heavens blessing will reward you.
But, if you're determined,
Willingly, I plan to
Welcome every pain and woe.
Order and command me!
Hurt me! Break me! Kill me!
Because I will be freed by death."
"You'd rather die," said Eros, "Than marry me?"
"Yes."
"Well," he said, "My offer stands firm. I give you till tomorrow to think about it. Think hard, Sally." With that he left, slamming the door behind him.
"Pst! Blondie!"
Blondie turned. More obstacles on her way back to her room. "Harlequino?"
"Yes!" He was trying to camouflage his rather wide body behind a pillar, with little success. "Come over here, quick!"
"Interesting I should meet you just now. Rudolph was just telling me to stay away from you."
"With good reason. Blondie, I have great news! Jack Skellington is here, in the hotel! He's come to save us."
Blondie's face brightened. "Really?"
"Yes! Tonight, I'm going to distract Rudolph and the guards, while he gets you out. Then, we'll all escape together."
Blondie kissed Harlequino, and began to sing.
WELCHE WONNE WELCHE LUST
"Such joy and such happiness
Now relieve me from my stress!
I could start to jump for joy
At the news of this little ploy!
And with laughter and amusement
I will forget all this torment.
Joy and happiness will reign!
"I must go tell Sally!"
"Yes, do that. I'll see you soon."
"Thank you Harlequino!"
Blondie gave him one last kiss before racing off to her room. Harlequino then set out to look for Rudolph. He found him in the usual place-in the lobby, keeping watch.
"Hey there, Rudolph. Heard about your encounter with Blondie earlier."
Rudolph slowly turned towards the harlequin demon. "Did you," he answered flatly.
"Yes, don't feel bad. Here..." Harlequino produced a bottle of champagne. "Would you like to join me for a drink?"
"What, did you cough up a phlegm globber in it?"
Harlequino looked surprised, "Why would I want to do a thing like that?"
"Come on, Harlequino. I know you hate me. One doesn't just suddenly offer drinks to a person who's been trying to pick up their woman."
"Blondie? My woman? Surely you jest! I've gotten no further with Blondie than you have."
"Really now?"
"Yes," answered Harlequino as he searched for some glasses "And I'm starting to wonder what on earth I was thinking."
Rudolph smiled. "Yeah, she is quite the Xanthippe, isn't she?"
"Zant-hippy?"
"Nevermind. Here, I know where there's some glasses."
Rudolph disappeared into a back room for a moment, then returned holding two champagne glasses, which Harlequino filled.
VIVAT BACCHUS
RUDOLPH: Dionysus, live forever!
He's the finest man I know!
HARLEQUINO: Venture to it! Drink up quickly!
Hesitation does no good!
RUDOLPH: A toast to Blondie, the little strumpet,
The one who drives us both insane!
HARLEQUINO: A toast to her, then!
Now drink up, drink up! Down it goes!
BOTH: We both love the lady,
That Blondie, that spirit,
She loves us not!
RUDOLPH: That tastes lovely!
HARLEQUINO: That tastes superb!
BOTH: Ah! That was a good champagne!
Dionysus, live forever!
The one who invented wine!
Harlequino was very keen to keep Rudolph's glass filled. They told stories about their encounters with Blondie, most of which were made up.
This would soon create problems.
In Harlequino's case, he had to make up more stories about Blondie rejecting him than had actually occurred. Rudolph, on the other hand, was bragging that he had gotten further with Blondie than Harlequino ever had. Some of the stories were a little too convincing for the harlequins taste.
"...And this one time, I took her on the Love Boat, and in exchange, when we got to the swan lake, she agreed to show me her Spiral Galaxy trick..."
Harlequin frowned. He knew that trick of hers all too well. But he was suddenly distracted by a movement he caught out of the corner of his eye. It was Jack, trying to cross to the other hallway. Harlequino would have to keep Rudolph's attention away from him.
"Really? Spiral Galaxy trick? Did she, uh, do it right there?"
"Oh, yes," said Rudolph, "Right there."
"Didn't anyone see you?"
"The only other people were Sally and Eros in the boat in front of us. And they were much too busy to pay any attention to us..."
Jack froze right there, trying to resist the urge to say something. Harlequino glared at him: keep moving! Jack raced off as swiftly and silently as he could while Harlequino refilled Rudolph's glass. Rudolph chugged it-this was his 8th glass, and he was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.
"I'm starting to feel a bit sleepy," he said, "Maybe I should go to bed..."
"Of course. Don't want you passing out right here. Or worse."
"Yeah-'cause you're the one who has to clean it up!"
This was followed by about 15 seconds of straight laughter.
"Come on, " said Harlequino, "I'll help you to your room..."
Meanwhile, Jack had just finished disguising himself in his architect costume again. He made his way up to the 4th floor, and looked for the room with guards in front of it. Harlequino had told him that the door to the left was Blondie's. So Jack approached the door, nodded to the guards next to him, and entered.
Luckily Blondie didn't seem to be in her room at the moment. Jack had been afraid that if he startled her she'd cause a commotion. As he no longer had that to worry about, he went to the attaching door, and used Harlequino's skeleton key to quietly unlock it.
Soon he entered Sally's room. He found her sitting by the window-she was expecting him. Jack removed the layers of scarves and hats covering his face as Sally, trying to keep as silent as possible, ran to him. They threw their arms around each other and were soon locked in one of the most remarkable kisses the two of them had ever achieved.
Finally they managed to pry themselves apart.
"I've missed you so much," cried Sally as she wrapped her arms around his thin body.
"I've missed you too."
"It's so horrible here, Jack! Eros won't leave me alone and he keeps putting crushed beetle shells in my food..."
"Don't worry, I'm going to get you out of here," He handed her a bundle of rope. "Tie this to something sturdy. As soon as Harlequino takes care of Rudolph, he'll go outside and wait for us. You'll climb down, followed by myself and Blondie, and then we'll all escape back to Halloween. If you hear Harlequino outside singing, that's the signal that the coast is clear."
Just then, Harlequino and Blondie entered the room.
"Speak of the devil," said Jack, "How's Rudolph?"
"Passed out almost as soon as I got him into his room. I just wanted to make sure everything was prepared before I go outside."
"We have to tie the rope..."
"Oh!" Sally looked around for a moment, then tied the rope to a pillar. "I think that'll hold it."
"Everything set then?" asked Harlequino.
"Looks like it..." said Jack.
"And you, Blondie, know how it works?"
"Yeah. Hell, if I wanted, I could just fly out the window right now. The only reason I didn't stay was I didn't want to leave Sally by herself, and I didn't want to leave you here either, Harlequino." She smiled sweetly at him.
"Everything is ready! We'll be free soon!" said Sally.
"Yes. But, um, Sally," Jack stammered "There's one thing that troubles me..."
"What is it?"
"Someone said...someone said...that you..."
"That reminds me," said Harlequino, "Blondie, have you been faithful to me here? Please tell me the whole truth."
"What?! That's the stupidest question-I should ask you the same thing!"
"But Rudolph..."
"What?! What has he been saying?" demanded Blondie.
"Will you please explain yourselves!" said Sally.
"He said..." Jack faltered
"That Rudolph guy..." Harlequino hesitated
"What?" demanded both girls.
"He said..."
"Yet Rudolph..."
"That you..."
"Rudolph said..."
"What did he say? Tell me!" screeched Blondie.
"Please explain yourselves," said Sally.
"I will," said Jack. "Please don't be angry if it was a just a rumor that I heard, but I must ask if you...er...now love Eros?"
"And Blondie," said Harlequino, "I can almost believe what Rudolph told me. Has he in fact purchased you? Are you in love with him now? It was a bad buy if it's true."
The two girls gaped.
"I can't believe you don't trust me!" Sally cried.
"Yeah! Here's your answer!"
Blondie punched Harlequino in the eye, knocking him over. He picked himself up off the floor. "I'm enlightened."
"Who are you to appraise?" screeched Blondie as she glided over to Sally. "These morons have the nerve to ask if we've been faithful, after all we've been through..."
"I think they've both been honest," said Harlequino.
"Yes, I should have trusted my instincts instead of gossip," said Jack. "I'm sorry, Sally, please forgive me for having asked that question."
"Lovely Blondie, please forgive me!"
"No, Harlequino, I will not give that to you, because I'm so offended by your stupid idiot talk!"
"Jack," Sally said meanwhile, "How could you ever think that anyone could steal my heart? Is that all you view of me?"
"Please forgive!"
"I'm sorry!"
"Oh, alright then," said Blondie.
"I forgive you then," said Sally.
"You mean it?" asked Jack.
"Yes."
After a few minutes of apologies it was all forgotten. Instead talk went back to their escape from the Love Hotel.
ACT THREE
Harlequino waited outside. When he was sure everyone was gone, he began to sing:
IN MOHRENLAND GEFANGEN WAR
"In Moorish land a lovely maid
Was taken prisoner there.
All day she sat alone and prayed,
And even through the night she stayed
As long as she could bear.
She prayed that she would be rescued,
And one day came a man
Seemingly from out of the blue.
'I'll risk my head to rescue you
In any way I can.
I'll come to you after it's dark
And carry you away.
Very soon we shall embark.
I'll get you out without a mark,
And you'll be free by day.'
And then of course he kept his word.
By midnight he appeared.
Quickly then the rescue occurred
So quietly that no one stirred.
By dawn her cell was cleared."
Harlequino smiled as Sally, then Jack stepped to the ground. But his smile quickly faded.
"Dammit, Harlequino," said Rudolph as he approached, rubbing his eyes, "Your singing woke me up..." Suddenly he realized what was going on. "Hey, wait a sec-"
"Run!!" shouted Harlequino.
Jack and Sally bolted from the garden as fast as they could, with Blondie darting behind them. Harlequino tried to run but Rudolph tackled him down, meanwhile calling for help.
"I thought that whole scene earlier seemed suspicious-you suddenly acting friendly towards me right after that 'architect' showed up!
HA, WIE WILL ICH TRIUMPHIEREN
Ha, I will triumph in the end,
When they take you to the scaffold
After you've been tortured well.
I'll jump and hop and laugh and sing
While I watch them tormenting you
Till finally you fall silent.
You and all your friends are condemned!
All of you have been discovered
And all will suffer the same!
I myself shall tie up the noose
And I will sling it 'round your neck
And we'll both be rewarded!"
Just then Rudolph found himself bombarded by pomegranates. Blondie was doing her best to get Rudolph away from Harlequino. She flew at them and tried to pry them apart. Just then the watchmen showed up, and they knew perfectly well how to deal with Blondie. One of them pulled a large handfull of heart candy from his pocket and tossed it on the ground.
Blondie fought the urge, but gave up. She floated to the ground and began counting the candies, "One, two, three, four, five-"
She dropped one. She had to start again.
"One, two, three, four, five..."
This gave Rudolph and the guards enough time to drag off Harlequino.
Harlequino stood, his arms tied behind his back, waiting for Eros. There was a guard on either side of him.
Blondie entered the room, having finally finished counting the candies. "Harlequino..." she floated to him. "I'm sorry..."
"It's okay. You're a ghost, it can't be helped. And at the rate things are going, I may become one as well..."
"You get used to it after a couple hundred years, really!"
Harlequino sighed. "At least Jack and Sally got away..."
He spoke too soon. Just then three more guards entered, along with Jack and Sally. They had obviously put up a fight-several of Sally's stitches were torn open and Jack's jawbone wasn't sitting quite right. But now they were bound and closely watched by guards, just as Harlequino was. Right after them, Rudolph came in.
"Hello, everyone! I have just spoken with Eros. He'll be here in a moment to decide what to do with you."
Blondie swooped down at him, "Rudolph, if anything happens to any of them, I swear I will haunt this hotel till I drive every last one of you insane!"
"I would like nothing more than to be able to see you every day. You are of course free to stay here if you wish, Blondie, you always have been. We've never forced you to stay."
Blondie growled, and grabbed for him. One of the guards tossed a handfull of salt to the ground. She groaned, and stopped to count the grains...
"Yes," continued Rudolph, "Blondie is fairly safe. We can't really force her to stay here, and she's already dead anyway..."
Jack coughed slightly.
"Yes, I know you are too. But you are not above torture. We can kill two birds with one stone! Have you watch while we rip your lady apart thread by thread..."
Jack lunged at Rudolph but was stopped by the giannizeros.
"Rudolph! Don't torment the prisoners until I tell you to do so." Eros had entered the room unnoticed.
"My apologies, Eros," said Rudolph. "I'll leave you to it, then."
Eros tromped up to front of the group. He carried a cat o' nine tails with him, but was missing his usual opera length industrial gloves. He had been forced to dress in a hurry. "Well, then. Here we all are..." Eros drummed his cat o' nine tails against his hands. He turned to Sally. "Have you thought about what I said yesterday?"
"I have."
"And?"
She swallowed nervously, "My response stays the same."
Eros nodded slowly. "And..." he pointed the cat towards Jack "This is the man who you are so determined to stay faithful to?"
"Yes..."
He looked Jack over. "Too bad, I was hoping you'd be shorter. How tall are you, exactly?"
"About six foot seven..." replied Jack.
"Forget about the six feet-tell me more about the seven inches."
Jack stammered. Rudolph interrupted, "Eros? Can you please hurry up? I have an account to settle with-" he jabbed Harlequino in the stomach malevolently "-this one."
"Patience is a virtue, Rudolph." Replied Eros "Please, keep quiet." He turned around, looking down to the spectre curled up on the floor, counting salt. "You, Blondie. Look at me."
"...ninety-nine, one hundred..."
"Blondie!"
She lost count. "Crap. What do you want?"
"Nothing, save some answers."
"Ask away. One, two..."
"Why do you stay here in the Love Hotel? We've never figured out how to hold you here, only how to temporarily distract you."
"...six, seven-I stay because of my friends. I didn't want to leave Sally here alone with-with you! One, two, three..."
"Oh, somebody clean up that mess so she can stop that infernal counting!"
One of the guards quickly brushed the salt back into a bag. Blondie smiled her thanks.
"Now then," Eros continued, "So, you're only staying because of Sally?"
"No. I also am staying for Harlequino. I don't want him to be here all alone. And I don't want to be away from him."
Eros nodded. He tapped his shoe a few times, and sighed. "Well, then. It looks as if Rudolph and I can stop pursuing you two ladies. I can see where my own arrows have struck. You're in love. And certainly then you will want to stay together for as long as possible. I can arrange that. Rudolph?"
"Yes, Eros?" he said, anxiously.
"Release them."
Everyone in the room asked the same thing: "WHAT?!"
"They are free. They are no longer my prisoners. So release them. Then see to it that they have a safe passage home."
"But Eros! Surely you can't-"
"Rudolph, this is not a matter open for discussion. Now, do as I have told you."
"But you're just-"
"Rudolph, we mustn't forget, I am the king of Valentines Day. It's a day that celebrates love-not just adamizing. With love comes compassion. Sally begged me earlier: 'be moved by pity, spare me.' That is what I'm doing."
"Can't we at least keep the janitor?"
"No. Rudolph, you are missing the point. We've been upset with them because they refuse to be untrue to their love. It would be backward of us to punish them for that."
"I still say we should throw them in the dungeon!"
"No, Rudolph, no such thing will be done to them. You, on the other hand, need a bit of attitude adjustment. Some time in the dungeon may in fact do you well." Eros then clapped, calling out a tall cherubim dressed in leather. "Strafe, please escort Rudolph to the dungeon. I'll be down to check on him in a couple of days."
Strafe did as he was told. As he lifted him up, Rudolph began to shout, "Wait! What about your compassion and love!"
"If that's not love, I don't know what is. Have fun." After Rudolph's cries could no longer be heard, Eros turned to the four Halloween-folk. "I will see you home myself. Come now."
Eros motioned for the two newly-freed couples to follow, and the five of them together paraded back to the woods where the holiday portals could be found. As they left, the hotel guests, court, townsfolk, and the four former prisoners sang praises to Eros.
FINALE
Merciful Eros, live forever!
Honor to your regal name!
May you forever be blessed with
Happiness, glory and fame!
...And the five of them continued on to Halloween.
Jack had searched holiday after holiday, with no luck thus far.
Nearly two weeks before Jack's wife, Sally, along with her friends Blondie and Harlequino, had set out to see the famous Christmastown for themselves. But they never returned, nor, apparently, had they even made it to Christmastown. He had checked. Jack knew there was no way Sally and her friends would disappear like that unless something had happened. There were now only two holiday lands left to check, and if he didn't find them in either of those, he would have to check the real world next.
Slowly, he opened the heart shaped door and jumped in.
The world inside was every bit as strange to him as the other holidays had been. The dominant colors were shades of red, and there were lots of heart shaped things about. Jack frowned at how unrealistic they looked. But he continued through the town, looking for any signs that Sally was there or had been. The smell of roses and chocolate were almost overwhelming, and most of the town's denizens seemed to be winged people of some sort. Jack wandered through, looking for someone who could give him some information.
He soon found himself in front of a large building with a neon sign glowing in pink letters: LOVE HOTEL. Rose bushes and pomegranate trees surrounded the place. Jack could see a short, round-looking one of the winged people standing on a ladder in the garden, picking pomegranates. He approached him.
"Excuse me, sir," said Jack, "I'm looking for some friends of mine, and I was wondering if-"
"Let me guess," the cherub said "A ghost, a ragdoll and a monster."
"Yes! That's them! So you've seen them?"
"Yes, they are staying inside the hotel."
"Would you mind leading me to them?"
"I would."
"What?"
"I would mind. We need no more of your kind here in Valentineland. Plus I bet Eros would be very unhappy with me if I allowed just anyone to see the girls. "
"Eros?"
"Yes, he's the ruler of Valentineland. He lives on the top floor. And I suggest you get out of here before I find myself forced to call the giannizeros."
"Please! I only want to see my wife!"
"Which one is your wife?"
"Sally-the ragdoll."
"I wouldn't bother. Eros has his eye on her. In fact he's planning to take her to the Tunnel of Love any minute now."
"The Tunnel of Love?"
"It's a boat ride sort of thing, in a quiet, dark, private, romantic setting. I'm sure they won't want to be disturbed, if you know what I mean. Now I tell you for the last time-get out of here."
"Alright," said Jack. He turned and walked away, out of the cherubim's sight. He then hid behind one of the trees and waited for him to step away from the hotel gates. It took a few minutes, but finally the garden was clear. Jack was so happy he burst into song:
HIER SOLL ICH DICH DENN SEHEN
"Finally I have found the place
Where Sally, my joy, waits.
Heaven, grant me your sweet grace,
Help me through these gates-
I suffer from the pains of love all the time,
In return give me joy,
And lead me to her."
He then walked to the entrance, opened the decorative gates, and stepped in.
He found himself in the lobby. The interior of the building seemed to be done up in a Neo-Classical style, with lots of marble, statues, and pillars. But there were no people in sight. He called out. "Hello? Is anyone here? Sally?"
"Jack," he heard a familiar voice-though not Sally's-call out. "Is that you?"
"Harlequino?"
The harlequin demon stepped out from the hallway. "Jack! It is you! Oh, I'm so happy! I thought I recognized that voice!"
"Where's Sally and Blondie?"
"Blondie is doing as well as can be expected," he said, not quite answering Jack's question. "She's a ghost, so they don't have too much control over her. They did find a way to keep her from attacking though."
"How's that?"
"The counting trick. You know that obsession ghosts have with counting..."
"Of course. What about Sally?"
"I'm not sure about Sally. I only ever see brief glimpses of her. She's usually with Eros or the guards. Or Rudolph."
"Rudolph?"
"Short, pompous winged fellow..."
"That guy I met outside?"
"Most likely. I think he's after my Blondie..."
"And Eros is after Sally."
"We must get out of here," cried Harlequino. "Oh, Jack! They made me into a janitor! You wouldn't believe the things I have to clean up! There's whipped cream in all the sheets..."
Jack interrupted, "Do you know where Sally is being kept?"
"Yes," replied Harlequino, "She's on the 4th floor, in the Greek Room. It adjoins with Blondie's."
"Is she ever alone?"
"I don't know. They usually have watchmen nearby. "
"Hmm...okay. I have an idea."
Across the hotel, Eros frowned as he helped Sally off the small boat. The Tunnel of Love had not gone at all as he'd hoped. Halfway through the ride she burst into tears. "Sally," he said, "What's wrong? Tell me how I can help."
"I miss Jack. I miss my home."
"You must forget them! This is your home now. Ask for anything that is within my power to give, and you will have it."
"I want my freedom."
He wanted to avoid replying to that. "You've said that your husband is the ruler of your country?"
"Yes."
"Well, I rule here. If you were to marry me, you'd still be a queen. You could roam here freely, and do whatever you wish."
"I am Jack's queen, and no one else's!"
"Love rules this place! How could this not be preferable to your dark, death-obsessed home?"
"I feel comfortable there. I know people there. I know how things work there. And, as nice as you are, Eros, you are not like Jack."
"What does he do that impresses you so? I am the god of love! Anything he can do I can do just as well!"
Sally replied in song:
ACH ICH LIEBTE
"I was happy
And so in love.
I knew nothing of love's pain
Once I promised to him
That he would own my whole heart.
But how quick I was deprived of
That love which I did obtain!
My future looks quite grim,
And shall be till I depart.
"Please, Eros. Let me go home."
"I will not. But, you may return to your room in the hotel." Eros called to two vedettes, "Belmonte, Pedrillo, escort Sally to her room." He passed her to them, then gently kissed her hand. "I will see you later."
Sally followed the two large men up to her room.
Eros sighed slightly as he watched them leave. Then from behind he heard his named called.
"Eros! Eros! There's someone here to see you."
Eros turned to find Harlequino accompanied by a tall, severely undernourished man. He was not dressed in the Greek garb that was most common among those living in Valentineland, but rather covered almost completely in Turkish dress. He had on so many layers Eros couldn't even make out the man's face.
"Eros, this is Mr. Iskelet. He's an architect from far away. He's heard of the Love Hotel and wishes to see it, so he can create a replica in his home land."
"Fine, fine. Show him in, if Rudolph gives you any trouble tell him I said it was alright."
"Thank you, Eros."
"And remember to knock before you go into any of the rooms! I don't want to catch you in another situation like last time. "
"Trust me, Eros," said Harlequino, "I don't want to catch you in another situation like last time, either."
With that, Harlequino showed the tall man into to the hotel.
ACT TWO
"Get away from me you disgusting little freak!"
Rudolph ducked as Blondie used her poltergeist powers to cause random objects in the room to fly at him. A Grecian style vase smashed against the wall.
Rudolph stood up. He was having less luck with Blondie than Eros was with Sally.
They began to sing:
ICH GEHE DOCH RATE ICH DAR
RUDOLPH: I go, but I advise you
To avoid that awful Harlequin.
BLONDIE: It's none of your business
Whom I decide to spend my time with.
RUDOLPH: You're saying...
BLONDIE: Get out of here! Now!
RUDOLPH: You make me!
BLONDIE: Go! Leave me alone!
RUDOLPH: Okay, but promise that you won't go
Anywhere near Harlequino.
BLONDIE: Yeah right. I'm not listening to you!
I should go and see him right now.
RUDOLPH: I can't believe that in Halloween
All the women act as I've seen!
I hate to think how the men act
If this is what the girls are like!
BLONDIE: A heart that's been born in freedom
Can never be brought into slavery.
Even if my freedom has been lost,
I can still laugh at you, Rudolph.
Now leave me!
RUDOLPH: You're speaking to me.
BLONDIE: The same way!
RUDOLPH: Oh, let me hold you!
BLONDIE:[knocks him away] You pervert! Go, get out of here!
RUDOLPH: Who'd have thought you'd be such a bitch.
BLONDIE: [Ready to attack] You are not yet out of my sight.
I thought I just told you to go.
RUDOLPH: Alright then, I shall leave you now,
Out of fear that you'll beat me up.
And he left.
Meanwhile, Sally opened her door after hearing a knock, expecting it to be Blondie returning. But instead Eros entered her room, carrying his whip.
"Good evening, Sally," he said.
"Eros. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you..."
"Sally, I ask you once again, please grant me your love. Marry me! I can assure your happiness!"
"I cannot be happy here, with you, Eros."
"You think you will be happier in your own land? You haven't even given this place a sporting chance. All you do is whine about your husband back home."
"Away from him, I can never be happy!"
"Sally, I have been reasonable so far, and have been met only with unbending rigidness. You have no idea how hard it is for me to do this, but I will make you love me, one way or another! Perhaps this will shake you: If you do not grant me your love, all kinds of tortures wait for you."
"You think that is going to make me love you? You have to do better than that-
MARTERN ALLER ARTEN
Unabating tortures
May await me
But I only laugh at torment and pain!
None of them can shake me!
I would only tremble
If I could be unfaithful to him.
Be moved by pity, please spare me.
The heavens blessing will reward you.
But, if you're determined,
Willingly, I plan to
Welcome every pain and woe.
Order and command me!
Hurt me! Break me! Kill me!
Because I will be freed by death."
"You'd rather die," said Eros, "Than marry me?"
"Yes."
"Well," he said, "My offer stands firm. I give you till tomorrow to think about it. Think hard, Sally." With that he left, slamming the door behind him.
"Pst! Blondie!"
Blondie turned. More obstacles on her way back to her room. "Harlequino?"
"Yes!" He was trying to camouflage his rather wide body behind a pillar, with little success. "Come over here, quick!"
"Interesting I should meet you just now. Rudolph was just telling me to stay away from you."
"With good reason. Blondie, I have great news! Jack Skellington is here, in the hotel! He's come to save us."
Blondie's face brightened. "Really?"
"Yes! Tonight, I'm going to distract Rudolph and the guards, while he gets you out. Then, we'll all escape together."
Blondie kissed Harlequino, and began to sing.
WELCHE WONNE WELCHE LUST
"Such joy and such happiness
Now relieve me from my stress!
I could start to jump for joy
At the news of this little ploy!
And with laughter and amusement
I will forget all this torment.
Joy and happiness will reign!
"I must go tell Sally!"
"Yes, do that. I'll see you soon."
"Thank you Harlequino!"
Blondie gave him one last kiss before racing off to her room. Harlequino then set out to look for Rudolph. He found him in the usual place-in the lobby, keeping watch.
"Hey there, Rudolph. Heard about your encounter with Blondie earlier."
Rudolph slowly turned towards the harlequin demon. "Did you," he answered flatly.
"Yes, don't feel bad. Here..." Harlequino produced a bottle of champagne. "Would you like to join me for a drink?"
"What, did you cough up a phlegm globber in it?"
Harlequino looked surprised, "Why would I want to do a thing like that?"
"Come on, Harlequino. I know you hate me. One doesn't just suddenly offer drinks to a person who's been trying to pick up their woman."
"Blondie? My woman? Surely you jest! I've gotten no further with Blondie than you have."
"Really now?"
"Yes," answered Harlequino as he searched for some glasses "And I'm starting to wonder what on earth I was thinking."
Rudolph smiled. "Yeah, she is quite the Xanthippe, isn't she?"
"Zant-hippy?"
"Nevermind. Here, I know where there's some glasses."
Rudolph disappeared into a back room for a moment, then returned holding two champagne glasses, which Harlequino filled.
VIVAT BACCHUS
RUDOLPH: Dionysus, live forever!
He's the finest man I know!
HARLEQUINO: Venture to it! Drink up quickly!
Hesitation does no good!
RUDOLPH: A toast to Blondie, the little strumpet,
The one who drives us both insane!
HARLEQUINO: A toast to her, then!
Now drink up, drink up! Down it goes!
BOTH: We both love the lady,
That Blondie, that spirit,
She loves us not!
RUDOLPH: That tastes lovely!
HARLEQUINO: That tastes superb!
BOTH: Ah! That was a good champagne!
Dionysus, live forever!
The one who invented wine!
Harlequino was very keen to keep Rudolph's glass filled. They told stories about their encounters with Blondie, most of which were made up.
This would soon create problems.
In Harlequino's case, he had to make up more stories about Blondie rejecting him than had actually occurred. Rudolph, on the other hand, was bragging that he had gotten further with Blondie than Harlequino ever had. Some of the stories were a little too convincing for the harlequins taste.
"...And this one time, I took her on the Love Boat, and in exchange, when we got to the swan lake, she agreed to show me her Spiral Galaxy trick..."
Harlequin frowned. He knew that trick of hers all too well. But he was suddenly distracted by a movement he caught out of the corner of his eye. It was Jack, trying to cross to the other hallway. Harlequino would have to keep Rudolph's attention away from him.
"Really? Spiral Galaxy trick? Did she, uh, do it right there?"
"Oh, yes," said Rudolph, "Right there."
"Didn't anyone see you?"
"The only other people were Sally and Eros in the boat in front of us. And they were much too busy to pay any attention to us..."
Jack froze right there, trying to resist the urge to say something. Harlequino glared at him: keep moving! Jack raced off as swiftly and silently as he could while Harlequino refilled Rudolph's glass. Rudolph chugged it-this was his 8th glass, and he was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.
"I'm starting to feel a bit sleepy," he said, "Maybe I should go to bed..."
"Of course. Don't want you passing out right here. Or worse."
"Yeah-'cause you're the one who has to clean it up!"
This was followed by about 15 seconds of straight laughter.
"Come on, " said Harlequino, "I'll help you to your room..."
Meanwhile, Jack had just finished disguising himself in his architect costume again. He made his way up to the 4th floor, and looked for the room with guards in front of it. Harlequino had told him that the door to the left was Blondie's. So Jack approached the door, nodded to the guards next to him, and entered.
Luckily Blondie didn't seem to be in her room at the moment. Jack had been afraid that if he startled her she'd cause a commotion. As he no longer had that to worry about, he went to the attaching door, and used Harlequino's skeleton key to quietly unlock it.
Soon he entered Sally's room. He found her sitting by the window-she was expecting him. Jack removed the layers of scarves and hats covering his face as Sally, trying to keep as silent as possible, ran to him. They threw their arms around each other and were soon locked in one of the most remarkable kisses the two of them had ever achieved.
Finally they managed to pry themselves apart.
"I've missed you so much," cried Sally as she wrapped her arms around his thin body.
"I've missed you too."
"It's so horrible here, Jack! Eros won't leave me alone and he keeps putting crushed beetle shells in my food..."
"Don't worry, I'm going to get you out of here," He handed her a bundle of rope. "Tie this to something sturdy. As soon as Harlequino takes care of Rudolph, he'll go outside and wait for us. You'll climb down, followed by myself and Blondie, and then we'll all escape back to Halloween. If you hear Harlequino outside singing, that's the signal that the coast is clear."
Just then, Harlequino and Blondie entered the room.
"Speak of the devil," said Jack, "How's Rudolph?"
"Passed out almost as soon as I got him into his room. I just wanted to make sure everything was prepared before I go outside."
"We have to tie the rope..."
"Oh!" Sally looked around for a moment, then tied the rope to a pillar. "I think that'll hold it."
"Everything set then?" asked Harlequino.
"Looks like it..." said Jack.
"And you, Blondie, know how it works?"
"Yeah. Hell, if I wanted, I could just fly out the window right now. The only reason I didn't stay was I didn't want to leave Sally by herself, and I didn't want to leave you here either, Harlequino." She smiled sweetly at him.
"Everything is ready! We'll be free soon!" said Sally.
"Yes. But, um, Sally," Jack stammered "There's one thing that troubles me..."
"What is it?"
"Someone said...someone said...that you..."
"That reminds me," said Harlequino, "Blondie, have you been faithful to me here? Please tell me the whole truth."
"What?! That's the stupidest question-I should ask you the same thing!"
"But Rudolph..."
"What?! What has he been saying?" demanded Blondie.
"Will you please explain yourselves!" said Sally.
"He said..." Jack faltered
"That Rudolph guy..." Harlequino hesitated
"What?" demanded both girls.
"He said..."
"Yet Rudolph..."
"That you..."
"Rudolph said..."
"What did he say? Tell me!" screeched Blondie.
"Please explain yourselves," said Sally.
"I will," said Jack. "Please don't be angry if it was a just a rumor that I heard, but I must ask if you...er...now love Eros?"
"And Blondie," said Harlequino, "I can almost believe what Rudolph told me. Has he in fact purchased you? Are you in love with him now? It was a bad buy if it's true."
The two girls gaped.
"I can't believe you don't trust me!" Sally cried.
"Yeah! Here's your answer!"
Blondie punched Harlequino in the eye, knocking him over. He picked himself up off the floor. "I'm enlightened."
"Who are you to appraise?" screeched Blondie as she glided over to Sally. "These morons have the nerve to ask if we've been faithful, after all we've been through..."
"I think they've both been honest," said Harlequino.
"Yes, I should have trusted my instincts instead of gossip," said Jack. "I'm sorry, Sally, please forgive me for having asked that question."
"Lovely Blondie, please forgive me!"
"No, Harlequino, I will not give that to you, because I'm so offended by your stupid idiot talk!"
"Jack," Sally said meanwhile, "How could you ever think that anyone could steal my heart? Is that all you view of me?"
"Please forgive!"
"I'm sorry!"
"Oh, alright then," said Blondie.
"I forgive you then," said Sally.
"You mean it?" asked Jack.
"Yes."
After a few minutes of apologies it was all forgotten. Instead talk went back to their escape from the Love Hotel.
ACT THREE
Harlequino waited outside. When he was sure everyone was gone, he began to sing:
IN MOHRENLAND GEFANGEN WAR
"In Moorish land a lovely maid
Was taken prisoner there.
All day she sat alone and prayed,
And even through the night she stayed
As long as she could bear.
She prayed that she would be rescued,
And one day came a man
Seemingly from out of the blue.
'I'll risk my head to rescue you
In any way I can.
I'll come to you after it's dark
And carry you away.
Very soon we shall embark.
I'll get you out without a mark,
And you'll be free by day.'
And then of course he kept his word.
By midnight he appeared.
Quickly then the rescue occurred
So quietly that no one stirred.
By dawn her cell was cleared."
Harlequino smiled as Sally, then Jack stepped to the ground. But his smile quickly faded.
"Dammit, Harlequino," said Rudolph as he approached, rubbing his eyes, "Your singing woke me up..." Suddenly he realized what was going on. "Hey, wait a sec-"
"Run!!" shouted Harlequino.
Jack and Sally bolted from the garden as fast as they could, with Blondie darting behind them. Harlequino tried to run but Rudolph tackled him down, meanwhile calling for help.
"I thought that whole scene earlier seemed suspicious-you suddenly acting friendly towards me right after that 'architect' showed up!
HA, WIE WILL ICH TRIUMPHIEREN
Ha, I will triumph in the end,
When they take you to the scaffold
After you've been tortured well.
I'll jump and hop and laugh and sing
While I watch them tormenting you
Till finally you fall silent.
You and all your friends are condemned!
All of you have been discovered
And all will suffer the same!
I myself shall tie up the noose
And I will sling it 'round your neck
And we'll both be rewarded!"
Just then Rudolph found himself bombarded by pomegranates. Blondie was doing her best to get Rudolph away from Harlequino. She flew at them and tried to pry them apart. Just then the watchmen showed up, and they knew perfectly well how to deal with Blondie. One of them pulled a large handfull of heart candy from his pocket and tossed it on the ground.
Blondie fought the urge, but gave up. She floated to the ground and began counting the candies, "One, two, three, four, five-"
She dropped one. She had to start again.
"One, two, three, four, five..."
This gave Rudolph and the guards enough time to drag off Harlequino.
Harlequino stood, his arms tied behind his back, waiting for Eros. There was a guard on either side of him.
Blondie entered the room, having finally finished counting the candies. "Harlequino..." she floated to him. "I'm sorry..."
"It's okay. You're a ghost, it can't be helped. And at the rate things are going, I may become one as well..."
"You get used to it after a couple hundred years, really!"
Harlequino sighed. "At least Jack and Sally got away..."
He spoke too soon. Just then three more guards entered, along with Jack and Sally. They had obviously put up a fight-several of Sally's stitches were torn open and Jack's jawbone wasn't sitting quite right. But now they were bound and closely watched by guards, just as Harlequino was. Right after them, Rudolph came in.
"Hello, everyone! I have just spoken with Eros. He'll be here in a moment to decide what to do with you."
Blondie swooped down at him, "Rudolph, if anything happens to any of them, I swear I will haunt this hotel till I drive every last one of you insane!"
"I would like nothing more than to be able to see you every day. You are of course free to stay here if you wish, Blondie, you always have been. We've never forced you to stay."
Blondie growled, and grabbed for him. One of the guards tossed a handfull of salt to the ground. She groaned, and stopped to count the grains...
"Yes," continued Rudolph, "Blondie is fairly safe. We can't really force her to stay here, and she's already dead anyway..."
Jack coughed slightly.
"Yes, I know you are too. But you are not above torture. We can kill two birds with one stone! Have you watch while we rip your lady apart thread by thread..."
Jack lunged at Rudolph but was stopped by the giannizeros.
"Rudolph! Don't torment the prisoners until I tell you to do so." Eros had entered the room unnoticed.
"My apologies, Eros," said Rudolph. "I'll leave you to it, then."
Eros tromped up to front of the group. He carried a cat o' nine tails with him, but was missing his usual opera length industrial gloves. He had been forced to dress in a hurry. "Well, then. Here we all are..." Eros drummed his cat o' nine tails against his hands. He turned to Sally. "Have you thought about what I said yesterday?"
"I have."
"And?"
She swallowed nervously, "My response stays the same."
Eros nodded slowly. "And..." he pointed the cat towards Jack "This is the man who you are so determined to stay faithful to?"
"Yes..."
He looked Jack over. "Too bad, I was hoping you'd be shorter. How tall are you, exactly?"
"About six foot seven..." replied Jack.
"Forget about the six feet-tell me more about the seven inches."
Jack stammered. Rudolph interrupted, "Eros? Can you please hurry up? I have an account to settle with-" he jabbed Harlequino in the stomach malevolently "-this one."
"Patience is a virtue, Rudolph." Replied Eros "Please, keep quiet." He turned around, looking down to the spectre curled up on the floor, counting salt. "You, Blondie. Look at me."
"...ninety-nine, one hundred..."
"Blondie!"
She lost count. "Crap. What do you want?"
"Nothing, save some answers."
"Ask away. One, two..."
"Why do you stay here in the Love Hotel? We've never figured out how to hold you here, only how to temporarily distract you."
"...six, seven-I stay because of my friends. I didn't want to leave Sally here alone with-with you! One, two, three..."
"Oh, somebody clean up that mess so she can stop that infernal counting!"
One of the guards quickly brushed the salt back into a bag. Blondie smiled her thanks.
"Now then," Eros continued, "So, you're only staying because of Sally?"
"No. I also am staying for Harlequino. I don't want him to be here all alone. And I don't want to be away from him."
Eros nodded. He tapped his shoe a few times, and sighed. "Well, then. It looks as if Rudolph and I can stop pursuing you two ladies. I can see where my own arrows have struck. You're in love. And certainly then you will want to stay together for as long as possible. I can arrange that. Rudolph?"
"Yes, Eros?" he said, anxiously.
"Release them."
Everyone in the room asked the same thing: "WHAT?!"
"They are free. They are no longer my prisoners. So release them. Then see to it that they have a safe passage home."
"But Eros! Surely you can't-"
"Rudolph, this is not a matter open for discussion. Now, do as I have told you."
"But you're just-"
"Rudolph, we mustn't forget, I am the king of Valentines Day. It's a day that celebrates love-not just adamizing. With love comes compassion. Sally begged me earlier: 'be moved by pity, spare me.' That is what I'm doing."
"Can't we at least keep the janitor?"
"No. Rudolph, you are missing the point. We've been upset with them because they refuse to be untrue to their love. It would be backward of us to punish them for that."
"I still say we should throw them in the dungeon!"
"No, Rudolph, no such thing will be done to them. You, on the other hand, need a bit of attitude adjustment. Some time in the dungeon may in fact do you well." Eros then clapped, calling out a tall cherubim dressed in leather. "Strafe, please escort Rudolph to the dungeon. I'll be down to check on him in a couple of days."
Strafe did as he was told. As he lifted him up, Rudolph began to shout, "Wait! What about your compassion and love!"
"If that's not love, I don't know what is. Have fun." After Rudolph's cries could no longer be heard, Eros turned to the four Halloween-folk. "I will see you home myself. Come now."
Eros motioned for the two newly-freed couples to follow, and the five of them together paraded back to the woods where the holiday portals could be found. As they left, the hotel guests, court, townsfolk, and the four former prisoners sang praises to Eros.
FINALE
Merciful Eros, live forever!
Honor to your regal name!
May you forever be blessed with
Happiness, glory and fame!
...And the five of them continued on to Halloween.
